The Complete Guide to Anger Management: Week 1

Transcription

1 The Complete Guide to Anger Management: Week 1 John L. Schinnerer, Ph.D. Guide To Self, Inc.

2 The Common Theme? Overweight Low self-esteem Migraines Addiction to drugs and/or alcohol Depression Sexual performance problems Higher risk for heart attack Lower quality relationships Higher risk of suicide Abuse others ALL LACK ANGER MANAGEMENT SKILLS

3 Goal of This Program The goal is to help you connect rational thought with appropriate action in the moment so you have a choice as to how you behave when the emotional mind takes over.

4 Action Steps At the end of each weekly session, you will be asked to take proven, powerful action steps to help you turn down the volume on your anger. With every action step, you rewrite old negative patterns and habits and replace them with helpful ones.

5 3 Common Elements 1. Concrete exercises with clear steps 2. Present-focused and can be done immediately 3. They are within your control.

6 Importance of Follow Through To get the full value, it is important that you take the time to complete the action steps. Studies show that those who write down productive acts are more likely to follow through. And those who write down thoughts and feelings are less burdened by them. The simple act of writing reduces anger.

7 How Long to Develop New Habit? It takes roughly 3 ½ months to develop a new habit. One theory is that this is due to cellular memory. Your body recreates 1% of the cells in your body daily. After 100 days, 100% of your body is completely renewed. It may be that you can t teach an old cell new tricks! Be patient. Stick with the process. You will see results.

8 Anger Defined Anger is comprised of 4 layers An Emotion which is physically arousing and has bodily cues. A Lens which impacts how you view the world and how you relate to others A Social Cue telling others you are annoyed An Action Script which leads to specific outcomes and actions.

9 Pause the Video and Answer the Following Item Take a moment to write down an answer to the following prompt When I m angry, I feel

10 Anger Feeling or Physiology? Most people answer this item with words like upset, mad, hurt, irritated, annoyed, etc. We automatically speak of our anger in terms of feelings. However, there s another level physiology. These are the changes that take place within your body in the moment.

11 Physiological Clues to Anger Adrenaline surge Increased heart rate Blood flows to hands and feet for attack Muscles tighten Shallow, faster breathing Clenched jaw Eyes narrow Increased blood pressure Faster digestion

12 Anger as a Lens The anger lens makes you Focus more intently Take in more information with your senses (looking for obstacles & threats) More rational (until you lose control) Look for more irritating information to reinforce your anger The anger lens creates downward negative spirals of thought, feeling and action.

13 Anger as Social Cue The anger social cue is how you appear to other people. It is those signals you send out for others to pick up on (often unconsciously) We are exquisitely tuned emotional sensing beings. We pick up on the subtlest of facial cues, body language and tone of voice.

14 Social Cues Your anger is announced to others by the following cues Clenched fists Protruding, jutting chin Shallow, faster breathing Tone of voice may be monotone. In men, voice may go down in pitch towards a growl. In women, voice goes up in pitch, somewhat shrill. Facial expressions

15 Facial Expression Your anger is announced to others by the following facial cues Clenched jaw muscles Eyebrows drawn down and in towards the nose Snarl on one side of the mouth where the lip is slightly upturned on one side (disgust or contempt) Lips pressed together tightly Nostrils flared

16 Anger as Action Script The action script associated with anger prepared you to Defend your territory Defend loved ones and your self Attack another being Blood rushes to feet and fists to ready for attack Merely an outdated script left over from prior millennium

17 Action Step #1 Increase self-awareness Pay attention to WHEN you get angry Zero in on three layers of anger Frequency how often you get angry Intensity how extreme is the anger on the 1-10 scale Duration how long does the anger last Record this info daily. There is a link below this video where you can download an emotion log.

18 Action Step #2 "What's the most courageous thing you've ever done? Write a one page story about the bravest thing you've ever done. Elements to include: The context, What you feared, Why it required your courage, What your experience felt and looked like (details are good) How you acted despite the fear, And be sure to give your story a clear, crisp ending.

19 Summary Anger is a human emotion. No need to eliminate it, just looking to direct it positively. Anger has 4 layers, the Emotion, the Lens, the Social Cues and an Action Script Pay close attention to the physiological changes increased heart rate, blood rushing to fists, shallow breathing, clenched jaw to alert you when you are starting to get annoyed Be aware of getting stuck in the anger lens. Realize it when it s happening and distract yourself with a walk outside or deep breathing. Be mindful of picking up anger from other people.