Myers-Briggs Conference. Companion Study Guide

Transcription

1 Myers-Briggs Conference Companion Study Guide

2 Learning How Together We Are Better Keys to Communication and Understanding Charles S. Lowery, Ph.D. LIFE, Inc. Copyright 2015 Charles S. Lowery, Ph.D. Charles S. Lowery, Ph.D. is President and CEO of LIFE, Inc., a non-profit educational organization. Dr. Lowery s diverse background includes private practice, college professor, management consultant and corporate motivator. He speaks around the country on topics such as relationships, communication, balance, leadership and peak performance. Dr. Lowery has trained and motivated sales forces, management teams and employees from companies such as AT&T, Atlantic Richfield, Premier Designs and Honeywell. He holds a doctor of philosophy in psychology from the University of South Carolina. Dr. Lowery brings extraordinary insight to basic principles in all areas of life. He encourages, motivates and inspires people with an unpretentious style seasoned with a generous dose of humor.

3 #contents The Difference is the Dynamic... 1 The Keirsy Temperament Sorter II... 2 Section 1: Extraverts & Introverts... 6 Section 2: Sensors & intuitives Section 3: Thinkers & Feelers Section 4: Judgers & Perceivers Chart 1a: Four Preferences are Scored to Arrive at a Person s Type Chart 1b: Brief Descriptions of the Sixteen Types Chart 2a: If you are Chart 2b: If you are Prayers With Personality Positive Communication Guidelines for Different Personality Types (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com i

4 The Difference is the Dynamic Introduction The Myers-Briggs Personality Indicator is a powerful tool that can be used to help you develop and enhance your professional, personal, and spiritual relationships. The developers of this indicator have scientifically gathered and provided information that will help you to strengthen your engagement with coworkers, family and friends. One of the great strengths of this instrument is that it considers basic personalities. It is also the most widely used management tool in America and there is much research that validates its effectiveness. Another benefit of Myers-Briggs is that it is based on healthy personality traits as opposed to pathology. God made people different and the difference is the dynamic in forming great relationships. That understanding alone can be liberating and can unlock previously closed doors to resolving problems. Another effective tool in relationship management is The Keirsy Temperament Sorter II. This resource is closely associated with the Myers-Briggs. The Myers-Briggs is the most widely used personality indicator in the world. The Keirsy is significantly shorter and is an excellent tool for group settings. For instance, this test will define the different personality types and how they interact with other types, as in the case of resistance to discussing change. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 1

5 Introverts resist change because they are reluctant to share how they feel. Sensors resist because it is a little too theoretical at times. Thinkers resist because they are more analytical. Feelers resist because they feel it puts people in boxes. Perceivers are disappointed because there are only 16 types. They think they could generate more than that. Unlocking the personality types through these tests will bring to light and some laughter the uniqueness of every human. Most importantly, it will uncover greater ways to communicate and relate to those around you yielding healthier, happier relationships. The Keirsy Temperament Sorter II Some materials used with permission by Kroger & Associates. Please complete this section prior to your marriage event. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 2

6 #relationshipsmatter (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 3

7 #relationshipsmatter (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 4

8 (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 5

9 Section 1: Extraverts & Introverts How People Gather Energy & Respond Extraverts Sociability Interaction External Breadth Extensive Multiple relationships Energy expenditure External events Gregarious Speak, then think VS. Introverts Territoriality Concentration Internal Depth Intensive Limited relationships Energy conservation Internal reactions Reflective Think, then speak (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 6

10 The Extravert Characteristics of the E Talks first, thinks later Looks with mouth instead of eyes Knows a lot of people (most of whom they call close friends) Enjoys a noisy environment Sometimes exaggerates Likes going to parties Finds listening more difficult than talking Likes to have the last word Is noticed by other people Needs compliments and affirmation Avoids being quiet and reflective Wants to settle things right now Humor of the E Loudest and usually the storyteller Doesn t have to have an audience Quick on their feet Easily sticks their foot in their mouth, but can talk their way out of it How the E can influence the I Let them be who they are Be patient; they will be slower to change Don t jump to conclusions that the other person is stubborn Ask for their opinion and be ready to wait for a response Have respect for their need of space (Contrary to what an E might think, Introvert is not a disease.) (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 7

11 E s Bible Verse Proverbs 12:14 A man will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth, And the recompense of a man s hands will be rendered to him. E s Prayer Lord, help me to modify my self-confidence and remember to have some quiet time. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 8

12 The Introvert Characteristics of the I Rehearses things before saying them Enjoys being by themselves Great listener Understates points Likes having one or two close friends Likes stating thoughts and feelings without being interrupted Needs down time Suspicious of an overly complimentary person Needs less verbal feedback Carries on conversations in their mind Processes things internally Embarrassed by public recognition Humor of the I Loves to laugh One-liner specialist How the I can influence the E Let them know you appreciate their social skills Be patient with their rambling Don t assume they ve thought about what they are saying Let them know what is important to you Encourage their time with friends They need a lot of affirmation (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 9

13 I s Bible Verse Proverbs 17:27 He who has knowledge spares his words, And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit. I s Prayer Lord, give me the courage to smile when I don t feel like it and to speak up when some E is running over me. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 10

14 Section 2: Sensors & intuitives How People Gather Information Sensors Sequential Present Realistic Perspiration Actual Down-to-earth Fact Practicality Specific VS. intuitives Random Future Conceptual Inspiration Theoretical Head-in-the-clouds Fantasy Ingenuity General (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 11

15 The Sensor Characteristics of the S Prefers specific answers to specific questions Likes concentrating on what they are doing at the moment Wants jobs that have tangible results Believes If it s not broken, why fix it? Loves working with facts and figures instead of ideas and theories Very literal in their use of words Sees the trees, not the forest Ends statements with a definite period Humor of the S Grounded in reality and so is their humor Joke-telling is sequential and they don t like gaps How the S can influence the N Start with big global pictures Feed imagination and use possibilities Don t correct them with exact details Clarify exactly what you want Don t overwhelm them with details Don t be afraid to jump in the future (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 12

16 S s Bible Verse Psalm 90:17 And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us, And establish the work of our hands for us; Yes, establish the work of our hands. S s Prayer God, that you would open up my possibility-thinking and open me up to learn to solve problems. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 13

17 The intuitive Characteristics of the N Thinks about several things at once Loves the future and its possibilities Believes time is relative Enjoys problem solving Asks, What does this mean? Gives general answers to questions Skips instructions and follows hunches Sees the forest, not the trees Likes to fantasize about spending their money Ends statements with a dash, not a period Humor of the N Loves the pun Has a habit of leaving things out How the N can influence the S Start with the details, get summary, bottom line Communicate the facts Start with what they see and then move to what they can t see End sentences with a period Tell them what, when, where, how and why Use concrete examples (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 14

18 N s Bible Verse Proverbs 19:8 He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; He who keeps understanding will find good. N s Prayer Lord, help me to check out the facts before I make decisions and be observant about the real world. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 15

19 Section 3: Thinkers & Feelers How People Make Decisions Thinkers Objective Firm-minded Laws Firmness Just Clarity Critique Policy Detached VS. Feelers Subjective Fair-headed Circumstances Persuasion Humane Harmony Appreciate Social Values Involved (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 16

20 The Thinker Characteristics of the T Remains cool, calm and objective in situations when everyone else is upset Likes to settle disputes based upon what is fair and truthful instead of what will make people happy truth over tact Enjoys proving a point for the sake of clarity Thinks it s more important to be right then liked More firm-minded than gentle-hearted Prides themselves on their objectivity Responds to life as an onlooker More impressed with and lends more credence to things that are logical and scientific Sees things in black or white Humor of the T Ability to laugh at things that cause difficulty Founders of the good news / bad news jokes How the T can influence the F Give them plenty of verbal affirmation Be animated, warm and friendly Be sensitive about criticism Enjoy the small talk Don t analyze how logical their answers are Listen for the message behind the message (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 17

21 T s Bible Verse Romans 12:3 For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. T s Prayer Lord, help me to be aware of other people s needs and help me to consider the opinions of others. The Feeler Characteristics of the F Feels a good decision is made with the heart Warm and considerate and would rather people feel good and be happy than for you to be right Feels that love cannot be defined Overextends themselves to meet the needs of others Puts themselves in other people s shoes Enjoys providing services to others Accused of being wishy-washy Accommodates others for harmony over clarity Accused of taking things too personally Experiences life as a participant Humor of the F Gets into all the interpersonal relationship stuff The F doesn t usually like jokes that make fun of others (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 18

22 How the F can influence the T Explain logically and clearly the why Define your terms Listen to what they say and allow them to clarify or repeat Don t personalize what they say Don t personalize their criticism F s Bible Verse Matthew 7:12 Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. F s Prayer Teach me knowledge and good judgment. Help me to realize that the truth is the kindest thing I can tell someone. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 19

23 Section 4: Judgers & Perceivers How People Structure Their Lives Judgers Resolved Decided Fixed Control Closure Planned Structure Definitive Schedule Deadline VS. Perceivers Pending Wait-and-see Flexible Adapt Openness Open-ended Flow Tentative Spontaneous What deadline? (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 20

24 The Judger Characteristics of the J Is always waiting for others who never seem to be on time Works now, plays later Wants everything in its place Follows a schedule Does not like surprises Likes life under control Needs clear limits Thrives on order Sometimes falsely accused of being angry Relaxes when the task is done Feels that getting there is the most important part of the trip Humor of the J Close early The J isn t funny How the J can influence the P Be sensitive to flexibility Honor their way of organizing Use short sentences Roll with them when they change subjects J s Bible Verse I Corinthians 14:40 Let all things be done decently and in order. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 21

25 J s Prayer Thank you for the discipline you have given me. Lord, help me to be flexible and not let the clock or the list rule me; and give me patience with those who are less organized than I am. The Perceiver Characteristics of the P Feels that time is relative Easily distracted Doesn t plan tasks Doesn t believe neatness counts Loves to explore the unknown Likes a fun lifestyle Depends on last minute spurts of energy Changes the subject in a conversation Makes things less than definite Feels that the process of getting there is the most important part of the trip Humor of the P Spontaneous humor Superb at taking whatever has happened and converting it to something funny How the P can influence the J Be sensitive to their time Follow through with your commitments Don t mess up their space they are very territorial Encourage attempts at play Their need for closure may seem like control (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 22

26 P s Bible Verse Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. P s Prayer Father, help me to accept the necessary structure part of life with patience and understanding. Help me to develop discipline and to finish those things I began. Help me to make the best use of the precious time that you have given me. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 23

27 Chart 1a: Four Preferences are Scored to Arrive at a Person s Type E Does the person s interest flow mainly to The outer world of actions, The inner world of concepts objects and persons? and ideas? I Extraversion Introversion S Does the person prefer to perceive The immediate, real, practical The possibilities, relationships facts of experience and life? and meanings of experiences? N Sensing intuition Does the person prefer to make judgments or decisions T Objectively, impersonally, considering causes of events and where decisions may lead? Subjectively and personally, weighing values of choices and how they matter to others? F Thinking Feeling Does the person prefer mostly to live J In a decisive, planned and In a spontaneous, flexible way, orderly way, aiming to regulate aiming to understand and control events? life and adapt to it? P Judgment Perception (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 24

28 Chart 1b: Brief Descriptions of the Sixteen Types ENTJ Intuitive, innovative ORGANIZER; analytical, systematic and confident; pushes to get action on new ideas and challenges. ESTJ Fact-minded, practical ORGANIZER; assertive, analytical, systematic; pushes to get things done and working smoothly and efficiently. INTP Inquisitive ANALYZER; reflective, independent, curious; more interested in organizing ideas than situations or people. ISTP Practical ANALYZER; values exactness; more interested in organizing data than situations or people; reflective; a cool and curious observer of life. ESTP REALISTIC ADAPTER in the world of material things; good-natured, tolerant, easy going; oriented to practical, first-hand experience; highly observant of details of things. ESFP REALISTIC ADAPTER in human relationships; friendly and easy with people, highly observant of their feelings and needs; oriented to practical, first-hand experience. ISFP Observant, loyal HELPER: reflective, realistic, empathetic, patient with details, gently and retiring; shuns disagreements; enjoys the moment. INFP Imaginative, independent HELPER; reflective, inquisitive, empathetic; loyal to ideals; more interested in possibilities than practicalities. ESFJ Practical HARMONIZER and worker-withpeople; sociable, orderly, opinioned; conscientious, realistic and well tuned to the here and now. ENFJ Imaginative HARMONIZER and worker-withpeople; sociable, expressive, orderly, opinioned, conscientious; curious about new ideas and possibilities. INFJ People-oriented INNOVATOR of ideas; serious, quietly forceful and persevering; concerned with the common good, with helping others develop. INTJ Logical, critical, decisive INNOVATOR of serious ideas; serious, intent, highly independent, concerned with organization; determined and often stubborn. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 25

29 ISTJ Analytical MANAGER OF FACTS AND DETAILS; dependable, decisive, painstaking and systematic; concerned with systems and organization; stable and conservative. ISFJ Sympathetic MANAGER OF FACTS AND DETAILS; concerned with people s welfare; dependable, painstaking and systematic; stable and conservative. ENFP Warmly enthusiastic PLANNER OF CHANGE; imaginative, individualistic; pursues inspiration with impulsive energy; seeks to understand and inspire others. ENTP Inventive, analytical PLANNER OF CHANCE; enthusiastic and independent; pursues inspiration with impulsive energy; seeks to understand and inspire others. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 26

30 Chart 2a: If you are... And your mate is... Extravert Introvert Sensor Extravert Repeat what you heard your partner say before you begin speaking. Try not to both talk at the same time. Try to hear what s being said without formulating your response. If necessary, count to five before you speak. Extravert Allow for private time. Try to sit silently in your partner s presence. Now and then, put it in writing instead of saying it. Find alternative ways of expressing yourself. Sensor Work on restating the obvious in general terms. Share your dreams with each other. Try to keep each other from always interpreting what is being said in such a literal way. Introvert Demand quiet time and space from your partner. Work at being direct and expressive now and them. Don t be afraid to shout to make yourself heard or understood. Introvert Fight avoidance by speaking out, no matter how awkward it may seem. Edit yourself out loud instead of inside. Enjoy the silence, appreciate the space and love your partner s contemplative nature. intuitive Remember that much of what you say and don t say will be taken literally. Appreciate the specific and grounded help your partner gives to what you say. Remember that your partner prefers precision and facts before he or she can formulate a response. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 27

31 Chart 2a: If you are... And your mate is.. intuitive Sensor Keep in mind that whatever you say, your partner will find different ways to interpret it. Check interpretation and meanings so that you are satisfied with what s been said. Keep in mind that your partner may naturally give a general response to your specific statement. intuitive Be sure to check out each other s meaning about what is being said. Allow time for each of you to stop, look, listen, smell, feel or taste. Don t be afraid to let your senses become overloaded. Translate what the other is saying into specifics: who, what, when, where and why. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 28

32 Chart 2b: If you are... Thinker Thinker Know when to stop analyzing and competing. Recognize you both have emotions and that hurt feelings may results from your disagreement. It is okay to lose the argument. Life will go on. Feeler Try to remember that not all criticism is directed at you. Stand your ground. State your position and try to stay objective. Avoid saying, I m sorry. or You re right. as much as possible. It s okay to argue. Life will go on. And your mate is... Feeler Judger Thinker Keep in mind that whatever you are saying will be taken personally, even if you don t mean it that way. It is okay to say, I m sorry. when you mean it. Try to show your human side during the conflict. Judger Conflicts can t be scheduled, but resolving them can be. Bring up the issues and then schedule a time to deal with them later. If an issue isn t yet resolved, don t say that it is just so it will bring closure to the situation. Feeler Face the conflict. Stand tough and don t avoid it. Try not to press for early resolutions of the issue in the name of harmony. Remember that conflict can be a positive experience and that both of you can learn from it. Perceiver Recognize that your partner may sound angrier than he or she actually is. Help your partner seek alternatives. Keep him or her from trying to come to a quick win/lose resolution. Hit and run: Drop the topic of the conflict and leave, then come back and deal with it later. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 29

33 Chart 2b: If you are... And your mate is... Perceiver Judger Allow some latitude for your partner to explore different aspects of the subject. Push for closure for a positive resolution, not just to win an argument. Help your partner stay focused and deal with one issue at a time. Perceiver Help each other stay focused on only one issue at a time. State, as clearly as possible, your opinions and needs. No waffling! Prayers With Personality ISTJ God, help me to begin relaxing about little details tomorrow at 11:41:32 am. ISTP God, help me to consider people s feelings, even if most of them are hypersensitive. ISFJ Lord, help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it exactly right! ISFP Lord, help me to stand up for my rights (if you don t mind my asking)! INTJ Lord, keep me open to other s ideas, wrong though they may be! INTP Lord, help me be less independent, but let me do it my way. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 30

34 INFJ Lord, help me not be a perfectionist did I spell that correctly? INFP Lord, help me to finish everything I start. ESTJ God, help me to not try to run everything. But if you need some help just ask! ESTP God, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they re usually not my fault! ESFJ Lord, give me patience, and I mean right now! ESFP God, help me to take things more seriously especially parties and dancing. ENTJ God, help me to slow down and not rush through what I do. ENTP God, help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I ll settle for a few minutes. ENFJ God, help me to do only what I can, and trust you for the rest. Do you mind putting that in writing? ENFP God, help me to keep my mind on just one thing at a time. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 31

35 Positive Communication Guidelines for Different Personality Types Communicating with each type: Judgers Negative You are stubborn and always want things your way. Positive I see your point. Have you already made up your mind or are you open to discussion? Perceivers Negative You are so wishy washy and indecisive. Positive If I know your specific question, I think we can find an answer. Thinkers Negative You are so cold hearted and it is evident that you don t think of anyone but yourself. Positive It is very logical what you said. May we examine the feelings of the other people involved? Feelers Negative You take everything so personally. Positive I can identify with your feelings. Let s look at the reason why you feel the way you do. Extrovert Negative You are not going to get anywhere by being a loud motormouth. Positive I want to listen but will you please slow down and speak more softly? (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 32

36 Introvert Negative Don t sit there like a bump on a log. Your silence is driving me crazy. Positive I would like to hear your viewpoint. If you want to process the information maybe we can talk tomorrow. #relationshipsmatter Charles S. Lowery, Ph.D. For more information on materials from Dr. Lowery, or if you would like to learn more about having Charles Lowery at one of your events, please visit CharlesLowery.com or LIFE@CharlesLowery.com. (C) Charles Lowery charleslowery.com 33