Memorial Book. In Loving Memory of. Philip Mailvaganam. (May 1, February 7, 2009)

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1 Memorial Book In Loving Memory of Philip Mailvaganam (May 1, February 7, 2009)

2 Be of good cheer about death and know this as a truth --that no evil can happen to a good man, either in life or after death. Socrates This memorial website was created to remember our dearest Dad James Philip Mailvaganam who was born in Wattala SriLanka on May 1st 1931 and called to eternal rest on February 7th Appa, Your life was full of love and labor. You did your best for all of us. We will always miss u and remember you. We knew little that morning that God was going to call your name. In life we loved you dearly and in death we do the same. It broke our hearts to lose you. Appa, you did not go alone part of us went with you the day God called you home. You left us peaceful memories and your love will remain our guide. Though we cannot see you, we feel your presence at our side. Our family chain is broken and nothing will be the same. As God calls us one by one the chain will link again. So As long as we live you too, shall live with us. Thank You for visiting our Dad Philip's website. This site is dedicated to the loving memory of a man many knew as gentle, kind and loving. He is much loved and will always be remembered by all his family and friends. We would like to share his memory with you. Angela, Sandra, Nilani, Prem, Jothy and all the Grandchildren would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who attended Dad's funeral, sent your sympathies, flowers, & refreshments. Sandra and Nilani would also like to thank so very much all of Our Mom's family for being there for her and all of us during our time of grief. Appa sure would have been proud of all of you. A Special thanks to our cousin Fabian who our Dad loved so much for all the help he gave to our Mom in Sri Lanka and made sure Dad was laid to rest peacefully. Please Feel free to add any pictures or momories you have of our dad. TY

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4 Gallery so sweet, so unforgettable...

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9 000_ _0522 His Grandson Sebastian graduating from High school

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16 Memorial Candles our words, your light...

17 04/24/ /23/ /22/ /22/2009 Nilani Nilani Jothy Mitchell Appa today was such a sunny day. I wish we could have sat outside. The flowers are all blooming in your garden. Kisses to you pa Appa, It gets harder everday. I need you back appa. The candle that burns inside my heart will go on burning. You were the best father-inlaw any man could ever have. You were everything, Father, Brother and a Friend. Miss You very much. I'll always remember the winter drives to Boston for Christmas' with you. Your missed but not forgotten Uncle Phillip. 04/22/ /22/ /22/ /21/2009 Sebastian Lena Kala Claudia Nilani Grandpi, although it is sad, I feel lucky to have had a grandfather like you. You were one of a kind. I love you and miss you. Dear Annun Philip I hope in my life I can learn the tolerant, patient and calm consideration you showed to others. Love Kala Dear Perriuppa My thoughts and prays are with you. I light this candle in honour of your memory. You are remembered with love. As I light this candle in memory of you I still remember the awful pain of losing you. Though you are gone you live in my heart pa 04/20/ /19/ /18/ /18/2009 Nilani It's still so hard for me to except that you are not hear my papa.your memory will live on in my heart forever. Nilani I light this candle in your memory Appa and Hope you are finally resting in peace. Goodnight my sweet Appa. Philip Lena Grandpi, you will be forever missed. May you rest in peace in heaven. Love you. Mom to Angel Melissa Platt I light this candle in memory of your beloved Philip, God Bless you

18 04/18/2009 Swara My Philipa life without you is very lonely. I miss you 04/18/2009 Nilani My Darling Appa I miss you so so much

19 Condolences from the deepest of our hearts...

20 Claudia Miss April 22, 2009 Dear Aunty Nilani, Periamma, Uncle Jothy, Sebastian, Philip,Nick and all the family. This website is a beautiful, poignant yet somewhat heart breaking testiment to the man that he was to the family. I can only imagine how much you miss your father, husband, father in law and grandfather - I love you all and am so sorry for your loss and the pain it must be causing the whole family. Stay strong and seek comfort in one another. I pray that the pain of his loss will heal swiftly for you all. Perriuppa is in my thoughts and prayers. My heartfelt condolances - I wish I could tell you this in person. Claud xxx

21 Memories all the gray you turned into colors...

22 Nilani Papi, as surely as the sun causes the budding flowers to blossom, you have shaped and influenced my life. I wonder if you realized how much your values and actions have formed my character... how much your words still speak to my heart. Having had you as a father made me what I am today... a daughter who loves you very much.

23 Life Story every hour, every thought, every smile...

24 May 1, 2009 James Philip Mailvaganam, 77 years old passed away on Saturday evening at p.m. February 07, 2009 at Lahey Clinic in Burlington, Massachusetts. He was surrounded by his loving wife Angela whom he lovingly calls Swara, and his much adored daughters, Sandra and Nilani, at his side. He will be sadly and deeply missed by all who knew and loved him. Philip was the eldest son of late Arulappa and Josephine Mailvaganam of Wattala, Sri Lanka. He leaves behind his wife of 47 years whom he married on October 31, 1962 in Batticaloa, Sri Lanka, two loving daughters, Sandra and Nilani, wonderful Sons in-law, John Premkumar and Jothy (Peter) Lena, precious grandchildren, Sebastian, Philip, Nicholas, Gabrielle and Isabelle, his sisters, Irene, Monica, brothers, Noel, Rex and Raja, whom he lovingly calls "Raja Pattiya", several nieces and nephews, and many brothers and sisters inlaw. Funeral services were held on Wednesday, February 11th at 10:00 am at St Barbara s Church on Cambridge Street in Woburn, Massachusetts. Dad was cremated and his ashes were taken to Sri Lanka where a service was held and he was laid to rest with his Eternal Father and his loving mother and other family members at the Wattala Cemetery. In his early years of life he worked at the Department of Highways in Colombo, Norwood, Kalmunai and in Batticaloa at the Department of Waterworks. Along with mom he raised two daughters. In 1979 His oldest daughter, Sandra who needed extensive medical treatment, came to Boston, Massachusetts. Along with mom, Sandra spent almost 5 years at Kennendy Memorial Hospital. In the mean time Dad was left behind to care for a 14-year old girl by himself. I being his baby there was nothing I was lacking. He did everything possible to prevent me from missing my mom. He was my Mom and Dad for almost five years. He gave me the best of everything, and I hope in return that I made him proud. I made sacrifices to make sure my Dad would not shed a tear on my behalf. In 1985 the whole family moved from Sri Lanka to Woburn, Massachusetts where we had to start all over again. There were some years of struggling, but our parents always gave their two girls the best. As years went by he got his daughters married to two wonderful men. His first grandson, Sebastian Lena, was born in He was his pride and joy. He would drive from Massachusetts to New Jersey to spend weeks with Sebastian. Sebastian adored his grandfather as well. He even gave up a chance to go to California to attend college and decided to stay in Boston so he could spend as much time he possibly could with his Grandpi. He would visit him very often, which made my father so happy. His eyes would light up every time he walked in. They would sit there holding hands while watching T.V. I am happy to see so much of my dad in Sebastian. His last words to Sebastian was "Putha I want you to grow up to be a great man". His second grandson, Philip Lena, was born in Philip loved to watch his grandpa fix stuff. He would spend time with him and his tool box. His third grandson, Nicholas Lena, was born in My dad loved his boys. He would spend many weekends in New Jersey. All my three boys would jump on him the moment he walked through the door. They lovingly called him "Grandpi". And what a wonderful and giving grandpi he was. His first granddaughter, Gabrielle Premkumar, was born in He was so excited to have this little girl who he lovingly called "Gabbi Girl". He spent many days shopping for little Gabbi. Isabelle was born in He called her his "Chooti Girl". He had a very special relationship with his two little girls. I am sure it brought memories of his own two girls. Dad enjoyed his years by spending time with his grandchildren and travelling to Australia, England, Mexico and Sri Lanka. He also loved to cook. He did all the cooking at home since my mom was a Night Nurse. He taught my sister and I many things about cooking.

25 One day in September 2000, while visiting my sister in Dunstable, our Dad had a stroke. He was rushed to the hospital in New Hampshire. If he had received the right treatment sooner my Dad would not have had to endure all the hardships he had to go through to have a full recovery. After two years he started to wind down. My Mom had to take over the driving, which did not make my Dad very happy. Dad enjoyed going to Sri Lanka to avoid the cold winters of Massachusetts. He hated the cold. He always told us not to bury him here because it will be too cold for him. In 2004, our Dad took his last trip to Sri Lanka. Even though my sister and I were so against it, he went on that trip accompanied by his brother-in-law. He spent a few good days there and while talking to him we knew something was not right. Our Mom flew to Sri Lanka to bring Dad back to the States. She found him very confused and unable to recall many things. My Mom, being a nurse, knew that Dad had endured another stroke. He was brought to the US with great difficulty. My sister and I were shocked to see our darling Dad as he was not even able to walk. He had to be carried into his room. After a couple of tests done on our Dad, he was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. That painful news shocked us and changed all of our lives forever. Dad got weaker as the days went by and needed 24 hour care. Although there were some family members insisting my mom put Dad in a nursing home, our Mom decided to care for our Dad at home with the help of my sister and I. We all made many sacrifices and kept our Dad home for almost five years. Our Mom did a fantastic job with our Dad. When she came home she would feed Dad her special oatmeal, which he loved. But, he would always scold her when he is given his meds. Our Mom sacrificed so much; she would refrain from going places and cut back on her sleep. It was a very difficult time for all of us, watching such a strong and vibrant man fall to such a horrible disease. The pain will live on forever in all of hearts. But through all that pain our Mom, along with her two daughters help, did a splendid job. Our Dad was looked after like a king. I used to joke with him that he got "Raja sapa". I can still remember his big grin saying "yes, putha". I am sure our Mom will be forever blessed and that Dad will always watch over her. I can say, along with my sister, my Mom showed all of us what a courageous and tenacious woman she was through our Dad s illness. In the first week of February 2009, Dad developed a fever. One evening we found him unresponsive with a BP of 60/45. We called 911 and Dad was transported to Lahey Clinic via ambulance. I still remember that awful evening. It was a very cold day as the EMT put my Dad on a board and dragged him on the ground to the ambulance. I, being a nurse, could not believe what an unsafe and inhuman way it was to transport somebody. It breaks my heart to think of the way my Dad left his house for the last time. In the hospital we were told that Dad had gone into septic shock and was in critical condition. He was transferred to the ICU where he was kept for about three days. He was slowly improving. He started to open his eyes and talk back to us, but he seemed to be going through a lot of pain. We were shocked when the x-rays showed that Dad had recently suffered a collarbone fracture. We questioned the doctors and they were not sure how it had happened. I was angry that with all the pain & suffering my Dad was going through, he had to go through this additional hardship due to someone else s negligence. I made a grievance with the Lahey Clinic patient advocate to find out how my Dad had obtained the fracture. After Dad improved, he was transferred to a room upstairs on the West Unit. I would say he was dumped into the room. My Mom and I were in the room with my Dad for more than five hours with no nurse from the floor coming in to see him and assess his condition considering the fact that he was in critical condition 24 hours ago. Once we washed Dad and settled him in his room, I left leaving my Mom with Dad. My Dad continued to receive poor nursing care. Mom told me when she once asked a Nurse why my Dad was spiking a temp, her reply to my mom was, "I don t know, I don t live inside his body". When my Mom told me this, I was totally appalled and demanded my Dad be transferred to a different unit. The Nurses there were pleasant. My Dad was not given any nutrition for almost seven days because he was diagnosed of having ileus - intestinal blockage. We begged the doctors to feed him intravenously because we could see him getting weak. The Team of Doctors decided to feed him through a NG tube instead. When I was visiting him on that day my Dad aspirated. I ran to the Nurses station and asked them for a nurse stat. I told them something was wrong with my Dad and a Nurse should come in immediately. There were couple of nurses there and they told me my Dad s Nurse was busy with somebody and will come when she was done. I was horrified and came into my Dad s room and checked his pulse ox which was 40. Dad was fighting for air and he looked so

26 scared. I can still remember the look in his eyes. I was about to stop the feeding and grab the oxygen mask from the wall when the team of doctors came to do their rounds. They immediately stopped the feeding and put my Dad on Oxygen. I was devastated when the doctors told me my Dad aspirated and his prognosis was very poor. The next day Dad's chest x rays showed he had developed Aspiration Pneumonia. I strongly feel if proper, adequate and efficient care had been provided by the medical staff at the Lahey Clinic my Dad would still be alive today. Dad looked so tired finding it hard to even open his eyes. Mom, my sister, our husbands and grandchildren all gathered around him and I remember how Dad looked at each one of us like he knew he was seeing us for the last time. Each of us spent private time sitting with dad talking to him and thanking him for being there for us always. I spent a whole day sleeping next to him in his hospital bed holding him tight. We always had a tape of the Mercy Rosary playing in the background continuously. Dad loved the Rosary. That s all he said when he was home sitting on his brown leather recliner. On that dreadful day of February 7 th, the whole family was there visiting Dad. He had his sister and brother-in-law from New Jersey visiting him. By this time Dad was so weak, we believe, he had gone into a semi-coma. Around 8pm I insisted that everybody go home. As much as my Dad loved his grandchildren I know he treasured the time with just the four of us, meaning Dad, Mom, Sandra and me. We washed Dad for the night and I whispered in his ear that we were going to say the Family Rosary like old times just the four of us. We said the Rosary making Dad participate by taking his hands and making the sign of the Cross. We could all feel so much peace in the room at that time. We kissed goodnight to each other while my Mom and sister laid down on the bed next to Dad. I got on to his bed and hugged him tight and forced opened his eyes and said "Papa you have slept for a long time it's time to get up" That was the last time I looked into his dark blue eyes. The next thing I heard was my darling Papa's last breath while he laid his head on my chest. Although it hurts so much I consider myself so lucky that I got the chance to hold my Dad in my arms when he left this earth. We only live a short while on this earth, and we are only given one Father, and when you no longer have that Father, your soul takes a different path in life. I know a part of me went with my Dad, as did my mom and sisters. None of us will ever really be whole again, until we are all together again. Just as Our Faith tells us: Jesus died on the cross, to give us Eternal Life, so we could live on forever with Our Glorious Father Above, and our loved ones. We will be a family again, just like in the beginning. Our dad just went ahead to get things ready. And like all good dads, dad will wait patiently for his family to be by his side once again. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For you are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever. Amen, Appa You are missed by Amma, Sandy girl, Nikki Putha and all who loved you so much. Happy Heavenly Birthday Appa.

27 Our Deepest Sympathy