Together We Win. Anthony Morrone, Nevada State College Ashley Munro, University of Alaska Fairbanks

Transcription

1 Together We Win Anthony Morrone, Nevada State College Ashley Munro, University of Alaska Fairbanks

2 Agenda Crucial Conversations Getting to Yes Practice Conversations

3 Difficult Conversations A discussion where stakes are high, opinions vary and emotions run strong Physiological responses: Adrenaline Sweat Increased heart rate Clenched muscles

4 What can we do? Avoid them Face them and handle them poorly Face them and handle them well

5 Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes Are High

6 Tips Start with Heart Learn to Look Make it Safe Master Your Story State Your Path Explore Others Paths Move to Action

7 Start with Heart Begin with the right motives Stay focused

8 Learn to Look The problem isn t the content of the message, it's that one party doesn t feel safe. Watch for Signs Recognize Silence or Violence

9 Make it Safe Find a common purpose Show respect Apologize, when appropriate Provide Context Commit

10 Master Your Story You, and only you, create your emotions We tell ourselves a story Watch for victims, villains, and the helpless Nothing in this world is good or bad, but thinking makes it so. William Shakespeare

11 State Your Path Share your facts Tell your story Talk tentatively

12 Explore Others Paths Explore testing Confirm Feelings Be sincere Paraphrase Be curious

13 Move to Action Dialogue is not a decision Decide how to decide

14 Getting to YES: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

15 Positional Bargaining Each side takes a position, argues it and makes concessions to reach a compromise The more you clarify your position and defend it, the more committed you become to your position Requires saving face Endangers relationships Making concessions can lead to resentment Hard games dominate soft ones Being nice is not an answer

16 Principled Negotiation Separate the People from the Problem Focus on Interests, not Positions Invent Options for Mutual Gain Insist on Using Objective Criteria

17 Separate the People from the Problem Humans are prone to human reactions Dealing with people, not abstract other Sensitivity to perception, misunderstanding, prejudice, irrational beliefs Relationships tend to become entangled with the problem Perception Emotion Communication

18 Perception Put yourself in their shoes Don t decide their intentions from your fears Don t blame them for your problem Discuss each other s perceptions Look for opportunities to act inconsistently with their perceptions Give them a stake in the outcome by making sure they participate in the process Make your proposals consistent with their values

19 Emotion Recognize emotions, theirs and yours Pay attention to core concerns of autonomy, appreciation, affiliation, role and status Consider the role of identity Make emotions explicit and acknowledge them as legitimate Allow the other side to let off steam Don t react to emotional outbursts Use symbolic gestures

20 Communication Listen actively and acknowledge what is being said Speak to be understood Speak about yourself, not about them Speak for a purpose

21 Focus on Interests, not Positions Interests define the problem Positions are something you decided on based on your interests To begin to see the interest behind the position, ask why/why not? List your and their interests

22 Invent Options for Mutual Gain 4 Obstacles Premature judgment Searching for a single answer Assumption of a fixed pie Thinking that solving their problem is their problem The pressure of negotiation is likely to enhance your critical sense You may short circuit a wiser decision making process in which you select from a greater number of possibilities Either/or Zero sum game Seems disloyal to afford legitimacy to the other side s views

23 Invent Options for Mutual Gain, con t 4 Prescriptions Separate the act of creating options from the act of judging them Broaden the options on the table rather than looking for a single answer Search for mutual gains Invent ways of making their decisions easy Invent first, decide later Brainstorming Key to wise decision making lies in selecting from a great number and variety of options Identify shared interests Dovetail differing interests Whose shoes? What decision? Offers, not threats

24 Insist on Using Objective Criteria Allows negotiation on some basis other than the will of either side Fair standards Fair procedures

25 Practice Image: difficult conversations/

26 Contact Information Anthony Morrone (702) Ashley Munro (907)