WORKBOOK A LIFE THAT COUNTS JEREMY ROLLESTON

Transcription

1 WORKBOOK A LIFE THAT COUNTS JEREMY ROLLESTON Two-time Olympian Jeremy Rolleston invites you to join the inner circle and learn the secrets behind the success of ten famous Australians. Lydia Lassila, Dick Smith, James Tomkins, Gai Waterhouse, Louise Sauvage, Matthew Burke, Matt Shirvington, Michael Milton, Jason Stevens, Alexandra Croak. i Tools and exercises to make the book come alive in your own life

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4 Published in 2011 by Rollo Publishing Also distributed by The Scribo Group Equinox Centre, 18 Rodborough Road Frenchs Forest NSW 2086 Australia Jeremy Rolleston, 2011 The moral right of the author has been asserted. This book is sold subject to the condition that it will not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that which it is published in and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Text by Jeremy Rolleston Edited by Deb Doyle, Living Proof Book Editing Workbook cover and interior designed by Imperial Metric ( Printed and bound by Shenzhen Xinlian Artistic Printing Co., Ltd. National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication entry Author: Rolleston, Jeremy Title: A Life That Counts Workbook / Jeremy Rolleston ISBN: Subjects: Motivation (Psychology) Success Successful people Australia Life Skills Dewey Number: 158 Visit us at

5 To everyone who has inspired me to be all I can be and to live a life that counts. May this workbook help do the same for you.

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7 CONTENTS Introduction 7 Chapter One Purpose driven 8 Chapter Two Dare to dream 30 Chapter Three Impossible is nothing removing limitations 56 Chapter Four Understanding yourself the psychology 64 Chapter Five You ve got to get it before you get it! 70 Chapter Six The daily process 82 Chapter Seven It takes commitment 98 Chapter Eight The little voice 108 Chapter Nine Enjoying the journey 116 Chapter Ten To what end? 128

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9 INTRODUCTION This is your book: for your dreaming; for your scribbling; for your reflection; for recording your decisions and self-commitments; for writing down your goals; for changing your goals. It s the place for you to plan and chart your future course, the place for you to take steps to create the future you dream of. This book is about YOU; you are the main contributor to it. So go for it: have fun; dream like a child; scribble and write; ponder and decide; make commitments to take action and to start to do. This is your journey. My hope is that in publishing this workbook, I help bring to life everything I wrote about in A Life That Counts. However, the book s usefulness and what difference it facilitates in your life will entirely depend on you and what you do right now, after you ve turned this page. I wish you well. Dare to dream! Jeremy 7

10 PURPOSE DRIVEN You will never achieve anything great with a question mark above your head T.D. Jakes

11 There are many things that will catch my eye, but there are only a few that catch my heart. It is those things I consider to pursue Tim Redmond If you don t have a dream how are you going to make it come true? Oscar Hammerstein 9

12 CHAPTER SUMMARY > There are few things more crucial to us than our own life yet there are few things we re less clear about, so it s important and valuable to take time to explore the dreams we have for our life. > For many of us, our dreams have become so shrouded in the frustrations and routines of daily life that we no longer make an effort to accomplish them. Our dreams have dissipated, and with them, so has the will to shape our destiny. > Throughout history, all the great men and women we ve admired were driven by purpose people such as Jesus Christ, Nelson Mandela, Bill Gates, Mother Teresa, Mahatma Ghandi, Christopher Columbus, Martin Luther King and Florence Nightingale. This longing to live with meaning and purpose resides deep down within each one of us, whether we recognise this or not. > When you re living with purpose rather than living aimlessly and taking whatever life throws at you, you have a grander vision and a bigger goal to propel you towards greater action. You re energised, passionate and focused, and every morning when you get out of bed, you re fuelled by something worthwhile. You have a dream to inspire you, and you re compelled by meaning and purpose. Being purpose driven is a phenomenal place to live from and a great foundation for living a successful, exceptional and significant life. > Each of us is so amazing and so uniquely amazing that we had to have been created with design and on purpose. This means you re no accident or random event; your life matters, and you were born and fashioned on purpose (with unique talents, gifts and capabilities) and for a purpose. This understanding is both the foundation and the impetus for wanting to explore your unique dreams and purpose. 10

13 > Simply put, a dream is a desire or an aspiration you might have for a specific aspect of your life. It s a true, genuine longing for your life. It comes from your heart, from deep inside. > Here are four ways to discover your dreams: 1) Look inside your heart: Discover them within you as you search your heart, and consider the things you think about and the things that move you. 2) Tears of inspiration: Consider the times at which you ve been moved to tears, because they were when you were most self-actualised. Figure out why you were so moved. This can help illuminate things you re passionate about and that you dream of. 3) Keep a journal: When you keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings, you can reveal some predominant thoughts and feelings, which might, in turn, help you identify some of your passions and dreams. 4) Identify your common passions and their drivers: In this process, you list your passions, and for each one, you consider the reasons Why? you like doing that specific thing. As you continue to ask, Why? Why? Why? you start to identify your intrinsic common drivers and gain a deeper understanding of your authentic self so you can then discover your dreams. 11

14 DO YOU KNOW HOW AMAZING YOU TRULY ARE? You re one of a kind, a once in all history event. There s no one else like you in the entire world. You re completely unique. 12

15 Our sense of touch is more refined than any device ever created. Our hearing is so sensitive we can distinguish between hundreds of thousands of different sounds. Using our eyes, we can distinguish up to a million colour surfaces and take in an amount of information that surpasses the amount distinguished by the largest telescope. Each person s tongue has its own unique imprint. Our brain is more complex than the most powerful of computers and has more than 100 billion nerve cells. Within 6.5 square centimetres of each of our hands, we have 2.7 metres of blood vessels, 600 pain sensors, 9000 nerve endings, 36 heat sensors and 75 pressure sensors. On average, we breathe 25,000 times a day and 10 million times a year, which means we take about 600 million breaths during our lifetime. On average, our heart beats about three billion times in our lifetime. An adult is made up of about 100 trillion cells, each one of which contains about one or two metres of DNA. The aorta, our largest artery, is almost the diameter of a garden hose. Our capillaries, on the other hand, are so small that 10 of them are equal to the thickness of a human hair. The human brain is made up of about 30 billion cells, called neurones, and each neurone is capable of handling about a million bits of information. If we were to write that information down as a number, we d include 6.5 million miles of zeroes that would stretch from earth to the moon and back 13 times. Human bone is as strong as granite as a supporter of weight. A block of bone the size of a matchbox can support nine tonnes, and that s four times as much as concrete can support. We generate 100 billion red blood cells every day and about two million of them every second. Cna yuo raed tihs? So phaonmneal is the pweor of the hmuan mnid taht it dseno t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres are in a wrod, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae. 13

16 LOOK INSIDE YOUR HEART Here s a whole series of questions for you to reflect on. While you re answering them, you might uncover the start of some of your dreams. At this point, don t concern yourself with whether your passions and dreams are congruent with your actual ability, skills and talents. Now isn t the time to get realistic or judge yourself. Search your heart and play like a child. Don t limit yourself. Be honest in your answers and about what you really want or like. This is a time for ignoring your mindset and discovering the things that lie deep down in your heart and soul. 14

17 There are many things that will catch my eye, but there are only a few that catch my heart. It is those things I consider to pursue. Tim Redmond 15

18 WHO AM I? Describe yourself: I spend a lot of time thinking about: If I could be anyone I would be: I love myself when I: I am happiest when I: I am good at: I am most confident when: 16

19 My greatest talents and abilities are: What could you be great at? My strengths are (or if this is difficult my friends and family would describe my biggest strengths as): My weaknesses are (or if this is difficult my friends and family would describe my biggest strengths as): I would like to become: The 3 things I like most and least about myself are: My top five VALUES are: (identifying your top five life values is a shortcut to identifying your top goals in life)

20 WHAT DO I LIKE? If I could do any job, I would: If I were free to do anything, I would: The thing/s I do that I find easy and would be happy to do all the time is/are: I often spend time thinking about: The things that make me happy are: The thing I love and never grow tired of talking about in my personal life is: The things I enjoy sharing and experiencing with other people are: 18

21 The three people I ADMIRE and respect the most are: Because? The activities I absolutely LOVE in my work and personal life are: WORK PERSONAL 19

22 WHAT DO I WANT? When I was growing up, I wanted to be: My dreams as a child were: When I m in my bed at night, I often imagine: I want to start: I want to tell the world that: I will never: The thing that would cause me the most excitement about waking up to another day is: 20

23 The thing/s I m most proud of having accomplished in my life so far is/are: The single most important thing I d like to accomplish in my life is: My greatest moments of joy and fulfilment in my life so far have been: At my funeral, when people talk about me, I want them to say... 21

24 WHAT WOULD I DO? Name: 1. One place to visit 2. One thing to do before you die 3. One thing to do daily 4. One thing you ve always wanted to learn What would you do if there was no way you could fail? If you were 10 times smarter than the rest of the world? If there were no barriers? If you weren t limited by factors such as time, confidence, age, location, money, resources and experience? 22

25 If your doctors told you that you had only a year to live, how would you shape your life? How would you change the way you live NOW if you were told you could never retire? 23

26 TEARS OF INSPIRATION When was the last time you cried? Where were you, and what was going on? Were you reading a book, watching a movie or listening to a song? Was it when someone said something particular to you? Why did you cry? What was it about that moment that caused you to be emotional? You see, we re moved to tears when we re most self-actualised or, to say it another way, we re moved by something at a deep level when it means a lot to us, and when our barriers are down. If you can figure out why you were moved, you ll help yourself recognise the things that mean a lot to you, the things you re passionate about and that you care about. In figuring them out, as well as in discovering more about yourself and what matters to you, you might find you have dreams locked up in similar emotions, thoughts and cares. 24

27 What do you think this tells you about what you really like, what you really care about, what you really want to do, and/or what you re really passionate about? 25

28 IDENTIFY YOUR COMMON PASSIONS AND THEIR DRIVERS: WHY WHY WHY? In this process, you list all your passions and the things you enjoy doing. Then, for each passion and interest, you start to identify its intrinsic drivers. Why do you like doing that thing? You keep asking Why? until you ve worked out what truly drives you to follow that passion or interest. You then consolidate all the drivers into a single list in order to see whether there s much overlap and without doubt, there will be. You re essentially using your passions as a sort of mirror so you can analyse yourself without being subject to any natural prejudices or mindsets. So, what are your passions? What do you like doing? What leads you to feel inner satisfaction? Why do you like doing that? Why are you passionate about that? Why do you derive inner satisfaction and enjoyment from that? Why is it so? Why is that important to you? Keep asking Why? in order to drill down into the drivers of your passions. Following is a list of four steps and a table in which I give you an example of how I began to analyse my own passions and the drivers behind them: STEP 1 List all your passions and pursuits and the things you really enjoy. STEP 2 For each passion, identify the intrinsic drivers ask, Why? and keep asking it so you can distil your drivers down to as basic and core a reason as possible. STEP 3 Consolidate all your drivers into a single list. STEP 4 Is there any overlap? What are your common drivers, regardless of the specific passion? While you re analysing your passions, you ll gain a deeper understanding of your authentic self, achieve more clarity about your drivers, and potentially illuminate some dreams you have. You see, when we re doing what we re passionate about, and when our dreams and our drivers are aligned, our goals aren t burdensome at all, and we help ourselves sustain our motivation over the long term. Also, by undertaking this process, you ll help ensure that your existing goals are aligned with your true nature and true drivers, as well as provide yourself with a good checklist for the decisions you ve yet to make. 26

29 LIST YOUR PASSIONS AND THEIR DRIVERS: Bobsleigh My friends Outdoor I love the speed You need to be precise Power to start Responsiblitiy and leadership of being a pilot Focus- my mind switches off to everything else Sense of accomplishment over the challenge Facilitates new things (places, people, experiences) For each of these drivers ask yourself the questions Why is that a driver? to drill down further I feel alive when going fast Constant impovement I like the explosive power required I am in control of my own destiny and performance Leave my worries behind. In the moment Always growing I like new experiences Ask yourself again the question Why is that a driver? to drill down further. Are there common drivers? Feel alive = Living life to the full Constant improvement = not stagnating = living life to full Explosive power = feeling alive = living life to the full Can achieve something great = living life to the full In the moment = I feel alive Always growing = I feel alive = living live to the full New experiences = change = living life to the full I analysed only one passion, but see how I was able to derive the deep core reason or driver in relation to why I enjoyed that passion? Notice how this discovery is instructive in terms of why I do many of the other things in my life, as well as in terms of what I enjoy and why I enjoy those things. Using this process, you might help illuminate some dreams you have. 27

30 LIST YOUR PASSIONS AND THEIR DRIVERS: Passion # 1: Passion # 2: Passion # 3: For each of these drivers ask yourself the questions Why is that a driver? to drill down further Ask yourself again the question Why is that a driver? to drill down further. Are there common drivers? 28

31 Passion # 4: Passion # 5: Passion # 6: For each of these drivers ask yourself the questions Why is that a driver? to drill down further Ask yourself again the question Why is that a driver? to drill down further. Are there common drivers? 29

32 DARE TO DREAM

33 I would rather aim at the stars and hit a tree than aim at a tree and hit a rock. An ancient proverb A man is not old until regrets start taking the place of dreams Anonymous The sublimity of wisdom is to do those things living that are desired when dying Anonymous 31

34 CHAPTER SUMMARY > Having a dream and daring to dream are two different things. Many of us have dreams, but we re held back from going after them so daring to dream is more than just having a dream. > The only person who s responsible for your life being what you dream is you. Your future s in your hands. This section of the workbook is about you taking responsibility for your life, your happiness, your dreams and your future. I entitled this chapter in the companion book Dare to Dream because it will take an attitudinal shift and a conscious internal choice in order to take personal responsibility for your own destiny and to actually dare to dream and have the guts to chase your dreams. > Don t let your age, your circumstances, time, nor your fears and mindsets hold you back and define your future. There ll never be a perfect time to go after your dreams. You might find the effort painful and inconvenient, and it will take courage, but it will be worth it. > Here are four reasons for daring to dream: 1) You re better off regardless: You can t shoot for the stars and remain unaffected. Following your dreams positively impacts the quality of your life regardless of whether you achieve your goals or dreams. They bring joy, hope, growth, discipline, productivity and energy for example. 2) You avoid having regrets: If you don t follow your dreams, a part of you dies, because you always think about that dream and whether you could have achieved it. Moreover, you always regret the things you don t do more than the things you do. 32

35 3) You ll be more successful: The irony is that if we follow our dreams and passions rather than a path we ve chosen due to earlier choices or because money, prestige or some other driver has been behind our decision, we re much more likely to be successful. Many studies of the traits commonly found among highly successful people contain evidence of this experience. 4) What if your dreams come true? The most important reason for you to dare to pursue your dreams is that they could come true. What if you lived the life you dreamt about? What if you attained and achieved the thing you constantly thought about and you had the freedom, joy and fulfilment that came from living your dreams? It is possible and there are people throughout the world who do so why not you? > A goal is a dream written down, or, said another way, it is a dream with a deadline. > When you write your dream down, you take it from a thought and an idea in your head to something in front of you that you is organised and planned and that includes specific timelines, specific measurements and specific rewards. The act of writing it down is surprisingly powerful in and of itself; in fact, according to many studies, there s an incredibly high correlation between goal-oriented people who write their dreams down and people who are successful. > Use the S.M.A.R.T.R. goal-setting process to help your dreams become more achievable. 33

36 REGRETS Twenty years from now, you ll be more disappointed by the things you didn t do than by the things you did. Mark Twain 34

37 As you reflect back on your life to date are there things that you are disappointed you didn t try or experience? Do you have any regrets in your life? What are they? Close your eyes and imagine that today s your birthday 20 years from today. Where will you be? What will you be doing? Do you have any disappointments? Is there anything you regret not having done, tried or experienced? Now imagine that all your friends and family are there to help you celebrate this significant occasion. Your children and perhaps your grandchildren are sitting around you and waiting to hear what you have to say on your birthday. What will you tell them about: Your Life? Your Accomplishments? Your Dreams? Your Regrets? Now, open your eyes. It s not too late! Life is short, but your life lies before you and you have the power to make it what you want it to be. It s up to you to create the mosaic of the life you want and what s more, you can! 35

38 My Ideal Day To create our ideal life, we must first construct our ideal day so have a think about your ideal average day. What will your ideal average day look like in five years time? What would you do on a day-to-day basis if you had $100 million in the bank? If you had no limitations or consequences to worry about, what would your perfect average day look like? Playing like a child, write down in the present tense (I am..., I have..., I m looking at..., I feel..., and so on) what you d honestly like to be doing on a typical day five years from now. The date is (Insert the date five years from today.) / /, and my day looks like... 36

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40 THE STORY OF MY LIFE We often think that our life is already mapped out, that we re on a road we can t get off. One of the first steps towards change and to creating the life you desire is to start to get clear about what you d ideally like. So, dream like a child and rewrite the story of your life... By: Date: 38

41 You have brains in your head and feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You re on your own and you know what you know, and you are the one who ll decide where to go. Dr Seuss 39

42 A WHOLE LIFE CONTEXT It is said that most people spend more time planning a holiday than they do planning their year or planning the life they want to create. You don t turn up at the airport and hope your holiday will work out with no passport, no destination and no money. Yet people often turn up to life with exactly that attitude. Remember that a goal is a dream written down; it s a dream with a deadline. We might have dreams, and we might now have the guts to dare to go after those dreams but how? What s the next step? If we ve planned and prepared how we re going to achieve our future successes, we ll have the best opportunity to succeed. This is the process we ll now turn our attention to. Think of your life as a wheel that has many spokes. 1. Family 2. Relationships (friends, partner, romance) 3. Career (job, personal development, education) 4. Fitness and health 5. Financial 6. Recreation (adventure, travel, holidays, fun, hobbies) 7. Philanthropy (giving, charity, volunteering) 8. Spiritual On a scale of 1 to 10 (whereby 1 means Not at all satisfied and 10 means Completely satisfied ) rank each area of your life and then start to write down how you want that area to be / look / feel / be experienced. Write down your dreams for those areas. Remember to think big and without limitation: 40

43 THINK BIG 41

44 On a scale of 1 to 10 (whereby 1 means Not at all satisfied and 10 means Completely satisfied ) rank each area of your life. FITNESS AND HEALTH RELATIONSHIPS LI FINANCIAL SPIRITUAL 42

45 PHILANTHROPY RECREATION FE FAMILY CAREER Then start to write down how you want that area to be / look / feel / be experienced. Write down your dreams for those areas. Remember to think big and without limitation: 43

46 TURNING MY Now that you re clearer about what you want in the various areas of your life, let s spend some time developing those thoughts a bit more and planning how you re going to achieve that outcome or those outcomes. Let s now turn those dreams into goals! We ll do so in two ways: 1) BE DO HAVE goal setting 2) S.M.A.R.T.R. goal setting You can choose to apply these goal-setting techniques to some or all of the 10 areas of your life we ve identified - what you do is up to you. The important thing is to get started, write down some goals and then remain committed to going after them and achieving them. Remember to write down your goals as you want them to be rather than what you don t want; that is, they should be positively stated. For example, you wouldn t say, I m no longer struggling with my weight. You d say, I have excellent and healthy eating habits. Rather than say, I won t get angry any more when... you d say, I act with control and calmly when... Focus on what your positive expectations are what you want to occur, rather than on things you re afraid might go wrong. Use confident, successful, goal-oriented statements such as I will..., I can... and I m going to... You can read more about the psychology behind this in Chapter Four of the companion book. If you don t know where you re going, you ll probably end up somewhere else. Laurence J. Peter 44

47 DREAMS INTO GOALS INTERESTING, ISN T IT? According to Dave Kohl, a professor at Virginia Tech, 80 per cent of Americans say they don t have goals. Of the remaining 20 per cent, only 4 per cent actually write their goals down. And of that 4 per cent, only 1 per cent actually review the goals on an ongoing basis. I suspect that this situation is the same worldwide. Hmmm, I wonder which 1 per cent actually achieve their dreams? Another study, at Harvard University, involved students in the Harvard Business School s MBA program. As you can imagine, the Harvard MBA program is extremely competitive, and today, only about 15 per cent of applicants are admitted to it. Students who make it past the application process are typically standouts and are, by most traditional definitions, already reasonably successful they have an undergraduate degree and typically three to five years of work experience, and are considered suitable for acceptance into the prestigious Harvard Business School. In 1979, interviewers asked new MBA Program graduates about their practices in writing down their goals. Consistent with the results from the Virginia Tech study, of the MBA students who participated, 84 per cent had no specific goals at all, 13 per cent had goals but didn t commit them to paper, and only 3 per cent said they committed their goals to paper. The researchers went back to the students 20 years later, in The 3 per cent who wrote their goals down had a net worth that exceeded the 97 per cent who didn t write them down. So, why do 3 per cent of Harvard MBAs make more than the other 97 per cent combined? The answer is simple: they ve set clear written goals and made plans to accomplish them. 45

48 BE DO HAVE GOAL SETTING Think about the ideal day you ve just described. Let s now reverse engineer what you dreamt of having and think about what that means you then need to have, what you need to be and what you need to do... in order to be able to live that ideal day. What do I need to HAVE in order to achieve my dream? Who do I need to BE in order to achieve my dream? For example, what characteristics do I need, how do I act and what talents do I need? 46

49 What do I need to DO in order to achieve my dream? 47

50 S.M.A.R.T.R. GOAL SETTING Specific Keep the goal simple and specific. For example, your dream might be to lose weight, but you have to be more specific when you re writing it down as a goal. Your goal would be I m going to lose 10 kilograms by... Rather than have a goal of I want to be richer, you d write down a more specific goal. It might be something such as I want to earn A$100,000 by Christmas this year. The clearer and more specific your goals are, the easier it becomes to measure them, critique them and know when you ve reached them. And keep it simple - your mind loves specificity rather than complicated goals that entail all types of possibilities. Measurable If your goal is measurable, you ll know both whether you re on track and whether you re moving closer to it or further away. For example, as I ve described, if your dream is to get fitter, when you re writing down your goal, you need to think about how you ll measure the improvement. Skin folds? Maximum VO2? Beep test? Treadmill test? Time to run 10 kilometres? If you don t measure and time your goal, how will you know when you ve reached it? Achievable You should dream big, but the goals should also be achievable. If they re too easy, you won t stretch yourself at all and you ll go down the well-travelled road to mediocrity. Conversely, if they re too unrealistic, the process might be destructive as your goals become a misleading fantasy you never reach. Here s one way to think about it: you should stretch yourself in achieving your goals, but they should still be achievable in the near future. Remember that your goal setting is a dynamic process. You re always assessing and rewriting your goals, because the aim is to achieve them on your way to your larger end goal: your dream or vision. Regularly assessed You should not only be able to measure your goals; you should regularly assess them to make sure you re on track to achieving them. For example, if your goal is I want to do 50 push-ups in three months time, how are you going after one month? Do you need to do more or to change anything in your training regimen? How are you going at the two-month mark? Have you already achieved your goal? If not, are you on track, or do you need to reassess your goal? 48

51 Timed Make sure you have a timeframe around your goal. There s nothing like having a looming deadline, timeframe or date to get you focused and into action. If left to my own devices, I d sit around all day, go to the movies, lose myself in a book or have endless coffee stops with friends. If you say, I ll achieve it by next week, next week never actually comes. That s why we force ourselves to have a timeline and a date for our goal and it s a specific date, such as 13 December Rewards Give yourself something to work towards as well as just achieving the goal itself. You ll make the process more enjoyable and have that added incentive you need in order to achieve your goals. Will it be a holiday? a night out? a new dress? or a day of eating what you want? I used this tactic in a number of ways. Putting on weight was important for me in my sport and particularly difficult for me, so I d reward myself. If I ate well for six days, I could then have a day on which I could be less strict about what I ate and have the things I was craving. Another one was that if I qualified for my second Olympics, I d reward myself with a holiday. For Michael Milton, it was a nitro-driven remote-controlled car at one stage and a titanium mountain bike at another. Rewards are secondary leverage. They re not what drives you towards that goal, but they re the icing on the cake and that extra incentive and enjoyment you can use to help yourself enjoy the journey. You ve got to have the outcome goals. These are big and bright. The ones you think about every day. You can almost taste them. Under that goal, though, I would have all my milestone goals, and then under those, I would have the ways and strategies for achieving those goals. Before the Vancouver Olympics, I went from having pretty scattered goal setting methods to very systematic ones where every goal was broken down into small achievable steps. Lydia Lassila Olympic Gold medallist Vancouver,

52 Now undertake this S.M.A.R.T.R. goal setting process for yourself... S.M.A.R.T.R. Goals AREA OF LIFE S What are my specific goals? M How will I measure this? A Achievable? Example Be fitter and healthier I will lose 8 kgs Yes Family Relationships & Romance Professional & Career Fitness & Health Financial Recreation & Travel Charity & Philanthropy Spiritual 50

53 R When will I assess this next? T I will achieve my goal by when? R What is my reward when I do? TO DO List 3 tasks to do/behaviours to achieve this goal Monthly, starting Jun By Dec 31, 2011 A new dress Eat better, start exercise program, hire a personal trainer twice per week, prepare lunch 3x a week 51

54 KNOW YOUR WHY 52

55 Now, look at your goals and consider why you want to achieve them. If your why isn t strong enough, you ll stop. Committed people always find a way. If you want it badly enough, you can normally find the willpower to achieve it; that is, when you re clear about why you re doing a specific thing and why you badly want to achieve it, then the hows become clearer and simply become a means of making the why come to pass. Once you know your why, it will fuel your passion to keep going. It will energise you and fuel your will. It will help you in the less glamorous daily process overcome those daily obstacles, both big and small things such as time; things such as injury; things such as bad performance; things such as knock backs; things such as criticism; things such as closed doors; things such as financial considerations, and whatever else comes your way. So, you have a dream and it s pretty clear, but why do you want it? No, really: why do you want this? What will you get from it? How will you feel about yourself? What will it mean to achieve it? Now, go back to the previous goal setting table you filled out. Consider the deep, underlying reasons why you want to achieve whatever it is you re dreaming of and whatever you re wanting to achieve. Now fill in the table on the following page... 53

56 AREA OF LIFE S What are my specific goals? Example Be fitter and healthier Family Relationships & Romance Professional & Career Fitness & Health Financial Recreation & Travel Charity & Philanthropy Spiritual 54

57 WHY? List all the reasons why you want to achieve this Healthier, Feel more attractive, feel better about myself, more energy with my children, see how poud of me my kids are, see how my husband looks at me etc 55

58 IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING REMOVING LIMITATIONS Impossible is a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in a world they have been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact; it is an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration; it is a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing. Muhammad Ali 56

59 When a man has put a limit on what he will do, he has put a limit on what he can do. Charles Schwab July 20, 1969_ Man takes first steps on the moon Neil Armstrong, Commander, Apollo 11 57

60 CHAPTER SUMMARY > Two key factors cause us to limit ourselves and hold ourselves back from achieving what we want and from being all we can be. They are: 1) Our limiting mindsets 2) Our fears > Both factors are internal and quiet but very powerful and limiting. They influence what we think we can or can t do, what we will or won t attempt and the dreams we are or aren t prepared to chase. So they have an impact on what we ultimately achieve and how successful we are. > We have many limiting mindsets and beliefs. They can be self-imposed, or other people can impose them. They can be the arguments we uphold for why we can t or shouldn t or couldn t do something or why we wouldn t be able to achieve something. Alternatively, they can be the limiting mindsets and beliefs that come from other people people such as our family members, teachers, friends, colleagues and commentators who similarly tell us we either can t or wouldn t or shouldn t do something. > Consider some positive and negative examples of mindsets and beliefs. On the positive side, consider the mindsets and attitudes of Roger Bannister before he broke the four-minute mile barrier; Edmund Hillary in ultimately conquering and climbing Mount Everest; and people such as Henry Ford, Walt Disney, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, who redefined business and have changed our own mindsets in relation to personal transport, entertainment, computing and technology. 58

61 > Just as our mindsets often limit us, so do our fears. Fears can emanate from many areas and exist for many reasons. We all have fears, and they come in many forms, but their effects are the same: doubt, hopelessness, nervousness and the desire to shrink back rather than move forward. > Whether it s a limiting mindset that stems from you or other people, or whether it s your own fears, the main point and the challenge is that we must choose to face and conquer these fears and choose not to be limited by our mindsets. There s no other way. You choose to trust yourself and what s inside you rather than to trust what other people say. You choose not to live according to other people s expectations and not to let their opinions become your reality. You choose to dare to dream and follow those dreams. You choose not to let that fear or those fears be a controlling influence over you or to cause you to stop moving forward in the direction of your dreams. You choose to adopt new thinking, to think bigger and broader about what s possible, and to have a go regardless of the ultimate outcome. You choose to see possibilities and dreams and to ask, Why not? rather than see things and ask, Why? You choose to believe the reasons that you ll achieve your dream, not the reasons that you won t achieve it. You make a conscious choice and decision. 59

62 COURAGE IS NOT THE FAILURE TO RECOGNISE FEAR; IT IS THE REFUSAL TO ACCEPT ITS OFFER. ANONYMOUS

63 FEARS How am I playing small in my life? What are my fears? Why am I afraid to chase my dreams? 61

64 LIMITATIONS SELF IMPOSED Look at your goals, and next to each of them, consider if there are any negative, limiting or conflicting thoughts, feelings, beliefs or behaviour patterns holding you back. AREA OF LIFE S What are my specific goals? LIMITING BELIEFS / FEARS What is holding you back? Thoughts, behaviors, feelings, beliefs. Why don t you think you can achieve this? Example Healthier, Feel more attractive... I don t have time. I love fast food. Family Relationships & Romance Professional & Career Fitness & Health Financial Recreation & Travel Charity & Philanthropy Spiritual 62 ACTION You ve now written down a list of things that cause you to have a limiting mindset in relation to achieving your dreams. These are the hidden, unconscious beliefs and fears that cause you to hold yourself back from going after your goals with everything you have. The more honest you ve been, the easier it will be to deal with these limiting mindsets and beliefs. Note we ll look at this topic again later in the workbook, when I outline tools and techniques to help you remove these limitations and to develop a deep belief and conviction in your ability to achieve your dreams.

65 IMPOSED BY OTHER PEOPLE Make a list of any people in your life who try to put out the fire of your passion and constrain or limit you: Conversely, think about any people in your life, both past and present, who fire you up, encourage you and inspire you people who make you feel more confident, more capable and more passionate. List them: ACTION Minimise the time you spend with people who quench your passion - create a plan to distance yourself from them and minimise the damage and constraint they place on your life. Make it a priority to spend time with people who encourage and inspire you. For people who are no longer in your life, perhaps write to them and thank them for inspiring you to succeed. 63

66 UNDERSTAND YOURSELF THE PSYCHOLOGY 64

67 ING A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Mahatma Gandhi

68 CHAPTER SUMMARY > The brain has separate modules that operate independently, have different functions and control different parts of our personality. There s no one central place that coordinates or controls all these modules. That is, one part of our brain controls the planning and logical functions and is responsible for our wisdom and rational thinking (the frontal lobes), and another entirely separate region in our brain (the limbic system) is responsible for our emotions and what we feel (hunger, addiction, fear, anger, attraction, sex drive, base motivation, fight or flight, trust, loyalty and intuition). > These modules don t always operate according to logic or words; emotions and feelings also play a significant role. The limbic system is an incredibly powerful driver of your behaviour, and often makes decisions for you and controls your behaviour, without your ever being aware of it; for example, you don t have to learn to be hungry or to be attracted to someone. > Much of what these modules do is hidden from you. They operate at an unconscious level and control your behaviour, sometimes even against your best wishes. This is why, so many times, we ve been determined to, and wanted to, change and do something and we ve tried hard but found that things have hardly changed. It also explains why it is so hard to break habits and improve yourself. > To bring about permanent change, we must re-wire both the logical circuits and the emotional circuits of our brain. > Change is possible because the brain s wiring isn t permanently fixed like the wiring in a computer. However, you need more than clever phrases in order to re-wire your behaviour, because your limbic system doesn t understand normal logic. 66

69 > There are four areas that influence your life and affect your actions, performance, behaviour and responses and they interact with each other to do so. When you have an understanding of these areas, you can better understand yourself and more easily make permanent and powerful change so you can not only pursue your dreams but live your entire life as you wish. The four areas are: 1) your physiology 2) your history 3) your psychology 4) your philosophy > When we understand how the brain stores and processes all the information it receives, we can better understand our behaviour and how to make permanent change. All the external information we receive through our senses (and that s sorted by our Reticular Activating System in the frontal lobe section of our brain) is ultimately stored by the brain as an event. The internal representation (IR) of that event includes not only what we experienced through the senses externally but also the sensations, emotions, self-talk and feelings associated with the experience. This combination results in a neurological point of reference whereby the brain can have a blueprint, or pattern or neurological template, for how it will respond in that situation. The brain has this blueprint so the brain can operate more efficiently and more unconsciously and so it doesn t blow up 67

70 THINK ABOUT CHANGE Think about any times in your life during which you wanted to change and tried to do so. Perhaps you ve read books that were finally going to transform your life, or you ve said clever phrases that were going to change you. You ve concentrated on attracting what you wanted. Perhaps you improved a bit, but if you were honest, you ll recognise that not much has actually changed in your life! What are some of the things you ve done or tried that haven t made much difference? Now that you have this new understanding of your brain s wiring and operation, can you appreciate why you ve often found it so difficult to make changes? How would you change your approach now? What do you think you could focus on to achieve lasting and transformational change? 68

71 Your early years are a special time for your brain because it s then that it effortlessly learns millions of new things and develops the core foundation of your personality. Much of what you learn during this time is unconscious and hidden deep inside your brain. This is why your early history can still exert a disproportionately powerful influence on your behaviour both positive and negative. We re often unaware of how our history is affecting us. However, the key to successfully freeing ourselves to truly live in the present and build a powerful future is to explore and better understand how our history has subtly affected our unconscious thinking and why we behave as we do. Do any incidents or events from your past still negatively influence your behaviour today? If so, what are they, and how do they have an impact on your life today? What patterns of behaviour do you find yourself repeating? What old thought patterns do you find yourself constantly running that aren t serving you? 69

72 YOU VE GOT TO GET IT BEFORE YOU GET IT!

73 To be a champion, you must believe you are the best. If you re not, pretend you are! Muhammad Ali If you believe you can or believe you can t, you re probably right! Henry Ford 71

74 CHAPTER SUMMARY > Where you ll be tomorrow is a result of what you think about yourself today. You see, your belief is the determining factor in your expectations, and your expectations influence your actions. Or said another way, your potential is a picture of what you can become, and when you believe in yourself, you re better able to see the picture and reach for it. This is why self-belief is so important. > The negative side of belief is the limiting mindsets and fears we all have that hold us back from pursuing our dreams. The positive side of belief is developing an unshakeable belief in ourselves. > An unshakeable belief isn t the desire, dream or wish to do something, and neither is it optimism or just positive thinking ; it s a deep, inner conviction. It s more than words. It s a feeling and an emotion that provides a powerful driving force and that results in a deep confidence and belief. > We can train ourselves to develop an unshakeable belief. The reason is that the mind is suggestible and can t determine the difference between reality and non-reality. Because our thoughts and words are the suggestions we feed into our mind, and given that the brain controls everything, these thoughts that is, suggestions affect both our body and our actions. > Some of the tools and techniques you can use to help train your mind to have an unshakeable belief and so you re not held back by any limiting mindsets and fears include: 1) Language and speech: All champions and successful people are positive, and their language reflects their belief, whether they speak out aloud or say it internally in their head. They understand that the language they use is much more powerful than what s often denoted as ineffectual positive self-talk. Our words and thoughts are the suggestions we feed our brain and are translated as internal representations that also include the feelings and emotions attached to those words. This process in turn influences how we interpret those words, how we experience the world and ultimately which actions we take. 72

75 2) Visualisation and vision boards: When you re visualising, you re performing a desired activity, technique or skill set deep inside the cognitive part of your brain, without actually physically performing the skill. Because the subconscious mind can t distinguish what s real from what you re imagining, you re fooling your brain into thinking you re learning something new and performing the task physically. In doing so, you re tailoring your mind to respond in a way so that it always produces set responses, and in so doing building new neural pathways so you become unconsciously competent at performing that skill or task. You can also use visualisation to turn your goal setting into a genuine emotional experience whereby your powerful emotional drivers (the limbic system) are aroused and activated and you feel your goals on an emotional level. This in turn helps you to remain motivated and more successfully chase your dreams. 3) Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP): This is an accelerated-learning technique that people use in order to transform the way they think and act. It s an exploration of the relationships between how we think ( neuro ), how we communicate ( linguistic ), and our patterns of behaviour and emotion ( programming ). NLP is broad and involves many and varied techniques. However, its aim is the same: to positively deal with the powerful drivers that, at an unconscious level, affect your physiology, behaviour and performance. 4) Hypnosis and personalised powerful CDs: In a state of hypnosis, we can use key words, sounds and images that have a huge emotional significance for us. When these suggestions are made to our mind, we re able to re-wire emotional connections so we ll have different emotional reactions as opposed to just new thoughts; that is, we re aligning our unconscious brain modules (the limbic system) with the more conscious brain modules (the frontal lobes) in order to achieve permanent change. These different emotional connections and reactions will then, in turn, be reflected in different behaviours, performance and results. For many people, though, the thought of hypnosis is frightening because of what they ve seen on TV. You can remove this fear by co-creating powerful CDs with a certified practitioner who you can comfortably listen to. 73

76 AUDIT YOUR LANGUAGE For two hours write down every negative thought that enters your mind: DATE/TIME NEGATIVE THOUGHT 74

77 What did you discover? Did anything surprise you? Do you think that taking control of your language and changing it could have an effect on your attitudes and behaviour? How do you think you could change your language? Death and life are in the power of the tongue King Solomon, The Holy Bible 75

78 CHOOSING TO ADOPT NEW BELIEFS Previously, we looked at the limiting mindsets, beliefs and fears that unconsciously hold us back from going after our dreams with everything we have. We looked at the reasons why we can t achieve that particular goal. Now, list the reasons why you CAN achieve these same goals the reasons why you CAN succeed. Even if you don t fully believe these reasons or you re not 100 per cent congruent with them, write them down anyway, because there are tools and techniques we can use in order to develop them so they become deep-seated convictions: AREA OF LIFE LIMITING BELIEFS / FEARS What is holding you back? NEW BELIEFS Why CAN I do this? How will I overcome my limiting beliefs? Example I don t have time. I love fast food. I have great support at home. I used to look like I want to look so I know I can do this, especially with a personal trainer. I can find 1 hour 3x a week instead of watching TV. Family Relationships & Romance Professional & Career Fitness & Health Financial Recreation & Travel Charity & Philanthropy Spiritual

79 IF NOTHING CHANGES... NOTHING CHANGES 77

80 MAKING YOUR DREAMS COME ALIVE You ve gone through the process of writing down your dreams and turning them into goals. This process should have helped energise you and give you purpose and strategy. In practice, though, this happens to a certain extent only. Many people have undergone the process only to see their energy dissipate over time and the end result become unrealised. What you need now is to make these black and white goals on your piece of paper come alive. This is the secret ingredient that most people aren t aware of and don t do. Lists are too tame and too boring. You now need to turn your goals into a genuine experience that has emotional power. You need to arouse your emotions. You need to change them from just words to powerful images that you can immerse yourself in and connect with and that will fire up those powerful emotional circuits in your brain that are going to be critical in your ability to change and continue to be motivated. You need to feel your goals on an emotional level. You need to feel all the fulfilment, excitement, joy, freedom and satisfaction or whatever emotion that desire means to you as if you ve already attained your goals. You need to taste them, smell them, touch them. You need to involve all your senses so your goals become alive, vibrant, tangible and motivating. In so doing, you ll harness the positive power of emotions (the powerful limbic system drivers) in the process of what you are going after. This will help make your goals the sort of thing that make you want to get off the couch and achieve them. And at the same time, you ll be closing the gap between what you re dreaming about and what you actually believe you can achieve. By visualising your dream so powerfully in your mind, you ll suddenly find it much easier for your mind to believe you ll achieve the goal. 78

81 VISION BOARD Create your own vision board for your life. Find images and pictures of the goals you d like to achieve and of the life you dream of living. Use the Internet; use magazines; use photos; use drawings it doesn t matter. You need to find images that are:!" Vivid and of good photographic quality: The more detail in the photo, the more your senses will be stimulated and the more alive and real your visualisation will be.!" The right images: They should convey the goal but also depict how your life will be when you ve achieved the goal.!" Realistic images: The images should be appropriate for where your life is right now. For example, if you want to own a boat, there ll be no point in using a photo of a $100 million super-yacht; that goal will be premature and a potentially misleading fantasy that could be very destructive. Instead, focus your images on goals that are more immediate. You ll keep changing the images as time goes on, anyway: this is a dynamic process.!" Emotive images: Only you know what images work for you. You should be moved when you look at them, and your emotions should be aroused. (You could perhaps also include some images of mentors, heroes or people who personify what you want to achieve and who ve actually achieved it).!" Use multiple images: Don t limit yourself to just one image for each goal; use as many images as you want. GO AND DO IT! CREATE YOUR OWN Here are some examples of vision boards I ve personally used. However, this is YOUR vision board, so put on it whatever you want to inspire you and make your dreams come alive.

82 VISUALISATION Because the subconscious mind can t distinguish between what s real or imagined and takes its orders from the conscious mind, we can reprogram it. By practising visualisation, you build new neural pathways. And these neural pathways are the same neural pathways as if you were actually physically performing the skill or physically experiencing that situation. You re fooling the brain into thinking you re learning something new and performing the task physically or having that experience physically. Olympic athletes visualise themselves performing their sport perfectly and visualise themselves standing on the dais receiving their gold medal even before they ve competed. In the same way, your aim is now to visualise your dream by imagining it in your mind s eye as if it s already your reality. You need to get it before you get it! HAVE A GO AT VISUALISING YOUR DREAMS BY FOLLOWING THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE NEXT PAGE. 80

83 VISUALISE YOUR DREAM > Sit against the wall or in a chair. (Don t lie down or you ll go to sleep.) > Start to relax your muscles in the following way, to get into a relaxed state. Start with your feet. Squeeze them and flex them for one, two, three, four, five, and then relax and let them go > Move up to your calves one, two, three, four, five, and relax and let them go. > Move up through your body, to your quads, knees, butt, tummy, back, shoulders, neck, hands, each little finger and then finally your face. > By now, everything in your body should be very relaxed. (Note: I used to play a specific song on my ipod before I started this process, to both help myself get more relaxed and help my mind not to wander.) > Now, start the countdown. Visualise yourself counting back from 21 to 1, and throughout the count, see yourself walking down steps. There are 21 steps, and with each step you walk down, you get more and more relaxed. > By the time you get to step number one, you ve reached your favourite natural place. (For me, it has elements such as a waterfall, a beach and beautiful sunlight. It can be anything; whatever it is for you is fine and when you re there, you re totally relaxed and at peace.) > Now, imagine a bubble of impenetrable positivity surrounding you. Give it a colour. (For me, it was gold; it s full of energy, vibrant, positive and true.) And it s within this bubble of impenetrable positivity that you leave everything else behind and start your visualisation. > Now, start to visualise your dream: you re living your dream and achieving your goal. Be very specific, and see things exactly as you WANT them to be. Involve all your senses. See what you re seeing. Feel what you re feeling. Hear what you re hearing. Smell what you re smelling. Feel what you re touching. > Note: As Olympic athletes, this is the point at which we visualise the Olympics and the exact process for achieving what we want to achieve. We feel how we ll feel when we first walk into the stadium. We see the crowd. We hear their cheers. We feel the wind in our hair. We see the cameras. We go through our technique and see ourselves performing that skill perfectly. We see ourselves winning. We feel how it will feel to win and succeed. We visualise everything we want to so it becomes familiar and so our dream comes alive. Remember: you re aiming to get an emotional response. That s the aim: to connect emotionally to your dreams. > Now, commence your walk back up the stairs to take yourself up and out of your visualisation. And as you walk up the stairs from 1 to 21, you feel a bit more energetic the higher you go. You start to walk a bit quicker up the stairs the higher you go. You start to move your body around. And by the time you get back to the 21st step you feel refreshed and ready to start the day or to do whatever else you were doing before. > The whole process might take you 15 minutes. > There s no magic formula for this process; the key is repetition. The more often you do it, the easier it ll be, the less your mind will wander and the more vivid and powerful your visualisations will be. It takes time to re-program your emotional and subconscious layers that control your drives. 81

84 THE DAILY PROCESS Spectacular achievement is preceded by unspectacular preparation. Anonymous

85 Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters. Nathaniel Emmons We are what we continually do. Excellence is not an act; it is a habit. Aristotle 83

86 CHAPTER SUMMARY > You can plan all you want, but at a certain point, it will be time for action and the hard work that you are confronted with on a daily basis. Having an effective daily process is essential in the brutal reality of chasing your dreams and making them come to pass. Some of the elements of a successful daily process are listed as follows: > Focus: Focus is the intention and action required in order to focus on the right things - moment by moment, day by day, and to then follow through with them in a consistent way. > Preparation: Preparation isn t a one-off event; it s a continual process through which you enable yourself to position your talent so you can make the most of the opportunities that come your way. Preparation for tomorrow begins with the right use of today. > Quality versus quantity: More isn t necessarily better. Working harder isn t always the answer, but working better almost always is. The goal should always be quality, and this point can be related to many areas in many ways. > Aiming for perfection: An extension of making quality a core expectation in whatever you do, is to aim for perfection. You aim for it on a daily basis, because practice doesn t make perfect; perfect practice makes perfect. Your expectation should be your best daily performance, and you should set the bar high so you can constantly facilitate improvement. 84

87 > The little things add up to the big things: Success is found in much smaller granulations than most people realise. Whether it be in relation to tasks or actions, the little things in the daily process add up to the big things. > Habit: Habits can be the best of servants or the worst of masters. They re the types of behaviour that you acquire and repeat regularly and that become almost involuntary and automatic. They can help you or hamper you in pursuing your dreams. > Strengths and weaknesses: Analysing your strengths and weaknesses and getting independent 360 degree feedback can be an important foundation for building change and improvement after all, if nothing changes, nothing changes! > Goal setting on a daily basis: Establishing smaller goals and objectives and constantly evaluating and critiquing these as you achieve them and set new ones. > Asking advice: To ask for advice from people who ve been there, done it, experienced it, achieved it and so on is a smart way of modelling and leveraging off the best. Surprisingly, few people do it. 85

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89 THE FIGHT IS WON OR LOST FAR AWAY FROM THE WITNESSES BEHIND THE LINES, IN THE GYM AND OUT THERE ON THE ROAD, LONG BEFORE I DANCE IN THOSE LIGHTS. MUHAMMAD ALI 87

90 THINK ABOUT IT 88 In Chapter Six of A Life That Counts, I covered a number of elements that are involved in an effective daily process: > Setting and critiquing goals on a daily basis > Quality versus quantity > Focus > The little things add up to the big things > Habit > Aiming for perfection > Preparation > Feedback about strengths and weaknesses What are the things you can implement in your daily process or remove from it so you can be more effective and successful at achieving your dreams? No horse gets anywhere until he is harnessed. No steam or gas ever drives anything until it is confined. No Niagara is ever turned into light and power until it is tunnelled. No life ever grows great until it is focused, dedicated and disciplined. Anonymous

91 89

92 WHEN DEEDS SPEAK, WORDS ARE NOTHING. AFRICAN PROVERB 90

93 ACTION What are you always talking about that you never do? What habits would you like to change or remove from your life? I decide... 91

94 92 ACTION / TO DO

95 ACTION / TO DO 93

96 DAILY GOAL SETTING What are your goals for this week? What do you need to do on a daily/weekly basis to achieve these goals? DAY GOALS TO DO LIST Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun 94

97 I attach a copy of my VISION BOARD here. I commit to looking at my vision board every day Sign here... Look at your vision board every day - even if for only 30 seconds! By making this commitment, you ll be better able to re-program the powerful, unconscious emotional drivers in your brain that exert a strong influence over your motivation and behaviour. 95

98 ASKING FOR ADVICE Who could you ask for advice who ll help you on your journey? Who s been there and done it already? Who s already experienced either in full or in part what you re dreaming of doing? Who can give you a critique and helpful advice? List five people who can help you achieve your dreams and goals: I decide to A single conversation over the table with a wise man is worth a month s study with books. A Chinese proverb

99 360 DEGREE FEEDBACK The best way to get an independent view or audit of your strengths and weaknesses is to ask trusted friends, family members and work colleagues to give you honest ANONYMOUS feedback. This allows them to give their feedback in a loving way, without emotion. You should have a strong enough relationship with them that this process won t affect your relationship. These people shouldn t only tell you what they think you want to hear; they should be a good judge of your character, and of what drives you and causes you to do what you do. They also have to be developed enough in themselves to undertake this analysis correctly. The quality of the people you choose will be directly reflected in the quality of the feedback you receive and then, in turn, in the learning you can draw from this exercise. 1. The first way You can facilitate this method yourself by providing the people you ve chosen with questions based on you as a person or an employee, an athlete and so on. Here are some examples: 1) What are my 3 greatest strengths? 2) What are my 3 greatest weaknesses (both skills wise and technically)? 3) What are my 3 greatest weaknesses (both character and personality wise)? 4) What are the mistakes I often repeat? Come up with your own questions: 2. The second way Go to for a website to facilitate this method. This is FREE. It includes good instructions, collation and organisation of the answers, and provision of a final report. I decide to... 97

100 IT TAKES COMMITMENT The heights by great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight, but they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 98

101 The pain of discipline is nothing like the pain of disappointment. Anonymous

102 CHAPTER SUMMARY > There s a myth about highly successful people, and it s that they re simply born highly talented. Talent is not enough. Talents are God-given gifts that we all have in various quantities, but talent alone is not enough; it s just the beginning. Greatness isn t born - it s grown. You must earn success, and that takes commitment. And commitment can be summed up in three words: 1) Hard work 2) Discipline 3) Perseverance > Hard work: Hard work pays off in the future; laziness always pays off today. There are no shortcuts to success or to achieving anything worthwhile; our best always costs something. However, most people would rather and in most cases, naturally take the easy path to something. By contrast, winners don t shy away from hard work; in fact, they embrace it. They train harder and dig deeper than other people do. They learn to derive satisfaction and pleasure from doing things well in the face of something that s hard. They welcome an environment that s stimulating, challenging and demanding. They learn to enjoy the process, and the process inevitably involves hard work. They do the extra that helps take them from ordinary to extraordinary. They have the gritty determination to keep fighting long after other people have given up. They show more dedication than the next person. They make more sacrifices. They work harder. > Discipline: Self-discipline is really the ability to get yourself to take action regardless of your emotional state or, said another way, it s doing what you really don t want to do so you can do what you really want to do. The pinnacle of self-discipline is the point at which you make a conscious decision and you have a virtual guarantee you ll follow through with it. Developing discipline always begins with a struggle, and discipline reinforces and builds on itself just like when we train a muscle. There s no easy way to become a disciplined person. Discipline is not a matter of conditions but of choice. It s the silent conquest of ourselves. It s what we do when no one s looking. It s making a decision and sticking to 100

103 it. It s not leaving undone what you know you should do. It s deciding not to expect the least from yourself any more. It s deciding to work harder, practise more, expect more of yourself and believe in yourself more. It s deciding internally not to accept excuses. > Perseverance: Perseverance is about finishing and not quitting. It s stubbornness with a purpose. It means more than trying. It means more than working hard. It s a willingness to bind yourself emotionally, intellectually, physically and spiritually to an idea or a task until you ve completed it. It means you succeed because you re determined to, not because you re destined to. And if you think about it, perseverance doesn t really come into play until you are tired and close to giving up. What highly successful person do you know who gave up? How many people do you know who ve been richly rewarded for quitting? Consider some of the greatest achievers who persevered and triumphed in the end people such as Hannibal, Walt Disney, Christopher Columbus, J. K. Rowling, Thomas Edison and Abraham Lincoln. In the corresponding chapter in the companion book, I discuss ways to help you persevere at the very time you want to quit. > Facing adversity and disappointment is something we re almost certain to face. Although we don t welcome it, we need to recognise that it s almost inevitable. Life is rarely an uninterrupted ascension of highs, and any goal that s challenging and worth achieving no doubt includes setbacks and disappointments. Therefore, if we don t learn to overcome our disappointments and our failures and to persevere and move on, we won t be able to live the life we dream about. It s another factor that separates successful people from the rest. > In the companion book, I discuss the four psychological stages you ll go through when you re hit by a major setback or disappointment. It s useful to have an understanding of the brain s natural reactions to these situations during the process of overcoming them. 101

104 HARD WORK Working harder isn t an end in itself and doesn t necessarily result in you achieving your goals. However, regardless of how talented you are, you won t reach your full potential unless you re willing to work hard to get there. There are no shortcuts to success or to achieving anything worthwhile. Is there an area in your life in which you need to commit to working harder? In what ways can you work harder? In what ways can you work smarter? What commitments do you need to make to yourself? I commit to

105 Everybody wants to know what I m on. What am I on? I m on my bike busting my ass six hours a day. What are you on? Lance Armstrong 103

106 God gives every bird its food... but he doesn t throw it into its nest!

107 COMMITMENT Is there an area in your life in which you need to commit? To do what you say? To see something through to the end? To be more disciplined? To say no to something? I commit to... What lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do. Aristotle 105

108 PERSEVERANCE OVERCOMING DISAPPOINTMENT What are some situations in which you were utterly disappointed? Describe them. In the past, have they caused you to shrink back or give up? Are there any lessons you could learn from the situation or any sweetness you could draw out of this disappointment or adversity? How can you use these lessons or this understanding to help yourself in facing future disappointments? 106

109 What are some situations in which you were utterly disappointed? Describe them. In the past, have they caused you to shrink back or give up? Are there any lessons you could learn from the situation or any sweetness you could draw out of this disappointment or adversity? How can you use these lessons or this understanding to help yourself in facing future disappointments? 107

110 THE LITTLE VOICE

111 Never excuse yourself to yourself. Anonymous He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty. Lao tzu, sixth century BC Chinese philosopher 109

112 CHAPTER SUMMARY > Everyone faces his or her inner voice, or little voice, equally. No one is immune. And it never goes away: it s always there, day and night, and it s logical and compelling. And you can always rationalise it and give in. And the thing is that no one except you knows whether you ve given in. > It s this daily challenge of compromise that s the real battle: the daily battle of taking control of your thoughts, feelings and attitudes, before, during and after a moment or an event. > The key is to understand that the little compromise you think is negligible and that seems to be a small compromise is in fact a huge compromise. That s not to say you can ignore and beat the little voice every single time; if you could, you d probably be the most boring person in the world, because you d be devoid of any human frailty. However, in the area in which you re chasing your dream and in which you want to be successful, you can never allow the little voice to win. As soon as you allow it to, even once, there s a crack that forms in the infrastructure. > This is one of the key areas in which champions are made and set themselves apart from the average person. It s the area in which they lay a strong foundation of mental toughness and develop the ability to ignore the little voice so that it doesn t turn them away from the things they know they must do. > A few common examples that involve hearing the little voice include: 1) Doubt: Doubt is that negative voice telling you, You can t do it! or you shouldn t do it! It s even gives you the reasons that you can t or shouldn t! Mental toughness is about not letting the little voice take over and not letting it win. 110

113 2) Excuses: Excuses are those cold, rational reasons the little voice gives you that are so easy to accept. Those excuses that offer you the easy option and allow the edges to blur. When you re mentally tough, though, you realise that when you start accepting excuses, they get bigger and bigger and as they compound, you end up being the typical coulda; shoulda woulda sort of person. You end up being someone who has no self-discipline. 3) Pressure: Developing mental toughness is also about ignoring the little voice in the middle of pain, stress and angst. You ignore the voice that s telling you it s all too hard and the voice that s asking you why you re fighting through the stress or pain. It involves training yourself to be comfortable performing in stressful situations. 4) Fear: There are, of course, many types of fear and many situations whereby we ll be scared and fearful, and it s at those times and in those places that the quiet, relentless little voice speaks to us, trying to make us shrink back rather than move forward. > In the companion book and in the following pages, I discuss some tools for ignoring and conquering the little voice. 111

114 YOUR LANGUAGE Earlier on, you did an audit of your self talk on a specific day. The challenge now is to go one step further; that is, to not only recognise whenever you tell yourself something negative in your mind but to consciously change it around to the positive and to tell this to yourself. So, as you did previously, for a two hour period, record any negative self talk and then consciously stop, change the thought around to be positive, write it down, and tell it to yourself. NEGATIVE SELF TALK CHANGE IT TO POSITIVE SELF TALK As you start to do this, you ll gradually become better at recognising: 1) All the negative thoughts that run through your mind 2) How you can change the thought and replace it with a positive statement. Never forget how powerful your language is to influence your thinking and therefore your actions. 112

115 What common excuses do you find that you often tell yourself? Are they valid reasons or not? How do they prevent you from going after what you re really dreaming of, from doing what you really want to do, or from being who you really want to be? Recognising your excuses is a necessary first step before working on ignoring them. EXCUSES VALID EXCUSE? WHAT IS THEIR EFFECT? It is easier to move from Failure to Success than from Excuses to Success. 113

116 WHAT YOU FEED GROWS WHAT YOU STARVE DIES 114

117 CIRCUIT BREAKERS Learning to ignore the little voice and develop mental toughness will always be a struggle and will never be easy. You build it one brick at a time over a protracted period. Here are some tools and techniques you can use to help yourself be more successful at overcoming the little voice: 1) Stop! Whenever a negative thought comes into your head, you physically yell or strongly speak out aloud, STOP! You ll be surprised how quickly this interrupts your negative thought. You can then replace it with a more positive and constructive thought. Note: The yelling action doesn t have to be embarrassing; you can take steps to do this somewhere and in a manner that is less obvious but still has the desired effect. 2) Stop, re-wind and play back Using this technique, when you have negative thoughts or do something that has a negative impact on you, you visualise the thought or action as you would if you were watching it on a video. You see yourself pressing the Stop button. You then see yourself pressing the Reverse button until you re at the start of the negative thought or negative action you ve just experienced. You then see yourself playing it back but doing it perfectly and replacing it with what you wanted to think or how you wanted to act. This action will take only a couple of seconds in your mind. 3) But... Any time you feel yourself thinking negatively about yourself, use the word but and point out the positive aspects. For example, you ll say, I m lousy at this job but if I keep at it, I can probably improve. You ll break the negative circuit in your brain and immediately finish off with the positive thought, which you ll reinforce. 4) Rubber band Wear a rubber band around your wrist. Whenever a negative thought comes into your head, pull the rubber band back and let it go so it stings you on your wrist. (Alternatively you can pinch yourself). The effect is the same as in the other techniques: to interrupt your negative thought pattern in your brain so you can replace it with something more positive, beneficial and constructive. I DECIDE To use the following circuit breaker: To help myself control the little voice so I can replace negative self talk with more positive language. 115

118 ENJOY THE JOURNEY The greatest reward for a man s toil is not what he gets for it but what he becomes of it. John Ruskin 116

119 Success is loving what you do and doing what you love. Mandi Jarry

120 CHAPTER SUMMARY > There s a lot of ingredients and factors involved in following your dreams successfully. Never forget, though, that following your dreams and goals shouldn t be a chore, or some dry process, or something you just do. Your dreams should be things you re deeply passionate about. They come from your heart. They should be so enticing and magnetic that they cause you to run towards them. They should add colour, excitement, vision and inspiration to your life. They should make you feel alive and fill you with energy, passion and motivation to follow them. Why do something you don t love? > At the core of most successful people is the fact that they love what they do. In pursuing something they love, they inevitably become successful because the following cycle emerges. They re passionate about what they re doing, and they derive energy and enthusiasm from it. Money isn t the end goal of their work, because they enjoy what they do. As a result of their passion and commitment, they want to work hard at being better at what they love doing, and they inevitably become very good at what they do. This passion motivates them over the long term, and as a consequence of all of this, they very often become successful. 118

121 > Enjoying the journey and being purpose driven (and all that that entails) aren t mutually exclusive. In fact, the opposite is true: they should go hand in hand. > Part of enjoying the journey is learning to enjoy the actual process of the journey itself without becoming solely focused on the outcome. To derive satisfaction and pleasure not only from achieving specific goals, positions, awards or milestones but from being in an environment that s stimulating, challenging and demanding. Most successful people take pleasure in ultimately overcoming obstacles and succeeding despite these circumstances. 119

122 DON T GET SO BUSY MAKING A LIVING 120

123 THAT YOU FORGET TO MAKE A LIFE 121

124 PEOPLE I M GRATEFUL FOR List any people you re grateful for: your best friend? Your parents? A cherished teacher? A thoughtful neighbour? An inspiring coach, mentor or hero? If you have something to say to a loved one, don t wait until tomorrow. Too late comes sooner than later. Nick Welton I decide to

125 Similar to your Dreams vision board prepare a THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL VISION BOARD It should contain: words, drawings, cards and pictures that make you happy. All the things you can be grateful for; the good things in your life; the achievements you re proud of; the relationships you have at present or the past relationships you savour; the holidays you loved; things you appreciate about yourself; the friends and family you re thankful for having; the experiences you ve loved; things you can savour about the past; things you love about the present; things you look forward to in the future that make you happy. Do this and look at it regularly, just as you do with your Vision Board. See the effect it has on your emotions and therefore on your behaviour. 123

126 124 SEE THE WORLD

127 PLAN SOME ADVENTURES 125

128 EVERY DAY MATTERS. 1. Get out your pencil and do the calculation. 2. Multiply your age x 365 days. (That will give you your current age in days.) 3. Subtract that number from 27,375 days. (That s an average life-span (+/-) these days.) 27, 375 your age in days 365 your age in years I probably have days left. When was the last time you did something for the first time? 126

129 INCREDIBLE PEOPLE, LOVE, SUN, MOTIVATIONAL WORDS, HOPE, PASSION, FREEDOM, UNEXPECTED ADVENTURES, SPONTANEITY, A BIG COMFORTABLE SOFA, FAMILY, A GOOD BOOK, AN AMAZING SUNSET, THE FEELING OF SALT ON YOUR SKIN AFTER A SWIM IN THE OCEAN, INNOCENCE, JOY, CONQUERING YOUR FEARS, TRUE FRIENDS, HAPPINESS A CHILD S LAUGH, DANCING, THE SIMPLE IS THINGS... IN LIFE, THE FEELING AFTER EXERCISING, FRESH AIR, RAIN ON A TIN ROOF, OUTDOORS, A PEACE WHICH TRANSCENDS UNDERSTANDING, SLEEP, LYING IN A MEADOW, THE MOON S REFLECTION ON THE WATER, A KISS INCREDIBLE PEOPLE, LOVE, SUN, MOTIVATIONAL What makes WORDS, you happy? HOPE, PASSION, FREEDOM, UNEXPECTED ADVENTURES, SPONTANEITY, A BIG COMFORTABLE SOFA, FAMILY, A GOOD BOOK, AN AMAZING SUNSET, THE FEELING OF SALT ON YOUR SKIN AFTER A SWIM IN THE OCEAN, INNOCENCE, JOY, CONQUERING YOUR FEARS, TRUE FRIENDS, A CHILD S LAUGH, DANCING, THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE, THE FEELING AFTER EXERCISING, FRESH AIR, RAIN ON A TIN ROOF, OUTDOORS, A PEACE WHICH TRANSCENDS UNDERSTANDING, SLEEP, LYING IN A MEADOW, THE MOON S REFLECTION ON THE WATER, A KISS INCREDIBLE PEOPLE, LOVE, SUN, MOTIVATIONAL WORDS, HOPE, PASSION, FREEDOM, UNEXPECTED ADVENTURES, SPONTANEITY, A BIG COMFORTABLE SOFA, FAMILY, A GOOD BOOK, AN AMAZING SUNSET, THE FEELING OF SALT ON YOUR SKIN AFTER A SWIM IN THE OCEAN, INNOCENCE, JOY, CONQUERING YOUR FEARS, TRUE FRIENDS, A CHILD S LAUGH, DANCING, THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE, THE FEELING AFTER EXERCISING, FRESH AIR, RAIN ON A TIN ROOF, OUTDOORS, A PEACE WHICH TRANSCENDS UNDERSTANDING, SLEEP, LYING IN A MEADOW, THE MOON S REFLECTION ON THE WATER, A KISS INCREDIBLE PEOPLE, LOVE, SUN, MOTIVATIONAL WORDS, HOPE, PASSION, FREEDOM, UNEXPECTED ADVENTURES, SPONTANEITY, A BIG COMFORTABLE SOFA, FAMILY, A GOOD BOOK, AN AMAZING SUNSET, THE FEELING OF SALT ON YOUR SKIN AFTER A SWIM IN THE OCEAN, INNOCENCE, JOY, CONQUERING YOUR FEARS, TRUE FRIENDS, A CHILD S LAUGH, DANCING, THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE, THE FEELING AFTER EXERCISING, FRESH AIR, RAIN ON A TIN ROOF, OUTDOORS, A PEACE WHICH TRANSCENDS UNDERSTANDING, SLEEP, LYING IN A MEADOW, THE MOON S REFLECTION ON THE WATER, A KISS INCREDIBLE PEOPLE, LOVE, SUN, MOTIVATIONAL WORDS, HOPE, PASSION, FREEDOM, UNEXPECTED ADVENTURES, SPONTANEITY, A BIG COMFORTABLE SOFA, FAMILY, A GOOD BOOK, AN AMAZING SUNSET, THE FEELING OF SALT ON YOUR SKIN AFTER A SWIM IN THE OCEAN, INNOCENCE, JOY, CONQUERING YOUR FEARS, TRUE FRIENDS, A CHILD S LAUGH, DANCING, THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE, THE FEELING AFTER EXERCISING, FRESH AIR, RAIN ON A TIN ROOF, OUTDOORS, A PEACE WHICH TRANSCENDS UNDERSTANDING, SLEEP, LYING IN A MEADOW, THE MOON S REFLECTION ON THE WATER, A KISS INCREDIBLE PEOPLE, 127 LOVE, SUN, MOTIVATIONAL WORDS, HOPE, PASSION, FREEDOM, UNEXPECTED

130 TO WHAT END?

131 We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give. Winston Churchill You must be the change you wish to see in the world. Mahatma Gandhi 129

132 CHAPTER SUMMARY > We can lose sight of the meaning of life because we lose our perspective on what really matters. Following your dreams is just part of the picture of life; it s not the whole fabric. > The purpose of life is much greater than our own personal fulfilment, our careers and our own peace of mind. It is not measured solely by an Olympic medal, by a particular goal achieved, by how wealthy you are and what you earn, by how many twitter followers you have, or by public recognition and fame. > I m not for a second diminishing pursuing our dreams with conviction and purpose; after all, I ve devoted most of the companion book and this workbook to that imperative. Instead, what I m trying to do is add a broader perspective. You need only look at two issues that we face in the world today global poverty and human trafficking to quickly gain a bigger perspective. > Happiness and fulfilment aren t out there ; they re within. They re a state of mind that s independent of circumstances and that doesn t rest solely on whether we achieve a specific goal. Succeeding in the game of life is bigger than all this. 130

133 > In my mind, truly successful people and people who live a life that counts are people who live a magnificent, passionate, authentic and purposeful life but more than that, they live a life bigger than their own. Their success isn t an end in and of itself. Instead, they channel their success and their abilities into making a difference in the world at large. They leave a legacy. They contribute, think bigger than themselves and are a blessing to other people. They make a difference in the world at large and leave the world a better place than they found it. > Remember, at our funeral, it s not our achievements, our degrees, our bank balances or our fame that people really remember. So I hope this workbook encourages you and helps you to live... a life that counts! 131

134 DEFINE YOUR What is success? Is it living up to your potential? Being rich? Winning an Olympic gold medal? Being a good mother, father, husband, wife, son or daughter? Living to celebrate your hundredth birthday? Loving what you do? Making a difference in the world and making a contribution to other people? Write down your definition of success: 132

135 OWN SUCCESS 133

136 HOW DO YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED? How do you want to be remembered? What would you like said at your funeral? What would you like written on your tombstone?

137 A QUICK QUIZ The following quiz appeared on the Web and has been all over the world. See how you do: 1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world. 2. Name the last five nations who have won the soccer World Cup 3. Name the last five winners of the Miss Universe pageant. 4. Name 10 people who ve won the Nobel Prize or the Pulitzer Prize. 5. Name the five most recent Academy Award winners for Best Actor and Best Actress. How did you do? The point: None of us remembers the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers; they re the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners. Here s another quiz. See how you do in this one: 1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school. 2. Name three friends who ve helped you through a difficult time. 3. Name five people who ve taught you something worthwhile or whose stories have inspired you. 4. Think of a few people who ve made you feel appreciated and special. 5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with. Easier? The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life aren t the ones who have the most credentials, the most money or the most awards; they re the ones who care. 135

138 IDEAS CAN CHANGE State the Problem. Pick an issue that matters to you. Something you care about. Something that s important to you. This is the way the world is right now, but it s something that needs to change. Examples Right now, we buy soft drinks out of plastic bottles, which we rarely reuse or recycle. - or - Right now, a young Australian is considering taking their own life. Pitch a solution. What would solve this problem? Pitch a solution! Think outside the box. Change the circumstances. It doesn t have to solve all the world s problems. We just need one small idea. Examples What if we made soft drink machines that could refill your bottle? - or - What if there was a website where people could talk about what they were going through. Paint a Vision. What s the benefit? What part of the problem does this idea solve? Tell us how this idea could change the world we live in. Use emotion. Tell the bigger story. Paint a big picture benefit of your idea. Examples So that doing things more sustainably just becomes a way of life. - or - So that no one feels like they re the only one dealing with depression. 136

139 THE WORLD 1. Right now... [STATE THE PROBLEM] 2. What if... [PITCH A SOLUTION] 3. So that... [PAINT A VISION] 137

140 MAKE A DIFFERENCE What things, apart from in your own life, do you feel passionate about? How could you contribute to the world beyond your own dreams and your own life? Whose lives could you touch with all your abilities, personality, love, energy and willingness? Name one thing you ll do to make a difference in the world at large, in your sphere of influence or in one person s world in order to make the world a better place: I decide to

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143 WHEN YOU REACH THE END OF YOUR LIFE, DO YOU WANT TO BE ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO ARE GLAD THEY DID OR ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO WISH THEY HAD? START DOING THE THINGS TODAY THAT WILL MATTER TOMORROW. DON T LEAVE THIS WORLD WITHOUT GIVING IT YOUR ALL. THE BEST INHERITANCE YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR KIDS IS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW TO LIVE A FULL AND MEANINGFUL LIFE. LIVE YOUR LIFE SO THAT YOUR CHILDREN CAN TELL THEIR CHILDREN THAT YOU NOT ONLY STOOD FOR SOMETHING WONDERFUL YOU ACTED ON IT! DAN ZADRA

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145 Join Jeremy Rolleston, 2x Olympian and author of A LIFE THAT COUNTS for an incredible day of breakthrough and learning. Like bootcamp for your heart and soul. You can't afford not to attend this workshop if you want to be all you can be! For more details and to register 143

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147 I m just an ordinary girl who had a dream, believed in it, set my mind to it, and worked hard to make it come true. Why can t that be true for you and your dreams? In this hands-on and practical workbook, two-time Olympian Jeremy Rolleston reveals the step-by-step processes, strategies, psychology and techniques used by Olympic and World Champions. Every person has a desire, a dream or a goal - an inkling that he or she was born for something bigger. In this companion workbook you ll be inspired to chase your dreams and reach your full potential. It celebrates the want to s, the I can t wait to s and the I dream of s in your life. Use the insights, tools and exercises contained inside to reflect, ponder, dream, discover, plan, decide, record and celebrate... to help you create the life you dream Jessica Watson (Youngest person to sail solo non-stop and unassisted around the world) THIS WORKBOOK IS THE PERFECT COMPANION TO A LIFE THAT COUNTS TOOLS AND EXERCISES TO HELP THE BOOK COME ALIVE IN YOUR OWN LIFE Rrollo WORKBOOK