Day 1 Video 4 The Scientific Differences between Males & Females

Transcription

1 1 Hey everyone, David here. Day 1 Video 4 The Scientific Differences between Males & Females I m going to start this video by saying, men are NOT women. Women are NOT men. And when you start to appreciate the differences between men and women, then you will have a love life that is exciting, fulfilling and one that others will envy. If you ignore the differences, then you will end up in conflict and pain, and worse of all, alone. You see, the reason I am making this video, was because, a lot of us, myself included, once upon a time believed that men and women were you know, somewhat the same. But it was because of social conditioning, and our cultural conditioning that made us the way we are. A girl growing up acting out tea parties I thought was because of her parents influence. A boy growing up being rough and playing with action heroes was, I thought, from the same kind of social and cultural influence. However, the more and more research I looked into this, the more I realized how wrong I was. It turns out, that men and women were actually

2 2 dramatically different way before they were exposed to any social influences. And I m talking about when the baby is in the womb. When the babies in the womb, the hormones of masculine traits or the hormones of feminine traits have already shaped the life of the baby and permanently changed the biochemistry of the brain of the baby. In fact, this is not just an idea that I came up with, this is grounded in science. More and more scientific studies have shown that it is without a shadow of doubt that it is in fact our hormones and the hardwiring of our brain that are largely responsible for our attitudes, preferences and behaviors. So a baby girl will automatically be more likely to move towards to Barbie dolls and the tea parties and boys move towards playing with toy trucks, without any outside influence. That tells us that we are innately hardwired to do this, it s not just the society or our parents telling us what we should and shouldn t do. In fact, no long ago, I read a study that stated that some of the brightest and most intelligent scientists in the world can now accurately predict whether a baby in the womb would be good at mathematics, or literature, just by

3 3 detecting the amount of sex hormones in the baby. I m just summarizing this study but the more testosterone the baby has in the womb, the better he or she would be at math. The more estrogen or female sex hormones the baby has in the womb, the better he or she would be at literature, have a larger vocabulary and be better at languages. By the way, the reason why I say he or she is because there s always a small percentage of men who have more predominantly female hormones and women with more predominantly male hormones. There s nothing wrong with that. It is not good or bad, it s just the way it is. Now the most fascinating thing is, the scientists can really accurately predict this, when the baby is still in the womb, without ever knowing what kinds of teachers these babies will have later on in life, when they get to school age. So as a tendency, girls start speaking earlier than boys on average, and a 3-year-old girl has nearly twice the vocabulary of a 3-year-old boy. So next time, you re in a conversation, and a man doesn t know what to say, you can just tell him hey it s not your fault, it s just all the testosterone in your brain.

4 4 Now what this truly tells us is that, in fact, there are way more differences between men and women than we could ever possibly imagine and appreciate. So the reason why I wanted to make this video was because I wanted to emphasize this difference between men and women and at the same time, help you become more appreciative of how men live their lives. Because the more appreciation you have for men and how they live their lives, the more likely you ll be able to not only attract a man who is mature and responsible but also who s deeply attracted to you on a physical, emotional and spiritual level. Unfortunately, because of the societies that we live in and especially the culture in the developed world, it is now politically incorrect to discriminate between men and women. It is almost as though that men and women should be the same, with the same rules applying to both men and women. Now I have nothing against women wanting more power and men wanting to nurture kids, in fact, I m all for the freedom of choice, back many decades ago women didn t have the same rights as they do now, so I do think that that s an advancement in society and advancement in us, and our race.

5 5 However, in the struggle to develop more rights for women, a lot of us had gotten things mixed up. We mixed up the idea of having rights and having freedom to choose our path in life with the idea that men and women are the same or should be the same. You see, equal rights don t mean the SAME. And so therefore I believe that there will be a lot more change to come in the future, where both men and women will have equal rights and freedom, but also have the understanding and appreciation of each other and the huge differences between men and women. You see, when we look at some of the more traditional cultures in the world, we actually do see a huge difference in the lives of men and the lives of women. Their roles are much more distinct and different from each other. Women are happy doing what they re doing, which is more aligned with their nature and so are men. You see, it s not my intention to be sexist in anyway, and I m sure you can pick that up from my tone of voice. The truth is you can t be sexist if you re coming from a place of appreciation and understanding. So our job is to call a spade a spade and not pretend that that spade should

6 6 actually be a diamond or heart or a club. The truth is, men and women are BUILT differently. Totally differently. In fact, we re designed to be good at different activities in life. So sometimes it s not the best idea to expect a woman to read a map effectively, and expect a man to talk about nothing for two hours. And what is so fascinating is that when we look at the differences between males and females through the eyes of science, we actually notice way more differences and much larger differences then what we can see from the surface. I mean, when we look at the animal kingdom on the discovery channel, the differences are obvious. In fact, the commentator usually points out explicitly the differences between the male and the female variety of the same species of the animal. Look as the male peacock flares his tail feathers as he approaches the relatively dull and plain peahen he is showing off his tail in an effort to woo the female Right? Isn t that how it goes?

7 7 And most of us know that the male peacock has this huge set of tail feathers whereas the peahen has nothing. The male peacock is colorful and attractive to look at. The female peahen is boring to look at and usually comes in a couple of shades of grey. By the way, peacock and peahen are the same animal, but there are two different names for the male and the female. Why? Because science understands and appreciates the huge differences between males and females. Another good example is the elephant seal. Now the male elephant seal is about 5 times bigger and heavier than the female elephant seal. And the male elephant seals fight each other until a winner is established and he gets to mate with all the females. In fact, it is estimated that 85% of all male elephant seals die as virgins. I mean think about that for a second, that s 85%, and then I read from another source and they quoted that 99% of all male elephant seals die as virgins! That is 1 in 100 males that ever get to have sex and pass on their genes. The other 99% die as young virgins. And just to give you a comparison, on average more than 90% of females get to pass on their genes.

8 8 So these are huge differences in the animal world, and even though it may not seem like us humans have such extremes, we still have our large array of differences. When we look at humans, we see that on average, men are 7% taller and 8% heavier than women. These are the facts. These are averages taken from thousands upon thousands of people, from different religious and cultural backgrounds. As we mentioned a little bit before, the brain of a baby girl develops dramatically different to the brain of a baby boy, largely because of the sex hormones that we talked about before, which is mainly testosterone and estrogen. When girls grow up, they tend to develop the right side of the brain much faster than boys, which leads to more talking, a better vocabulary, better pronunciation, an earlier reading age and overall better memory. There s a good reason for this, women need to be amazing at their skills in communication or else it threatens their survival. We re talk about this later in this course. But when boys grow up, they develop the left side of their brains faster than girls, which leads to better visual and spatial skills, better logical skills, which is usually displayed as better problem solving, better at figuring out puzzlers

9 9 and better at mathematics. Boys want to grow up to be competent powerful men who are able to solve problems, this is their way to ensure survival. Women use both hemispheres of their brain in day to day life where as men tend to only use one half of their brain. Now that doesn t mean men are only half as smart as women, even though that could explain a few things, but there are very good evolutionary reasons why men only use half of their brain and it s something that we re going to explain in the next few videos. So why do women think using both sides of the brain? Because they have to connect emotions to very piece of communication in order to survive thousands of years ago in the tribal environment. Women had to be able to connect with everyone or else herself or her child could be in danger. There is a bundle of nerve fibers that connects the left side of the brain to the right, and that bundle is called the corpus callosum. Now a woman s corpus callosum is much thicker than a man s and it has 30% more connections in that bundle of fiber. This just is proof that a woman s left and right hemispheres communicate a lot more with each other than a man s brain.

10 10 And making all the pieces fit together, science has shown that it is in fact, the hormone estrogen that causes the corpus callosum, this bundle of nerve fibers to thicken. Neuropsychologist Ruben Gur of the University of Pennsylvania used brain scan test to show that when a man s brain is in a resting state, at least 70% of the brain s electrical activity is shut down. Whereas when they scanned women in the same resting state, it was only 10% shut down, which means women still used 90% of their brains even at rest. Again we re going to talk a lot more about this in future videos, but just remember there are hard wired differences between a man s brain and a woman s brain. For example, many women have a peripheral vision of a whole 180 degrees, because as gatherers and the nest fenders so to speak, women need to know that her immediate environment is safe. For a man, his eyes are more like binoculars. Men can usually see more accurately and clearly right in front of him over a greater distance. As you can imagine, being a hunter, that s what he needed in order to stalk and hunt down the prey. In fact, you could almost say that men have evolved to have blinkered vision where he sees nothing else but his

11 11 target and nothing else in his environment could distract him from his target. This is interesting, a study in 1997 actually showed that about twice as many boy pedestrians got injured or killed than girls in both the UK and Australia. Now we know that boys take more risks crossing the road, but also combined with their narrower field of vision, they tend to find themselves in a lot more accidents. Women have much better hearing than men. Have you ever seen a man talk on the phone and couldn t concentrate properly because a TV was on in the background? It happens all the time, and I know for one, that when I m on the phone, I need absolute silence or else I would miss out on the details of the phone call. It really is strange; it seems as though I cannot focus on listening to the phone call if there s too much background noise. Men as we all know, can only do one thing at a time. They can t multitask. Now this is because a male brain has less connections between the left and right hemispheres and it is more configured in compartments. Have you ever called out to a man whilst he was focused on something and he literally doesn t even hear you? Well, that s because of the way his brain operates, if you were to scan his brain whilst he was focused, you d see that he was virtually deaf.

12 12 Try this next time to prove it to yourself that it s not that he doesn t want to hear you calling out for him, but it s rather his inability to focus on two things at once. Try and get him to do a small math sum like what is 7 plus 8 minus 4 whilst he is brushing his teeth. My bet is, he won t be able to do it without stop brushing his teeth subconsciously. Again, this is just how his brain is wired. It s not because he s trying to be a certain way. From birth, girls skin is dramatically more sensitive to touch than a boy s skin and as an adult, a woman s skin is at least ten times more sensitive than a man s. A woman s skin is thinner and has way more oxytocin receptors inside the skin. Now oxytocin is a chemical inside of our bodies to make us feel good and feel connected, so no wonder women are 5 times more likely to touch another woman in a social conversation than a man touching another man. So I really want you to get this. There are huge differences between men and women and until we realize this and accept this as a fact, then it s going to be difficult to attract and live in a passionate and fulfilling relationship with a man. So what I want you to do now, is just a quick exercise.

13 13 I want you download the handout below, print it out if you have a printer handy, but if you don t, that s ok, just get a blank piece of paper out. Now, on this blank piece of paper, I want you to write down the names of 3 male actors or celebrity figures, that you ve been attracted to in the past. Just 3, so it shouldn t be difficult for you to come up with. Now I want you to write down all the good qualities they exhibit and that you are attracted to. So, any kind of personality trait or a physical trait that you re attracted to. Write them down. It could be that he seems smart, physically strong, fit, tall dark and handsome, charming, or successful or ambitious, or whatever it is, write that down. So I want you to do that right now, and pause the video. Now what I want you to do is I want you to keep this piece of paper handy, because the rest of the course, we re going to refer back to these 3 people that you ve selected. We re going to give you concepts and ideas that s going to make sense and relate it back to your life and your situation.

14 14 So keep this piece of paper safe, we re going to come back to it later. So I m going to end this video with just a quick reminder, men are NOT women. Women are NOT men. Start to appreciate the differences and you will have a love life that is exciting, fulfilling and one that others will envy. If you ignore the differences, then you will end up in conflict and pain, and worse of all, alone. So I hope you ve enjoy this video, and Renee and I will see you in the next video.