Anger Management PowerPoint Guide by Dennis Fitzpatrick

Transcription

1 Slides Anger Management PowerPoint Guide by Dennis Fitzpatrick Title Class 1: Impulsive Thinking 1 Music Before Class: Mozart Piano Concerto 22 in E flat K. 482 (3 rd movement) 11:16 I start the music 10 minutes or so before class. I have chosen music that will bring about calmness and a sense of beauty in my students. I want them to be receptive. I also want them to ponder the quotations shown. Each quotation will be highlighted in turn. I ask a different student to explain each quotation. By pondering meaningful quotations, I raise the emotional level of the students to a higher plane for the rest of the Class. Page 1 of 23

2 2 15 Group Rules I like to review the group rules whenever there is a new member in the group. This helps to reinforce the rules with the older members as well. I go around the room and ask different students to read and explain the rule, if necessary. Page 2 of 23

3 3 Review In the first lesson there is no review of the prior class. However, I ask questions that would show the level of their present relationships. 4 The 7 Basic Living Skills I give the students and overview of the 7 basic living skills I will be teaching over the course of the lessons. I do not go into much detail with the class at this point since the first class focuses only on the First Living Skill: the Second Thought: Victim or Creator. Page 3 of 23

4 Here is a summary for the counselors: Basic Living Skill 1: The Second Thought: Victim or Creator The victim thinker reacts. Impulsive thinking leads to impulsive acts which in turn creates an emotional reaction that affects our health. Creators stop and consider a second thought that might be more effective than the initial victim reaction. This first living skill teaches how we have only 1/10 th of a second at most to change our reaction. Therefore we must have the second thought ready ahead of time: I can handle this without blowing up or I can handle this without taking the first drink: or I can handle this without eating what I know is not good for me. Basic Living Skill 2: Conflict 7 Peaceful Answers to Conflict The measure of a person is how they handle conflict. First determine if this is an unimportant or important issue. Then make the choice of which skill to use to answer the conflict. Just the act of deciding whether the issue is important or not is enough to slow down a person from reacting thoughtlessly to a situation. Unimportant issue responses (80%) are the Power of Surrender, Bounce It, or a non-defensive answer such as You could be right, I ll think about it, or a non-sarcastic grunt. Important issue responses are Timeouts, Fair Fight Negotiation 1 or 2, Setting Appropriate Boundaries. Basic Living Skill 3: Overcoming Addictions 99% are food addicted while 66% are overweight and could suffer untimely early deaths; 20% are addicted to nicotine and will suffer early gradual deaths; 10% are alcohol addicted or are addicted to prescription or illegal drugs and could kill themselves and others in car accidents. Let us not neglect to mention thought addictions such as Gambling, Work, Spending, Sex & Love, Jealousy, Win at Any Cost Competition, Grieving, Religion, Addiction to Others and Institutional Codependency and other non-substance addictions that can lead to tragic outcomes. Basic Living Skill 4: Five Basic Genetic Needs: Love & Belonging, Power, Freedom, Fun, Survival. We have 5 basic genetic needs. We choose thoughts and actions that will satisfy these needs. When we are addicted we choose Page 4 of 23

5 addictions to try to satisfy these needs. We also use partners to try to satisfy these needs. Since neither can but only good relationships can, we end up unhappy until we learn to satisfy our own needs without using addictions or others. Basic Living Skill 5: Forgiveness and Amends A relationship that does not end peacefully does not end at all. There are 10 reasons that it is in my self-interest to forgive. Forgiveness also involves the setting of appropriate boundaries. I don t have to forget to forgive. Amends need to be made in some instances. My goal is restorative justice, not punitive justice. Basic Living Skill 6: Meditation Anyone can learn to un-stress and calm themselves with a few guidelines. Most addictions are triggered by the need to selfmedicate stress. There are easy ways to access the Alpha state without the use of drugs. Being at peace with my conscience after forgiving others and making amends can be attained by anyone through a brief simple meditation. Basic Living Skill 7: Service Service to others after or while taking care of my own needs is the surest road to happiness. I pay my own rent before I help others pay theirs. I present two questionnaires that measure different aspects of my emotional progress. I become more tolerant of others when I understand my partner s and my children s brain types. I become more self-fulfilling when I understand my own brain type. 5-6 *7 Living Skills Self-Evaluation Quiz 1-20 This test is most meaningful because it tells me what positive living skills the students possess, if any. Most tests just show what s wrong. This one shows what is lacking. I prefer to print out this test and give it to the students to fill out and take home to give to their mates. I could also just alternate students and go around the room to cover the 20 questions. Then I would give them a blank copy and ask them to fill it out and give a blank copy to any interested mates to fill out. Page 5 of 23

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7 7 Jokes for Children: Not my fault I like to present a joke to break up the seriousness of the class. I like to use jokes that are clean and suitable for a student to use with their children. 8 *Is There A Relationship between Impulsive Thinking and Domestic Violence? Since the theme of this class is how to stop reacting impulsively, I ask the students to tell me how this topic is related to Domestic Violence. It is important that the student understands the relevance of what is taught to their behavior. Page 7 of 23

8 9 *Victim Thinking Behavior I know that most of my students are victim thinkers but they don t know it yet. The offenders usually see themselves as victims. They think: I would not have had to push or hit my mate if my mate had done what I wanted. This slide describes the thinking of victim thinkers *The 4 Behaviors I ask the students to tell me the only two behaviors in life over which they have 100% control. I want to hear them in order. I give them hints, letter by letter. I have found that this method of teaching, while juvenile, brings about great interest and participation by my adult students. After arriving at the answer Thought, I ask them which thought: the first or the second. Page 8 of 23

9 12 *PFC (new brain) & Lizard Brain (old brain) This slide demonstrates the difference between the first thought from the Lizard Brain (old brain) or the second thought from the Pre- Frontal Cortex (new brain). I sometimes explain the difference between animal brains and human brains. Reptiles like alligators will eat their young if hungry since they only have lizard brains. Dogs are mammals and have limbic systems on top of their lizard brain that enables loyalty behavior. Only humans have a pre-frontal cortex that makes a replacement thought possible instead of a lizard brain reaction. Page 9 of 23

10 13 Before Video: Lizard Brain Thinking This outstanding video addresses the issue of impulsive thinking and the handling of money. Every student is interested in this topic. I try to keep my videos less than 15 or occasionally 20 minutes in order to keep the students attention. The differences between lizard brain reaction and the use of pre-frontal cortex thinking is clearly explained and demonstrated in this video. I have never found a better explanation. I don t allow talking or bathroom breaks during the videos. Before viewing this video I want the students to look for certain topics that will be covered in the video. I will ask them to answer these questions after the video. How important decisions are made? Why is the gecko ad effective? Why Lizard brain or PFC decisions? Page 10 of 23

11 14 Video: Lizard Brain Thinking (10 min) 15 After Video: Lizard Brain Thinking Now I ask the questions on the slide of the students. The fact that most important decisions are made impulsively, including violence, from the Lizard Brain is new information to many students. This highlights the importance of having the second or replacement thought ready ahead of time: I can handle this in a calm and considered manner. Page 11 of 23

12 16-21 *The 4 Behaviors I continue now by explaining William Glasser s four behaviors. I explain that one only has one tenth of a second (100 milliseconds) before using a better thought so that one must prepare it ahead of time. The second thought I teach is I can handle it without blowing up, etc. I go through Action in the same way. Then I talk about the two behaviors that react to one s thought and action, Emotion, and Health. I give an example of a victim thinking sequence: My thought is to be defensive, my action is to argue, my emotion is upset and my health becomes stressed. Then I give a creator example: My thought is to handle the complaint like a creator, my action is to admit my error or ask for more details if I don t see my error. Then my emotion stays peaceful and my health is relaxed. Another positive example is instead of worrying or choosing to be depressed, I decide to go dancing tonight. My emotion is peaceful and my health is relaxed simply because I used a second thought. Page 12 of 23

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15 22 I Teach Two Responses When Provoked The first response is macho. I can handle anything you say and remain peaceful. Then I use one of the 4 peaceful answers to conflict that I know: I bounce it, or I say You could be right, or I make a non-sarcastic grunt or I take a timeout and wait until both of us are calm and use Fair Fight Negotiation 1 or 2. The second response is my preferred choice. While my mate is getting upset I am thinking of our first kiss. I prepare this second thought ahead of time. It enables me to stay calm. I might have the class say with me: You are free to say anything you wish! But I will not stand here and be insulted. This does not mean I don t love you or want a divorce. It means I won t stand here and be insulted! Then I leave without saying more. I like to point out that my partner has the right to be upset about anything, whether justified or not. Page 15 of 23

16 23 *The Experiments I want to ask my students to do meaningful homework not busy paperwork. They are not in my class to get a Ph.D. but to change their actions by first changing their thinking from lizard brain reactions to the second thought. I ask them to choose one or all of the 4 experiments and report on it next week. I also let them know that in the next class we will discuss handling the whining of others since most blame their partners for their troubles. 24 Video: Traffic Cop in Rhode Island (1:32) Left click within Video picture to start it. This is one of the funniest videos I have seen on YouTube. I want to break up the mood of the class so I can address a serious issue in the next slide. Usually the videos start automatically unless there is an audio picture in the lower right corner or a message suggesting that the lights be turned off. Page 16 of 23

17 25-28 *20 Drills On 2 nd Thought 1-20 It is not enough to teach the concept of a second thought but I want to do some drills to help the students put it into practice when they leave the class. I review the 8 second thoughts and then I go around the class in turn to ask them how they would respond to the 20 Questions. This is a most effective way to get the introverts to respond who probably never said anything in class to this point. The extroverts are not a problem except to get them to raise their hands before they talk and not let them dominate the class so all have a chance to participate. I frequently ask how many got the right answer. Page 17 of 23

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20 29 Before Video: John Nash This true story by Nobel Peace Prize winner, John Nash, is a great demonstration of how he overcame his schizophrenia. I do not tell the students that he used a second thought since I want to see if they can figure it out. Before viewing this video I want the students to look for certain topics that will be covered in the video. I will ask them to answer these questions after the video. Did drugs, electric shock therapy or jail help Nash? NO What skill did John Nash finally use to cope with his schizophrenia? SECOND THOUGHT Is schizophrenia a mental illness or a creative unhappiness? A CREATIVE UNHAPPINESS (If I don t like the reality I have, I can create another. See Dr. William Glasser s Psychology Can Be Hazardous to Your Health for more detail.) Was Nash able to teach his son how to cope? NO Page 20 of 23

21 30 Video: John Nash (12:58) 31 After Video: John Nash Now I ask the questions on the slide of the students. The answers are given above in red. The second question shows that John Nash used a second thought. He still hears sounds that were not real and sees people that are not present. He used his second thought in deciding not to believe the imaginary sounds and sights he had created earlier in his life. He unsuccessfully tries to teach this second thought to his brilliant son. Page 21 of 23

22 32 Meditation Sounds: Seaside I teach a simple form of meditation at each class. I use a brief meditation of 1 minute focusing on how I could make myself happier. The student will automatically begin to listen to the student s inner voice. The beginning of all change is when I listen to my conscience. Usually we do not take the time to do this. If there is time, some students will discuss their meditation. I might begin the meditation by saying I permit myself to be as happy as I can be in this present moment. The purpose of the meditation is to practice how I can calm myself when upset or become even calmer. It is not a religious exercise. Page 22 of 23

23 33 *Discussion Questions Each class also has a list of discussion topics that are related to the theme of the class. Some use these questions for homework though I find a discussion with the group is more productive. 34 END Air for the G String by J.S. Bach (3:37) Page 23 of 23