New Year s Resolutions

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1 New Year s Resolutions Jill Halimi, family services coordinator Table of C o n t e n ts New Year s Resolutions 1 Honoring the Gift of LIfe 2 Being Lonely is Part of Grieving 3 Donor Family Survey 4-5 Donate Life Logo 5 Mark Your Calendar 6 The Healing Garden 7 Donor Family Events 7 With the onset of the New Year comes the expectation of New Year s resolutions. Perhaps in the past you ve tried to accomplish a weight loss goal or exercise regimen. For some of you, kicking a bad habit may have been your wish. After the death of someone close to you, the New Year and all of those unattainable resolutions may feel meaningless. Your goal now that your loved one has died may be to simply get through each day. The thought of beginning a new day, let alone a New Year, without your loved one may feel daunting. The promises, hopes and dreams for your future may feel crushed. Yet life keeps moving and with the New Year comes new beginnings and the exploration of new, unchartered territory. It s important to take gentle care of yourself, as difficult as that may be at times; reach out to others when you need support; and remember that, even in your grief, you are not alone. Your loved one, no doubt, was loved by many who are hurting and share your pain. Below is a list of New Year s resolutions adapted from The Compassionate Friends, Mobile, Alabama chapter (reprinted from the Comforting Friends newsletter, a monthly publication by Friends for Survival, Inc., a national outreach program for survivors of suicide loss). I will try not to expect so much understanding from others who have not walked the same path. I will be kind to my health, physical appearance and sometimes just to myself. I will remember that I owe it to myself to try to enjoy life. I will try to be more considerate to my spouse, children and parents they too are coping and deserve my help. I resolve in memory of my loved one to do something to help someone else. For I know that in doing this, my loved one will live on through me. As donor families, you have achieved the last goal of helping someone else through your loved one s gift, a transplant recipient is able to enter the New Year, with hope and gratitude. Our hope is that one of the other goals may feel possible for you as well. Wishing you peace, joy and healing throughout the New Year.

2 HONORING the GIFT of LIFE Join us in our nation s capital for the tenth National Donor Recognition Ceremony and Workshop (NDRCW), which will take place in Washington D.C. on July 20-22, 2007 at the Renaissance Hotel. This event is sponsored by the HRSA Division of Transplantation with assistance from the National Donor Family Council of the National Kidney Foundation and other national and local organizations. In 2005, there were more than 500 living donors and donor family members from across the country who attended this very special event! On display during the event will be the National Donor Family Quilt, in its entirety. Families are also invited to bring photos or poems of their loved one for the Memorial Garden, and a hospitality room will be provided to give everyone the opportunity to gather and share stories. Saturday s program includes a plenary session, workshops and sharing sessions for organ and tissue donor families, living organ and marrow donors, and donation professionals. In 2005, the sessions included topics such as Communication Between Donor Families and Transplant Recipients; Rediscovering Joy; What To Do With Our Memories; What is Brain Death; and many more. The Sunday recognition ceremony will feature special presentations and tributes in honor of the generosity of America s heroes those who donated organs and/or tissue after death, along with living organ and marrow donors. In 2005, Tom and Deb Gustafson from Chisholm, MN, along with their daughter, Nikia, attended the event in memory of their fifteen year old daughter and sister, Katrina. Katrina died in January Deb had the following to say about her weekend in DC: The weekend had a very special purpose ALL donors are truly heroes. I also saw the weekend as a huge thank you to all donor families for their courage to make the decision to donate. The workshops I attended were excellent -- very informative, very well prepared and presented. The Understanding Tissue Donation session was wonderful. It answered all of the questions I had plus SO much more. People have asked me questions when I mention that Trini was a donor but I couldn t give them much information other than what her gifts were. But now I feel like an advocate for donation! We hope that you will be able to share this experience with us this summer and meet us in Washington DC for this moving weekend. There is no registration fee for the NDRCW workshops and ceremony; however, pre-registration is required for the workshops. Participants are responsible for all arrangements and expenses associated with travel, lodging, meals, and incidentals. For more information, please contact the Division of Transplantation at or visit You may also contact the National Donor Family Council at or via at donorfamily@kidney.org. 2

3 The Healing Garden: A Child s Place for Remembering LifeNet, one of our tissue bank partners based in the state of Virginia, is pleased to announce the launch of a child grief webpage. The Healing Garden can be found on their bereavement support website Within The Garden you will find activities to help children deal with their grief and loss through creative expression and companion interaction. Children may name the virtual memorial garden in memory of a loved one, and plant seeds and make them bloom, after which a loss lesson on the nature of the grief journey is revealed. The Healing Garden allows the child to decorate their garden, print it out to color, and even it to a friend. There are also surprises for the child to find after they finish decorating the garden. Fifty-four percent of preschoolers and seventy-two percent of elementary age children use computers in their homes. We know that children are not passive observers and learn through involvement. Through an interactive resource such as The Healing Garden, LifeNet hopes to present a platform for dialogue with youngsters about the death of a loved one. While visiting look for more resources for families experiencing grief and loss. d o n o r family events An important component of our family services aftercare program is our donor family events. These events allow donor families the opportunity to come together to honor and remember their loved one and to get to know other families, hopefully helping you to realize you are not alone in your grief. The events are also an important time for LifeSource staff as we are able to connect with each of you personally. In an effort to improve upon these events and ensure that each family has the opportunity to attend at least one event per year, we are changing the configuration of the events. Rather than hosting the Donor Family Gathering in the Twin Cities each spring and then a fall event in each state (MN, ND, and SD) we will be holding one event in each state every year. We are currently planning this year s event, to be held in the fall. Therefore, there will not be a spring event as many of you have come to know. We realize this may be disappointing to those who attended that event each year. However, in the interest of spending our limited resources wisely, we want to make sure our events reach as many families as possible and continue to be meaningful for those who attend. We certainly appreciate your understanding and hope you will consider joining us as we gather in the fall to remember those who have given the gift of life.

4 Donor Family Survey Jill Halimi, family services coordinator In August of 2006, we surveyed LifeSource donor families whose loved one died prior to January 1, 2006, with the hope of gaining a better understanding of their donation experience and their thoughts on our aftercare program. We surveyed more than 3,300 families and received an astounding response to date, nearly 700 surveys have been returned! Thank you to those who took the time to provide your valuable feedback. The resounding response has been positive. Many of you (nearly onethird) had questions about your loved one s recipients and how they were doing. Please know that we are doing our best to respond to your requests. Transplant recipients are cared for by their transplant centers. In order to find out how they are doing, we need to contact each transplant center involved and inquire as to the health status of each recipient. For each donor, there may be several recipients, thus the need to contact several transplant centers. We are working on the update requests and will respond to you as we complete them, but know that it may be several months before you hear from us. We certainly appreciate your patience. Another area of interest expressed in the survey results was the need for additional support for donor families. Currently we have more than 4,200 donor families within our care. As the number of families continues to grow and considering the large geographic region LifeSource serves (MN, ND, SD, and Western WI), it s difficult to provide the level of care and support we feel our families deserve. Therefore, we are adding an option for families we hope many of you will find beneficial. We have carefully selected donor family members in specific cities throughout our region who are willing to act as donor family liaisons within their area. Not only do those selected know, firsthand, what it s like to be a donor family member but they have also been strong advocates for donation and transplantation. The idea of having donor family members across our region willing to act in this role will help families connect with someone locally. Often times when you re grieving, you can feel very alone. Perhaps you d simply like to talk to someone who can understand what you re going through. Knowing that there is someone nearby who understands your pain will be, hopefully, very comforting. Our vision is that donor family groups will form throughout our region, strengthening the support needed as well as instilling a feeling of solidarity. The donor family liaisons will act as a contact person and will invite those who are interested to informal social gatherings in each region. It may be as simple as inviting everyone to gather at a local restaurant each month for coffee, conversation and sharing. There will be no agenda and no requirements to join the group, other than to be a donor family member. The group, as it develops, will decide how it would like to move forward. If you are interested in seeking the support of a group in your area, please contact the following individuals: Jean Janohosky, Twin Cities area Via at jjanohosky@mn.rr.com or by dialing

5 Donate Life Logo Bob and Judy Mueller, St. Cloud, MN area Via at or by dialing Gloria Mattakat or Beth Sandstrom, Duluth, MN area Contact Gloria by dialing ; Contact Beth by dialing or via at Laura and Dennis Drummond, Fargo, ND area Via at or by dialing Charlene Myers or Lindy Smart Sioux Falls, SD area Contact Charlene via at or by dialing ; Contact Lindy via at or by dialing While each of these contacts are donor parents and have experienced the death of a child, the loss sustained by the members of the group will vary. In the future, we would like to offer this service to other locations throughout our region. If you are interested in acting as a liaison in your area, please let us know. The Donate Life logo was introduced by Donate Life America (formerly the Coalition on Donation) to provide a strong, positive visual image for donation. Donate Life America is a not-for-profit alliance of national organizations (such as LifeSource) and local coalitions across the United States dedicated to educating the public about organ and tissue donation. The logo, along with the tagline Donate Life, is used to provide a unified national message about donation; LifeSource has adapted this logo in all messaging. This logo is now available to families as they prepare their loved one s obituary; therefore, you may begin to notice it in your local newspapers. You may also like to consider using the logo if you are planning to run an ad in memory of your loved one in your local paper commemorating their life or death. All major newspapers have the logo. If your paper doesn t, please contact the LifeSource Family Services Coordinator; we will be happy to work with your paper to ensure it is included. For more information about Donate Life America, please log on to

6 Mark Your Calendar For Volunteer Training! LifeSource will be holding several volunteer training sessions throughout our region in the coming months. The sessions will be focused on the personal stories of donation and transplantation, as well as the benefits within. We will be discussing unique opportunities for volunteering, learning new information about donation and transplantation, reviewing new materials available for presentations and reiterating key messages. Opportunities for volunteering consist of a range of activities, including volunteering at health fairs; sharing your personal story at local schools and churches; hosting donor family events; in-house office duties; and distributing material at public events. Both donor family members and transplant recipients are invited to attend. The training dates for those interested in learning more about our volunteer opportunities are as follows: Tuesday, March 6th in Fargo, ND 6:30-8:00 PM Ramada Plaza & Suites nd Street South Fargo, ND Wednesday, March 14th in Rapid City, SD 6:30-8:00 PM Best Western Ramkota Hotel 2111 N Lacrosse Street Rapid City, SD Saturday, April 21st in St. Paul, MN 9:00-4:00 PM Science Museum of MN 120 West Kellogg Blvd. Saint Paul, MN Saturday, April 21, is Donate Life Day. This day will consist of a variety of training opportunities, including a LifeSource panel which will be available to answer many of your questions surrounding donation and/or transplantation. Please know that you re welcome to attend more than one training. Contact Jeff Richert, Volunteer Coordinator for LifeSource, at jrichert@life-source.org or , for more information or if you are interested in attending. We hope to see you there! 6

7 Being Lonely is part of Grieving Being Lonely Being Lonely is Part of Grieving is part of Grieving Being Lonely is part of Grieving Being Lonely is part of Grieving Being Lonely is part of Grieving Being Lonely is part of Grieving Being Lonely is part of Grieving Being Lonely is Ted and Sally Esau How long should it be? How long for me to be lonely? How long with no close companionship? I long for a restaurant dinner just for talk. Or a walk Around a lake With a hand to take. To hear their thoughts And they, mine. I need someone To be in my new Life Without my forgetting the past. I want not to be alone; I want someone to share The world and All its wonders With most or more As I knew before. Written by Ted Esau, donor husband, in memory of his wife of 45 years, Sally

8 2550 University Avenue West, Suite 315 South St. Paul, Minnesota Non-Profit Org. U.S. Postage PAID Permit No Minneapolis, MN WE BELIEVE THAT life IS A gift TO SHARE. We pledge to provide the bridge between the loss of life and the gift of life through organ and tissue donation and transplantation LifeSource is the non-profit organization dedicated to saving lives through organ and tissue donation in the Upper Midwest. The LifeSource ser vice area includes Nor th Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota and por tions of western Wisconsin. Telephone Toll-free Susan Gunderson Chief Executive Officer Jill Halimi Editor/Family Services Coordinator jhalimi@life-source.org John LeMay Editor/Family Services Coordinator jlemay@life-source.org Emily Adler Graphic Design Specialist Reminder: Be sure to notify LifeSource if you change addresses in order to ensure that you continue receiving the Family Connection Newsletter.