PATHWAYS. A Hospice Newsletter to Help with Grief November/December 2012

Transcription

1 You Are Not Alone PATHWAYS A Hospice Newsletter to Help with Grief November/December 2012 YOU AND YOUR GRIEF DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASONS by Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt Holidays are often difficult for anyone who has experienced the death of someone loved. Rather than times of family togetherness, sharing and thanksgiving, holidays can bring feelings of sadness, loss and emptiness. Since love does not end with death, holidays may result in a renewed sense of personal grief a feeling of loss unlike that experienced in the routine of daily living. Society encourages you to join in the holiday spirit, but all around you the sounds, sights and smells trigger memories of the one you love who has died. No simple guidelines exist that will take away the hurt you are feeling. We hope, however, the following suggestions will help you better cope with your grief during this joyful, yet painful, time of the year. As you read, remember that by being tolerant and compassionate with yourself, you will continue to heal in your personal grief experience. Talk About Your Grief During the holiday season, don t be afraid to express your feelings of grief. Ignoring your grief won t make the pain go away and talking about it openly often makes you feel better. Find caring friends and relatives who will listen-without judging you. They will help make you feel understood. Be Tolerant Of Your Physical Or Psychological Limits Feelings of loss will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Your low energy level may naturally slow you down. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. And lower your own expectations about being at your peak during the holiday season. Eliminate Unnecessary Stress You may already feel stressed, so don t over-extend yourself. Avoid isolating yourself, but be sure to recognize the need to have special time for yourself. Realize also that merely keeping busy won t distract you from your grief. Experience suggests it only increases stress and postpones the need to talk out thoughts and feelings related to your grief. Be With Supportive, Comforting People Identify those friends and relatives who understand that the holiday season can increase your sense of loss and who will allow you to talk openly about your feelings. Find those persons who encourage you to be yourself and accept your feelings-both happy and sad. Mention The Name Of The Person Who Has Died Include the person s name in your holiday conversation. If you are able to talk candidly, other people are more likely to recognize your need to remember that special person who was an important part of your life. (Continued on Page 5) Pathways 1

2 GRIEF SUPPORT GRIEF COUNSELING SUPPORT Hospice of Central New York offers a thirteenmonth grief support program through The Center for Living With Loss. Our professional bereavement counselors are available by appointment to help families and loved ones through this difficult time. Services offered for: Individuals Children Couples Families Please call to request services. HELP FOR NEW GRIEF A gathering is held each month for those new to grief. We provide information about the resources available at the Center for Living With Loss and conversation about what to expect in grief. Many people attend this before joining one of our support groups or deciding to have one on one counseling support. Thursday, November 15 th & December 20, :00-7:15 PM Please call at with questions or for additional information. WALK-N-TALK GROUPS Carousel Mall Group: Great Northern Mall Group: Meet in the Food Court at 9:00 AM Meet in front of Regal Box Office Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays Fridays at 12:30 PM Contact: Ann Maxfield at Contact: Celestina Spinella at Hospice of Central New York Families All counseling and support group services are covered for those whose loved one died in the Hospice of Central New York program in the last 13 months. There is a nominal registration fee for camp and some workshops. Other Members of the CNY Community Those who experienced a non-hospice death are offered the following services free of charge: grief talks and workshops, bi-annual Service of Remembrance, lending library and Pathways newsletter. We ask that each person contribute what they are able for short term counseling. Hospice of Central New York does not discriminate on the basis of race, ethnicity, color, sexual orientation or religion. Pathways 2

3 CHILDREN, TEEN AND FAMILY SUPPORT HOLIDAY MEMORIAL WORKSHOP Wednesday, December 5th ~ 6:00-8:00 PM Facilitators: Amy VanDusen, MSW, Child and Family Grief Specialist Joyce Nevola, LMSW, Hospice Team Social Worker This program will provide the opportunity for individuals of any age who are grieving during the holiday season to draw comfort from their memories through activities such as wreath-making, crafts, and fellowship. No Experience Necessary Beginners Welcome Please bring small mementos to add meaning to your creations, perhaps small photos or trinkets Register early; space is limited and we need to prepare some materials in advance. CALL by November 28 th to make your reservation. HEALING HEARTS KIDS AND TEENS CORNER The leaves are changing, your children are back in school and the holiday season is upon us. Often, this can be an emotionally charged time for children, teenagers, and adults alike who are grieving. The holiday season can bring up memories of family gatherings with the deceased loved one, which can leave a youngster feeling an array of emotions. Children, who struggle to express their feelings in a clear way, may also struggle to show them to parents or other caregivers. Children are often attuned to the adults around them and do not want to cause any additional pain to others by openly grieving their loved one. However, adults can attempt to model and support children through the holiday season, and find that by supporting their children, they might just support themselves as well. The following are a few suggestions, offered by GriefShare, a grief support resource: Talk with them about their loved one. Let children share their feelings and stories. Children may not always have the correct details. Talk about anything and everything. This is especially important as you and the child remember your loved one s favorite holiday activities. Let them have a photo or small memento to carry with them. It helps them feel close. During the holidays, allow the children to keep pictures of their loved one from past holidays. Visit about how the holidays will be different but also how some traditions will be the same. Children need to take breaks in their grieving. In other words they will not grieve continuously, every day, all day long. Let them laugh and kid around. It s okay to laugh. Laughter releases good endorphins in the brain. Remember your children s world may be in chaos; they need structure (e.g., wake-up times, bed, meal, school, homework and television times). The holidays can be especially hard as they watch other families celebrate and as everyone s schedules tend to be interrupted over the holidays. Allow the children to help make decisions about day-to-day living and holiday plans. The children may feel they have more control of the situation when they can help make decisions. Change is okay. A child old enough to love is old enough to grieve Alan Wolfelt, PhD. By Amy VanDusen, MSW, Child and Family Grief Specialist Pathways 3

4 HOLIDAY HELP & HOPE November 5, 2012 December 10, :00-7:30 PM 6:00-7:30 PM SAYING NO AT THE HOLIDAYS MAKING CHANGES IN HOLIDAY TRADITIONS Facilitated by Hospice Grief Counselors Kathy Haley, LCSW-R#, Marna Metcalf, MA & Amy VanDusen, MSW These programs provide ideas to consider as you approach the holidays this year. Held in the informal setting of our lounge, this gathering is free and open to the public. There is no need to register. Call for further information. Please use the Panasci Community Entrance. GRIEF IN THE HOLIDAY SEASON How to prepare for holidays when you are grieving How to communicate with family and friends How to honor your loved one on the holiday itself November 14, 2012 ~ 6:00-7:30 PM J. Kristian Best, Ph.D. Bereavement Counselor A formal presentation by our speaker will be followed by a time for questions and conversation for those choosing to stay until 7:30. The public is welcome free of charge. Please use the Panasci Community entrance. For more information, please call Pathways 4

5 GOOD READS Sometimes the writing of others can help us put into words and sort out what we are thinking or feeling. Author and journalist, Roger Rosenblatt, writes the story of his 38 year old daughter s sudden death in Making Toast. He said he wrote this as a way of keeping her alive. In Kayak Morning, which he wrote 2 ½ years later, the kayak is both a physical and metaphorical representation of his on-going journey with grief. Kayaking is an adventure that opens before you- you are alone and not alone. It is a time to be in silence and solitude in ones search for meaning. Rosenblatt comes to define grief as a state of mind brought about when love, YOU AND YOUR GRIEF DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON (Continued) Do What Is Right For You During The Holidays Well-meaning friends and family often try to prescribe what is good for you during the holidays. Instead of going along with their plans, focus on what you personally want to do. Discuss your wishes with a caring, trusted friend. Talking about these wishes will help you to clarify what it is you want to do during the holidays. As you become aware of your needs, share them with your friends and family. Plan Ahead For Family Gatherings Decide the family traditions you want to continue, and the new ones you would like to begin following the death of someone loved. Structure your holiday time. This will help you anticipate activities, rather than just reacting to whatever happens. Getting caught off guard can create feelings of panic, fear and anxiety during a time of year when your feelings of grief are already heightened. As you make your plans, however, leave room to change them if you feel it is appropriate. Embrace Your Treasure Of Memories Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. And holidays always make you think about times past. Instead of ignoring these memories, share them with your family and friends. Keep in mind that memories are tinged with both happiness and sadness. If your memories bring laughter, smile. If your memories bring sadness, then it s all right to cry. Memories that were made in love-no one can ever take them away from you. Renew Your Resources For Living Spend time thinking about the meaning and purpose of your life. The death of one loved creates opportunities for taking inventory of your life-past, present and future. The combination of a loss and a holiday naturally results in looking inward and assessing your individual situation. Make the best use of this time to define the positive things in life that surround you. Express Your Faith During the holidays, you may find a renewed sense of faith or discover a new set of beliefs. Associate with people who understand and respect your need to talk about these beliefs. If your faith is important, you may want to attend a holiday service or special religious ceremony. For all programs and counseling, please use the Panasci Community entrance. Should any of our programs need to be cancelled due to weather or other emergency situation, we will leave a message at x 307 two hours prior to the event. The Hospice Center is a fully accessible facility located at 990 Seventh North Street between Buckley Road and Electronics Parkway. Visit our website at for more information or to print out a flyer to share. Hospice of Central New York does not discriminate on the basis of race, ethnicity, color, sexual orientation or religion. Pathways 5

6 Calendar of Events Holiday Help and Hope November 5, 2012 Grief in the Holiday Season November 14, 2012 Help for New Grief November 15, 2012 Holiday Memorial Workshop December 5, 2012 Holiday Help and Hope December 10, 2012 Help for New Grief December 20, 2012 Individual or family grief counseling support by appointment For more details about our programs, go to Please contact Ellen, Bereavement Office Coordinator, at for further information, or if you would prefer not to receive this publication. Unless otherwise noted, all events are held at Hospice of CNY. Should this program need to be cancelled due to weather or other emergency situation, we will leave a message at x 307 two hours prior to the event. Hospice of Central New York 990 Seventh North Street Syracuse, NY Non-Profit Org. US Postage Paid Permit No. 24 Syracuse, NY Pathways 6