Triggers Marshall Goldsmith

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1 Triggers Marshall Goldsmith Why read this book? In Triggers Goldsmith shows how we can overcome the trigger points in our lives, and enact meaningful and lasting change. Change, no matter how urgent and clear the need, is hard. Knowing what to do does not ensure that we will actually do it. We are superior planners, says Goldsmith, but become inferior doers as our environment exerts its influence through the course of our day. We forget our intentions. We become tired, even depleted, and allow our discipline to drain down like water in a leaky bucket. In Triggers, Goldsmith offers a simple magic bullet solution in the form of daily self-monitoring, hinging around what he calls active questions. These are questions that measure our effort, not our results. There s a difference between achieving and trying; we can t always achieve a desired result, but anyone can try. Goldsmith details the six engaging questions that can help us take responsibility for our efforts to improve and help us recognize when we fall short. (Amazon review) Key Quotes Even more perilous are the small triggering moments with our families and best friends. We feel we can say or do anything with these folks. They know us. They ll forgive us. (P. 60) When has your day ever worked out note for note as you planned it? (P. 66) Let s use the term planner for the part of us that intends to change our behavior and doer for the part of us that actually makes change happen. The disconnect is the same: we are superior planners and inferior doers. (P. 70) Getting mad at people for being who they are makes as much sense as getting mad at a chair for being a chair. (P. 155) Of all the pointless debates we can get trapped in, the worst is when facts and beliefs commingle. It never ends well. (P. 163) Like fuel in a gas tank, our self-control is finite and runs down with steady use. By the end of the day, we re worn down and vulnerable to foolish choices. (P. 182) That s how change begins with a commitment to improve and notifying people of your plan. (P. 217) I learned that if I change my behavior, I change the people around me. (P. 218) BLUE SKY LEADERSHIP CONSULTING PETER@BLUESKYLEADERSHIP.COM Blue Sky Leadership Consulting works with organizations to leverage Strategic Thinking and Execution Planning and we encompass many of the principles in these books into our Four Decisions TM methodology and development of company s One Page Strategic Plans. Whatever system you decide to use, understand them fully, implement them slowly and completely and maintain the discipline and rhythm necessary to see concrete results. Employees tire of Flavor of the Month and thrive on organizational alignment, execution of plans and achievements that garner a sense of accomplishment. Copyright 2016 Blue Sky Leadership Consulting All rights reserved

2 TRIGGERS This is a book about adult behavioral change. Why are we so bad at it? How do we get better at it? (P. xiv) Goldsmith says in his introduction: If I do my job properly here and you do your part, two things will happen: 1) you will move closer to becoming the person you want to be and 2) you ll have less regret. (P. xix) 1. Part One: Why don t we become the person we want to be? 2. Part Two: Try 3. Part Three: More Structure, Please 4. Part Four: No Regrets Fate is the hand of cards we ve been dealt. Choice is how we play the hand (P. xvi) Part One: Why Don t We Become the Person We Want to Be? Truth #1: Meaningful behavioral change is very hard to do. We can t admit that we need to change [unaware or reasoned deniability] We do not appreciate inertia s power over us. [doing nothing about it is painless, familiar, comfortable] We don t know how to execute a change [motivation + understanding + ability] Truth #2: No one can make us change unless we truly want to change Change has to come from within us. We will aggressively resist change even when we KNOW it is good or necessary Belief Triggers: Inner beliefs that trigger failure Belief Triggers Triggers 1 If I understand, I will do [ there is a difference between understanding and doing. ] 2 I have willpower and won t give in to overconfidence temptation. 3 Today is a special day a self-indulgent inconsistency 4 At least I m better than a false sense of immunity 5 I shouldn t need help and structure an unappealing exceptionalism and lack of humility 6 I won t get tired and my enthusiasm will not fade the impulses of contempt for simplicity, instruction and faith that we can do it ourselves triggers depletion 7 I have all the time in the world Procrastination 8 I won t get distracted and nothing Unrealistic expectations unexpected will occur 9 An epiphany will suddenly change my life Magical thinking B o o k R e v i e w : T r i g g e r s P a g e 2 7

3 10 My change will be permanent and I will A false sense of permanence never have to worry again 11 My elimination of old problems will not Fundamental misunderstanding of our future bring on new problems challenges 12 My efforts will be fairly rewarded Resentment 13 No one is paying attention to me A dangerous preference for isolation 14 If I change I am inauthentic Stubbornness 15 I have the wisdom to assess my own Impaired sense of objectivity behavior It s the Environment We think we are in sync with our environment, but actually it s at war with us. We think we control our environment but in fact it controls us. (P. 26) I ve learned how one tweak in the environment changes everything. (P. 29) Our environment isn t static. It alters throughout our day. It s a moving target, easy to miss. (P. 33) Think about how many different personas you have during a typical day and how the environment impacts our changes. To manage environment, we must learn to forecast the environment: anticipation, avoidance, adjustment. Anticipate the environment and what it may produce; avoid undesirable behavior by avoiding environments where it most likely will occur or adjust your behavior as needed. Identifying our Triggers A feedback loop comprises four stages: evidence, relevance, consequence, and action. (P. 42) A behavioral trigger is any stimulus that impacts our behavior. (P. 44) Triggers can be: Direct or indirect Internal or external (thoughts or feelings vs. environment) Conscious or unconscious (awareness vs. beyond your awareness) Anticipated or unexpected Encouraging or discouraging (reinforcing or inhibiting) Productive or counterproductive (push us toward or pull us away from becoming who we want to be) See chart on page 48 describing want vs. need conflict How triggers work 1 : TRIGGER Impulse Awareness Choice BEHAVIOR 1 Goldsmith, Marshall, Triggers, Page 57 B o o k R e v i e w : T r i g g e r s P a g e 3 7

4 The challenge is to curb the impulse momentarily so we can be aware of the situation and make a choice as to how we will behave to the trigger. don t yield to impulse. We reflect, choose, then respond. The Wheel of Change In pursuing any behavioral change we have four options: change or keep the positive elements, change or keep the negative. (P. 86) When we bluntly challenge ourselves to figure out what we can change and what we can t, what to lose and what to keep, we often surprise ourselves with the bold simplicity of our answers. (P. 96) Part Two Try Magic moves: Apologizing; asking for help; optimism; asking active questions. Do you have clear goals? versus Did you do your best to set clear goals for yourself? People don t get better without follow-up. So let s get better at following up with our people. (P. 108) The Engaging Questions 1. Did I do my best to set clear goals today? 2. Did I do my best to make progress toward my goals today? 3. Did I do my best to find meaning today? 4. Did I do my best to be happy today? 5. Did I do my best to build positive relationships today? 6. Did I do my best to be fully engaged today? Note: adding did I do my best adds the element of trying to the equation. Goldsmith recommends starting with these six questions and then adding any other questions appropriate for you. Rate yourself from 1 to 10 on each question EVERY night and have someone call you every night to ask how you did (accountability partner). The key is find questions that are important in your life and success will help you become the person you want to be. 2 A coach bridges the gap between the Planner and the Doer. We resist the idea because of privacy, not knowing we need to change and the belief that we can do it on our own. What are the benefits of your Daily Questions? (P. 148) 1. If we do it, we get better; 2. We get better faster; 3. Eventually we become our own Coach. 2 Goldsmith, Marshall, Triggers, Page 120 B o o k R e v i e w : T r i g g e r s P a g e 4 7

5 AIWATT Goldsmith s FIRST principle for becoming the person you want to be. Whenever you must choose to either engage or let it go. Ask Am I Willing, At this time, To make the investment required to make a positive difference on this topic? This is a question that applies in many situations: 1. When we confuse disclosure with honesty. 2. When we have an opinion. 3. When our facts collide with other people s beliefs. Parable of the EMPTY BOAT (P. 154) 4. When decisions don t go our way. 5. When we regret our own decisions. Avoid PEDANTRY, I TOLD YOU SO, MORAL SUPERIORITY and COMPLAINING (P. 156) Part Three: More Structure, Please We do not get better without structure. (P. 170) But it has to be structure that fits the situation and the personalities involved. (P. 175) Structure not only increases our chance of success; it makes us more efficient at it. (P. 180) Depletion Roy Baumeister coined the term EGO DEPLETION in the 1990s. We possess a limited conceptual resource called ego strength, which is depleted through the day by our various efforts at self-regulation resisting temptations, making trad-offs, inhibiting our desires, controlling our thoughts and statements, adhering to other people s rules. People in this state are ego depleted. (P. 182) Decision fatigue, a state that leaves us with two courses of action: 1) we make careless choices or 2) we surrender to the status quo and do nothing. (P. 183) The awful meeting (or any other event or activity we dread) Pretend you will be tested on how you spent that hour based on four simple questions: 1. Did I do my best to be happy? 2. Did I do my best to find meaning? 3. Did I do my best to build positive relationships? 4. Did I do my best to be fully engaged? The present is the ideal place to be. This is where we shape ourselves into a better person. We can t do it in the past; that s gone. We can t do it in the future that exists only in our minds, where the people who matter have yet to arrive. We can only do it in the moment. (P. 195) B o o k R e v i e w : T r i g g e r s P a g e 5 7

6 Building your structure using hourly questions 3 : 1. Pre-awareness. Successful people are generally good at anticipating environments. 2. Commitment. Successful people aren t wishy-washy about a course of action. 3. Awareness. We re most vulnerable to our environment s whims when we ignore it impact on us. 4. Scoring. Grading our performance adds reflection to mindfulness. 5. Repetition. Rinse and repeat frequency The Trouble with Good Enough (four environments that trigger good enough behavior) 4 1. When our motivation is marginal. [marginal motivation produces a marginal outcome.] 2. When we re working pro bono. [if you think doing folks a favor justifies doing less than your best, you re not doing anyone any favors, including yourself.] 3. When we behave like amateurs. [we need to close the gap between professional and amateur] 4. When we have compliance issues. [noncompliance is aggressive and rude] Part Four: No Regrets Can you answer the question: What s the most memorable behavioral change YOU have made? Goldsmith says he tried to highlight two objectives: 5 1. Awareness being awake to what s going on around us. 2. Engagement we re actively participating in it When we embrace a desire for awareness and engagement, we are in the best position to appreciate all the triggers the environment throws at us. (P. 227) The Circle of Engagement (P. 228) Trigger Behavior Impulse Choice Awarements 3 Goldsmith, Marshall, Triggers, Page Goldsmith, Marshall, Triggers, Page Goldsmith, Marshall, Triggers, Page 227 B o o k R e v i e w : T r i g g e r s P a g e 6 7

7 Calendar of Events November 18 th 8:00 AM Wittigs Scaling Up Verne Harnish December 16 th 8:00 AM Wittigs Ideal Team Player Patrick Lencioni Friday November 18 th This book is written so everyone -- from frontline employees to senior executives -- can get aligned in contributing to the growth of a firm. There's no reason to do it alone, yet many top leaders feel like they are the ones dragging the rest of the organization up the S-curve of growth. The goal of this book is to help you turn what feels like an anchor into wind at your back -- creating a company where the team is engaged; the customers are doing your marketing; and everyone is making money. To accomplish this, Scaling Up focuses on the four major decision areas every company must get right: People, Strategy, Execution, and Cash. (Amazon review) Friday December 16 th In his classic book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Patrick Lencioni laid out a groundbreaking approach for tackling the perilous group behaviors that destroy teamwork. Here he turns his focus to the individual, revealing the three indispensable virtues of an ideal team player. In The Ideal Team Player, Lencioni tells the story of Jeff Shanley, a leader desperate to save his uncle s company by restoring its cultural commitment to teamwork. Jeff must crack the code on the virtues that real team players possess, and then build a culture of hiring and development around those virtues. Beyond the fable, Lencioni presents a practical framework and actionable tools for identifying, hiring, and developing ideal team players. Whether you re a leader trying to create a culture around teamwork, a staffing professional looking to hire real team players, or a team player wanting to improve yourself, this book will prove to be as useful as it is compelling. (Goodreads.com) B o o k R e v i e w : T r i g g e r s P a g e 7 7