The Pleasure Pain Syndrome

Transcription

1 The Pleasure Pain Syndrome, RTCTLM Basic Instructor Practicum Supervisor 1

2 All We Do Is BEHAVE All behavior is TOTAL and is made up of four components: TOTAL BEHAVIOR Thinking Doing Feeling Thinking thinking Responding (body) Acting acting Feeling emoting Responding responding (body) 2

3 Nature - Nurture Nature - DNA Appearance and its associates Temperament personality, talents, gifting, etc. Basic Needs: Basic Need Survival Belonging/Love Power/Purpose Freedom/Choice Fun/Enjoying Nurture - Learned Attitudes Values Behaviors Control Theory psychology states that these needs DRIVE our behavior. We attempt to control the world to get our needs met. Dr. William Glasser 3

4 BEHAVIOR IS Chosen Purposeful Attempt to get a need met Thermostat of feelings Acts out what cannot be said in words Becomes ingrained and habitual May interfere with meeting other needs Appears to be difficult to change Varying responsibility/irresponsibility Active or passive Conscious or unconscious Somewhat predictable 4

5 All Behavior is PURPOSEFUL Choice Theory helps you to become aware of the internal motivation for your behavior. You can dramatically change your perspective and gain more effective control over your behavior. This allows for rapid changes in many areas of your life. 5

6 THE PROBLEM OF BEING NEEDY The needs are genetic, universal, general, overlapping and sometimes in conflict. The needs are genetically encoded and behaviorally driven but there is no road map! These internal needs are met externally. We pursue these needs unconsciously. The pursuit of these internal needs are often done in destructive ways. 6

7 It s All Information We are very sensual people The only way information gets into our brain is through five gates: Sight Hearing Smell Taste Touch We need each other Natanbu Without community we are nothing. African proverb Information often conflicts. 7

8 We are Driven to Succeed Like a moth to a flame PLEASURE P A I N 8

9 Driven to Succeed I do it. Quick Fix short term pleasure nap, food, drugs, alcohol, work, gambling, TV, entertainment long term pain 9

10 The Pleasure Pain Syndrome The weaker we are, the less options we have. The problem with pleasure (reward) or pain (punishment) is that they give the individual a false sense of being in control. Ask Bernie Madoff? Ask the death row inmate? Ask you? Negative pleasure Positive pain leads to pain leads to pleasure. 10

11 EXAMPLE Mike Fulkerson s role play with a rebellious teen forced into counseling. Let s do the math: Mom s demands + teen s defiance = pain of restricted freedom. After compassionate dialog and deep understanding the teen seemed to see Painful adherence to boundaries = gaining mom s trust = pleasure of earned freedom. 11

12 THE PLEASURE PAIN SYNDROME WE LOOP THE LOOP. AGAIN AND AGAIN SEARCHING FOR AS MUCH PLEASURE AND SUCCESS AS POSSIBLE WHILE AVOIDING AS MUCH PAIN AND FAILURE AS POSSIBLE. 12

13 BEHAVING as a Big Wheel Effective control Responsible Appropriate attitude Happier More Pain Free Coping Helplessing Hopelessing Distressing Anxiousting Worrying Unhappiness Self-Pitying Negativing Accidenting 13

14 IMPORTANCE OF BALANCE Five wheels on the car. Most important wheel is? The back wheels follow where the front wheels lead. Feelings often take over and lead us to act and think ineffectively creatively Out of balance: Pulls fight/flight Rough ride win/lose Wears our prematurely In Balance (alignment) Face and flow Equalizing of power Appropriate trade off No or Yes or Maybe 14

15 Insight from Dr.Glasser I believe that, barring grinding poverty, incurable illness, or living under tyranny, unhappiness is the only human problem. When we are unhappy, we are unsatisfied and try to do something about it to change our own life, or more often, to change someone else s life. When we are unhappy, our life contracts. 15

16 Physical Shape Physical Illness Physical Health Out of shape: more activity, reduce caloric intake, adjust eating habits. We know what to do whether we do it or not. 16

17 Mental Shape Mental Illness Mental Health Unhappy: make healthier choices, change attitudes, take challenges, smile, look up. We don t know what to do or how to become happy. 17

18 H a p p i n e s s i s 1. ENJOYING the life you are choosing to live; 2. GETTING along well with the people near and dear to you; 3. DOING something with your life you believe is worthwhile; 4. NOT DOING anything to deprive another of a change for happiness. 18

19 Keys to Recovery Awareness Get Bottom Line Honest Personal Responsibility Make Plan Self Evaluate 19

20 Make Mine a Rocket Ship A. Need lift and thrust to overcome pull and drag B. Trust instrument panel and avoid leans C. Up, up and away; 1. Meditate 2. Evaluate 3. Run D. Crash and burn 1. Medicate 2. Addictions 3. Violence 4. Unloving sex 20

21 Plan of Action Fun yet non competitive Do daily Alone; not dependent on others. Believe it has value See a benefit to the pursuit Do without self-criticism 21

22 Pleasure Tree of Life Whole, Healthy, Fulfilled Fun Love Self Discipline Gaining Worth Reducing Pain Overcoming Failure Accepting the Challenge See Purpose in Pain PAIN PAIN No Purpose in Pain Giving-Up Challenge Distracting to Reduce Medicating to Escape Mood Change Self-Depreciation Shame & Guilt Pleasure in Pain Addicted, Fragmented, Divided 22

23 When you live in the basement the world does look down on you. Circle of Life Community Friends Family You 23

24 A New Picture Album Visit new vistas Whet the appetite to learn and grow Paradigm shift; change your mind Live from imagination more than memory Dream dreams Believe it and you will see it Become the little engine that could Basic Intensive Training, Waco, TX Sept. 4-6,

25 Progressive Blessing May you awaken each day with excitement over a new day. May you revel in challenges and humbly triumph. May you embrace change as the life-giving force that it is. May you be released from what may be keeping you stuck. May you be encompassed by peace in turbulence. May you experience restful sleep and pleasant dreams. May your last thought of the day be one of simple Thanks. 25