Increasing Effectiveness by Increasing Self Awareness

Transcription

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2 Tina DeSalvo

3 Increasing Effectiveness by Increasing Self Awareness

4 What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

5 Welcome!! Today s Conversation Understand self in a new and deeper way Understanding others in a new and deeper way Understand the interdependencies of leadership, communication and self management

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7 How do you describe yourself? Make a list of 5-10 ways you describe yourself adjectives & roles & values things you re known for - things that DEFINE WHO YOU ARE ie: I m a traveler, independent business owner, devoted daughter, learner, generous, spiritual person, outgoing, care taker, lover of people, etc. Now, take your age and cut it in half How would the list vary? Where would it be the same?

8 Your Identity How we think of ourselves How we adapt to fit a role for others Who we are; consciously, unconsciously

9 What s The Difference? Between Identity and Personality Identity: How you define yourself Personality: How you show who you are an expression of identity

10 Johari Window Public Public Self (known to me and others) Conscious Hidden Self (known to others but not to me) Unconscious Private Self (known to me only) Unknown Self (not known to me or anyone else) Private

11 Our Hero s Journey The Fixer The Survivor The Protector

12 Adapted from Jungian Psychology, Shadow Work, and David Kantor Fixer Survivor Protector The Empowers Witnesses with Wisdom Nurtures with Empathy Heroic Overcomes Endures Shields Modes Conqueror Martyr Sufferer Abuser Abandoner Victim/Accuser

13 All our knowledge has its origins in perceptions. Leonardo da Vinci

14 Understanding your Personality Type and how it Impacts How you Communicate, Lead, and Work

15 INTROVERSION EXTRAVERSION Quiet Talkative Observant Involved Thoughtful Intimate Reserved Cautious Reflective INTROVERSION EXTRAVERSION Gregarious Flamboyant Outspoken Bold Action Depth Breadth Inward Focus Outward Focus

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17 I m about to fall silent for an hour or two. Nothing personal.

18 Rational Function: How we make decisions Formal Detached Competitive Informal Considerate Caring THINKING Focus on the Task FEELING Focus on the Relationship Impersonal Objective Correct Personal Involved Accommodating

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21 Sensing & Intuition Specific Practical Precise Factual Security Persistent Focus on the realism and here and now Global Concepts Inspiration Abstract General Indirect Focus on the imagination and future potential

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24 Where Are You?

25 On A Good Day Rank in Your Preferred Order Cautious Precise Deliberate Questioning Formal Competitive Demanding Determined Strong-willed Purposeful Caring Encouraging Sharing Patient Relaxed Sociable Dynamic Demonstrative Enthusiastic Persuasive

26 Leveraging Our Strengths Knowledgeable & Detailed Air of Competence Asks Probing Questions Thorough Follow-Up Confident and Determined Loves Challenges Focused Influencing Others Direct Builds Deep, Long-Term Relationships Natural Listener Sincere and Warm Ability to Share Credit Persistent Quick to Build Relationships Friendly and Sociable Adaptable, Imaginative Charismatic Open

27 On A Bad Day What happens when we FLIP OUT?? Stuffy Indecisive Suspicious Cold Reserved Docile Bland Plodding Reliant Stubborn Aggressive Controlling Driving Overbearing Intolerant Excitable Frantic Indiscreet Flamboyant Hasty

28 Taking Care of Ourselves Keeping your feelings bottled up, detaching for safety, not paying attention to body signals Taking on too much yourself and sucking it up, bring it on, staying in motion to avoid pain Nurturing and caring so much for others you forget about yourself, not wanting to ask both anyone and ask for help Holding the whole or the group so much making sure everyone else is OK, telling yourself it s all good, and not seeing that it may not be

29 Colorful Statements Let s do it right Let s do it NOW Let s do it in a caring way Let s do it together

30 Communication Do s and Don ts Do: Give Me the details & be prepared Don t: Be flippant on important issues or talk all over the place Do: Be Brief, Be Bright, Be Gone! Don t: Hesitate, be indecisive or too soft Do: Show me that your care, ask my opinion, give me time to answer Don t: Push me to quick decision, take over, or take advantage Do: Involve me, be sociable, open, flexible Don t: Bore me with details or tie me down to routine

31 Cautious Precise Deliberate Questioning Formal Caring Encouraging Sharing Patient Relaxed Competitive Demanding Determined Strong-willed Purposeful Sociable Dynamic Demonstrative Enthusiastic Persuasive Let s take a moment Who do you work with?

32 Resources: Who do you work with?

33 Golden Rule of Insights Do unto others as you they would be done by.

34 Possible Causes of Stress Being Unprepared Loss of control Devaluing Exclusion

35 Stress Signals - Cool Blue CAUSES OF STRESS: Lack of information, structure and logic Poor quality work Time wasted or task rushed STRESS SIGNALS: Becomes questioning and deliberate Nit picking Aloof, withdrawn and resentful REMEDY: Get their feedback on the way forward Informational and emotional support Back to beginning and analyze more carefully Compass Learning Guide Recognizing Type: Section 1.8

36 Stress Signals - Earth Green CAUSES OF STRESS: Unfair or impersonal treatment Violation of values Interruptions or time pressures STRESS SIGNALS: Becomes silent, withdrawn or hurt Judgmental, impersonal, resistant Stubborn and overly cautious REMEDY: Personal contact to restore trust Understanding sincerity Put the task aside to another day Compass Learning Guide Recognizing Type: Section 1.8

37 Stress Signals - Sunshine Yellow CAUSES OF STRESS: Restriction on flexibility No interaction and fun Personal rejection STRESS SIGNALS: Over responsive Appears opinionated Argumentative REMEDY: Allow room for maneuver Save face Distract onto something different Compass Learning Guide Recognizing Type: Section 1.8

38 Stress Signals - Fiery Red CAUSES OF STRESS: Lack of focus Indecisiveness Being out of control STRESS SIGNALS: Becomes aggressive Impatient Irritable, demanding REMEDY: Allow for fast action Take decisions or time out Put them in control Compass Learning Guide Recognizing Type: Section 1.8

39 How to Diffuse? Recognize your particular stress inducers and those of others Infuse good day color to bad day behavior Red give them control Yellow get them involved, encouraged or distract them Green empathize, slow down and show you care Blue give them information and details

40 Trust is a Loaded Word There are four main components of trust: Competence (R/B) Openness (Y/G) Integrity/Concern (Y/G) Reliability/Consistency (R/B)

41 Ladder of Inference When something happens that we don t like, we get triggered. In other words, when a mental model is challenged, we feel stressed/triggered. As soon as we re triggered, we walk up the ladder. The higher we are, the less grounded we are in reality and the more unstable we are.

42 Universal Obstacle Ladder of Inference Accessing our Preferences

43 Where is Your Focus? And what is the QUALITY of your ATTENTION?

44 What is your focus?

45 What is the Quality of Your Attention? The average family meal time is down to 11 minutes We spend more than 12 hours a day looking at screens On average, we go less than 60 seconds before we re interrupted It takes 23 minutes to get back to task Memory problems and Alzheimer s rates are increasing rapidly Children haven t learned how to be bored the first generation at risk of having the lowest self awareness skills 1 in 4 car accidents are due to cell phones

46 Just Breathe

47 Your Effectiveness Relies on Your Focus The quality of presence and attention you have with others The quality of presence and attention you have with yourself The amount of time each day you take to pause, and reflect A very intentional approach to learning through reflection Managing your triggers (and your ladder rides) Managing your listening skills: self and others

48 The Power of Perspective 48

49 10 Lessons to Live By* 1. Get real with yourself, with others 2. Either you get it or you don t 3. You create your own experience 4. People do what works 5. You can t change what you don t acknowledge 6. Life rewards action 7. There is no reality, only perception 8. We teach people how to treat us 9. There is power in forgiveness 10. You have to name it to claim it *Life Strategies by McGraw

50 Reflect With Your Partner What resonated most with you? (what are you leaving with/thinking about?) What two things can you do differently to be more effective in your role?

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