A Guide to Managing Conflict and Building Personal Resilience. Helena Sharpstone

Transcription

1 A Guide to Managing Conflict and Building Personal Resilience Helena Sharpstone

2 Workshop outcomes Understand why and how conflict occurs between people Explore your own style of conflict management Maintain positive relationships and win-win outcomes Develop resilient thinking and behaviour Learn to respond assertively rather than react aggressively or passively Manage stress recognize tipping points in self and others and respond/support appropriately Understand and respond to the different styles of the people you need to succeed with

3 Key themes Why does conflict happen? What are you like when it does? Getting better at it Managing your own stress Being aware of others and their reactions Identifying what resilient people do Developing your own resilience

4 Bringing the outside in Technical/ interpersonal Background Accept and welcome change Leading and managing Learning happens in the tough times Energy Resilience

5 What Does Conflict Occur Over? Making and refusing requests Priorities Personalities Territory Workload Politics Pressure Fairness Unresolved disagreements Reliability and trust Cutting across personal or organisational values

6 Signs Conflict May Exist Heated exchanges Meetings that don t go well Stroppy s No shows People refusing to deal with each other Negative alliances or cliques Reluctance to volunteer for something Cautious communication

7 Some Key Symptoms Motivation drops: fewer people volunteer to take on new tasks and there is little employee input at team meetings or briefings Behaviour changes: people start to make derogatory remarks towards each other and there are fewer social events organised Productivity falls: there are likely to be more queries and complaints if people are not cooperating with each other Sickness absence increases: unhappiness may lead to depression or stress Responses to staff attitude surveys or questionnaires indicate underlying dissatisfaction.

8 The Instinctive Response Fight You react in a challenging way. At work this might mean shouting or losing your temper Flight You turn your back on what s going on. This is a common reaction by ignoring a problem you hope it will go away Freeze You are not sure how to react and become very passive. You might begin to deal with the issue but things drift or become drawn out through indecision.

9 Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model The five key responses to conflict: Competing Collaborating Compromising Avoiding Accommodating

10 Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model

11 In Other Words

12 My Own Conflict Management Style 1. What do I recognise in myself that I do most often when responding to conflict? 2. Do I have a back up style? If so what? 3. How does this relate to the Fight/Flight/Freeze reaction? 4. What do I want to keep and what do I want to change in my style? 5. What style(s) do I want to encourage in others/those I lead?

13 Getting better at it Mind-Set Process Skills

14 The central mind-set: High challenge & high support

15 High Support, Low Challenge Friendly relationships Get to know each other Care and concern Conflict Accommodating avoided Motherly/fatherly style Positive feedback Moderate success Low Support, Low Challenge Careful relationships No zest and fun Trust not established People do Avoidance just enough Job s worth mentality Feedback is avoided Trust not established Expectations low High Support, High Challenge Strong level of commitment Positive and negative feedback Assertive, Compromising/Collaborating equal relationships Conflict is handled Open, honest, respectful People are held to commitments Low Support, High Challenge High degree of pressure Power play Aggressive/passive communication Competing Destructive feedback People watching their backs Mistrust Feels unequal

16 Start as you mean to go on Make sure that good relationships are the first priority: As far as possible, make sure that you treat the other calmly and that you try to build mutual respect. Do your best to be courteous to one-another and remain constructive under pressure Keep people and problems separate: Recognize that in many cases the other person is not just "being difficult" real and valid differences can lie behind conflictive positions. By separating the problem from the person, real issues can be debated without damaging working relationships Pay attention to the interests that are being presented: By listening carefully you'll understand why the person is adopting his or her position Listen first; talk second: To solve a problem effectively you have to understand where the other person is coming from before defending your own position Set out the Facts: Agree and establish the objective, observable elements that will have an impact on the decision Explore options together: Be open to the idea that a third position may exist, and that you can get to this idea jointly.

17 A Process to Follow 1. Set the scene 2. Gather information 3. Agree the problem 4. Brainstorm possible solutions 5. Negotiate and agree a solution

18 Key skills What s in your tool kit?

19 Showing empathy Problem solving approach Assertive communication Active Listening Reflecting back Summarising Clear communication Keeping an open mind Asking questions Being positive Expressing thoughts and feelings Matching your words, music and dance Showing respect Being present

20 One Man s Meat. Cool blue Cautious Precise Deliberate Questioning Formal Earth Green Caring Encouraging Sharing Patient Relaxed Fiery Red Competitive Demanding Determined Strong-willed Purposeful Sunshine Yellow Sociable Dynamic Demonstrative Enthusiastic Persuasive Andrew Lothian, Insights, Dundee, Scotland, All rights reserved. INSIGHTS, INSIGHTS DISCOVERY and INSIGHTS WHEEL are registered Trade Marks.

21 Good Day / Bad Day Cautious Stuffy Indecisive Precise Suspicious Deliberate Questioning Cold Reserved Formal Caring Docile Encouraging Bland Plodding Sharing Patient Reliant Stubborn Relaxed Competitive Aggressive Demanding Controlling Determined Driving Strong-willed Overbearing Purposeful Intolerant Sociable Excitable Dynamic Frantic Demonstrative Indiscreet Enthusiastic Flamboyant Persuasive Hasty

22 What Are Your Tipping Points? LOSS OF COMPETENCE Lack of information or understanding Lack of structure or logic Poor work quality Wasted time Rush job Distractions LOSS OF CONTROL Lack of focus Indecisiveness Lack of immediacy Slow pace Incompetence LOSS OF CONNECTION Lack of consideration for others Sudden change without warning Violation of values Time pressure/fast pace Unfair or impersonal treatment The Insights Group Ltd, All rights reserved. LOSS OF CHOICE Lack of involvement Restrictions on flexibility Lack of influence Being overlooked Personal rejection Over-seriousness Slow pace

23 Engaging with Fiery Red Energy DO Be direct and to the point Focus on results and objectives Be brief, be bright and be gone DON T Hesitate or waffle Focus solely on feelings Try to take over Andrew Lothian, Insights, Dundee, Scotland, All rights reserved. INSIGHTS, INSIGHTS DISCOVERY and INSIGHTS WHEEL are registered Trade Marks.

24 Engaging with Earth Green Energy DO Be patient and supportive Slow down and work at their pace Ask their opinion and give them time to answer DON T Take advantage of their good nature Push them to make quick decisions Spring last minute surprises Andrew Lothian, Insights, Dundee, Scotland, All rights reserved. INSIGHTS, INSIGHTS DISCOVERY and INSIGHTS WHEEL are registered Trade Marks.

25 Engaging with Cool Blue Energy DO Be well prepared and thorough Put things in writing Let them consider all the details DON T Get too close or hug them Be flippant on important issues Change their routine without notice Andrew Lothian, Insights, Dundee, Scotland, All rights reserved. INSIGHTS, INSIGHTS DISCOVERY and INSIGHTS WHEEL are registered Trade Marks.

26 Engaging with Sunshine Yellow Energy DO Be friendly and sociable Be entertaining and stimulating Be open and flexible DON T Bore them with details Tie them down with routine Ask them to work alone Andrew Lothian, Insights, Dundee, Scotland, All rights reserved. INSIGHTS, INSIGHTS DISCOVERY and INSIGHTS WHEEL are registered Trade Marks.

27 How To Stay Composed in Difficult Times 1. Manage your emotions 2. Don t take things personally 3. Maintain a positive attitude 4. Remain brave 5. Respond decisively 6. Be assertive 7. Be accountable 8. Act like you ve been there before

28 What Can You Do For Others? Provide as much information as possible Do not make up answers Provide structure Catch up often Listen with patience and empathy Provide private opportunity to vent Acknowledge their anger and don t take it personally Don t feel obligated to agree with them Encourage assertiveness Shift focus to things they can do

29 What is Resilience? Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors. It means "bouncing back" from difficult experiences Research has shown that resilience is ordinary, not extraordinary. People commonly demonstrate resilience. Being resilient does not mean that a person doesn't experience difficulty or distress. Emotional pain and sadness are common in people who have suffered major adversity or trauma in their lives. In fact, the road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional distress. Resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have. It involves behaviours, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone.

30 Features of Resilient People (1) Welcome challenge Strong commitment Personal control Optimism Isolate negative events Look at themselves constructively Future focussed Tolerance for ambiguity Thrive on change Create solid goals Empathy for others Form strong relationships

31 Features of Resilient People (2) Self evaluate Welcome feedback Use feedback intelligently Accept they will fail sometimes Learn lessons Don t get stuck in negative patterns Change habits Collaborate Take responsibility for their actions Keep learning Get enough sleep Value and protect me time

32 Key Factors in Developing Resilience The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out A positive view of yourself and confidence in what you have to offer Strong communication skills Problem solving abilities The capacity to manage emotions and stress

33 10 Ways To Develop Resilience 1. Develop a positive self image. Everything starts in the mind resilient people think well of themselves and see themselves in a positive way. 2. Focus on building and maintaining relationships. Studies have shown that resilient people tend to have strong social networks family, friends and colleagues are a great source of support when crises occur. 3. Show appreciation. Being able to focus on the good things in your life and not dwell on problems will keep you in a positive mind set and help you to be more effective. 4. See the good. We ve all heard the glass half full mentality resilient people tend to see stressful events or crises as temporary or even as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than as unbearable problems. 5. Be proactive. Resilient people feel they have some measure of control in any situation and take responsibility and take effective action to change things.

34 10 Ways To Develop Resilience 6. Accept circumstances that cannot be changed. Some things simply cannot be altered and resilient people accept this, not wasting energy on trying to do the impossible. 7. Develop goals and take appropriate action to achieve them. Having a sense of where you are going is important. Glitches and setbacks are inevitable, but resilient people keep the destination in mind. 8. Take a long-term view and keep in mind a broader context. When seen from a bird s eye perspective, problems tend to become less important. 9. Be optimistic. Resilient people maintain a hopeful outlook, expecting positive outcomes. Of course, this can tip over to a unrealistically positive but it is no more realistic to be negative and pessimistic than to expect the best. 10. Keep learning. Resilient people are determined to learn useful lessons from setbacks and problems. Looking back, we might realise that we learned the most from what seemed to be the most difficult of circumstances.

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36 A Guide to Managing Conflict and Building Personal Resilience Helena Sharpstone