Emotional Intelligence EQ-i 2.0

Transcription

1 Emotional Intelligence EQ-i Promontory Road Indianapolis, IN

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3 EQ Misconceptions Objectives Define Who we are as the Whole Person Discuss Misconceptions of Emotional Intelligence ( EI ) Identify the Impact of Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace Discuss how High / Low Levels of Emotional Intelligence Impacts us Identify Benefits of High EI Introduce EQ-i 2.0 (Reuben Baron s Model) Introduce the 5 Composites and 15 Sub-skills Connect the interplay of all aspect of EI Understand the Importance of Balancing EI Subscales Highlight Steps to Improve EI Develop Personal Action Plan 3

4 Emotions and Performance Examples of emotions facilitating someone's performance at work: Examples of emotions impairing someone's performance at work: Do you agree that some emotions are more conducive to getting particular jobs done? If yes, why? Best / Worst Boss Think of adjectives to describe your "best and worst boss and record them below: Best Worst Next, compare and contrast the differences in the words that you chose to describe your "best boss" and "worst boss." Pay particular attention to the differences between the emotional and social skills and technical skills. Write down what trends you see. 4

5 Behavioral Differences In the space provided, list your own behavioral differences (actions, motivations, goals, etc.) while working under your bosses described above. How did your bosses demeanor and leadership styles influence your behavior? Best Worst The Whole Person Intellectual Quotient (IQ) IQ is your ability to learn. Research shows it s the same at age fifteen as it is at age fifty. Our intellect is what we have learned over the years through formal education and experiences. Personality Style Your Personality Style describes who you are and how you behave. Personality does not change and is typically set by the age of 6. You can use your personality to assist in developing your emotional intelligence, but the latter isn t dependent on the former. Golden Rule - Treat others the way YOU want to be treated. Versus Platinum Rule - Treat others the way THEY want to be treated. 5

6 Emotional Intelligence At a 30,000 foot view, EI is the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships. It is a set of emotional and social skills that influence the way we: Perceive and express ourselves Develop and maintain social relationships Cope with challenges Use emotional information in an effective and meaningful way Self Rating: At what level do you currently use emotional information in an effective a meaningful way? (use a 1-10 scale): It is very important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence. It is not the triumph of heart over intelligence. It is the unique intersection of both. - David Caruso The Brain Analytical Detailed Sequential Planned Structured Language Math Science Left - Rational Emotional Illogical Imaginative Risk Taking Impetuous Philosophy Music Art Right - Intuitive Predictors of Success Make a list of qualities/characteristics you believe are Predictors of Success: 6

7 EQi 2.0 Model 7

8 Emotional Self-Awareness What does Emotional Self-Awareness mean? It means having a solid understanding of the emotions you are feeling and the cause of those emotions. It includes the ability to differentiate between subtleties in one s own emotions while understanding the cause of those emotions and the impact they have on one s own thoughts and actions and those of others. Those with low usage: Those with high usage: May not know why thoughts or feelings occur; struggle to label or define their feelings; and may appear detached from experiencing emotions. Can accurately label and describe their emotions; understand slight nuances between emotions; conscious of the impact emotions have on performance; and gather information from emotions. Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) Physiological effect of emotions Emotion Rage Fury Depression Despair Despondency Anxiety Fear Panic Anger Physical Signs Clenched fists Cold-focused stare Fatigue Slouching, staring into space, a slow, hesitant voice, sighing Weighed down posture Restlessness, pounding heart, rapid breathing Tenseness Aching muscles and headaches, tension in the neck and shoulders Hands on hips, pounding heart, sweating, rapid breathing Emotional Self-Awareness follow-up questions: 1. How do your emotions affect your team? Can you provide an example where your team was affected by the way you were feeling? 2. Describe a time when you were making a decision and your emotions got the best of you. What emotions were you experiencing and what was your reaction? 3. What signals can you look for within your team to warn you of your heightened emotions? 4. What emotions make you a more effective leader? What emotions help you influence and inspire your team? How can you identify these emotions? 8

9 Impulse Control What does Impulse Control mean? Impulse control involves understanding the appropriate times and ways to act on emotions and impulses, and the importance of thinking before acting. It involves avoiding rash behaviors and decision making and putting on the brakes with angry, aggressive, hostile, and irresponsible behavior. Those with low usage: Those with high usage: Are impulsive, impatient, and over-reactive; use an act now, think later approach to making decisions; and, may respond in unpredictable ways to their own emotions. Are composed, calculative, deliberate; survey before acting; patient and calm; show predictable behavior; avoid rash decision making; and resist pressure to act. Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) Gauging your Impulse Control? Do the following statements apply to you? (Respond with Never, Rarely, Seldom, Frequently, or Always) I tend to leap before I look. I have knee-jerk reactions. I become impatient easily. Others seem too slow in making up their minds. I often regret not giving more thought to decisions. I often make impulse purchases. Others tell me that I tend to be hot-headed. If other drivers cut me off, I pursue and If you ve answered frequently or always for most of these statements, chances are you have a high degree of difficulty with impulse control. See activity in Appendix pg. 26 reviewing your reactions to activating events. Impulse Control follow-up questions: 1. Tell me about a time when you had to exercise patience and control over your behavior. 2. Describe a situation where you were impatient and reacted hastily. How did this impact the end result? 3. Has your impulsiveness ever created problems for you? How do you think your team views your behavior in these instances? 4. How do you differentiate between impulsive behavior and beneficial risk-taking behavior? What techniques do you use to distinguish between the two types of behavior before acting on them? 9

10 Activating Event: How emotions affect our actions (See activity at Appendix pg. 26 reviewing your reactions to activating events 10

11 Reality Testing What does Reality Testing mean? Reality testing is the ability to remain objective by seeing things as they really are. This capacity involves recognizing when emotions or personal bias can cause one to be less objective and creates opportunity to: accurately size up the immediate situation, not make mountains out of molehills, and not be overly optimistic or too pessimistic. Those with low usage: Those with high usage: May not validate thoughts/emotions against objective data; subjective; tends to set unrealistic goals; and, see things how they wish versus how they really are. Are grounded and tuned-in to situations at hand; objective; verifies thoughts/ emotions against other data; makes sensible decisions; and sets realistic goals. Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) How s your Reality Testing? Describe an episode during which, in retrospect, you believe your capacity to size up the situation was radically offbase? Were you off-base in a fearful or a hopeful manner? Based on your answer, is your Reality Testing usually on target? Too negative? Too positive? Reality Testing follow-up questions: 1. How important is reality testing when coaching your employees? What are some steps you can take to ensure you are assessing performance objectively? 2. Would you describe yourself as a realist or an idealist? How does this description manifest itself in your role as a leader? 3. Describe a time where you incorrectly sized up a situation. What information did you misjudge and what was the impact? 4. Tell me about a time when you should have listened to your instincts rather than be so objective. How do you confirm that your instincts are reliable? 5. Tell me about a time when you had to make a decision before you had all the facts to size up the situation. 11

12 Emotional Expression What does Emotional Expression mean? Emotional Self Expression is saying and showing how you feel by openly expressing emotions verbally and nonverbally and constantly giving messages at an emotional level using: words, tone and volume of speech, facial expressions, and body language. Those with low usage: Those with high usage: Uncomfortable expressing with words, facial expressions or body language; may appear uneasy in emotional situations; uses limited emotional vocabulary to express feelings; and, not likely aware of the non-verbals being expressed. Comfortable expressing most emotions; understands the benefits of emotional expression; and, uses a large emotional vocabulary/non-verbals to express feelings. Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) Body Language and Non-verbal Behavior Interpretation: Consistent eye contact = Confident, honest Arms crossed on chest = Defensive, cold Rubbing the eyes = Doubt, disbelief Fist clenched = Angry, stressed Hand to cheek = Evaluation, thinking Excessive blinking = Lying Touching, rubbing nose = Rejection, doubt, lying Tapping fingers = Impatience Head in hands/eyes down = Boredom Pinching bridge of nose = Negative evaluation Patting/playing with hair = Lack self-confidence Open palm = Sincerity, openness The A B C D E method: The power of the ABCDE approach is that defusing illogical, maladaptive beliefs allows more rational and adaptive beliefs to emerge. (See sample matrix in the Appendix page 26) A ctivating Event: Identify an event that triggered an emotional reaction from you. B eliefs: Identify your beliefs that lead to your emotion. C onsequences: What were the results of your thought and actions to the event? D isputing / Debating Beliefs: Were your initial appraisals of the event accurate? If not, why? E ffects: Lastly, write down the effects of the debate. How did your beliefs shift about the activating event and, consequently, your feelings and behaviors? Emotional Expression follow-up questions: 1. Are there some emotions you feel more comfortable expressing than others? Why do you think that is? How do you express what you are feeling? Give examples. 2. Describe a time when you regretted not having expressed your true thoughts or feelings about something. What were the consequences (positive and negative) of not expressing your feelings? How would the situation have been different had you been more expressive? 3. In general, do you find yourself bottling up emotions? How does this affect your ability to get your work done? 4. Does your team come to you with input or feedback? What can be done to ensure your open door policy is truly seen as an open-door policy by your team? 12

13 Empathy What does Empathy mean? The ability to recognize, understand, and appreciate the way others feel. It includes the ability to both respect others feelings and articulate their perspective and is the key to influencing others. Those with low usage: Those with high usage: May struggle to understand how others feel; may not recognize the impact their behavior has on others; can be insensitive and misread others feelings. Appreciates the feelings of others; are caring and compassionate; takes others into consideration before acting; and reads people well. Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) Sensitivity is critical be sure to avoid: B elittling R ejecting I gnoring D iminishing J udging Three years from now you won t even remember it and if you do, you ll probably laugh. You shouldn t feel that way. Oh, it s no big deal. Why would you think that? Awareness and Acknowledgement Questions: Can you tell me more about that? I think I hear you saying that you feel Is that right? I seem to be sensing some reservations about this idea. Can you tell me about that? What would it take for you to feel comfortable with this decision? Empathy follow-up questions: 1. Tell me about a time when it was really important that you were able to understand the way someone else felt. How did you convey this understanding? How did you ensure you understood them? 2. Describe a situation where you were not as sensitive to someone s feelings as you should have been. Why do you think this was the case? What could you have done differently? 3. In your opinion, what is the difference between sympathy and empathy? How do you ensure you display these differently? 4. Has your empathy ever prevented you from having a difficult conversation or making a tough decision? What would you do differently to balance empathy with assertiveness? 13

14 Self-Regard What does Self-Regard mean? Self-regard is the ability to appreciate your perceived positive aspects and possibilities as well as to accept your negative aspects and limitations and still feel good about yourself. It s knowing your strengths and weaknesses, and liking yourself, warts and all. Those with low usage: Those with high usage: Are uncertain of their abilities; have lower self-confidence; and lower motivation to achieve potential. Have a high level of self-respect; believe in their talents and strengths; have a welldeveloped sense of identity; and are driven to achieve their fullest potential. Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) Difference between Self-Regard and Self-Esteem? Self-Esteem is having confidence in one s worth or abilities; having self-respect. Self-Regard is a more sophisticated relationship with yourself the ability to respect and accept yourself and essentially liking who you are. It is more that you are accurate in gauging your strengths and weaknesses. What ways work well for you to accurately gauge and appreciate your strengths and weaknesses? Self-Regard follow-up questions: 1. What do you believe are your strengths as a leader? Provide an example where you used your strengths to your advantage. 2. How does your level of confidence impact the influence you have on your team? 3. Describe a situation where you had to overcome feelings of insecurity or low confidence in your abilities. 4. In what leadership scenarios do you feel less confident in your skills? Why do you think that is? 14

15 Self-Actualization What does Self-Actualization mean? Self-Actualization is the ability to realize your potential capacity. This component of emotional intelligence is manifested by your becoming involved in pursuits that lead to a meaningful, rich, and full life. Striving to actualize your potential involves developing enjoyable and meaningful activities and can mean a life-long effort and enthusiastic commitment to long-term goals. Those with low usage: Those with high usage: May not make good use of strengths; focus more on day-to-day tasks versus strategic, big picture plans; and, may set lower personal goals. Appears to act with a greater purpose or plan; seems on a quest of continued learning; are self-motivated; and, sets inspiring goals. Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) Maslow s Hierarchy of Needs: Self-Actualization: morality, creativity, problem solving, lack of prejudice Self-Esteem: confidence, achievement, respect of and by others Love and Belonging: friendship, family Safety: security of body, employment, resources, health Physiological: breathing, food, water, sleep Self-Actualization follow-up questions: 1. What are some of your interests outside of work? What new activities or interests would you like to explore? 2. How would you describe your work-life balance? Are you able to leave your work responsibilities in order to pursue outside interests? 3. How are you working towards obtaining the leadership skills and characteristics you aspire to have? What are some steps you could put in place? 15

16 Interpersonal Relationships What does Interpersonal Relationships mean? The ability to establish and maintain mutually satisfying relationships that are characterized by the ability to both give and take in relationships, and where trust and compassion are openly expressed in words or behavior. Positive interpersonal relationship skill is characterized by sensitivity toward others. Those with low usage: Those with high usage: Are defensive, skeptical, or closed to others; may not build bonds with mutual give and take; may not cope with demands; and lack trust and compassion. Invests in their relationships; maintains healthy trust and compassion; is social and Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) The importance of listening How to listen so people will talk: We have to stop talking, stop the monologue that may be running through our mind, stop anticipating the point the other person is about to make, and stop thinking ahead to what we are going to say next. Your silence and attention are all it will take to get the other person talking. When you remove all the discouraging barriers from conversation, people feel respected and heard. How to talk so people will listen: Start by discovering what role emotions play in your interactions with others. Interpersonal Relationships follow-up questions: 1. Describe a time when you mediated a conflict among your team members. Describe a time when you were in disagreement with a team member. How did your emotions differ between experiences? 2. Describe what types of social situations make you feel uncomfortable. What is your typical response in these situations? 3. How do you balance interpersonal skills with decision-making, particularly when there is disagreement? 16

17 Social Responsibility What does Social Responsibility mean? It s the ability to perceive and understand the social relationships and structures in which you and those around you are operating. It involves understanding how other people are feeling and validating those feelings and involves acting responsibly, having social consciousness, and showing concern for the greater community beyond yourself. Those with low usage: Are more individualist than collectivist; more competitive than collaborative; cutoff from social groups/issues; and may entertain antisocial attitudes. Those with high usage: Are interpersonally sensitive; cooperative; contributing and concerned about the welfare of others; upholds social rules; and, has concern for the greater good. Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) What could you be doing now? Write down 5 things you could do that would be appreciated by people in need: *Circle one of the 5 actions that you could do this week Social Responsibility follow-up questions 1. Can your team depend on you? How do you know this is the case? 2. What is the difference between a leader who takes responsibility and one who doesn t? How does this affect their ability to get things done? 3. Describe a situation where you placed your team s needs/interests over your own. How often does this type of scenario occur as a leader? 4. What are some techniques you use to compel your team towards reaching their fullest potential? 17

18 Optimism What does Optimism mean? Optimism is the ability to look at the brighter side of life and to maintain a positive attitude even in the face of adversity. Optimism is an indicator of one s positive attitude and outlook on life. It involves remaining hopeful and resilient, despite occasional setbacks. Optimism is the opposite of pessimism, which is a common symptom of depression. Those with low usage: Those with high usage: May hold cynical views of the world; expects and plans for the worst; sets conservative goals; may hold defeatist attitudes; and is less resilient in adversity. Views the world in a positive light; believes in themselves and others; sees the good in most things; inspiring; and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) What s the difference between flexible optimism and blind optimism? Flexible Optimism: Blind Optimism: Optimism follow-up questions: 1. Would you describe yourself as having positive or negative expectations about how things will turn out? How does this impact the way you set goals and objectives for others? 2. Describe a situation where you were overly positive or overly negative in your expectations about how things would turn out. What impact did your outlook have on your performance and that of others? 3. How do you keep your team motivated in the face of obstacles? 4. How do you balance optimism with reality testing when inspiring your team towards achieving goals? 18

19 Assertiveness What does Assertiveness mean? The ability to assert yourself is a state of mind, as well as a skill that can be fine-tuned with practice. It involves the ability to express feelings, the ability to express beliefs and thoughts openly, and the ability to stand up for personal rights not allowing others to bother or take advantage of you. Those with low usage: Those with high usage: Are passive, may keep thoughts and opinions to themselves; may appear to be a team player although likely feels they re never heard; and may be withdrawn. Expresses thoughts and ideas without offending others; firm and direct when necessary; and views their right and the rights of others as sacred. Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) Difference between Passive, Assertive, Aggressive, and Passive-Aggressive behaviors? Passive Assertive Aggressive Passive Aggressive Assertiveness follow-up questions: 1. Describe a scenario in which you behaved as an assertive leader. What specifically did you do or say that was assertive? 2. What do you find challenging about being assertive? 3. In what ways do you hold others accountable for their actions/behaviors? Do you ever struggle to follow through on accountability? 4. If you were more assertive, how would that help your team be more innovative and tolerant of taking risks? 5. When there are several viewpoints and disagreements within your team, how do you address these differing perspectives to reach a decision? 19

20 Independence What does Independence mean? Independent people are able to function autonomously. They avoid clinging to others in order to satisfy their emotional needs. The ability to be independent rests on the degree of self-confidence and inner strength and the desire to meet expectations and obligations without becoming a slave to them. Those with low usage: Those with high usage: Are more of a follower; needs reassurance and support; relies heavily on others for decisions; may skirt responsibility; and prefers direction on how to do their job. Makes decisions on their own and knows when to seek guidance; emotionally independent from others; works without direction or reassurance; and is directive, decisive, and accountable. Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) What is your sense of autonomy? Independence reflects a pervasive sense of autonomy: Ability to pursue your own thinking Ability to pursue your self-determined goals If you cannot: Define what you want Figure out how to get there Be definitive These factors will hamper your success both personally and professionally Independence follow-up questions: 1. Are there times when you need the counsel of others more than you d like? What is the root cause of your reliance on them? 2. Describe your typical style for making decisions. 3. How do you balance involving your team in the decision-making process and making the final decision as a leader? 4. Describe a time when you had to make a final decision as the leader, either when your team felt differently from you, or when there was disagreement within the team. How did you proceed? What was the outcome? 20

21 Stress Tolerance What does Stress Tolerance mean? Stress tolerance is the ability to withstand adverse events and stressful situations without developing physical or emotional symptoms, by actively and positively coping with stress. (See activity at Appendix pg. 26 for your stress tolerance to activating events) Those with low usage: Those with high usage: Allow emotions to get in the way of coping with stress; are less tolerant of stress; and, may experience tension, anxiety, poor concentration, physiological symptoms or feelings of hopelessness when faced with stress. Use a variety of stress coping strategies; stays calm under pressure; manages emotions under stress; and able to remain composed when times get tough. Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) Stress Control Exercises Which are you more likely to do? Works yes/no Take a deep breath Go for a walk Count slowly to 10 Ignore the problem hope it will go away Pass the buck to someone else Look for alternative strategies Make lists Let emotions surface Exercise Use alcohol, tobacco or other drugs Meditate, practice yoga, or listen to soothing music Take medication Stress Tolerance follow-up questions: 1. How do you tackle stressful circumstances as a leader? How would your team describe you under stress? 2. How does stress manifest itself in the way you feel (i.e., emotionally, physically) or act? Can you detect the very onset of stress in your body? 3. Describe a time when it was important for you to remain calm under pressure. What skills or techniques did you use? 4. How do you think your team has been affected by your ability to tolerate stress? What steps do you need to take to be seen as a more resilient leader? 5. What techniques do you use to gauge and manage the stress experienced by your team? What are some ways you could help alleviate some of their stress? 21

22 Flexibility What does Flexibility mean? Flexibility is adapting to change effectively, being able to adjust emotions, thoughts, and behaviors to changing situations and conditions with the ability to change your mind when evidence suggests you are mistaken. Those with low usage: Those with high usage: Values tradition; uneasy with change; rigid in thinking; may be against change in general; and, may be unable to deal with emotions associated with change. Open to change; views change as refreshing and necessary; compliant attitude; adaptable; rolls with the punches; and, may be bored with the status quo. Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) Being Adaptable Seek out fresh ideas from a wide variety of sources. Entertain original solutions to problems. Generate new ideas. Take fresh perspectives and risks in your thinking. Smoothly handle multiple demands, shifting priorities, and rapid change. Adapt responses and tactics to fit fluid circumstances. Be flexible in how you see events. Flexibility follow-up questions: 1. Is it difficult for you to consider new information, or adjust your course of action towards achieving long term goals? 2. How do you successfully manage change in an environment where people are hesitant to depart from their old ways of doing things? 3. Give an example of where you found it difficult to adjust to a change in your job. What emotions were you feeling? 4. Describe a time when you had to adjust quickly to changes in your environment. What was your process for changing your behavior/tasks? 5. What are some ways that you use your flexibility to promote innovation and resilience within your team? 22

23 Problem Solving What does Problem Solving mean? Problem solving is the ability to find solutions to problems in situations where emotions are involved, and to understand how emotions impact decision making. It s associated with being conscientious, disciplined, methodical, and systematic in persevering and approaching problems. This skill is also linked to a desire to do one s best and to confront problems, rather than avoid them. Those with low usage: Those with high usage: May be unable to get past emotions involved in a problem; may not draw information to solve problems; overwhelmed with the responsibility of making decisions; and, easily distracted by emotions. Understands how to use emotions to solve problems; maintains a clear focus on the problem at hand; chooses the best solution among options; and has a focused demeanor. Self-Rating: on a 10pt scale (1 to 3 mirrors low usage, 8 to 10 mirrors high usage and 4-7 is in-between) Problem Solving follow-up questions: 1. What is the impact of your problem solving skills on your ability to lead effectively? 2. How do you think your problem-solving process looks to your team? What would they say are the strengths of this process? What would they say you could do better? 3. Describe a time when your emotions hampered your ability to make a decision. Why did you get sidetracked? 4. What role do your emotions play in your problem-solving process? How do they help or hinder your ability to arrive at a solution? 5. Tell me about a time when you made a rash decision. What caused this to happen and how did it affect others? 6. What are some techniques you use to keep your emotions in check when solving problems? 7. How do you manage your emotions as well your team s emotions through the problem-solving process? What are some techniques you use? 23

24 Overall Well-Being What does Overall Well-Being mean? Happiness includes feelings of satisfaction, contentment and the ability to enjoy the many aspects of one s life. It is different than the other EI abilities in that Happiness both contributes to, and is a product of, emotional intelligence. As such, your result in Happiness is like an indicator of your emotional health and well-being. Because Happiness is so interconnected with all EI abilities, you may find further development opportunities if you explore how the remaining subscales contribute to your level of Happiness, and vice versa. It is closely linked to (a combination of): Self-Regard Optimism Interpersonal Relationships Self-Actualization 24

25 Balancing your EI: Understanding the relationship between scales High scoring subscales often need to be balanced by other subscales so behaviors are not overused. For example, having extremely high Assertiveness without the balance of high Empathy could be perceived as aggressive, pushy or hostile behavior. It is important to look for balance within your profile. Each subscale has three balancing subscales most critical to balance (see table below). These are not the only relationships important for achieving balance, so consider exploring any areas of balance or imbalance in your behaviors and the interconnectedness between all 15 subscales will allow you to do just that. What would it look like if: High Low What would it look like if: High Low What would it look like if: High Low What would it look like if: High Low The table below illustrates which subscales are compared in the balancing your EI section of an EQ-i 2.0 report. 25

26 Exercise: Emotional Self-Awareness Identify situations or interactions that occurred recently that elicited these feelings / emotions (anger, fear, happiness, anxiety). Anger Circumstance/ Situation Impact Physical Mental Social Outcome Good/Bad/Neutral Time to Refocus Appendix 1 Fear Happiness Anxiety 26

27 The ABC s of Emotions Appendix 2 Becoming aware of your emotions takes practice. At first, you may have a hard time identifying the specific emotions that you are feeling. But your ability to note what you are feeling will increase in time. This exercise will enable you to better understand your emotional beliefs and subsequent actions, while better preparing you for more positive interaction. Activating Event: Identify an event that triggered an emotional reaction from you. What was the Activating event or Adversity? It could be a meeting you just came out of, a conversation you just had, something you read in an , or a single comment made by a peer, co-worker, or boss. Beliefs: Identify your Beliefs that lead to your emotion. How good are you at interpreting the situation? What is the story you made up about what took place or what it meant? Consequences: What were the results of your thoughts and actions to the event? Because of Belief, how did you respond? Did you become more quiet, more outspoken, get red in the face, talk faster, or roll your eyes? What was your reaction externally (that others may have seen) as well as internally (that others may not have seen)? Disputing your Beliefs: Were your initial appraisals of the event accurate? If not, why? As you feel yourself reacting, stop and think: where is the proof? Are there more logical explanations for the Activating event or Adversity? Have I ever been in a similar situation, had similar Beliefs, and then discovered I was wrong? If I have been in this situation before, what did I learn that I can apply now? Effects: Lastly, write down the effects column D how Debating, Disputing and Discarding shifted your understanding and Beliefs about the Activating event and, consequently, your feelings/behaviors. Debating and Disputing is likely to reduce emotions to a more appropriate level. When emotions are high, it s unlikely you will think clearly or make the best decision. You can think clearly and behave properly when feelings are at the concerned level. Regular practice can help you PRO-ACTIVELY CHOOSE your response, making you a more effective and consistent leader. Activating Event Beliefs Consequences Debate / Dispute Effects 27

28 Appendix 3 Emotional Intelligence Reflections The best way to gauge your understanding of something is to test your knowledge. As it relates to the concept of Emotional Intelligence, in your own words, write down what you would tell someone if they asked you What is Emotional Intelligence? Include any relevant items you have learned which are notable and important about the concept and how it impacts an individual, both personally and professionally. 28

29 Appendix 4 Self-Assessment: High and Low Usage Examine your self-assessment scores for all 15 sub-skills on the EQi-2.0 wheel and select the three areas you recognize as your highest areas and three as your lowest usage. Next to your highest selections, document examples of how you use these skills for positive outcomes and how you can leverage them to improve your overall EI. Next to your lowest areas, document examples of how your usage has impacted outcomes in your personal and professional life and what strategies you can take to increase these skills to improve your overall EI. High Usage Sub-skill #1: High Usage Sub-skill #2: High Usage Sub-skill #3: Low Usage Sub-skill #1: Low Usage Sub-skill #2: Low Usage Sub-skill #3: 29

30 Appendix 5 Emotional Intelligence Action Plan The steps you take towards achieving your development goals will determine whether or not success is realized. Use this step-by-step activity plan to help guide you closer to your goals. Select three focus areas from the Emotional Intelligence content that you would like to further develop and create detailed SMART goals for each area. After completing your goals set a time to share your Action Plan with a Coach/Supervisor/Mentor (within 1 week of completing the plan). S PECIFIC M EASURABLE A CTION-ORIENTED R EALISTIC T IMELY #1 #2 #3 SMART Goal Time Frame Benefits Measure of Success Support & Resources needed Potential Barriers I commit to this action plan Coach/Supervisor (Signature) (Signature) 30

31 Appendix 6 Emotional Intelligence Resources Book References: The EQ Edge, by Steven J. Stein and Howard E. Book* The EQ Leader, by Steven J. Stein Primal Leadership Daniel Goleman Working With Emotional Intelligence Daniel Goleman Focus Daniel Goleman * Excerpts in this handout from The EQ Edge, by Steven J. Stein and Howard E. Book Assessments: Multi-Health Systems (MHS) offers the EQi- 2.0 assessment sharing a comprehensive look at your usage of the 5 composites and 15 subskills of Emotional Intelligence. The assessment includes varying report options, including a 360 feedback option allowing you to invite raters to assess the interactions you have with others. If you have not taken the assessment and would like more information, contact The Faurote Group. The Faurote Group Dennis L. Faurote dfaurote@faurotegroup.com Sarah Turner sturner@faurotegroup.com 9114 Promontory Road Indianapolis, IN (317)