A Pizza Story. Emotional Healing The Missing Link in Holis2c Health Care. Dominant Views of Emotions. My Introduction to Emotional Healing

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1 Emotional Healing The Missing Link in Holis2c Health Care A Pizza Story With Steven Horne, author of The Heart s Key to Health, Happiness and Success How I got interested in emo2onal healing My Introduction to Emotional Healing Dominant Views of Emotions Evil works in darkness, and that which is in darkness in us, works for evil; but nothing that is brought into the light can be evil, for all things are made pure in the light; therefore, whatever is brought into the light is good and works in us for good. Physical Emo2ons are the result of chemical messengers like hormones and neurotransmimers Imbalances are onen gene2c Drugs (or herbs and nutri2onal supplements) which alter these chemicals will fix emo2ons Mental Emo2ons are a crea2on of the mind Posi2ve thinking leads to posi2ve feelings If you are feeling bad you need to change your thoughts Decartes Error Your Real Motivations Cogito ergo sum (I think, therefore I am) Thinking has become supreme in Western culture It has become so supreme that many people think that thinking is everything, i.e., we create our life solely from our thoughts The truth is that feeling is just as important as thinking Think about the things you want in life: Prosperity Good rela2onships Health Success Why do you want these things? 1

2 Your Inner Motivation As a Man Thinketh You want to feel good! That is, you want to: Be happy Love and be loved Experience joy and sa2sfac2on Have peace This means that your heart, not your head is the real mo2vator in your life This passage from the Old Testament is onen cited to jus2fy the idea that we create our life with our thoughts (i.e., our head) It really says, As he [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he. How does the heart think? And this is true for everyone, no mamer how logical they may be! The Heart Brain Our Three Minds Heart transplant recipients have acquired memories, likes and dislikes and feelings for people from the donors of their new hearts This proves that other parts of the body have memory and not just the brain It also proves that the heart thinks, but the heart thinks in feelings and images, not words The guts are the brain of the physical world and contain every neurotransmimer found in the mind The heart is the brain of our emo2onal world it is 60% nerve cells and houses memories just like the brain So, it s not just our brain that thinks Positive Thinking Model A Different View The emo2onal world is a co- equal partner with the mental and emo2onal aspects of our nature Thoughts affect feelings, but feelings affect thoughts This model suggests that everything in our life arises from the world of thought. Thoughts create feelings and feelings mo2vate ac2ons. The body affects feelings, too, but feelings also affect the body 2

3 The Three Worlds of Our Existence We are beings with a three- fold nature as represented by the three chambers of our body. These three worlds have been called many by many names: body, mind and spirit doing, thinking and being physical, mental and spiritual child, parent and adult id, super- ego and ego body, head and heart Feelings are the Mind- Body Connection We do not act on thinking alone, something has to move us emo2onally before we take ac2on Likewise, the body communicates its well- being (or lack thereof) to us through feelings, not words A New Look at the Heart The Empathetic Heart The heart doesn t mechanically pump the blood It generates an electromagne2c pulse that helps carry the blood throughout the body This electromagne2c pulse broadcasts a wave of energy into the environment Heart cells entrain on each other (which means they try to synchronize their bea2ng with the electromagne2c pulses of other heart cells This happens between people We call it empathy or compassion when two people s hearts make a connec2on Heart to Heart Communication Pain and Pleasure Are Teachers We have other terms to describe heart- to- heart communica2on: Being in tune with each other Being on the same wavelength Being in the same groove Having a good vibe with someone Being in love While we like pleasure and dislike pain, both are important for our health and well- being We need pain to warn us when something is injuring the body So, although it is unpleasant pain is not bad or evil 3

4 There Are No Negative Emotions Listening to Our Heart Like pain, the so- called nega2ve emo2ons are messages that something is wrong Don t confuse the message and the messenger The fact that you are feeling a painful emo2on doesn t mean something is wrong with YOU When we chose to acknowledge and accept a feeling, we are listening to our heart When we try to deny a feeling or make it go away, we are not listening to the wisdom of our heart We need to give the heart (and our body) equal status with the mind What We ve Heard Since Childhood Feelings Buried Alive Never Die Don t be a cry- baby (i.e., don t be sad) Don t be chicken (i.e., don t be afraid) Don t you take that tone with me (i.e., don t be angry or frustrated) Wipe that stupid grin off your face (i.e., don t even be happy) In short, we ve been told our feelings don t mamer, aren t important and should be suppressed The 2tle of this book by Carol Truman says it clearly feelings that are buried and not acknowledged do not go away Instead, they get bomled up inside crea2ng stuck energy in the body Things in life will onen trigger this stuck energy and cause us to behave in ways that may make us feel ashamed or guilty and try even harder to bury our feelings How to Suppress Emotions Your Damned Emotions All emo2ons express themselves in MOTION, that is in movement and vocaliza2on of the body To bury an emo2on, you have to tense your muscles and hold your breath Children s bodies tend to be relaxed and they breathe properly from their diaphragm Most adults are shallow breathers and hold a lot of tension in their bodies When you damn (condemn) an emo2on you feel, you dam it up inside This creates a reservoir of that emo2on that is built up inside, longing for release The larger the reservoir, the more afraid we are of experiencing that emo2on 4

5 Venting Emotions The Illusion There is a second nega2ve way we can deal with our feelings ven2ng Expressing an emo2on is not ven2ng Ven2ng is placing the responsibility for how we feel on other people This means we have placed the ability for us to find happiness outside of ourselves When we vent our emo2ons we are trying to change the outside world in order to try to change how we feel We believe that if other people and situa2ons do not change, we cannot be happy This is an illusion that allows us to avoid having to confront our own feelings The Truth Primary Emotional Colors The truth is, that how we feel is mo2va2ng our choices in rela2onships and every other aspect of our lives Therefore, in order to change the circumstances of our life we have to change how we feel Un2l we do, we con2nue to be amracted to the same nega2ve pamerns in our choices Red = Anger or aggression Blue = Grief or sadness Yellow = Fear or anxiety White = Emo2onal balance, which is equal access to all emo2ons The Three Choices Three Shadow Emotions There are three things we can do with any emo2on We can suppress it, which means we avoid expressing it and perhaps even deny that we feel it We can vent it, which means make the outside world responsible for what we feel We can listen to it and learn how to change our choices so we are guided back to happiness Suppressing one of our emo2ons causes our personality to be colored a blend of the other two emo2ons Green = Depression, discouragement and jealousy Orange = Hardness and insensi2vity Purple = Compulsion, addic2on and recklessness 5

6 Destructive Anger Constructive Anger Ven2ng Anger Trying to control other people through violence, threat of violence, belimling comments, threats, in2mida2on or manipula2on in the belief that if others change you will be happy This is a failure to love others Suppressing Anger Allowing other people to control you for their benefit, in the belief that if you give them what they want they will love you and want to do things to make you happy This is failure to love yourself Is your right and power to protect yourself from physical harm and emo2onal abuse Is your right and power to say No to things that do not contribute to your physical, mental or emo2onal well- being Is the power to control your own life (will- power) Destructive Grief Constructive Grief Ven2ng Grief Ven2ng grief is engaging in a pity party trying to make other people feel sorry for you so they will offer you support and sympathy thinking this will fill up the emp2ness inside Ven2ng grief is making yourself a vic2m of life Suppressing Grief Suppressing grief is deciding that you cannot risk opening your heart to others for fear of suffering heartache or loss, which makes you cold, unsympathe2c and uncaring Suppressing grief prevents you from experiencing pleasure and crea2ng close rela2onships Is acknowledging your losses and allowing yourself to feel the pain of them It allows you to let go of things you lose, and open up to allow new things to take their place It also allows you to be compassionate, caring and empathe2c with others Destructive Fear Constructive Fear Ven2ng Fear Ven2ng fear means being afraid to make your own choices in life because you might make a mistake, so you surrender control of your life to various experts and authority figures Ven2ng fear makes you a sheep a blind follower Suppressing Fear Suppressing fear means avoiding confron2ng difficult choices, which makes you become reckless, impulsive and prone to addic2ons and compulsions Suppressing fear causes you to engage in self- defea2ng and poten2ally self- destruc2ve behaviors Means you acknowledge your fears, consider your choices in your life and make the best choice possible It gives you the courage to act in the face of difficulty and danger It creates self- confidence and self- esteem. 6

7 Practical Application Awareness is the Key We need to find our way back to our heart and allow our heart to become an equal partner with our mind and body We need to start honoring feelings (in ourselves and others) and not make people feel bad for how they feel How long will it take me to solve my problem? the disciple asked Not one second longer than it takes you to understand it, the master replied What is Awareness? Stopping the Monkey Chatter Awareness is the ability we have to observe without analysis, judgment or explana2on With awareness, it is possible to detach from your own thoughts, feelings and choices and observe them objec2vely Awareness brings understanding To reach a state of awareness you have to learn how to stop the flow of words in your brain Words are labels and labels are judgments You have to be able to observe and experience things without prejudice (pre- judgment) 4 Steps to Finding Sacred Silence Feeling your Feelings 1. Get the body relaxed and comfortable 2. Breathe deeply 3. Create a single point of focus for the mind 4. Take the posi2on of a passive observer Can only be done in the present moment Will help you learn to engage awareness very rapidly Will help you understand yourself and find greater happiness in your life 7

8 How Do You Feel? Our Story Is the most important ques2on in emo2onal healing work Emo2onal healing is about helping people acknowledge and accept their feelings You cannot do this with any emo2on you have not faced inside yourself Our mind likes to create a story about ourselves that we can tell to others The story helps define our sense of self and explain our life experiences The story can also become a way to dodge feeling our emo2ons Listen Past the Story Thinking versus Feeling When trying to help people heal, listen past the story and try to understand how whatever happened made them feel Ask, And how did that make you feel? Feedback the feelings you are seeing and hearing Thinking Words and labels Logic and reasoning Judgment and analysis Stories Involves what s in your head Feeling Sensa2ons in the body par2cularly in the chest and belly Vocal tones and body language Are difficult to put into words Involves what s in your heart I Feel I Feel 1. like you don t care about me at all 2. very hurt by what you said 3. sad and lonely 4. beat up 5. tense 6. like you are an idiot 7. like giving up 8. nervous 9. pressure in my chest 10. a lump in my throat 11. scared of life 12. that I will never be able to succeed 1. like you don t care about me at all (thinking) 2. very hurt by what you said (feeling) 3. sad and lonely (feeling) 4. beat up (thinking with some feeling) 5. tense (feeling) 6. like you are an idiot (thinking) 7. like giving up (thinking) 8. nervous (feeling) 9. pressure in my chest (feeling) 10. a lump in my throat (feeling) 11. scared of life (feeling with some thinking) 12. that I will never be able to succeed (thinking) 8

9 Upcoming Emotional Healing Class Other Classes July 28 - Session One: Anger and Depression August 18 Session Two: Grief and Hardness September 1 Session Three: Fear and Compulsion September 8 Session Four: Prac2cal Tools Cost is $147 and includes a copy of the Heart s Key book Register at or call Flower Essence Class with Isadora Tavens Sept 13, Sept 27, Oct 4, Oct 11 Will be doing a Rayid Iridology class this fall or winter Will be offering classes and workshops around the country 9