Mindful Emotion Coaching

Transcription

1 Mindful Emotion Coaching

2 Contact me online Introductions My name is Dr Sarah Temple - I am a GP with a special interest in emotion resilience and wellbeing in children and young people and run Alpiri Emotion Resilience Workshops. This leaflet provides an introduction to research by Professors Dan Siegel and John Gottman as well as plenty of links to video clips and useful sources of information. Take a look at our free elearning portal which can be accessed through

3 Key learning Understanding the HOW TO of emotion regulation Dan Siegel s metaphor The Hand Model John Gottman s 5 steps of Emotion Coaching Importance of self care

4 Emotion Responses Paul Ekman Core Emotions we all have across cultures. Follow the link for more information about Dr Ekman Disgust Fear Anger Sadness Surprise Contempt Joy

5 Emotion Responses Choose an emotion that you have remember experiencing Where did you feel the emotion in your body? How did you feel about having this feeling? TINT h/o 31,32

6 Emotion Responses Dan Siegel watch the You Tube link/ take a look at the workbook The first step being aware of our own emotions. We use our awareness of our own emotions to notice other s feelings. This allows us to respond in an attuned way. Page 55

7 Being Attachment Aware Babies are born with the basic brain structure.. neuronal connections form by the firing of neurones when the baby is stimulated. A baby who receives loving attention will form different neuronal pathways from a baby whose parent or care giver is unable to be sensitive and synchronous. The different neuronal pathways that form in a baby with a parent or care giver who is unable to be synchronous is thought to be a basis for the formation of unbalanced emotional responses.

8 Being Attachment Aware Through non invasive scanning of very young babies and children the brain has come to be seen as a social organ - dependent for normal development on stimulation through social interaction and influenced in a multifactorial way by other factors including epigenetics, physical health and diet. The importance of inter connectedness and relationships in human development has been extensively researched. Key figures are: John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, Mary Main, Patricia Crittendon, Kate Cairns, Jack Shonkoff, Dan Siegel, Jeremy Holmes

9 Being Attachment Aware Exercise- Think of different metaphors for the way our brains form motorways of connectomes Eg. Amy s Meadow Metaphor Neurones that Fire Together, Wire Together Dan Siegel

10 The Whole Brain When all the areas of our brains are working together we experience a sense of integration and thriving Dan Siegel calls this The River of Wellbeing page 10 in workbook How much are we paying attention to building long term skills and helping our children/ staff grow and learn? What do we want for them, now and through into the future?

11 The Vagus Nerve One of the ways the thinking part of your brain (frontal cortex) works with the brain stem calming your bodily responses and helping you stay balanced is via the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is a cranial nerve which begins in the brain stem and travels to most of our vital organs including our heart and lungs.

12 Vagal Tone Vagal Tone- How well your fight/ flight response and vagus nerve are balanced and work together, i.e. Regulate affect Measuring pulse rate is one way of assessing vagal tone.

13 Emotion Coaching Much of today s popular advice ignores the world of emotions. Instead, it relies on child-rearing theories that address the children s behaviour, but disregard the feelings that underlie that behaviour (Gottman, 1997) Chapter 1 is free to listen to go to shop and download!

14 Emotion Coaching 1. Become aware of emotion, especially if it is of a lower intensity (such as disappointment or frustration) 2. Connect and view emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching 3. Accept -communicate your understanding and acceptance of the emotion empathy.. I am wondering if 4. Reflect - Use words to describe feelings Name It to Tame It 5. End stage -If necessary, help them to solve problems. You may also communicate that all wishes and feelings are acceptable, but some behaviours are not. Adapted from Gottman, J. M. & DeClair, J. (1997). The Heart of Parenting: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. New York: Simon & Schuster. Tuning in to Teens Handouts 2,3,4,5 and 6 CARE Page 26

15 Problem Solving Together All feelings are OK but not all behaviour is OK When the child is calm and in a relaxed, rational state: Explore the feelings that give rise to the behaviour/ problem/ incident Scaffold alternative ideas and actions that could lead to more appropriate and productive outcomes Empower the child to believe s/he can overcome difficulties and manage feelings/behaviour

16 Disapproving Style Disapproves of negative emotions- Viewed as a sign of weakness, lack of control, unconstructive Lacks empathy, noticeably critical and intolerant Tries to get rid of negative emotions via discipline, reprimand, punishment Focuses on the behaviour rather than the emotions generating the behaviour More likely to view negative emotional displays as a form of manipulation, lack of obedience, sign of bad character Often motivated by need to control and regain power and /or to toughen up the child

17 Dismissing Style Good intentions but uncomfortable with negative emotions Views negative emotions as toxic and so must be got over quickly Considers paying attention to such emotions will make them worse, prolong them Tries to stop negative emotions by reducing/minimising/making light of their importance e.g. it s no big deal, Don t worry about it. Be a big girl, that s life, you ll be fine Often motivated by need to rescue and make things better, fix the problem e.g.. have a biscuit, I ll buy a new one, You need to do this Focuses on getting rid of the emotion with logic or distraction

18 Laissez Faire Style Accepts emotions but doesn t help the child understand them Offers little guidance on behaviour Does not set limits Believes you need to ride out negative emotions Does not help the child problem solve Shows own emotions but unable to resolve them

19 Emotion Coaching Style We all have feelings and need to recognise them in ourselves as well as other We are not alone and we are accepted, supported, valid, cared about, understood, trustworthy and respected We are empowered and it s safe to engage in problem solving All feelings are OK but not all behaviours are OK

20 Which Styles Can You See?

21 Emotion Coaching Teaching children/ young people /us about the world of emotion in the moment Giving strategies to deal with ups and downs Accepting all emotions as normal Not all Behaviour is OK Building trusting and respectful relationships with children/ young people

22 Lessons Learned To empathize To read others emotions and social cues To control impulses (Self-sooth and self-regulate) To delay gratification To motivate themselves To cope with life s ups and downs

23 Mindfulness

24 Developing Empathy Recognise all emotions as being natural and normal and not always a matter of choice Recognise behaviour as communication (Relational vs. Behavioural Model) Look for physical and verbal signs of the emotion being felt Take on the other s perspective (Mentalizing/ Mind-mindedness) Use words to reflect back emotion Provide a narrative for the emotional experience (creating cognitive links)

25 Self Care Exercise maintaining empathy What do YOU do? Guided relaxation/meditation/mindfulness Emotional Self Care Meta Emotion Philosophy Emotional Awareness/ mindfulness Page 49, 52 TINT 35,41,42

26 Why Emotion Coach Achieve more academically in school Are more popular Have fewer behavioural problems Have fewer infectious illnesses Are more emotionally stable Are more resilient (Gottman et al, 1997 Emotion coaching is about helping children and young people to understand the different emotions they experience, why they occur and how to handle them John Gottman

27 Family of Origin Exercise No family is perfect. Often families involve some negative dynamics or traits, as well as positive experiences and strengths. It is useful to try and consider both strengths and weaknesses when understanding your own family of origin and the families of the young people you work with. Even non-abusive family experiences can lead us to struggle with some area of our functioning or daily lives. We each have to manage our own vulnerabilities and find the safety to explore these. Difficult experiences can lead us to have particular strengths and coping capacities. If you have explored your own Family of Origin you may be more confident exploring family history with the young people you are working with. Jesuit Social Services, Victoria, Australia

28 Circle of security Being-With and Shark Music -- Circle of Security International from Circle of Security International on Vimeo.

29 Family of Origin Exercise Think about how you or your parents handled feelings of sadness when you were a child. Using a score 1-5 (5 = strongly agree) Did you feel comfortable talking with your parents or carers about feeling sad? Were you pleased by how our parents or carers responded? Did you feel comfortable when your parents showed you they felt sad Were your parents good a comforting you when you were sad as a child?

30 Family of Origin Exercise Can you think of a time where your family of origin experience has impacted on your response to a child s emotions? Were you aware of this at the time, or has it become apparent today? How do you feel about this?

31 Hand Model Practice An opportunity for you to have a go at The Hand Model You will need to Join the Group (quick and easy) Play Amy s Interpretation of The Hand Model Page 55

32 emotioncoaching.co.uk

33 emotioncoaching.co.uk Introduction to On Line Resources

34 Just Breathe Just Breathe Video plus Glitter Jars Activity Sheet The Just Breathe Video is on the Home Page