2/7/2018. Workplace Bullies & Abrasive Leaders: Why They Act That Way and How to Stop Them. Housekeeping Items

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1 Housekeeping Items minute presentation; no Q&A 2. Enter Questions in the Chat Window throughout the presentation and moderator will send to presenter after the webinar 3. Slides & Recording available to attendees Workplace Bullies & Abrasive Leaders: Why They Act That Way and How to Stop Them Presented by: Catherine Mattice Zundel, MA, SPHR, SHRM-SCP 4. Get alerts about new events, webinars and content by subscribing at xeniumhr.com Moderator: Brandon Laws Director of Marketing Xenium HR Catherine Mattice Zundel MA, SPHR, SHRM SCP Speaker, Author, Consultant and Trainer 1

2 Agenda What is workplace bullying Look at bullying through the lens of the survival dynamic (fight or flight) Your three steps to intervene Discuss the concept of Boss Whispering a proven coaching method Who Are Abrasive Leaders? Any individual charged with managerial authority whose interpersonal behavior causes emotional distress in coworkers sufficient to disrupt organizational functioning. Bullying Defined Bullying Behaviors Is repeated Creates psychological power imbalance Causes harm to targets and witnesses Is expensive The Impact of Abrasive Leaders The Impact of Abrasive Leaders Anxiety; depression Marginalization Detachment from work/clients Discouragement Psychosomatic symptoms Absenteeism; presenteeism Employee turnover Wasted time Workers comp claims Health insurance costs Litigation Suicide Violence Quality/quantity of work Safety Self esteem Job satisfaction Customer satisfaction Company loyalty Learning and innovation Physical health Community reputation Relationships Internal communication Ability to meet goals Bottom line / revenue 2

3 Harassment: EEOC.gov Harassment is unwelcome conduct where 1) enduring the offensive conduct becomes a condition of continued employment, or 2) the conduct is severe or pervasive enough to create a work environment that a reasonable person would consider intimidating, hostile, or abusive. Violence: OSHA.gov Violence or the threat of violence against workers. It can occur at or outside the workplace and can range from threats and verbal abuse to physical assaults and homicide Common Assumptions Fully aware Intention: Harm Cannot change Reality Fully Unaware Intention: Get the job done Coachable Fully Unaware Joe: I ve been walking around like an a**hole for 3 years and nobody told me. I wish they d told me sooner. Art: I m just managing the way that I m managed. You should see what happens in the C Suite meetings I attend. Intention Bullies live in fear of being seen as incompetent. They have a strong desire to be seen as uber competent, and anything that threatens that causes them to bully. PERCEIVE A THREAT TO THEIR COMPETENCE FEEL ANXIETY DEFEND AGAINST PERCEIVED THREATS WITH AGGRESSION 3

4 Intention Bullies are also extremely passionate about the work and your organization. So when something or someone threatens their competence, or the organization s success, they lash out with bullying. What Adequate Leaders Do See a problem Explore cause of problem Is employee unable? Is employee unwilling? Address problem Provide resources, training Set limits & consequences What Abrasive Leaders Do See a problem Diagnose incompetence stupid, lazy Attack incompetence Dominate through intimidating, threatening displays (bullying) Laws of the Wild & the Workplace Bears & abrasive leaders just want to go about their business Fight Bears & abrasive leaders are in the business of survival Threat Anxiety Defense Bears & abrasive leaders believe dominance pays (survival of the fittest) They defend against threats to their survival, whether in the wild or the workplace, with aggression. 4

5 At Work: The Target s Survival Dynamic Fight At Work: The Bully s Survival Dynamic Fight Threat Anxiety Defense Threat Anxiety Defense TAD Dynamic Threat Anxiety Defense Working Through Fight How does management respond to abrasive leaders? Management s Rationalization: It s just a personality conflict. Nobody s perfect including myself. Projection: He s just got some difficult employees. Minimizing: He doesn t blow up that often. Why are people so sensitive? We re adults for goodness sake. Procrastination: It won t be long before she retires anyway. If this, that and the other thing change, then it will get better. 5

6 Afraid, Hopeless & Helpless Why don t employers intervene? In other words, why do they flee? 1. Fear of being harmed or doing harm 2. Perceive abrasive leader to be so valuable, that benefits outweigh the costs 3. Failure of past intervention efforts Ineffective management training Blocked by abrasive leader s denial of behaviors 4. Belief that bullies can t change Meanwhile Am I really that bad? I don t understand why they waited so long to tell me. I wish they wouldn t have waited so long to tell me. I ve been walking around like an a**h*** this whole time and I can t believe they never told me. Blinder Than Bats: Bullies Don t See Lack social sonar (empathy) Don t read emotions Discount importance of emotions Your Responsibility: The 3 Steps of Intervention 1. Make them see 2. Make them care 3. Get them help BULLYING IS A PERFORMANCE PROBLEM, PERIOD. 6

7 Intervention Step 1: Make Them See Evaluate on technical performance and interpersonal conduct Detect & document chronic pattern of negative perceptions Present pattern of negative perceptions to abrasive leader as evidence of unacceptable conduct We ve had a steady stream of complaints from coworkers about their experiences interacting with you we don t see this with other managers. This is not acceptable and cannot continue. We need to have you turn this around. Avoid Fact Battles I don t act that way. That s their side but that s not what happened. They deserved it because They need to grow thicker skin. They need to stop being so sensitive. The fact is that I don t know exactly what happened I wasn t there when the incidents occurred. But I do know one thing for a fact: several of your coworkers feel they are being treated disrespectfully and this cannot continue. Intervention Step 2: Make Them Care enough to want to change Set limits The way you interact with others has to change in these ways X, Y, Z. Set consequences Failure to do so will result in Intervention Step 3: Offer Help 1. Internal mentoring 2. Specialized coaching (Boss Whispering) DO NOT send them to training. The lack of self awareness and denial makes training useless. HR s Role Detect & document chronic patterns of negative perceptions Explore reports of abrasive conduct (aka workplace bullying) Intervene with management Make Leaders see that they can & should hold everyone accountable for acceptable conduct Make Leaders care enough to set limits & consequences (predict future consequences of failing to intervene) Offer hope and help EARLY INTERVENTION PREVENTS FUTURE DAMAGE. Bullying is a performance problem. 7

8 Let s Talk About Boss Whispering Founded in 2009 by Dr. Laura Crawshaw Mission: To reduce suffering in the workplace caused by abrasive leaders Method: Designed to increase empathy & resulting psychological insight Based upon Crawshaw s research coaching over 450 abrasive leaders How does Boss Whispering work? Boss Whispering = Action Research 1. What are the negative perceptions? 2. What is causing them? 3. What strategies can we develop to eliminate these negative perceptions permanently? Boss Whispering = Action Research 1. What are the negative perceptions? Interview 8 10 peers and subordinates. 2. What is causing them? 3. What strategies can we develop to eliminate these negative perceptions permanently? Deliver Feedback Intimidates Poor emotional control Dominates in conflict Publicly humiliates Aggressive My way or the highway Boss Whispering = Action Research 1. What are the negative perceptions? 2. What is causing them? 3. And, what strategies can we develop to eliminate these negative perceptions permanently? 3 4 months of coaching 8

9 TAD Dynamic Fight Abrasive leaders lack psychological insight: Poor empathizers I don t get it. When I ask my team for input, no one speaks up. Why do you think that is? Theory 1: They re lazy Theory 2: They re stupid Theory 3: I don t know Threat Anxiety Defense Working Through The Insight Cycle Abrasive leaders gain psychological insight I don t get it. When I ask my team for input, no one speaks up. Why do you think that is? Theory 1: They re lazy Theory 2: They re stupid Theory 3: I don t know: Theory 3: They re afraid! Now I get it: they re afraid I ll criticize them. Observe behavior Test strategy Develop strategy to reduce anxiety Analyze behavior w/ TAD Dynamic Develop theory on nature of anxiety Before Coaching Intimidates Poor emotional control Dominates in conflict Publicly humiliates 3 4 Months In Approachable Controls his emotions More collaborative More positive At Conclusion of Coaching I feel like it s okay to be human. CTO of Fortune 500 company 9

10 Boss Whispering Requires employer commitment Averages sessions Often sees change by the 3 rd session 82% achieve acceptable level of conduct I feel like I ve grown so much. Even my daughter says I m so much more in control of my emotions. Catherine@CivilityPartners.com Catherine Mattice Zundel MA, SPHR, SHRM SCP Catherine@CivilityPartners.com Speaker, Author, Consultant and Trainer CONTACT Brandon Laws Director of Marketing Brandon.Laws@XeniumHR.com General Contact Information: Xenium HR 7401 SW Washo Court, Suite 200 Tualatin, OR Xeniumhr.com info@xeniumhr.com Follow /xeniumhr /xeniumhr Get our free resources: Blog: xeniumhr.com/blog Podcast: xeniumhr.com/podcasts Webinars: xeniumhr.com/webinars 10