7 Step Guide to Long Lasting Confidence

Transcription

1 7 Step Guide to Long Lasting Confidence Assalaamu Alaykum! What if you could talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere and never worry about feeling awkward or saying the wrong thing? Can you see yourself having the confidence to enter any situation as your true self knowing you re capable and good enough. Imagine aiming high fearlessly and working with clarity, focus and determination towards your goals. Wouldn t that feel great? But instead, do you find low self-esteem and fear of judgement holding you back? Are you living life to the expectation of others because you feel your own voice and choices just don t matter? Do you turn away from opportunities because you worry that you ll just mess things up or be laughed at? Do you mask the way you really feel? Sound familiar? Then this guide is for you and the time for change is now. Confidence is the essential building block for success in all areas of your life whether it s at home, at work, in your relationships or in social settings. In this guide, I will walk you through 7 steps that will help you develop real confidence on the inside so that you can excel on the outside. Note: This guide is an overview of The Muslimah s 7 Step Formula for Breakthrough Confidence. Confidence starts with 100% trust in Allaah Confidence plays a critical role in how you see yourself and in how you behave. It can affect your relationship with family and friends, job performance, your involvement in the community and can even hold you back from achieving your smallest to biggest goals in life. The foundation of self-confidence in Islam is built on the concept of Tawakkul, that is your absolute confidence and trust in Allah, believing and knowing that nothing can happen to you or hurt you unless it is by Allah s Will. Say: Only what Allah has decreed will happen to us. He is Our Master: let the believers put their trust in Allah. [The Qur an, Surah 9:51] copyright 2016 The Confident Muslimah 2

2 Step#1: Complete trust in Allaah The foundation for building true self-confidence has to begin with having absolute confidence and trust in Allah (Tawakkul), believing and knowing that He will guide you and oversee all that you do. It is with this certainty that you can do your best to achieve your goals without holding back. In the Holy Qur an, it is addressed specifically: [Then] when you have decided on a course of action, put your trust in Allah: Allah loves those who put their trust in Him. If Allah helps you [believers], no one can overcome you. If he forsakes you, who else can help you? Believers should put their trust in Allah. [The Qu ran 3: ] Remember that in whatever you re trying to do, you re never alone. Be fearless in aiming high and move forward with confidence knowing that above and beyond your own ability is the strength, support and guidance from Allaah and outcomes are always in His hands alone. Developing tawakkul can include: Knowing Allaah (His names and attributes) Saying beautiful duaas as reminders such as: Hasbunallahu wa ni mal wakil (Allah is sufficient for us, and He is the best Disposer of affairs (for us) 3:173 Affirmations: Allaah is the Most Merciful and Allaah's help is with me Draw strength from the stories of our Prophets such as Ibrahim (AS), Nuh (AS) and Musa (AS) copyright 2016 The Confident Muslimah 3

3 Step#2: Connect with the real YOU Feeling self-empowered is one of the primary keys to developing as an individual and raising levels of confidence. The word empowered has become somewhat of a buzzword today, however, it is used here in the context of how well you truly know yourself and act in a manner which is authentic to you. Ask yourself the following questions: How well do you know the real you? What makes you happy? How do you want to interact with others? What are your aims and objectives in life? What are your strengths and weaknesses? Do you struggle with identifying your strengths? Are you stuck in the pleasing people loop? In order to develop self-confidence, it s essential to stop and take the time to reflect on your true identity. To know your strengths and what you bring to this world. If you have trouble doing this or feel disconnected to who you are, firstly appreciate that Allaah has blessed us all with a set of positive skills and characteristics. Once you make that connection and allow yourself to accept these as gifts from Allaah with gratitude, you will find your self-confidence strengthening. copyright 2016 The Confident Muslimah 4

4 Step#3: Control over yourself and in situations When you feel a loss of control, it s easy to lose confidence and fall into a place of inertia - no movement. And in worst cases depression. For example if you receive a diagnosis that you re sick or perhaps your financial situation takes a sudden down turn or if a relationship has just ended, it s easy to slip into victim mode and feel your stability and security is shaken, like the rug has been pulled out and there s nothing you can do about it. This feeling of not being in control can be very unnerving and can have negative impact on your confidence. External conditions can heavily influence your internal sense of control to a very large degree. BUT only if you let it. How do we shift from feeling like a 'victim of circumstances' to taking complete ownership of our lives? Firstly, we have to appreciate that Allaah has ultimate control over everything and all outcomes and we trust that He will take care of our affairs BUT is this all we can do? Anas (ra) reported that a person asked the prophet (saw), Should I tie my camel and have Tawakkul (trust in Allah for her protection) or should I leave her untied and have Tawakkul? The prophet (saw) replied, Tie her and have Tawakkul. (Hasan) [Jami At-Tirmidhi] Have trust yes! But also tie your camel... It's important to begin with tawakkul but that must be coupled with our own actions. Rather than waiting for things around us to change and for the solutions to come to us, we must ask ourselves: Have I exhausted all my options yet? What can I do to create the outcome I want? Is there something I'm doing that's contributing towards this situation? What impact is my current behaviour having in this area of my life? What can I do (big or small action) to affect positive change? Really drill down on your own behaviour before looking or waiting for others to change. The more control you have, the more confidence you will feel. copyright 2016 The Confident Muslimah 5

5 Step#4: Competence in all you do The simple truth is that if you don t feel you have the knowledge, skill, resources or ability to do something, chances are you won t do it. Belief in your competency is crucial as it tells you how much you know, how much you can do and whether you can go in and confidently get the job done. One of the main barriers that prevents people from succeeding in life is because they don t BELIEVE they can enter the situation and do a good enough job. They don t trust in their competence and so they lose confidence. Put yourself in the learning mindset, so that you can grow your skills and ability and therefore grow your confidence levels. Break it down into small chunks every day and build up slowly, it s not either I know it all or nothing, it s let s take this one small bit at a time. Remember: Feel the fear and do it anyway (or at least create an action plan to get started!). Step#5: Congruence inside out This is everything to your overall sense of confidence. Do you show up in the world as your true authentic self? Ask yourself: Is your identity (what you think of yourself) and your interactions with other people and what you do all in alignment? Are your intentions with your behaviour and what you say and how you interact with others the same as what you show outwardly? Congruence is believing and knowing these things about yourself and activating them in the world. This is a fundamental principle in Islam. We know that all actions are judged by their intentions, the more we align the two, the more our actions are accepted and we will feel a sense of sincerity and authenticity in what we do. This inevitably generates a more genuine level of confidence. Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, Verily, Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but rather he looks at your hearts and actions. (Sahih Muslim 2564) copyright 2016 The Confident Muslimah 6

6 As standard practice, you should check your intentions before taking any action and by doing this consistently, you will train yourself to act in a way which is more in line with your core values and beliefs plus earning the pleasure of our Creator. Step#6: Caring for others As human beings we have a huge natural affinity to connect with other people and are deeply driven by this connection. Studies show that neurons in your brains get fired off when you see another person feeling emotional. The healthier you are and connected to yourself, the more you will feel that similar thought, feeling and emotion. In a word, you will feel empathy It s a massive skill to sense and feel people and to be in tune with those powers of empathy. This level of care and empathy for others is encouraged in our religion through many narrations: The Prophet (saw) said: The servant does not reach the reality of faith until he loves for others what he loves for himself. Imam Ahmad Do you feel you re caring towards the other people in your life at the level you should be? If you are, you will tend to have more confidence in those relationships and in yourself as a person. Do you feel cared for? You will find if you enter social situations where no one is caring for you, your confidence will lessen as a result. For example the child that gets bullied in school and is not accepted or cared for by his peer set, will inevitably find his confidence lacking. Or the person at work who doesn t feel appreciated or cared for by her colleagues will feel less confident interacting with people at work. The good news is that this works both ways, if you care for more people, as a result you will feel your confidence increase. It s a predictable pattern, the more cared for you are, the more confident you will feel. copyright 2016 The Confident Muslimah 7

7 Step# 7: Connections to the outside We all have a basic human need to connect with our Creator, within ourselves, the situation we re in and with other people. The starting point to any real connection starts with the connection to our creator. When you strive towards building a genuine and real connection with Allaah, your perspective will shift, once heavy burdens will feel much lighter and although circumstances may not change, you will find your ability to control your emotions, actions and reactions all improving, giving you an overall sense of calmness and confidence. for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction. (Surah Al-Rad, 13:28) How connected do you feel to your true authentic self? When you feel disconnected from yourself - from who you really are and from the emotions you re feeling and when you re not filling yourself with love through your spiritual connection, you create a black hole within. The black hole you ve created through your self-abandonment becomes like a vacuum, trying to pull love from others. This neediness tends to push people away, so you end up feeling even more unloved. Take the time to understand yourself, your thinking patterns, your behaviour traits and what brings you true joy. The negative effects of social abandonment are many but the toll it can take on our health is quite startling. As humans we feed off each other, learn from each other and provide a support network which is necessary to feel complete. There are some people who feel easily irritated when mixing with others and prefer to live a more isolated existence but this is not the recommendation in Islam as mentioned in the hadith: Ibn Umar said: The Messenger of Allaah (saw) said: The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the one who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance. Narrated by al-tirmidhi (5207) and Ibn Maajah (4032). Even if you find yourself getting annoyed when mixing with people, it is still better for you to bear this with patience and stay connected than to withdraw yourself. The degree to which you choose to spend time alone and with other people will vary from person to person but it s important to maintain a balanced approach in life. The more balance you have, the higher your confidence levels will be. Remember No Man is an Island copyright 2016 The Confident Muslimah 8

8 Action points Write down your strengths. List the ways you can use them and build on them. Remind yourself daily that these are blessings from Allaah Define 3 words the describe the best of who you are e.g. enthusiastic, patient refer to this often Identify areas in life that you re lacking control and list what you can do to affect a positive change in those areas. Think of something you want to achieve. Create a clear and focused action plan breaking down what you will do each day Identify your top goal - List the skills, abilities, resources and knowledge needed to achieve this goal at the highest level Have yourself DISC profiled to create awareness around your behaviour patterns and to find out which environments suit you the best Ask yourself how well you re taking care of others. Who are the most important people in your life and how can you better serve them? List the ways you are you taking care of yourself? What more can you do? List the ways you can improve your connection to Allaah, yourself, family, friends and community The good news is that you have already put these 7 steps into play in some way or another but now it s time to start activating them all consciously at a higher level and InshaAllaah you will feel your confidence levels rise. Confidence is not something you just have, it s something you generate. Apply these 7 steps into your daily practices and you will feel your inner confidence grow. It requires hard work and dedication but the outcome is real long term confidence! Hafsah Adham Confidence Coach for women copyright 2016 The Confident Muslimah 9