Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives

Transcription

1 Managing Difficult People: Turning Negatives Into Positives

2 Let s Start the Day Right! 2 Simple Secrets to Wellness

3 The magic of smile

4 BENEFITS OF SMILE Forever Young! Competence Booster! Stress Buster! Life Span Benefit! Secret to loosing weight!

5 The magic of smile British researchers found that one smile can generate the same level of brain stimulation as up to 2,000 bars of chocolate! And if that's not enough, smiling can actually make you look good in the eyes of others. A recent study at Penn State University found that when you smile, you don't only appear to be more likable and courteous, but you actually appear to be more competent.

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7 2 nd Secret (What You Feed Your Mind) The quality of your entire day depends on how you start it! What you feed your mind first thing in the morning is critical!

8 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE DIFFICULT Definition: hard to do, hard to deal with, hard to carry out, hard to make out (Merriam Webster)

9 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Is DIFFICULTY real or imaginary?

10 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE When something or someone is difficult what do you experience?

11 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE PONDERABLE Conflicts have value.

12 Difficulty in a positive perspective

13 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE All behaviors have their own usefulness.

14 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Differences challenge status quo and provide a platform for change.

15 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the bridge between stability and change.

16 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts serve as feedback.

17 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts form the basis of creativity and innovation.

18 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Conflicts clear up assumptions and build stronger relationships

19 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Differences mean you are in the flow of life a participant, not an observer.

20 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Disturbances & differences are essential for self growth

21 Challenge Try looking at DIFFICULTY on a POSITIVE PERSPECTIVE! Perhaps these difficult people wanted you to GROW, LIVE ADVENTUROUSLY, FACE LIFE BOLDLY and LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY.

22 Wisdom from Mother Theresa

23 Wisdom from Mother Theresa

24 Wisdom from Mother Theresa

25 The Psychodynamics of Difficult People

26 Look & Think Deeper

27 Before Anything Else ARE YOU A DIFFICULT PERSON?

28 YES 1. You have few friends at work 2. You have serious low self esteem at work 3. You feel shunned or ignored at work 4. You feel people pull back when you come close 5. Your boss tells you that you need help

29 Types of Difficult People Cranky Aggressive Sniper Complainer Silent

30 Cranky People Some people may be purposefully cranky because it helps them get their own way. For others, crankiness is simply a reflection of their own inner turmoil.

31 Aggressive People Overly aggressive people expect others to either: Run away from them React with rage

32 Subtle Snipers These people are experts in pot shots and sneak attacks in subtle ways, such as: Humorous put downs Sarcastic tones of voice Disapproving looks Innuendos

33 Complainers These are fearful people who have little faith in themselves or others because they believe in a hostile world. Their constant discouragement and complaining can bring everyone to despair.

34 Silent People They are timid people who, like turtles, retreat into their shells to avoid conflict and responsibility. They get away with not talking because most people are uncomfortable with silence and are too quick to fill in the gaps.

35 How Do We Typically Respond to Difficult People?

36 THE TURTLE Withdraws into shell to avoid conflicts Gives up personal goals and relationships Stays away from conflicting issues and people involved Attitude : I ll withdrawal rather than face the issue.

37 The Shark Overpower others forcing them to accept their resolution. Goals important; Relationships not important Will get what they want at any price! Attack : Attack, overpower, overwhelm and intimidate!

38 The Teddy Bear Relationships important; Goals not much Conflicts damage relationships Want to be liked Attitude : I ll let you have your way so you ll like me.

39 The Fox Moderate concern for goals and others Compromises Strive for agreement in conflict Attitude : To settle things, I ll give up this and you give up that.

40 The Owl Values goals and relationships Collaboration Conflict improves relationships & eases tension Important: Everyone is pleased with outcome Attitude : I m satisfied once conflict is completely resolved.

41 Four Choices These are the difficult people that most people cannot stand working with, talking to, or dealing with. You have four options: NSBA Convention

42 1 st Choice 1. Stay and do nothing Leads to suffering and complaining to someone who can do nothing about it Can be dangerous because frustration builds and gets worse over time Complaining to people who can do nothing tends to lower morale NSBA Convention

43 2 nd Choice 2. Vote with your feet Not all situations are resolvable and some are just not worth resolving If everything you say makes matters worse, remember, discretion is the better part of valor Eleanor Roosevelt said, You re nobody s victim without your permission NSBA Convention

44 3 rd Choice 3. Change your attitude about them Learn to: see them differently, listen to them differently and feel differently around them Change your attitude to set you free from your reaction to the problem you see in their behavior NSBA Convention

45 4 th Choice 4. Change your behavior Change the way you deal with people and they will need to learn new ways to deal with you Once you know what needs to be done and how to do, you will be able to take charge of an unpleasant situation and redirect its result NSBA Convention

46 Don t #1 Don t fight back. Don t try to beat them at their own game. They have been practicing their skills for a long time, and you are a beginner by comparison.

47 Don t #2 Don t try to change the difficult person. You can t change other people. You can only change your response to their behavior. By changing your responses, they may decide to change or they may not. However, you will feel better.

48 Keep Practicing You will break the difficult person s ability to interfere with your effectiveness. You will stand up for yourself in a compassionate and respectful manner. You will feel more confident. You will be able to enjoy your workdays.

49 Observations About People People: Are creatures of habit Behave in certain ways to meet their needs Observations: How we communicate is a habit When our needs are not met, we react Stronger the need, the stronger the reaction NSBA Convention

50 Lens of Understanding Everybody responds to different situations predictably during times of challenge, difficulty, or stress. People tend to move outside their behavior comfort zone and become either more passive or more aggressive than normal. 50

51 Patterns For a better understanding of a person s predictable behavior during times of duress, look for patterns of behavior to determine what people usually focus their attention on in a given situation. 51

52 NSBA Convention

53 Attitude Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it! NSBA Convention

54 Ways Turn Bad To Good Life!!!

55 1. Admit to your emotional pain The frequent attempt to conceal emotional pain increases the burden. Don t do this to yourself. Sure, it is easier to say, My leg is aching than to say, My heart is broken, but that doesn t mean your heart needs less self-care then your leg. If fact, the exact opposite is true.

56 2. Let go of what used to be and no longer is. Letting go is always the healthiest path forward. It clears out toxic attachments and thoughts from the past. You ve got to emotionally free yourself from the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you.

57 3. Detach yourself from your problems. You are a living, breathing human being who is infinitely more complex than all of your individual problems added up together. And that means you re more powerful than them you have the ability to change them, and to change the way you feel about them.

58 4. View challenge as an educational assignment. Every situation in our lives has a lesson to teach us. Some of these lessons include: To become stronger. To trust your instincts. To express your love. To forgive. To know when to let go. To try something new, learn something new, and never look back.

59 5. Ask yourself more positive questions. Would you allow someone else to ask you the demoralizing questions you sometimes ask yourself? I doubt it. So stop and swap them for questions that push you in a positive direction. For instance, What can I do right now to move forward?

60 6. Figure out what works and what doesn t. If you don t like some part of your life, then it is time to start making changes and better choices. Habits that keep us stuck in life are made in each moment, day by day. Undoing these habits takes the same exact path. Focus on the small things you can do right now, not the big things you can t.

61 7. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. The brick walls in life are there for a reason. They are not there to keep you out. They are there to give you a chance to show how badly you want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don t want it as badly as you do. They are there to stop the other people.

62 8. Keep calm and focus on the positive. Don t see the difficulties in today s opportunities, see the opportunities in today s difficulties. And remember that there is always a reason to celebrate. Slowing down long enough to celebrate the small victories creates momentum and inspiration to keep on keepin on.

63 9. Consciously nurture your inner hope. No matter what sort of difficulties is, if you lose your hope, that s your real tragedy. So remember, a loss, a worry, an illness, a dream crushed no matter how deep your hurt or how high your aspirations, do yourself a favor and pause at least once a day, place your hands over your heart and say aloud, Hope lives here.

64 10. Remind yourself that you are not alone. You are not alone. No matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, there are others out there experiencing the same emotions. When you hear yourself say, I am all alone, it is your mind trying to sell you a lie.

65 11. Pay less attention to people s opinions of you. People s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds and experiences. Whether someone thinks or believes you re terrible is more about them. It s far more productive and healthy to let go of other people s good or bad opinions of you, and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.

66 12. Embrace the new, stronger version of YOU As time passes, nobody stays the same, but some people will still tell you that you have changed. Respond to them by saying, Of course I ve changed. That s what life is all about. I m still the same human being, just a little stronger now than I ever was before.

67 Strength doesn t come from comfort; it comes from stretching your comfort zone and overcoming all the things you once thought you couldn t handle. The strongest people are the ones who feel pain, accept it, learn from it, and fight through it. DIOS MABALOS!