INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

Transcription

1 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION BUILD YOUR SKILLS Presented By: Julie LeFils

2 TRAINING OUTLINE Introduction: Why do we Communicate? Interpersonal Communication versus Impersonal Communication Communication Principles and Communication Competence Communication and Identity Biology and the Self Socialization and Self-Concept True Colors Personality Test Communication Climate Message Confirmation Development of Communication Climates Defensiveness

3 INTRODUCTION TO INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION Why do We Communicate? Physical Needs: Better communication leads to better relationships = better health Identity Needs: Communication is the only way we learn who we are. Social Needs: Communication provides a vital link with others Instrumental Goals: Getting others to behave in the way we want What is Interpersonal Communication versus Impersonal Communication? Uniqueness: rules set by the two-four individuals involved Irreplaceability: there is no substitute Interdependence: our identity depends on that relationship Disclosure of personal information: we share our thoughts and feelings Intrinsic Rewards: time spent together is personally rewarding

4 INTRO TO INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION Communication Principles Communication can be intentional or unintentional It s impossible not to communicate Communication is unrepeatable Communication is irreversible Communication has a content and a relational dimension Communication Competence: achieving one s goals in a manner that, in most cases, maintains or enhances the relationship in which it occurs effective and appropriate. Competence is situational Competence can be learned

5 INTRO TO INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION Characteristics of Competent Communicators A wide range of behaviors- competent choice is made based on the situation Ability to choose the most appropriate behavior- you shape your approach Skill at performing behaviors- practice makes perfect Cognitive complexity- considering an issue from several angles Empathy- feeling and experiencing another person s perspective & situation Self-Monitoring- paying attention to your own behavior to shape how you behave Commitment- caring about the relationship and the communication Competence in intercultural communication: culture rules for living (age, occupation, sexual orientation, physical disability, religion, hobby, etc). Effective intercultural communicators possess the attributes of: Motivation- the desire to communicate effectively Tolerance for Ambiguity- accept and embrace incomprehensible messages Open-Mindedness- not seeing another viewpoint as wrong Knowledge and Skill- mindfulness is required to determine the differences

6 Biology and the Self: Personality is formed in part by our genetic makeup In some degree we come programmed to communicate in characteristic ways. But personality is also flexible, dynamic, and shaped by experience Socialization & Self-Concept: Relationships play a central role in how we see ourselves Reflected Appraisal: our self-concept reflects the way we believe others see us this is especially true with significant others, and very powerful during adolescence Social Comparison: evaluating ourselves in terms of how we compare with others Superior or Inferior Same as or Different from others Social Comparison leaves you with either PRIDE or GUILT

7 TRUE COLORS True Colors is a way of determining your personality and communication style Psychologists Carl Jung, Katherine Briggs and Isabel Myers theorized that all people fit into one of four broad categories of personality You will identify your color spectrum that falls into a key personality type: Blue, Gold, Green or Orange. The color type that describes your personality represents your strongest personality traits Every person has some aspect of each color in their personality TIME TO DISCOVER!

8 PLAN A PARTY! No Limits On: Money Time Space

9 GOLD Between 33 and 50% Desires Acceptance by others Material goods Authority Security Leadership Preserve tradition, status quo Reluctant to change Challenges new ideas. Finds the problems Structured, organized Details Follows rules

10 GOLD, your motto is the following: Stay between the lines the lines are our friend Stay between the lines the lines are our friend Order predictability schedule Golds make decisions based on the facts of those decisions Pro/Con list if the pros outweigh the cons that is what you do Bad News: Golds can be anal, rigid, and inflexible at times. Golds have sometimes had the experience of saying something and inadvertently hurting people s feelings when that was not their intention.

11 GOLDS are generally respectful and responsible. They listen for details so they know what their part is. They usually size up a situation for what would be most appropriate before responding. Purposeful, plan ahead Respectful, appropriate Supportive of policies and rules Detail oriented, chronological Loyal, devoted Tips for Communicating with Golds: Be prepared, give details Stay on target, be consistent Show respect, don t interrupt Recognize their contributions

12 GREEN Between 10 and 13% Desires Question and understand everything Unique perspectives Independent Leadership Always look for a better way Can feel alone Big picture/visionary May never finish

13 GREEN, your motto is the following: Why? Why is the sky blue, why does the sun shine? Green s constantly think outside the box and look at the big picture. They question the world around them and push the status quo. Bad News: You are slow as molasses in the snow to make a decision. Left to your own devices you would rather not make a decision and would prefer to table an issue indefinitely.

14 GREENS for the most part, communicate for the purpose of gaining or sharing information. During a conversation, their attention is usually focused on the matter at hand, not on the relationship. Logical and Objective Includes Facts and Information Big Picture, Conceptual, Questioning, Critiquing Wry Sense of Humor Tips for communicating with Greens Allow Them Time to Ponder Skip the "small talk" Avoid Redundancy Give Big Picture or Point first, then fill in details if asked Don't misinterpret their need for info as interrogation

15 BLUE Between 12 and 25% Desires Harmony Positive Attitude Using intuition Leadership Focus on people s feelings/emotions Accept and attend to others, notices lack in others All about relationships Conflict is a challenge

16 BLUE, your motto is: Strangers are friends we have not yet met. Whole hearted, excited and eager, you love to have everyone around you happy and comfortable. You may feel it is your duty to cheer others up You are warm and approachable, a good listener You see the light at the end of the tunnel in a crisis You go to great lengths to bring out the best in others Bad News: Sappy whiners Passive aggressive use others to say what they can t because it might create discord.

17 A BLUE's world revolves around people, relationships, and fostering growth in themselves and others. When speaking, they first focus their attention on establishing a relationship with the person. Friendly, Helpful, Empathetic Optimistic, Expressive with Emotion Fostering or Maintaining Harmony May use metaphors to embellish points Tips for communicating with Blues Acknowledge Them Show Appreciation Include them Have patience Don't "bark" orders

18 ORANGE Between 12 and 33% Desires Immediate impulses Skill oriented Fun Leadership Move, play, compete Quick learners, quick forgetters Negotiators, option oriented Doers

19 ORANGE, you have two mottos: 1) If it is good for me it will be good for you I PROMISE 2) Life is to be lived in pursuit of anything but boredom as far as orange knows boredom = death it has never actually set in, but it has been close. You act on a moment s notice You consider life as a game, here and now You need fun, variety, stimulation, and excitement You value skill, resourcefulness, and courage You are a natural trouble-shooter, a performer, a competitor Bad News: You are loud. You are obnoxious. You are incredibly poorly planned. If it were not for the last minute most things would not happen in your life.

20 ORANGES want to share their opinion the minute it hits their mind. Interested in taking action and being expedient, they may skip the softeners and go straight for the "punch-line. Casual, Playful Spontaneous, Now Oriented Fast-Paced, Changes Subjects Quickly Straightforward, Active, Involved, Mobile Tips for communicating with Oranges Use "Sound Bites" Move with Them While They Multitask Appreciate Their Flair Allow Options and Flexibility Lighten Up

21 Knowing your TRUE Color helps YOU understand YOU What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? Knowing your TRUE Color helps YOU understand OTHERS What Color do you think your best friend is? Your Coworker? Your Spouse? Your Boss? Knowing your COLOR helps YOU figure out how YOU communicate in the world around YOU!

22 COMMUNICATION CLIMATE Communication Climate: communication climate refers to the emotional tone of a relationship the way people feel about and treat each other. Message Confirmation: Climate is dependent in large part by the degree to which people believe they are valued by one another. Confirming Communication messages that convey value Recognition, Acknowledgement, Endorsement Disconfirming Communication - Messages show lack of value by disregarding, ignoring, interrupting Impervious Response: does not acknowledge the other message Irrelevant Response: comment unrelated to what the person said. Impersonal Response: loaded with clichés other statements Incongruous Response: contains two messages that deny or contradict Disagreeing Communication- saying you re wrong and I m right! Aggressiveness, Complaining, Argumentativeness

23 COMMUNICATION CLIMATE Development of Communication Climates Spiral: a self-perpetuation spiral is a reciprocating communication pattern in which each person s message reinforces and leads the others. Can be positive or negative. Escalatory conflict spirals: one attack leads to another until it escalates into a battle. De-escalatory conflict spirals: rather than fighting, the parties slowly lessen their dependence on each other and are less-invested in the relationship. Defensiveness: Face Threatening Acts- messages that seem challenge the image we want to project Defensiveness can show itself whether the person is right or wrong We are immediately defensive when we feel we are being attacked

24 COMMUNICATION CLIMATE Preventing Defensiveness in Others: Researcher Jack Gibb offers tools for reducing defensiveness. The Gibb categories are six types of defense-arousing communication: Evaluation vs. Description: Evaluative statements are filled with judgment and you statements, whereas descriptive language focuses on the speaker s feelings using I language. Control vs. Problem Orientation: Controlling communication imposes solutions with no regard to the receiver, whereas problem orientation finds a solution for both parties. Strategy vs. Spontaneity: Strategy messaging hides ulterior motives with dishonesty and manipulation even if the motives are honorable. Spontaneity is being up-front and honest rather than deceitful. Neutrality vs. Empathy: Neutrality about a situation is being indifferent and showing a lack of concern, whereas empathy means putting yourself in another s place. Superiority vs. Equality: Superiority implies I m better than you, whereas equality focuses on everyone having the same worth regardless of talent or skill. Certainty vs. Provisionalism: Certainty is being positive you are correct and disregarding others opinions, whereas provisionalism is considering all sides

25 COMMUNICATION CLIMATE Reducing Defensiveness - Assertive Message Format: these five elements will help speak your mind in a clear, direct, nonthreatening way to express your thoughts without promoting defensiveness Behavior- a behavioral description states factual information only it does not interpret Interpretation- an interpretation statement describes the meaning you ve attached to another s behavior. Feeling- describing how the behavior makes you feel adds a new dimension of understanding. Consequence- a consequence statement explains what happens as a result of the situation Intentional- an intention statement is the final element and shows the purpose of the message Responding Non-Defensively to Criticism Seek More Information- Ask for specifics and once they are given, paraphrase the ideas Ask Questions- Ask what action the critic wants, ask about the consequences of your behavior Agree with the Critic- this doesn t mean you share the exact opinion, but it does mean you understand. Agree with the facts and agree with the critic s perception.

26 TODAY WE DISCUSSED Introduction: Why do we Communicate? Interpersonal Communication versus Impersonal Communication Communication Principles and Communication Competence Communication and Identity Biology and the Self Socialization and Self-Concept True Colors Personality Test Communication Climate Message Confirmation Development of Communication Climates Defensiveness