Conflict Resolution. 1. Conflict resolution is possible 2. Reconciliation can be learned 3. Talk is cheap. (3/29/12) 1 Dugatkin

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1 Conflict Resolution Conflict in life is inevitable. It happens on the world stage, local communities and in families. War on the battlefield, war on the streets, and war in the home plagues the headlines. Iraq, road rage, little league slug fests, domestic violence. We seem to be better at entering battle than at negotiating peace before the first shot figuratively is fired. Whenever conflict arises, we have three choices. We can reduce it, escalate it, or reconcile it. Unfortunately, if we read the headlines right, escalation is the most common path. But it doesn t have to be. There are tools we can use to improve our chances at reconciliation. For starters, all we have to do is look to other species in the animal kingdom and watch how they resolve conflict. Take the case of the spotted hyena. Like other animals (including humans) that live in close-knit groups, spotted hyenas sometimes fail to get along. But instead of one conflict leading to a more escalated fight, hyenas choose to reduce the level of tension. Within about five minutes of a skirmish, animals that were previously fighting can often be seen playing with one another or engaging in other friendly acts licking, rubbing, calling to one another to bring down the level of tension that existed just moments before. This quickly leads to reconciliation. In our closest relative in the animal kingdom primates conflict resolution through reconciliation has been found in no less than 27 different species. Let s take a closer look at primate reconciliation at work. Consider a typical incident in chimps: Hennie, a young female, has been slapped by Nikkie, the male leader of the group. Nikke s initial act of aggression might have led to an all-out, very dangerous, fight between Hennie and Nikkie. When really angry, chimps are powerful enough to kill one another. Instead of escalating, however, Hennie caresses the spot where she was hit, and just lays in the grass and stares into the distance. Then, fifteen minutes later, Hennie walks straight to a group that includes Nikkie and greets him with a series of soft pant grunts. She offers out her hand for a kiss. Nickie obliges with a hand kiss, and then the two kiss mouth-to-mouth. It s Hennie, the chimp who came off worse in the argument, that initiates the act of making up. There are six lessons outlined below that we can draw from watching other animals move toward reconciliation rather than escalation. 1. Conflict resolution is possible 2. Reconciliation can be learned 3. Talk is cheap (3/29/12) 1 Dugatkin

2 4. Grace in victory is invaluable. 5. There are limits to conflict resolution 6. The benefits of peaceful conflict resolution outweigh the deficits Conflict resolution is possible. Individuals fight with one another in almost every animal species ever studied, which isn t a good sign, because like it or not, we are animals. But when it comes to conflicts, animals face the same three choices that we do when violence emerges reduce the amount of tension, reconcile with one another or escalate the level of aggression. While nonhumans display all sorts of aggression, they also clearly reduce tensions and reconcile, and in so doing, reduce the chance of serious injury that might come from escalation. Take the bottlenose dolphin, for example. Although they seem to have happy grins perpetually plastered on their faces, dolphins are surprisingly aggressive. Yet after a fight, opponents often engage in gentle rubbing or contact swims, in which one dolphin tows another through the water in an act of reconciliation. The animals teach us that despite the real threat of a dangerous fight erupting, violence is not the only end-product. Reconciliation can be learned. Reconciliation is an art that can be learned. Take the case of rhesus monkeys and stumptail monkeys. Aggressive rhesus monkeys rarely opt for reconciliation; stumptails on the other hand have a talent for making up. The question then emerges, what would happen if we reared young individuals from the two species together? Would they all be good at conflict resolution? Bad at it? Fortunately, we know the answer what happens is that young stumptails exert a calming influence over rhesus monkeys, whose behavior toward other group members gradually becomes more and more conciliatory. If animals can learn natural conflict resolution, then surely Homo sapiens can do the same. But we can do more than learn conflict resolution, we can teach it. School programs designed to educate bullies on the art (and skill) of conflict resolution are the tip of the iceberg here. Parents need to teach conflict resolution skills to their children and bosses need to teach it to their employees. We need to teach the art of negotiating. We need to get people to understand that through give and take we can create a world where everyone is better off in the long run. And that means that we need to teach folks to think in terms of the long run. (3/29/12) 2 Dugatkin

3 Talk is cheap. Reconciliation requires more than empty gestures. In pygmy chimps, for example, acts of aggression are often followed by sexual acts including sexual mounts and other erotic activities even if the combatants are the same sex. Indeed, reconciliation in pygmy chimps comes off looking like an X-rated porn flick; and it s clear that sex in the pygmy chimp often has little to do with procreation, and everything to do with reconciliation. The link between reconciliation and sex here is fascinating, as many human couples will tell you that romance after a fight that is, make-up sex is as good as it gets. And there s an important message here talk is cheap. If you want to make up with someone, you have to show that the next time you have a shot at getting physically close to them, you use it peacefully, instead of turning to escalated aggression. Rather than using your hand to make a fist, you can use it to pat someone on the back and reconcile differences. Physical encounters sexual or otherwise expose how vulnerable you are, and that vulnerability means that you re willing to risk it to make up. Though animals are capable of communicating in all sorts of ways, when they choose to resolve their conflicts through reconciliation when they make up with each other it always involves something like touching, feeling, kissing or grasping. Graciousness in victory. In most animal societies, it s the loser of an aggressive interaction that attempts to reconcile. But there are some fascinating exceptions, including the pygmy chimps mentioned above. In pygmy chimps, it s the winner of a fight the one wielding the power who makes the first move in reconciliation, and this appears to make all the difference in establishing a peaceful and productive pygmy chimp society. Indeed, pygmy chimp society is perhaps the most peaceful in all the animal kingdom. When winners signal that they truly want an end to hostility, then it is likely to come about. We have seen this sort of thing in humans World War II ended with unconditional surrender, almost immediately followed by the United States helping her former enemies, Japan and Germany, to rebuild. On the other hand, the history of the Middle East shows us that when the victor in conflict does not act graciously, further violence is almost guaranteed. There are limits to peaceful conflict resolution. Although animal studies show us that reconciliation is most often beneficial, we also see that there are limits. Sometimes attempts at reconciliation are (3/29/12) 3 Dugatkin

4 too costly and have such a low probability of success that they aren t worth the effort. Ring-tailed lemurs, for example, are either friends, interacting peacefully and to mutual benefit almost all the time, or enemies, who never get along. Between friends, reconciliation is unnecessary, and between die-hard enemies it is simply a waste of time. In humans, too, reconciliation is not always the best option. If it s clear that someone is never going to change, that they will continue to be aggressive and only feign reconciliation through empty promises or token gifts (flowers, candy), then it is best not to waste your time at peaceful conflict resolution. Surely, it s better to leave than to continually attempt to reconcile when a marriage involves an abusive partner, for mistakes here can leave you injured, or worse yet, dead. Sometimes the only way to end a conflict is simply to leave. Peaceful conflict resolution provides a suite of benefits. Conflict resolution does more than reduce violence. There are a suite of addition benefits attached to avoiding escalation. For example, without some sort of conflict resolution, animals, especially those low on the dominance totem pole, become very anxious that violence may erupt at any time. And that leads to spikes in stress hormones, which in turn lowers an animal s resistance to disease, and makes it more likely to get sick. In rhesus monkeys, for example, we see that after fights, not only do animals opt to reconcile rather than escalate, but reconciliation leads directly to lower heart rates in winners and losers alike. And lowered heart rates reduce stress hormones and lead to longer, healthier lives. And, of course, lowered stress levels in humans have an array of health-related benefits associated with them as well, for increased stress hormones are associated with high blood pressure, heart disease, sleep problems, and ulcers to name just a few medical conditions. The benefits of reconciliation go far beyond effects on stress hormones. Reconciliation can provide emotion satisfaction as well. Take the case of divorce in humans. People that divorce rather than reconcile their differences and remain married are not only poorer financially, but often simply don t function as well as others who do remain married. These effects are strongest in women and children, who are hit particularly hard in terms of the costs of divorce. Married individuals make more money, live longer, are less likely to commit suicide, and are happier than those who go through a divorce in other words, those that have chosen to escalate rather than reconcile pay a price. Making up gives us emotional as well as economic satisfaction. (3/29/12) 4 Dugatkin

5 The benefits of peaceful conflict resolution also play out at the level of the group. Groups of animals in which reconciliation occurs show greater group cohesiveness. They gather more food, better defend against predators, and outcompete other groups in many ways. In chimps, for example, reconciliation is so beneficial to the group that if neither of the warring individuals will initiate it, a third party usually the most powerful member of the group may step in to broker a deal. And, we see this our own species as well. Organized groups like sports teams, military units, and corporations all have goals. Conflict within these groups makes attaining those goals all the harder. But conflict will almost always occur, and peaceful resolution is the only solution that brings back group cohesion, that brings the group back on course to meet its goals, whatever they may be. It is hard to say if we are more prone to escalation now than in the past. Bits and pieces of evidence from prehistoric cave walls suggest we have a long history of turning to escalation rather than reconciliation. Other species seem to have travelled a different path; a path toward reconciliation. Whenever possible, we need to take hints from these animals, rather than suffer the emotional and physical damage associated with escalation. If we turn to nonhuman species, we see that, in nature, conflict resolution is possible and it can be learned. That resolution requires more than talk, and that grace in victory is essential to the process. And we see that while there are limits to conflict resolution, the benefits often outweigh the costs. We must take these lessons to heart and apply them to conflict resolution in our own species. This is not a call for some sort of nature worship. We need not look to nature and copy all that we see. What we do need to do is use our massive brainpower to draw conclusions from conflict resolution in animals, and apply the lessons learned to our own species. The goal, of course, is to use what we learn from Nature s own tinkering with conflict resolution to rewrite tomorrow s headline. Instead of Violence breaks out between Country 1 and Country 2, or Another School Shooting in Anytown, USA, perhaps we can read of New Conflict Resolution Plan Adopted Pre- Empts War between A and B, or Domestic Violence Reduced New Conflict Resolution Classes Work. At the very least, we can try, and that means using all available tools, including the lessons we can learn from the animals. The hope is that work from nonhumans can act as a sort of guidepost for trying to make ourselves better, more forgiving individuals. (3/29/12) 5 Dugatkin

6 We, like our animal cousins, have choices we can escalate acts of aggression or we can reconcile our differences. (3/29/12) 6 Dugatkin