Living with a Chronic Illness: Courage in the Face of Vulnerability. Ivana Mitchell, MSW, RSW, RP, CDWF September 16, 2017

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1 Living with a Chronic Illness: Courage in the Face of Vulnerability Ivana Mitchell, MSW, RSW, RP, CDWF September 16, 2017

2 About Me O Diagnosed with PV in 2016 O Registered Social Worker and Registered Psychotherapist O Certified Daring Way Facilitator O Retired professional dancer and passionate knitter/crocheter O Super excited to be here! J

3 Adapted from Brené Brown s The Daring Way Workshop Dr. Brené Brown O Fellow social worker and research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work O Spent the past fifteen years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame O Has three #1 NY Times Bestseller Books O 2010 TED Talk Power of Vulnerability rated one of the top five TED talks of all time

4 Vulnerability + Chronic Illness O As a person with PV/PF or a caregiver to a loved one with PV/PF, a time I experienced vulnerability was O Vulnerability feels like

5 Courage is... Vulnerability is - Uncertainty - Risk - Emotional Exposure Essential for Connection Invitation to practice our courage

6 Exposing Vulnerability Myths Myth Vulnerability is weakness I can opt out of vulnerability Vulnerability is oversharing I can go it alone Truth Most accurate measure of courage To be alive is to be in vulnerability 24/7 Sharing with intention to connect (time, trust, boundaries, intimacy) We are hard wired for connection and need help from others

7 Vulnerability and Chronic Illness Having a chronic illness O Imposes unwanted vulnerability into our lives.. It is not something we chose for ourselves O Launches us into lifelong health uncertainty that shows up pre-diagnosis, during treatment, and throughout remission O Can be experienced as traumatic. Of all the things trauma takes away from us, the worst is our willingness or even our ability, to be vulnerable. There s a reclaiming that has to happen

8 Common ways we armour up against vulnerability

9 Perfectionism A self-destructive and addictive belief that says: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgement, and blame O Focus is on controlling perception what will people think? O i.e. I don t want to be seen or perceived as sick, weak, needy

10 Behaviour that attempts to dull the pain that comes from feeling inadequate or less than O Examples: food, shopping, Netflix, sex, work, gossip, alcohol, drugs, exercise, etc. O Cannot selectively numb when we numb the dark, we numb the light Numbing

11 Foreboding Joy A method to minimize vulnerability this is too good to be true O Disconnect from joy by catastrophizing and controlling to avoid feeling pain, hurt, disappointment, etc.

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13 Staying Courageous with a Chronic Illness Separate your identify from your illness O I am large. I contain multitudes Walt Whitman O We are more than our PV/PF O I have an illness versus I am an illness Lean into the discomfort of vulnerability O Feel the hard feelings by naming and validating the emotion (no matter what it is) O Notice thoughts and physical sensations associated with the emotion (without judgement) O Breathe through the discomfort

14 Staying Courageous with a Chronic Illness Practice self-compassion O Being kind to ourselves when we are suffering O Treating and speaking with ourselves like we would someone we love and care about Use permission slips O I give myself permission to O Helps us be realistic and set healthy expectations O Gets in touch with who we are (i.e. our strengths, challenges, and needs)

15 Staying Courageous with a Chronic Illness Engage in activities and hobbies that promote comfort O Think about the intention behind you choice O What does my soul need right now? Create and use a mantra that resonates with you O Words of comfort, hope, optimism, love that you can repeat to yourself when life feels like too much O i.e. Every day and in every day, I am getting better and better

16 Staying Courageous with a Chronic Illness Have a daily gratitude practice O I m feeling vulnerable and I m so grateful for O Builds resilience and cultivates hope Integrate creativity into your daily routine O Includes writing, drawing, cooking, dancing, sculpting, singing, knitting, etc. O When we create, we make meaning, practice our authenticity, and connect more deeply with others

17 Staying Courageous with a Chronic Illness Connect with others with chronic illness O Your journey is yours alone, AND you need others for support, guidance, encouragement, inspiration, and healing O We need to know we are not alone Ask those you trust for what you need O Includes friends, family, health professionals O Independence is an illusion; we need others to stay well O You are worth getting your needs met

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19 Daring Way Workshop We all want to be daring. This workshop helps build shame resilience and a courage practice to show up, be seen, and live brave

20 Rising Strong Workshop If we are brave enough, often enough, we will fall. This workshop is about what it takes to get back up and write a brave new ending

21 THANK YOU!!! Let s stay connected! J ivana@ivanamitchell.com