Your Inner Strengths. You are Strong!

Transcription

1 Your Inner Strengths You are Strong! There is lion inside each of us, one that is ready to roar, but if we ignore it, the lion will waste away. Feed your Inner lion build you character strengths! No matter what kind of challenges or difficulties or painful situations you go through in your life, we all have something deep within us that we can reach down and find the inner strength to get through them.~ Alana Stewart You are strong. You just don t realize it. By strength, I don t mean the ability to lift 300 pounds, or run a marathon, or even work 18 hours non-stop. I m referring to inner strength a particular way of behaving, thinking, or feeling that is authentic and energizing to the user, and enables optimal functioning, development and performance that evoke feelings of energy, joy and authenticity (Linley, 2008). Inner strengths include courage, wisdom, kindness, fairness,

2 love of learning, trust, perseverance, curiosity and many others. We are born with these inner strengths, but we must learn about them and practice them regularly so they are accessible in times of trouble. For example, I ve been working on patience not one of my greater strengths and family and friends are noticing my improvement. The sad thing is many people do not realize they have these inner strengths and that they can use them to improve their lives. According to psychologist Elsie Jones-Smith, Ph.D., you may suffer from strengths blindness for a couple of reasons: You feel so ordinary that your strengths are not in your realm of conscious awareness. In other words; you never think about them. Managers, teachers, family and friends tend to focus on your weaknesses, not your strengths. Identifying and building your inner strength is one key to success in all areas of your life. Importance of Inner Strengths In its simplest form, inner strength is your ability to face and deal with problems. Being strong means that you have the emotional and mental capacity along with the skills needed to resolve problems and you have the energy and determination to see them through to a successful resolution. According to Ryan

3 M. Niemiec (2013), inner strengths show your true core and allow you to live your best life. People who can draw on their inner strengths do not expect to be happy all the time nor do they have a sense of entitlement. They know they have to work for what they get. They live in the present moment, neither regretting the past nor worrying about the future. Inner strength is also known as character. According to author Joan Didion, character is the willingness to accept responsibility for one s own life is the source from which self-respect springs. According to Didion, it is a discipline, a habit of mind that can never be faked; but can be developed, trained, coaxed forth. People with character exhibit a certain toughness, a kind of moral nerve. Basic Inner Strengths Psychologists have been studying inner strengths for decades. The work of Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman, as documented in Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and Classification (2004), is described as a rigorously scientific measure of the humanistic ideals of values and character strengths and is the basis for research and cognitive behavioral therapy approaches to character. They identified 24 basic character strengths grouped in six values categories: Wisdom and Knowledge: creativity, curiosity, openmindedness, love of learning, perspective, innovation Courage: bravery (valor), perseverance, integrity

4 (trust), vitality/zest Humanity: kindness, love, social intelligence Justice: fairness, leadership, teamwork, citizenship Temperance: forgiveness & mercy, humility/modesty, prudence, self-regulation Transcendence: appreciation of beauty and excellence, gratitude; hope/optimism, humor/playfulness, spirituality As part of their research, Seligman and Peterson, along with others from the VIA Strengths Institute, developed and published the VIA Survey of Character Strengths survey. It is one of the most rigorously tested personal assessment tools with more than 200 published, peer-reviewed studies attesting to its validity and reliability. In other words, it accurately measures your strengths. What are your inner strengths? Identifying Your Inner Strengths The first step in using your inner strengths is to take the VIA Survey. (It is free!) Then, pick one of your highest scoring strengths to work on. The concept is that a rising tide raises all boats. By working on your highest scoring strengths, you improve your other strengths because they are all connected. So, you are more likely to succeed. Or, if you prefer, you can discover your strengths by

5 answering the questions* below. Answering these questions will give you a head start on how and why certain strengths are important to you and how you can best develop and use them: How do you overcome challenges? What valuable insights, skills, or strengths have you grained from overcoming challenges? What are your go-to skills? What do you see as your life s purpose? What do people compliment you on? What do you feel proud of? What makes you genuinely happy? When are you self-disciplined? When are you creative? What activities give you the feeling of clarity, calmness, creativity and success? What motivates you? What activities totally absorb you.? After you answer these questions, review your answers in the context of the 24 strengths identified by Seligman and his associates. What character traits did you draw on in answering these questions. Then answer the following two questions: Which three character strengths do you feel passionate about; excite you or make you curious to know more? What makes you feel passionate, excited or curious about these three traits? Now, select one of these three strengths to work on. Building and Using Your Inner Strengths

6 Put your life in good hands your own. Identify, develop and use your inner strengths. Two essential tools for building and using inner strengths are mindfulness and compassion. Mindfulness keeps you anchored in the present. It keeps you from getting caught up in the emotions of the moment or making judgments about it. Focus on what is in front of you here and now. Don t spend time reexamining the past or worrying about the future. The only thing you can do is deal with what is going on right here and now. Compassion starts with you. By being compassion with yourself, you cut yourself some slack, which helps you stay in the present moment. You cannot have compassion for others if you are not compassionate with yourself. Plus, no one deserves your kindness and compassion more than you do. Here are some strategies to help you develop your inner strengths. Look at every situation objectively Shakespeare wrote There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so. He borrowed this concept from ancient Stoic philosophy that there is no good or bad, there is only perception. Author and Stoic scholar Ryan Holiday suggests that you can have the greatest plan in the world but if you don t see the situation clearly, it doesn t matter. Emotions cloud your judgement and interfere with decision-making, both of which can lead to bad choices.

7 Let go of any sense of entitlement. Contrary to popular belief, life owes you nothing or as songwriter Joe Smith wrote: I beg your pardon I never promised you a rose garden. Along with the sunshine there s gotta be a little rain sometime. When you take you gotta give, so live and let live and let go. You are responsible for your own happiness and well-being, but you may have unrealistic expectations and resist reality that does not match those expectations according to Paul Harvey, Ph.D., a psychology professor and researcher at the University of New Hampshire. Accept that happiness is temporary. Life is full of ups and downs and the down times help you appreciate the up times. So, building and drawing on your inner strengths means that you go with the flow; taking life as it comes; looking at each event objectively; and making the most reasonable decision possible in each situation. Be realistic, yet hopeful. Psychologist Sophia Chou uses the term realistic optimist to describe people who are able keep going when facing an obstacle or when they have failed at something. According to Dr. Chou, every time realistic optimists face an issue, a challenge or a problem they don t say I have no choice and this is the only thing I can do. They develop a plan A, plan B, and plan C. The glass really is half full. Stick to your goals. Psychologist Angela Duckworth found that perseverance or grit the passion and stamina to reach long-term goals is the most important factor in success not intelligence, good looks, or physical health. Accept the things you cannot change. It does no good to spend time, effort, or worry on things you cannot change. Ancient

8 Stoic philosophers called this the art of acquiescence or making the best of a situation over which you have no control. Today, we call it the Serenity Prayer accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference. Appreciate your life the good and the bad. It is easy to appreciate the good in your life and much harder to appreciate the bad, if you even think of doing such a thing. But, it is from the problems and obstacles you face that you learn the most about your strengths, weaknesses and what is important to you. It doesn t matter if you succeed or fail, there are lessons to learn. As the German philosopher Nietzsche wrote That which does not kill us makes us stronger. Or, on a more positive note, as my friend Earnest, the social worker always says, There is no such thing as a bad experience if you learn something from it. Your Inner Strengths Challenge You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... You must do the thing you think you cannot do. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt After you have identified your inner strengths, select one of your highest scoring strengths to work on. Remember that a rising tide raises all boats and by working on one of your greater strengths, you will be building all of your strengths. Download My Inner Strengths Development Plan worksheet below to help you think through, create and follow through on your plan. Share your insights or with us in the Comments section below. My Inner Strengths Development Plan

9 Consider This Take full account of the excellences which you possess, and in gratitude remember how you would hanker after them, if you had them not. ~ Marcus Aurelius Riddle Me This.. Q: What did one plate say to the other plate? A: Dinner is on me. * Adapted from questions developed by the Positive Psychology Program, Maastricht University, The Netherlands. References Linley, P. A. (2008) Average to A+: Realizing Strengths in Yourself and Others (Strengthening the World), Coventry, UK: CAPP Press. Seligman, M. & Peterson, C. Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and Classification, New York: NY Oxford University Press, 2004 Smith-Jones, E. (2013) Strengths-Based Therapy: Connecting Theory, Practice and Skills, Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications. Niemiec, R. M. (2013). VIA character strengths: Research and practice (The first 10 years). In H. H. Knoop & A. Delle Fave (Eds.), Well-being and cultures: Perspectives on positive psychology (pp ). New York: Springer. Duckworth, A., Grit: The Power of Passion and Perserverence, Ted Talks, April 2013 Photo Credits Cat/Lion: Live Life Fiercely

10 Woman Showing Her Strength: MoveInLine Word Cloud: Character Strengths: Why Character Matters, Soaring Words Man Thinking About His Strengths: Six Figure Income Hand Holding Key: Stock Arch Plan, Goal, Strategy, Goal Strategy Meeting Objectives, Telco Marcus Aurelius: Archaeological Museum of Istanbul, Turkey Comments Name(required) (required) Comment(required) Submit