Day #3 of 8 Types of Attachment & Communication. Roster: Handouts:

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1 Day #3 of 8 Types of Attachment & Communication April 15, 2016 Roster: Please verify your information and put a checkmark next to your name or add your name. Handouts: Please pick up a copy of today s handouts. 1

2 Love & Loss April 15, 2016 Day #3 of 8 3 Types of Attachment Formation Mary Ainsworth Attachment Formation & Adult Relationships Men s vs. Women s Communication Styles Deborah Tannen 2

3 ATTACHMENT is the tendency of human infants and animals to become emotionally close to certain individuals and to be calm and soothed while in their presence. A person who was soothed in the presence of a specific other person and felt calm around them, could be said to feel an attachment. From: 3

4 ATTACHMENT let s take another look at the twins, Brielle and Kyrie. 4

5 Brielle Kyrie In isolation: Brielle was fussy and not gaining weight. With Kyrie: Brielle became more calm and thrived. 5

6 CORTISOL THE STRESS HORMONE 6

7 Brielle Kyrie In isolation: Brielle had higher levels of cortisol. With Kyrie: Brielle had lower levels of cortisol. 7

8 The Autonomic Nervous System It is the interface between our central nervous system and our internal organs, glands, and smooth muscle tissue. It serves to monitor and regulate our internal environment. 8

9 The Autonomic Nervous System Parasympathetic Branch Relaxed & Safe (response to the old/familiar) Adapted/Habituated Bladder Walls contract Bladder Sphincter Muscle is not contracted Conserve energy (Sleep/Feed & Breed) Lacrimal gland secretes Lower levels of cortisol (Parasympathetic Overshoot) after intense excitement 9 Sympathetic Branch Excited & On Alert (response to the new/unfamiliar) Novelty Effect Orienting Bladder Walls are not contracted Bladder Sphincter Muscle contracts Burn energy (Fight/Flight & Freeze) Dry/burning eyes Higher levels of cortisol

10 Brielle Kyrie Isolation was unfamiliar: Brielle was more excited and on alert. Being with Kyrie was familiar and safe: Brielle became more relaxed. 10

11 The Autonomic Nervous System Parasympathetic Branch Relaxed & Safe Sympathetic Branch Excited & On Alert We each have a baseline level of arousal. Different factors influence our level of arousal B = f(p x E) 11 and for each task, there is an optimal level of arousal at which we will perform our best.

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13 THE LEVEL OF PHYSIOLGICAL AROUSAL LOW = relaxed Parasympathetic Branch HIGH = on alert Sympathetic Branch B = f(p x E) Arousal = (Person x Environment) 13

14 SITUATION FACTORS HIGH & LOW LEVEL OF AROUSAL TASKS HIGH level of arousal tasks = new, dangerous, face-to-face contact with strangers, service-oriented jobs, commission-based pay LOW level of arousal tasks = Old (familiar), safe, contact with things/machines/files only, productoriented jobs, interval-based pay

15 THE LEVEL OF PHYSIOLGICAL AROUSAL LOW = relaxed Parasympathetic Branch HIGH = on alert Sympathetic Branch B = f(p x E) Arousal = (Person x Environment) 15

16 PERSON FACTORS INTROVERSION & EXTROVERSION Introverts = Have a HIGH baseline level of arousal. They reach the optimal level of arousal with very little stimulation. They tend to seek lower levels of stimulation than extroverts. Seek Low-Arousal tasks. Extroverts = Have a LOW baseline level of arousal. They reach the optimal level of arousal with a lot of stimulation. They tend to seek higher levels of stimulation than introverts. Seek High-Arousal tasks.

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18 We contact. 18

19 We contract. 19

20 Our Inner Goldilocks 20

21 ATTACHMENT To what or to whom are we likely to become attached? Let s look at an early relationship interaction. 21

22 EDWARD TRONICK S DANCE OF SYNCHRONICITY & THE STILL FACE 22

23 3 Types of Temperament ALEXANDER THOMAS, STELLA CHESS & HERBERT G. BIRCH Observed 141 children at 2 months, 6 months, 1 yr., 2 yrs., 5 yrs., 10 yrs. Easy Slow to Warm Up Difficult Spirited On today s information page, see the link to: Mary Kurcinka 23

24 3 Types of Attachment Formation Mary Ainsworth Secure (Anxious) Avoidant Anxious Ambivalent Resistant A video clip on our Day #3 Information Page The Strange Situation Mary Ainsworth (3:15) 24

25 Mary Ainsworth s Strange Situation Parent & Baby play Parent as a secure base - Parent sits while Baby plays Stranger Anxiety - Stranger enters and talks to Parent Separation Anxiety - Parent leaves Stranger lets Baby play & comforts if needed Reaction to Reunion - Parent returns, greets Baby, comforts if needed, Stranger leaves Separation Anxiety - Parent leaves Stranger Anxiety and Ability to be soothed by stranger - Stranger enters, comforts if needed Reaction to Reunion - Parent returns, greets Baby, comforts if needed, lets Baby return to play 25

26 Four Attachment Types Secure Attachment: A child who is securely attached to its caregiver will explore freely while the caregiver is present, will engage with strangers, will be visibly upset when the caregiver departs, and happy to see the caregiver return. The child will not engage with the stranger if the caregiver is not in the room. Anxious-Ambivalent Insecure Attachment: A child with an anxious-resistant attachment style is anxious of exploration and of strangers, even when the caregiver is present. When the caregiver departs, the child is extremely distressed. The child will be ambivalent when she returns and will seek to remain close to the caregiver, but will be resentful, and also resistant when the caregiver initiates attention. Avoidant Anxious-Insecure Attachment: A child with an anxious-avoidant attachment style will avoid or ignore the caregiver and show little emotion when the caregiver departs or returns. The child will not explore very much, regardless of who is there. Strangers will not be treated very differently from the caregiver. There is not much emotional range displayed regardless of who is in the room or if it is empty. Disorganized/Disoriented attachment: Characterized in Ainsworth's "strange situation" task as a child who exhibits behavioral disorganization or disorientation in the form of wandering, confused expressions, freezing, undirected movements, or contradictory patterns of interaction with a caregiver. 26

27 Temperament & Attachment Style Nature or Nurture? 27

28 Identical Twins Separated at Birth Twin Female Teenagers A B 28

29 Attachment Style... and memory. 29

30 Attachment Style at age 1 was measured in 53 Children 29 Secure and 24 Insecure (Ambivalent & Avoidant) Memory for events at age 3 was measured in these same children for good events & bad events 30

31 3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS Child Attachment Type at 12 months Secure Insecure Memory for Good Event Memory for Bad Event 31

32 3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS Child Attachment Type at 12 months Memory for Good Event Memory for Bad Event Secure Very Good Very Poor Insecure 32

33 3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS Child Attachment Type at 12 months Memory for Good Event Memory for Bad Event Secure Very Good Very Poor Insecure Very Poor Very Good 33

34 Attachment Formation & Adult Relationships 34

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36 REJECTION SENSITIVITY is related to poor attachment formation. Insecure Attachment Formation Mania love style More focused on Safety & Belongingness needs 36

37 Rejection Sensitivity If Relationship Involvement is Low The person will likely terminate the relationship at any sign of rejection. 37

38 Rejection Sensitivity If Relationship Involvement is High The person will likely become jealous, controlling, hostile, and then abusive at any sign of rejection. 38

39 nearing our half-year anniversary. 39

40 Communication Styles 40

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43 Written Question 43

44 LOVE & COMMUNICATION STYLES: WOMEN S AND MEN S DEBORAH TANNEN 44

45 FEMALE COMMUNICATION - EXPRESSIVE - The person already feels intimate (willing to share concerns) and expresses (shares) thoughts, emotions, and behaviors as a means to express and enhance the intimacy. Sharing a concern is an expression of intimacy. Silence = no intimacy. 45

46 MALE COMMUNICATION - INSTRUMENTAL The person wants to change the universe (solve a problem or increase status) communication is an instrument (a means) to change things. Silence = no problem. Sharing a concern may decrease status. 46

47 HOMECOMING GREETINGS John Prine s Angel from Montgomery How See can the a person humorous go to video work oneach day, Men s come Brains home & in Women s the evening, Brains on and today s have information nothing to page say? 47

48 LOVE & SEX 48

49 LOVE & SEX 1st Female Love - Male Sex 2nd Sex Love Sex as a mode of communication: Expressive of love felt or Instrumental in getting love Two versions of The Love Song Female & Male 49

50 LOVE or SEX? #1 Female Love Male Sex Which is most special? 50

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54 See Gottman s 7 Principles on our Day #3 NotePages. 54

55 TREASURE MOMENTS TOGETHER. 55

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61 May you find your treasure everyday! 61

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