Season. Every. small things matter the most. A Mother s Treasure is Her Daughter. for

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1 SUMMER 2016 A Bereavement Newsletter from Seasons Hospice Foundation for Every Season A Mother s Treasure is Her Daughter A mother and daughter are linked by bonds that can t be broken. They share a deep and resilient connection that sometimes only shows itself when working through life s challenges. Clara Johnson is a single mother. Her daughter, Cydney, has always been by her side. To say that they ve been through a lot together would be an understatement. This was especially true when they learned that Clara was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) in 2014 at the age of 53. The bond between Cydney and Clara has only been strengthened in the years since Clara s diagnosis. Cydney has been caring for her mother since they learned of Clara s ALS. Their love for each other is sometimes unspoken but has always been visible to the Seasons Hospice team that has walked alongside them. It has been clear that their bond has only grown stronger through their challenges and continues to be their foundation of strength during this difficult time. As often happens with the families we are honored to serve, the Seasons Hospice team has developed a close relationship with Clara and Cydney. Hospice is often about making sure that patients and families get to experience their best moments together in the time they have to share, and Seasons wanted to help create an unforgettable experience for this mother and her daughter. The Seasons team worked with Home Helpers (a home health agency that assisted Clara before she was on hospice) and the Seasons Hospice Foundation to give Clara and Cydney a truly unforgettable moment together. (continued on pg. 2) small things matter the most

2 (continued from pg. 1) There are just some moments in your life that you need your Mom there, and going wedding dress shopping is one of them, said Wendy Diehls, Social Worker for Seasons Hospice & Palliative Care. We wanted to be able to capture this milestone for Clara and Cydney and create a day for them to spend together where they were just mother and daughter no disease, no sickness, no saying, I can t do this. Wendy worked with Carolyn Schweitzer, Executive Director of Home Helpers, to organize this legacy project and grant Clara and Cydney their wish. Home Helpers hired a transport company to pick up Clara and Cydney for a full day of mother/daughter fun shopping, lunch, and just getting out of the house! Stone Manor Bridal opened early to provide Clara and Cydney with a private shopping experience. Cydney was able to try on several wedding dresses, and a professional photographer was there to capture it all. After many dresses (and much input from her mom), Cydney said yes to the dress! I would like to personally thank all of my Seasons team for making the day such a happy one for me, said Clara. The care and thoughtfulness you put into every detail brought joy to my heart. Looking at all the smiling faces who had a hand in making my daughter s life fulfilled and seeing my daughter s face when she realized how many people care about her were both successes. For the Seasons Hospice Foundation and Clara s hospice team, the event was about so much more than simply purchasing the wedding dress it was about enhancing the quality of life for Clara. When Jan Kwiatkowski, Chaplain, and Carissa Herhuth, Music Therapist, visited Clara and Cydney, they noticed a profound difference in them. Cydney has done a lot of reflecting since that day when they went dress shopping, said Jan. She and Clara have had some deeply reflective mother-daughter conversations about life, coping, and the impact that Clara s ALS has had on Cydney. They ve had time to share hopes and dreams for Cydney s future, and come closer to terms with Clara s diagnosis. Clara is feeling more and more at peace and feels confident that Cydney will be OK when she passes. There are moments in life some big, some small. You never realize how big of an impact these moments can have. Being able to share a day of fun, laughter, and wedding dresses helped Clara and her daughter in ways they ll never forget. Mothers and daughters never truly part. They are bound in the beating of each other s heart. Charlotte Gray For more information on how to make a donation to the Seasons Hospice Foundation to help provide legacy projects for our patients and families, please foundation@seasons.org or call Author 2

3 When Grief Comes to Work By Nancy Sherman, LICSW Dealing with grief not only affects the worker who is personally experiencing a loss, but his or her co-workers too. And if a co-worker dies, many people throughout the workplace can be impacted. The workplace then needs to find a balance between ensuring that work responsibilities are fulfilled while at the same time allowing employees to feel supported. When people are grieving, some of the characteristics they might exhibit which can impact work are: reduced concentration, anger, withdrawal/isolation, difficulty making decisions, impulsiveness, and health issues. Why Do Something about It? Grief is not a weakness, it s a necessity. Most workplaces allow for a couple of days of bereavement leave. However, anyone who has lost a loved one knows this may provide time to plan and participate Did you know? 30 million people grieve each day in the United States Depression accounts for nearly $12 billion in lost work days each year Reduced productivity costs employers more than $11 billion per year in a funeral, but the actual grieving doesn t even start until days and even months later. While some might argue that it is simply kind and compassionate for a workplace to be supportive of grieving employees, it actually also has work-related benefits. An employee who feels supported is more likely to be productive. Studies also show that the best predictors of employee satisfaction, commitment to their employers, and employee retention were the quality of their workplace and the extent to which employees perceived their workplace as supportive. What may seem like a small gesture to us may be a source of lasting support to someone who has suffered a loss. Seasons Hospice Welcomes Gisèle Crowe Gisèle Crowe joined Seasons Hospice Foundation as Executive Director in With more than 20 years of fundraising experience, she will help expand the connections of the non-profit and lead fundraising and outreach efforts in the 19 states where Seasons Hospice & Palliative Care serves. Gisèle holds a Bachelor s degree in Economics from the University of Alabama at Birmingham and has led fundraising efforts for non-profits all over the country, including the University of Alabama School of Medicine, The Cradle Foundation, and Rainbow Hospice and Palliative Care, among others. She is a member of Omicron Delta Epsilon, Women in Development North, and the Association of Fundraising Professionals. She is also a member of the Northbrook Women s Association and leads two Girl Scout troops in Northbrook, Illinois, where she lives with her husband and their three daughters. 3

4 What to Do If You Are Grieving Accept that healing from grief takes time. Accept that you may feel stressed, have trouble concentrating, be more emotional, be less productive be proactive in talking with your supervisor about this. Accept that people can be uncomfortable about loss and what to say, and be ready to ask for what you may need. Seek out people who can accept your sadness and with whom you can talk personal and/or professional sources of support. If you manage someone who is grieving: Acknowledge the loss. Many people report returning to work and no one mentions it. Be clear about expectations, but allow for flexibility and perhaps even modifying responsibilities for a time. Remember that most grieving people feel isolated and won t ask for help or state what they may need, so consider initiating a conversation about what might meet everyone s needs, and also be sure to check in occasionally. Ask the employee what information they are comfortable having shared. Maintain some information about grief and grieving resources, such as support groups and counselors, which you can share with the employee. People express grief in many ways. Try to avoid making any judgment about how well someone is handling their grief. What may seem like a small gesture to us may be a source of lasting support to someone who has suffered a loss. Avoid clichés such as, I know how you feel or at least he didn t suffer. If you feel uncertain what to say, a simple I m so sorry or even I don t know what to say can be enough. If a co-worker/employee has died: Make it possible for as many employees as wish to, to attend visiting hours or services. Particularly when a loss is unexpected, people often need to talk about it. Expect some reduced productivity or lack of concentration. Create a book of memories to give the family. Many families are not aware of how their loved one was perceived or valued at work. As an organization or department, contribute to a charity in honor of the employee. Create a scholarship or charitable fund in honor of the employee, or a workplace memorial, such as planting a tree, placing a plaque, etc. Be sensitive to employees reactions when it comes time to hire a replacement for the employee who has died. It may be difficult for some to accept the new person. When an employee or employees who have experienced a loss receive from their employer the respect, time and support they need in order to grieve, not only is their personal process made easier and their healing thus facilitated, but the workplace stands to benefit from having an employee who is more committed, productive and happy because they felt supported. 4

5 Rituals for Comfort: Making Meaning from Life s Patterns By Sharon Arkoff, LCSW Whether it s expected or sudden, a death can be a tremendous disruption for friends and family members. In the midst of this chaos, staying with and creating rituals can be one source of strength and peace. Rituals as elaborate as a formal memorial service or as simple as taking a daily walk can give us structure when everything else seems out of order, and can give us purpose when we wake up asking, What do I do today? Rituals are also a very personal way to honor the person who has passed. It used to be that rituals around a death, especially within the church, consisted of the priest or other officiant telling the attendees what to do, notes John Gianino, a chaplain with Seasons Hospice and Palliative Care in Burlington, Mass. Now, though, rituals are becoming much more individualized, in a way that I think is wonderful. People have much more freedom and encouragement to honor a loved one by reading poems or even just sayings that the loved one would have liked, or performing rituals in places that were special to the one who has died. And if we look around us, we can see people of all ages and walks of life engaging in rituals to cope with grief. A child may ask for a bedtime story to continue the ritual remembered from before the loss of a parent. A neighbor may take a ride to a bakery every Saturday and buy the cinnamon buns that she and her late spouse enjoyed together. A neighbor sitting down to dinner may light a candle scented with a fragrance special to the loved one who has died. Family members may make a pilgrimage to a place they have always wanted to go. Regardless of the form it takes, a structured ritual helps us build a bridge between life before a death, and life after it. Does a ritual need to be followed diligently forever to be a source of strength? Certainly not; a ritual followed for a few days or months is no less meaningful than one followed for years. But engaging in rituals for at least some time, even if just for one day, may be important. When people don t engage in some form of ritual, even if it s just gathering for dinner or saying a few words on the anniversary of a death, they might be denying themselves the comfort of hearing other people recall memories of the loved one, or possibly hearing new stories, explains Chaplain Gianino. Having friends or even strangers observe your rituals and add to them with their own memories can be a source of great comfort and companionship for us all. A structured ritual helps us build a bridge between life before a death, and life after it. 5

6 Helping Others through SEASONS HOSPICE FOUNDATION A gift to Seasons Hospice Foundation marks the love and joy that someone brought to our lives, while also helping other patients and their families. You can be confident that your generous gi is used to enrich lives. Your gi stays close to home and makes a difference to the patients and families in the communities where your honoree was cared for by Seasons Hospice & Palliative Care. To honor your loved one by making a gift or to learn more about the Seasons Hospice Foundation, please visit seasonsfoundation.org or call Shafer Ct., Suite 700 Rosemont, IL ADDRESS SERVICE REQUESTED forevery seasonsfoundation.org Season If our mailing records need to be updated, or if you would like to receive this newsletter electronically, please contact Seasons Hospice Foundation at , ext. 4. Seasons Hospice Foundation and Seasons Hospice & Palliative Care are pleased to offer children s bereavement camps to the communities that we serve. These camp programs are provided free of charge to bereaved children. Dates of Upcoming Camps in 2016 are: Camp Erin Milwaukee - July 8-10 Camp Kangaroo Illinois - August 5-7 Camp Kangaroo Texas - October 8-10 Camp Kangaroo Broward - November SUPPORT S E A S O N S H O S P I C E B E R E AV E M E N T G R O U P S Bereavement support programs and grief counseling services are available free of charge. For more information, please contact Seasons Hospice & Palliative Care of Missouri at Tears are a river that takes you somewhere Seasons Hospice & Palliative Care 3660 South Geyer Road Suite 120 St. Louis, Missouri Toll free: Tears lift your boat off the rocks, off dry ground, carrying it downriver to someplace better. Clarissa Pinkola Estés 6