Making Sense of Anxiety in Youth
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1 in Youth A presentation of Dr. Gordon Neufeld s material Presented Colleen Drobot, B.Ed. RPC, Neufeld Institute Faculty Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld.PhD. All rights reserved Please do not duplicate this document without permission. For more information regarding Dr. Neufeld and his work, consult his website at For more information regarding the private practice or other presentation/courses by Colleen Drobot, visit or colleendrobot@me.com.
2 Presented by Colleen Drobot. Based on the work of Dr. Gordon Neufeld Question # 1 What is anxiety and where does it come from? Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 1
3 What is anxiety? Where does anxiety come from? from an activated alarm system Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 2
4 What is anxiety? a vague sense of unsafety and unease, characterized by apprehension and restlessness one s subjective experience of an activated alarm system Question # 2 What is the alarm system and how does it work? Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 3
5 What is the alarm system? - is mediated by the LIMBIC SYSTEM with the amydala registering the threat and the hypothalamus orchestrating the response - the autonomic nervous system is involved through the SYMPATHETIC NERVOUS SYSTEM - the AROUSAL and ATTENTION systems are highly involved with alarm given high priority - the IMMUNE and ENDOCRINE systems are highly involved - special neurotransmitters are used for transmitting alarm - the fetus has a working alarm system by the sixth month How does the alarm system work? Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 4
6 ((ALARM))! conscientious careful concerned cautious ((ALARM))! futility! Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 5
7 ((ALARM))! futility! rest & relief! recalibration! resilience! resourcefulness! ADAPTATION! futility! lacks tears of futility! ((ALARM))! requires mixed feelings! C O U R A G E! ADAPTATION! Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 6
8 lacks tears of futility! ((ALARM))! ADAPTATION! requires mixed feelings! brave but not foolish perseveres C O U R A G E! goaldirected tempered Feeling ALARMED should move us to CAUTION is that is possible to CRY if that is futile. to take COURAGE if what alarms is in our way. Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 7
9 Question # 3 What is it that alarms us so? What is it that alarms us so? facing the lack or loss of proximity with what or whom we are attached to Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 8
10 Attachmentt that drive or relationship characterized by the pursuit and preservation of proximity belonging & loyalty SENSES sameness being known Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 9
11 belonging & loyalty SENSES samenes s being known typical experiences of separation - birth, bedtime, arrival of a sibling, moving - parents working, going to school, daycare, camp, shuffling between parents, boarding school - not being chosen, wanted, liked, recognized, significant, valued, favoured, by those attached to - facing death, realizing the inevitability of death, the realization that bad things can happen to those attached to - experiences of adoption and divorce Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 10
12 some hidden faces of separation - Becoming a separate being - Feeling responsible for parents feelings or actions or responsible for preserving the proximity with parents - Possessing a secret that could divide - Undeveloped attachment - Success, especially if you take credit for it - The dawining realization that parents cannot keep one safe or that bad things can happen to them - A fear of not measuring up What is anxiety? a vague sense of unsafety and unease, characterized by apprehension and restlessness our subjective experience of an activated alarm system a VEILED response to facing separation Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 11
13 Question # 4 Why is it so difficult to see the separation we are facing? Why can t we connect our anxiety to the separation we are facing? We are protected from seeing that which would make us feel too vulnerable or too wounded. Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 12
14 The most vulnerable experience for creatures of attachment is facing separation. different than others maternal rejection not liked by a teacher grandma might die not invited to party Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 13
15 We become blinded by the experiences that affect us the most. -> orphans the feelings of alarm, divorcing them from their cause -> displaces the alarm to what CAN be seen (to that which is less blinding) -> gives rise to alarming OBSESSIONS ie, irrational reasons for alarm (cognitive backfill) What is anxiety? a vague sense of unsafety and unease, characterized by apprehension and restlessness the subjective experience of an activated alarm system a VEILED response to facing separation alarm without eyes Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 14
16 Question # 5 How does defensive blindness disable the alarm system? Defendedness & Dysfunction Anxiety-Based Problems - signs include not feeling safe, anxiety reducing behaviour, phobias, nightmares, obsessions, compulsions, panic attacks! Agitation-Based Problems - signs include not talking about feeling scared or nervous, hyperness or tension, restlessness, recklessness, can t stay out of harm s way, doesn t see trouble coming, impulsiveness, scattered attention! Adrenalin-Based Problems - devoid of feelings of alarm, attracted to what alarms, lacks attachment conscience, engages in alarming behaviour! Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 15
17 irrational obsessions compulsive behaviours s k e w ed over-cautious overconscientious over-concerned ((ALARM))! futility is not felt! ADAPTATION! blind to the true source of alarm! C O U R A G what truly alarms is not faced! E! Irrational Obsessions (false idea of what is wrong) Someone or something is out to hurt me or to get me. Something is wrong with my health or my functioning or is going to make me sick. Something is out of order or out of place. Something is wrong with my body or with how I look. Some places or situations are dangerous or unsafe. Something has been left undone. I might not measure up. Related Compulsions (to avoid alarm & reduce anxiety) work at avoiding the monsters and scary creatures, avoid getting conned, uncover people s plots work at keeping things clean, at not getting sick, at avoiding germs, at avoiding contamination work at putting things in order and preserving order work at improving one s appearance or at changing one s shape work at avoiding the things and situations that make one feel unsafe work at remembering to complete one s tasks work at getting things perfect, doing things right, improving oneself Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 16
18 typical signs of elevated anxiety - unrelenting sense that something is wrong or that something bad is going to happen! - persistent feelings of nervousness or tension, lack of safety! - dreams reflect the emotional theme of alarm (eg, nightmares)! - motor energy of alarm may find release through nervous tics and muscle spasms! - periodic waves of unexplained panic! ADDRESSING ANXIETY Six surprising solutions to a growing problem Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 17
19 Solution # 1 Reduce the separation the youth is facing. Reduce Separation any separation that can be avoided experiences where student faces separation from separation-based disciplines any separation that cannot be avoided Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 18
20 Bridge what could divide Solution # 2 Provide a sense of rest and safety. Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 19
21 PROVIDE REST & SAFETY overwork the alarm system the work of the relationship the ALPHA ROLES in a studen s life from wounding by others - wounding " by parents! - not being " held on to! - losses and " lacks! t a c h t m e n - peer or " sibling rejection! a t ADULT Youth a t t e n t a c h m - shaming or " put-downs! - not feeling liked, wanted " or valued! - feeling too much to handle! Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 20
22 Solution # 3 Foster an accepting attitude to alarm & anxiety. ACCEPT ANXIETY anxiety an alarming experience symptoms or irrationality and depersonalize the experience and make room for the experience Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 21
23 Solution # 4 Help find acceptable substitutes for reducing anxiety. Solution # 5 Bring the alarmed student to rest and build resilience by helping soften the defenses when appropriate. Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 22
24 Solution # 6 Cultivate courage first by fanning desires that will answer their fears, and then by helping to find the mixed feelings when ready. Copyright 2011 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 23
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