The C Word Change Perspectives and Practical Approaches

Transcription

1 The C Word Change Perspectives and Practical Approaches Stearns County Service Center Oct. 27, 2016 drs. Carolien Moors MSc Speaker for

2 Maya Angelou If you don t like something, change it. If you can t change it, change your attitude.

3 Objectives 1. Increase understanding of your responses to changes. 2. Insights and tips to better deal with changes.

4 Change is here to stay Small or big Wanted or unwanted Anticipated or unexpected Organizational or private life

5 Change can be hard You may overestimate the value of what is. Maybe you underestimate the value of what s to gain. You re held hostage by distorted beliefs, thoughts. You love your routines and crave certainties. You may misjudge your capability to adjust. You may neglect transitions.

6 Mini MBA Psychology Responses to change, behavior are: Purposeful they serve a goal Driven by needs and fears Rooted in beliefs and thoughts We are creatures of habit We are creatures who self deceive We are creatures who crave certainty

7 What motivates us? 1. Autonomy The desire to direct our own lives. 2. Mastery Urge to get better at something that matters. 3. Purpose The yearning to do what we do in the service of something larger than ourselves. Change disturbs this process Daniel Pink in Drive

8 Change and Transition It s usually not the change, we have difficulty with, but the William Bridges The shock or surprise of the anticipated new. Not knowing where to go, how, what to expect. Having to unlearn and relearn, having to adjust.

9 Change and Grief Level of acceptance increases as you move uphill

10 Letting go of what was Acknowledge what to part with: expectations, assumptions, skill, person, place, job, identity Recognize tangible and intangible losses Honor the past, take something with you Expect some self doubt, being less productive, more absentminded, maybe resentful and protective

11 Table Exercise Take 2 min. with the person to your right to discuss: 1. What s difficult to let go off when dealing with change or 1. Which stage of grieving process you find most challenging. Letting go of: expectations, method, skills, status, control Grieving stages: Shock, denial, frustration sadness

12 Your powerful thoughts 1. Fanatic Perfectionism 2. Disaster Thinking 3. Love Addiction 4. Low Frustration Tolerance 5. Wishes Turned Demands

13 Recognize any of these? Generalizing Focusing on the neg., neglecting the pos. Black and white thinking Excessive responsibility taking Taking too many things personal Drawing premature conclusions Should thoughts Exaggerating Confirmation Bias

14 Reality Check When faced with challenges and changes, ask: 1. Do I have enough data to freak out? (Brene Brown) 2. Does freaking out help me reach my goals? 3. How much will this really matter in a few days, next month, a year from now? (Albert Ellis)

15 Positive Thinkers Less stress Longer life span Lower rates of depression Increased resistance to common cold Better stress management, coping skills Better psychological health, physical well being Lower risk for cardiovascular disease related death

16 Your Amygdala Primitive fear center, responds to stress. Processes emotional memory When fear grips you Amy works overtime, reason shuts down: Reality checks fly out the window. Self defense mechanisms are activated. Emotions get stronger and go unchecked. Irrationality, paralysis, temporary insanity may kick in.

17 Controlling negative thoughts Reality check with someone who is candid Challenge thoughts, dispute with evidence Avoid viewing setbacks as permanent Focus on something positive, realistic Write down worries for a later time Focus on solutions not problems Notice complaining and limit it

18 Table Exercise Take 2 min. with the person to your left to discuss unrealistic expectations of yourself or others that you may have Or Thinking distortions that you recognize when handling changes.

19 You go where your focus is

20 The Power of Mindset A very remarkable guy Nick Vujicic Life without limbs or Life without limits? Mindset: beliefs, way of thinking. Determines your outlook, attitude And your choices, actions, results

21 Summary mindset adjustment What do you choose to think? Who do you choose to talk with? What do you choose to focus on? Are you letting go of assumptions that have outlived their usefulness? When you detect negative thoughts in your head: 1. Do a reality check 2. Choose to hit the off button 3. Reflect on your assumptions, thoughts, focus When we are no longer able to change a situation, We are challenged to change ourselves. Victor Frankl

22 Change Resilient Mindset 1. Expect changes, any size and shape 2. Reframe the situation and your role 3. Use realistic, constructive self talk: I can learn how to adjust better 3. Focus your attention on what is there, what is possible 4. Make time for grief, loss, taking something with you

23 Change resilient practices 1. Seek support from can do, adaptive people 2. Solicit feedback from caring, candid people 3. Take care of your body: hydration, food, rest 4. Focus on routines while in turbulent times 5. Challenge yourself with small daily changes 6. Consider what to preserve and how 7. Keep a daily gratitude journal

24 Strengthen your awareness What am I doing right now, in the here and now? What do I feel, what do I experience right now? What do I really want right now? What do I expect, of myself and others? What am I avoiding,what am I fearing?

25 Who doesn t have 1 minute? Tackling 1 thing at a time Deep breathing three times Mindfully observing an object Wiggling toes and stretching arms Celebrating small wins, improvements Shedding superman/superwoman urge Using all your senses for mental vacation Using positive and realistic self talk such as: I will do one thing right now to take better care of myself I trust I can learn to deal with these challenges constructively

26 Personal Reflection Take 1 minute to choose 2 tips you will put to practice, starting NOW: My accountability partner will be:

27 Shut down neg. tapes When you worry and focus on problems/failing, you use up precious, limited working memory in your prefrontal cortex. Stress leads to overactive amygdala and underperforming prefrontal cortex: creative thinking and decision making. Be strict with your neg. tapes: Shut them down and change them to realistic self talk. Pause, breath, get back to now:

28 Harmful thinking patterns Extreme thinking Black and white, all or nothing, blowing out of proportion. Negative thinking Half empty glass, dwelling on worst possible outcome. Obsessed, inflexible Unable to budge or see things differently. Perfectionistic The need to be right, no mistakes, in control. Shoulding on self Unrealistic expectations, difficulty accepting self without judgment, tendency to criticize.

29 A Master s Degree in asking Qs What may I be missing here? What if I m (totally) wrong? What am I chasing, protecting, avoiding? What is keeping me from really listening? How can I better understand this person? How am I possibly contributing to the dynamics?

30 The Obvious, often neglected Eat and snack healthy Sleep and exercise more Celebrate small successes Take time for things you enjoy Practice gratitude daily

31 Your choice You can fight change or anticipate it You can fight change or manage it You can fight change or accept it As a fact of life.

32 Reflection and Action Two tips I m willing to put to practice, NOW: My accountability partner will be:

33 Remember Winston Churchill A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity An optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. drs. Carolien Moors MSc

34 Reading Suggestions Transitions William Bridges Don t sweat the small stuff Richard Carlson The Power of Habit Charles Duhigg Mindset Carol Dweck Man s Search for Meaning Viktor Frankl Switch Heath and Heath 101 Attitude John Maxwell Learned Optimism Martin Seligman The How of Happiness Sonja Lyubomirsky Carolien Moors, HardTalk Biz Coaching