NONPROFIT CONFLICT COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Transcription

1 NONPROFIT CONFLICT COMMUNICATION SKILLS Elise M. Chambers, Esq. Program Director

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3 TODAY, WE LL Get a crash course: Earn a PhD in Conflict Resolution Theory in 20 minutes Learn three tools: Amygdala Bait-and-Switch Interest Based Listening Courageous Conversations

4 PART 1: CONFLICT RESOLUTION THEORY

5 5 COMMON TYPES OF CONFLICTS: 1. Relationship: Pattern of negative interactions, misperceptions, poor communication, stereotypes 2. Data: Lack of necessary information, misinformation, disagreement on which data is relevant 3. Interest: Competition over perceived incompatible needs; often expressed positionally 4. Structural: Caused by external forces; limited physical resources, time, money, authority 5. Value: Perceived or actual incompatibility in belief systems

6 EVERY CONFLICT HAS 3 ELEMENTS People: Values, personality Content: topic(s) the fight is about Process: how people fight

7 BUT FIRST: THE MIGHTY AMYGDALA

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9 THE PEOPLE

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11 HOW WE BECAME WHO WE ARE: WORLDVIEW & IDENTITY

12 THE PROCESS

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14 HOW DID WE LEARN TO RESOLVE CONFLICT?

15 THE CONTENT

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17 MOVING FROM POSITIONS TO INTERESTS Major activities/ agenda items 2-3 things you want MOST from each WHY you want each of these Your interest/need actually is

18 PART 2: THREE TOOLS

19 AMYGDALA BAIT AND SWITCH The Gist: You have 10 seconds from the moment your amygdalae catch the whiff of a threat until you are fully hijacked Make the most of those 10 seconds to overwhelm/confuse/distract/calm your brain and stop the reaction from taking hold Apply at the the FIRST sign of any symptom of amygdala hijaking!

20 AMYGDALA BAIT AND SWITCH THE VISUAL:

21 AMYGDALA BAIT AND SWITCH THE PRACTICE: AFFECT LABELING & WRITING TO HEAL 15 minutes a day 3 questions: what happened? how did you feel THEN? how do you feel NOW?

22 INTEREST BASED LISTENING The Gist: A position is WHAT someone wants An interest is WHY they want it A need is the resource involved (time, money, respect, fairness) Ask open-ended questions to help uncover the interests and needs buried under positions Highlight shared interests and goals Generate multiple ways of meeting needs

23 INTEREST BASED LISTENING THE VISUAL:

24 INTEREST BASED LISTENING THE PRACTICE: Find a partner Some questions you can ask: Share a situation in which you disagree with someone a lot about something Partner: pretend you are the someone in that situation See how many questions you can ask your partner (pretending to be the other person) WITHOUT ever presenting your own point of view or making a statement Switch! 1. Tell me more about why that is important to you. 2. What has been the impact of this on you? 3. What is it that concerns you about this? 4. What leads you to say that? 5. What specific information is in your mind about this? 6. What past experiences influence how you re thinking about this? 7. What do you want to see more of moving forward?

25 COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS The Gist: Prepare for tough conversations by figuring out your part and scheduling a mutually agreeable time to talk TOGETHER Create space for the other person s perceptions, experiences and ideas Craft a plan of action together to move forward Remember: Listen with Curiosity, Speak Your Truth, and Embrace Discomfort!

26 COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS THE VISUAL: Behavior: the what, i.e. arriving late to a meeting; or the project was a week overdue Impact: the effect, i.e. because your project was late, I couldn t complete the contract Need: the desired new outcome, i.e. How can we create a project timeline for our next contract that will be realistic for everyone?

27 COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS THE PRACTICE: 5 Steps - Prep and Permission What s the behavior and its impact on me? What s my part in it? What do I think their interests/needs might be? Hey, [insert name here]. I would really like to talk with you about how we could better [main issue] together. What s your calendar look like [today/this week/this month]? Discover Interests and Needs Remember Interest Based Listening! What are they trying to solve for? Brainstorm Possibilities Go past the first 6 ideas they re inside the box. Get to ideas (14-20 are usually crazy burgers.) Build an Action Plan Mutual, clear, specific (who-what-when-where-how-why) Review Check for understanding, and what about confidentiality?

28 REMEMBER: YOU CAN ALWAYS CALL US CRC s Services For Interpersonal Conflict: Mediation Conflict Consulting Staff Training For Organizational Conflict: Conflict Assessments Change Management Process Design Staff Development Open Space Facilitations Appreciative Inquiry Summits