Not Bad, Just Different. You re So Smart. A Guide to Emotional Intelligence April 7, 2014

Transcription

1 Not Bad, Just Different A Guide to Emotional Intelligence April 7, 2014 Presented by Hamel Resources, L.L.C. 10 Hawthorne Road Lake George, NY

2 EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ) I THINK RATIONALLY (way over here) LIMBIC SYSTEM (I feel here) SPNAL CORD (enters the brain here) It s not how smart you are but how you are smart! Participant Guide Page 2

3 EMOTIONS: FIVE CORE FEELINGS Emotions derive from five core feelings: happiness, sadness, anger, fear and shame. The complexity of these emotions is revealed in varying forms of intensity. Intensity of Feelings Happy Sad Angry Afraid Ashamed Elated Depressed Furious Terrified Sorrowful Excited Agonized Enraged Horrified Remorseful Overjoyed Alone Outraged Scared stiff Defamed High Thrilled Hurt Boiling Petrified Worthless Exuberant Dejected Irate Fearful Disgraced Ecstatic Hopeless Seething Panicky Dishonored Fired up Sorrowful Loathsome Frantic Mortified Passionate Miserable Betrayed Shocked Admonished Medium Cheerful Gratified Heartbroken Somber Upset Mad Apprehensive Frightened Apologetic Unworthy Good Lost Defended Threatened Sneaky Relieved Distressed Frustrated Insecure Guilty Satisfied Let down Agitated Uneasy Embarrassed Glowing Melancholy Disgusted Intimidated Secretive Low Glad Contented Unhappy Moody Perturbed Annoyed Cautious Nervous Bashful Ridiculous Pleasant Blue Uptight Worried Regretful Tender Upset Resistant Timid Uncomfortable Pleased Disappointed Irritated Unsure Pitied Mellow Dissatisfied Touchy Anxious Silly The five core emotions run left to right across the top of the table. Manifestations of each emotion based on the intensity felt are described in each of the columns. *Adapted from and reproduced by permission from Julia West. Participant Guide Page 3

4 EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE COMPETENCY CLUSTERS Emotional Intelligence competencies fall into four clusters: WHAT I SEE WHAT I DO Personal Competence Self Awareness Self Management Social Competence Social Awareness Relationship Management Participant Guide Page 4

5 PERSONAL COMPETENCE STEP 1 Self-Awareness: WHAT I SEE Self-awareness is the first skill set in building Emotional Intelligence. High selfawareness is tuning in to the sensations you feel and being able to name which emotion is happening at any given time. Without self-awareness and accurate self-assessment, people are too quick to get irritated with others. This will create problems in working and in personal relationships, People will come across as abrasive, won t be able to admit mistakes or accept useful, realistic criticism and won t have a realistic awareness of their strengths or limitations. The skill sets associated with Self-awareness include: Emotional Awareness: Recognizing one s emotions and their effects Know which emotions you feel and why Realize the links between feelings and what you do, say and think Recognize how feelings affect performance Have a guiding awareness of personal values and goals Accurate Self-Assessment: Knowing one s strengths and limits Aware of personal strengths and weaknesses Reflective and able to learn from experience Open to candid feedback, new perspectives and self-development Able to show a sense of humor and perspective about oneself FACT: People experience an average of 27 emotions every waking hour! Self-Confidence: Able to have a presence and be self assured Able to voice views that are different and/or unpopular Able to be decisive and make decisions despite uncertainties Ask yourself: Why do I feel so tense? Can I accurately identify my own emotions and tendencies as they happen? Participant Guide Page 5

6 PERSONAL COMPETENCE STEP 2 Self-Management: WHAT I DO Self-management is your ability to use the awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and to direct behavior positively. This means managing your emotional reactions to all situations and people. This step is about regulating feelings and managing those feelings so that they do more good both to yourself and others than harm. Ranting and raving can damage work relationships beyond repair. When we get angry we often sound more upset than we really are because we allow raw emotions to surface unchecked. Checking those emotions is what selfmanagement is all about. It gives the rational side of the brain time to catch up and temper our feelings when needed. The components of Self-management include: Self Control: Managing disruptive emotions and impulses Manage impulsive feelings and distressing emotions well Stay composed and positive even in the most difficult moments Think clearly and stay focused under pressure Trustworthiness: Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity Act ethically and above reproach even when faced with conflicting emotions Build trust through reliability and authenticity Admit mistakes and confront actions in others Conscientiousness: Taking responsibility for personal performance Meet commitments and keep promises Hold oneself accountable for meeting objectives Adaptability: Flexibility in handling change Smoothly handle multiple demands, shifting priorities and rapid change Flexible in how the person sees events Ask yourself: Can I manage my emotions and behavior to achieve a positive outcome? Do I have the tendency to blame others and take on the victim role or do I accept responsibility when things go wrong? Is my self talk positive or do I consistently breed negative thoughts through negative self talk? Participant Guide Page 6

7 SOCIAL COMPETENCE STEP 3 Social Awareness: WHAT I SEE Emotional Intelligence is both tuning into our own feelings and tuning into the feeling of those around us. Empathy is being able to see something from someone else s perspective. Empathy begins with listening. When people don t demonstrate enough empathy in times of uncertainty or crisis, they will likely be seen as indifferent, uncaring and not authentic all of which will make others be less cooperative and less communicative. You may be left feeling misunderstood, and will have difficulty reading others. The components of Social-awareness include: Empathy: Sensing others feelings and perspective and taking an active interest in their concerns Attentive to emotional cues and listen well Show sensitivity and understand others perspectives Help out based on understanding other people s needs and feelings Service Orientation: Anticipating, recognizing and meeting needs Respond to people s needs and try to match your response to the need Seek ways to increase others satisfaction and loyalty Offer appropriate assistance Grasp the other person s perspective Political Awareness: Reading a group s emotional current and power relationships Accurately read key power relationships Detect crucial social networks Understand the forces that shape views and actions Accurately read situations and organizational realities FACT: When we meet someone we determine whether we like them and trust them within 3-7 seconds! Ask yourself: Can I accurately identify the other person s emotions and tendencies as you interact with them? Am I really listening and do I know how the other person feels? Participant Guide Page 7

8 SOCIAL COMPETENCE STEP 4 Relationship Management: WHAT I DO Mastering your abilities of the first three steps self-awareness, self-management and social-awareness pave the way for more effective relationships. The fourth component, relationship management, is about interacting with people and being adept at managing emotions in others. Relationship management is the way that one is able to get desired results from others and reach personal goals. The components of relationship management include: Influence: using effective tactics of persuasion Skilled at persuasion Fine-tune presentations to appeal to the listener Use complex strategies like indirect influence to build consensus and support Orchestrate dramatic events to effectively make a point Communication: sending clear and convincing messages Effective in give-and-take, registering emotional cues in attuning message Deal with difficult issues in a straightforward manner Listen well, seek mutual understanding and welcome opportunity to share information Foster open communication and be receptive to negative news Conflict Management: negotiating and resolving disagreements Handle difficult people and tense situations with diplomacy and tact Spot potential conflicts, bring disagreement into the open and help to de-escalate them Encourage open discussion Orchestrate win-win solutions Collaboration and Cooperation: working well with others toward common goals Balance a focus on tasks and attention to relationships Share plans, information and resources freely Promote a friendly, cooperative climate Spot and nurture opportunities for collaboration Ask yourself: Can I manage the interaction I have with others constructively and reach a positive outcome? Have I encouraged open communication? Have I handled difficult people and situations with diplomacy and tact? Participant Guide Page 8

9 HOT BUTTONS Self - Awareness WHAT I SEE Self - Management WHAT I DO Participant Guide Page 9

10 SELF-AWARENESS STRATEGIES: WHAT I SEE o Stop treating your feelings as good or bad o Observe the ripple effect from your emotions o Feel your emotions physically o Know who and what pushes your buttons o Watch yourself all the time o Keep a journal about your emotions o Don t be fooled by a good or a bad mood o Stop and ask yourself WHY you do the things you do o Spot your emotions in books, movies and music o Seek feedback o Get to know yourself under stress SELF-MANAGEMENT STRATEGIES: WHAT I DO o Breathe Right o Count to 10 o Sleep on it o Talk to a skilled self-manager o Smile and laugh more o Set aside some time in your day for problem solving o Take control of your self-talk o Visualize your success o Improve your sleeping habits o Learn a valuable lesson from everyone you encounter o Accept the change that is just around the corner SOCIAL AWARENESS STRATEGIES: WHAT I SEE o Greet people by name o Watch body language o Practice the art of listening o Go people watching o Step into their shoes o See the whole picture o Catch the mood of the room RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT STRATEGIES: WHAT I DO o Be open and be curious o Avoid giving mixed signals o Take feedback well o Build trust o Acknowledge the other person s feelings o When you care, show it o Explain your decisions, don t just make them o Make your feedback direct and constructive Participant Guide Page 10