Communication and Cancer Suggestions for Navigating Relationships During and After Cancer

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1 Communication and Cancer Suggestions for Navigating Relationships During and After Cancer Moving Beyond Cancer to Wellness June 7, 2014 Leslie Vietmeier, RN, BSN, MN, ARNP-BC Survivorship Clinic, Seattle Cancer Care Alliance Survivorship Program, Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center

2 Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing. Rollo May

3 Increased attention to the effect of communication Increased awareness of communication styles Introduction to theories about communication Consider communication patterns in relationships Resources to continue to explore communication in your life relationships Objectives

4 The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. George Bernard Shaw

5 Communication: The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior.

6 Types of Communication Verbal Words Language Tone Non-Verbal Eye contact Body language Gestures Written

7 Communication in Relationships Loved ones/family Extended family Friends/neighbors Acquaintances Work relationships Spiritual/clergy Healthcare providers Service and business

Merrill and Reid A way of looking at, and working on, primarily verbal communication We all have a Social Style Behavior Pattern We may use different styles depending on the situation - home, work,

8 Merrill and Reid A way of looking at, and working on, primarily verbal communication We all have a Social Style Behavior Pattern We may use different styles depending on the situation - home, work, under pressure Depending on your style, different interactions may feel more or less comfortable to you We can become aware of our own pattern and ask for what we need We can be aware of what works best for others and improve the chances we will be heard

16 There is only one rule for being a good talker learn to listen. Christopher Morley

17 Gottman A way of looking at verbal and non-verbal communication within couples Focus is on couples and how they relate and communicate with each other Predicts which relationships will fail or succeed with 91% accuracy

18 Seven Principles for Happy Relationships Enhance your love maps Knowing, or learning, your partner Nurture your fondness and admiration for each other Turn toward each other instead of away Let your partner influence you Solve your solvable problems Not all problems need to or can be solved Overcome gridlock Recognizing each others dreams and meaning Create shared meaning Values, goals, rituals, experiences

19 Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself. Mark Twain Considering non-verbal communication

20 The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn t said. Peter Drucker

21 Mindfulness Attentiveness to our internal communication and processing A process of bringing a fierce but loving attention to everything that arises in our mind and body. (Rosenbaum) A conscious bringing of attention to the present moment without judgment. (Kabat-Zinn) Deliberately paying full attention to what is happening around you and within you in your body, heart, and mind. (Bays)

22 Suffering comes from our perception of situations, communication and events

23 Communication for Conflict Stay focused, know what you want Try to see their point of view, what they want Respond to criticism with empathy what is behind the words? Own what s yours Use I messages Look for compromise or mutual goals Take time out, refresh Get help if you need it

24 By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin

25 Words empty as the wind are best left unsaid. Homer

26 Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. William Wordsworth

27 Time: You were married to Bruno for 75 years. Do you have any secrets for how to have a long marriage? Margaret Lambert (age 100): No. Just be a nice person. And be married to a guy who looks like my husband, the best merchandise ever to come into the United States. Time, June 9, Questions for Margaret Lambert, 1936 Olympic high jumper.

28 A Challenge: Pay attention to your own communication patterns and your reaction to interactions you are part of. Explore changing them for the better.

Habits & Goals Discovery & Assessment. What kind of person do I want my child to grow up to be? How do I react to my child most often?

Habits & Goals Discovery & Assessment How do I react to my child most often? What kind of person do I want my child to grow up to be? Focus on the Relationship Conscious Communication Practice Use these