Time. 15th Annual Candle Light Remembrance Program

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2 15th Annual Candle Light Remembrance Program Time On December 13th, our chapter held its annual worldwide candle lighting program and for the first time, at an indoor venue. Good thing too, because it rained that night! It was nice to be warm, cozy and dry inside our new location. This was one of nearly 550 formal services held in 19 countries around the globe. Because of the rain we weren t able to put our luminaries lining the walkway outside, but they beautifully glowed with a child s face and name inside the room of our ceremony. At a time when others are celebrating the holidays, we gathered together in friendship on a cold rainy winter s night to share the love of our children, grandchildren, and siblings. Compassionate Friends, relatives, neighbors, and some new faces; over 135 were there that night to light the way. As we listened to the beautiful music performances and poem readings, you could see tears in the eyes of many as they remembered! We lit our candles that signify the love ever present in our hearts and watched as our loved ones faces floated across the screen. Yes, we were there to honor and remember their life and all the times we d been through. We hope that this program lifted you out of the darkness and that you felt the warmth of their memories and your loved one s presence in your heart. It is our hope for the holidays that you were given some small measure of peace. Thank you to the steering committee, Kathy Hilton, Jon Chaitt, and Steve Berry for all your help with putting this event on! If you weren t able to attend, we hope that you were able to light a candle from home, so that their light may always shine. We hope that next year you will be able to join us for this very moving and emotional program. ~Alice Renolds Editor The word time is defined as the indefinite continued progress of existence. My progress of existing without Brad here has been the biggest challenge of my life. Months; maybe even years passed by before I first noticed that the early gut wrenching pain of grief was lessening; and I wanted that pain back. A part of me wanted to stay in that hellish nightmare of unrelenting grief because I feared that I would no longer be honoring my son if a smile crossed my face. Brad s death changed everything. I fell to the ground and wallowed in grief and I never tried to pick myself up. I didn t care about anyone or anything. I entered an unknown world filled with pain and despair. I wanted to be left alone but this damn thing called time wouldn t go away. And it was time that dragged me out of the trenches of grief. I would never give time any credit for healing my wounds. I have mortal wounds that can t be healed. But because of time I have learned to live with my wounds. Rather than always focusing on Brad s death, time has helped me remember that Brad lived. I can tell stories about Brad and they usually start with the words Do you remember that time? Yes, time does get away from us but time has brought me back to the living. I take the time to notice the flowers and the trees and the birds. I take the time to enjoy my family and friends. I take the time to remember my sweet Brad. And I take the time to let tears roll down my face. Allow yourself the pleasure of remembering the good times and take all the time you need to grieve. There is no time limit for your grieving heart. We miss our children and in time we will see them again. For my Brad Some times I leave a door unlocked and hope you will find your way home. When darkness falls, and you haven t returned, I lock the door. It is then that I unlock the door to my heart; where you will live for eternity. I love you more Brad; and I will miss you forever and a day. ~Mary Pipala, Brad s mom TCF South Suburban, Evergreen Park. IL

3 Welcome New Members Meeting Topics & Info January 7 - How Did You Survive the Holidays? Attending your first meeting takes courage and it is always hard to say welcome because we are so very sorry for the reason which made you eligible for our membership in TCF. However, we are glad you found us! We cannot take away your pain but we can offer our friendship and support, Do try and to attend at least 3 meetings so you have a chance to meet others who are bereaved and discover that special acceptance that occurs with new friends who truly understand. New to our chapter are: Keith & Lin Brown, Parents of Colleen The Compassionate Friends 39th National Conference The Compassionate Friends' National Conference is coming to Scottsdale, Arizona on July 8-10, Next year's Conference will be held at The Fairmont Scottsdale Princess at 7575 East Princess Drive Scottsdale, AZ, Room reservations will open on January 4th, and the room rate will be $ per night. Please note that each attendee will only be able to reserve two rooms. If your group needs to reserve a larger block of rooms, please contact the National Office to make arrangements for your reservations. Conference registration will open on February 1, Please visit National s website for more information. Holiday Pot Luck Dinner/Meeting We held our annual holiday pot luck dinner/meeting on December 3. It was terrific turnout this year; with many of our regular members, some of those we haven t see for a while, and a few new members. Thank you to all those attended and brought the delicious variety of food. It was a nice gathering of Compassionate Friends at a time when we most needed understanding and caring friends who share our pain during the holiday times! Diane and I would like to wish all our members a New Year filled with hope, good health, and peace! ~Diane Briones, Chapter Leader ~Alice Renolds, Co-Leader

4 Christmas is Over Now that the holidays are over All the presents put away The brave face that I put on I can now toss away. I surround myself in memories That had been neatly put away And allow myself to feel What I couldn t this holiday. The grief is overwhelming The tears they freely flow And I really feel the sadness Of how I miss you so. ~Terri Romer Mom to Ashley 6/99-10/01 Lovingly lifted from Atlanta TCF Online Newsletter From One Compassionate Friend To Another For The New Year My Wish For You To - Gather - with family and friends To Grieve - with sadness and with tears To Celebrate - your child s life on earth and the times you shared together as a family To praise - all your child s accomplishments, his goodness, his uniqueness To Mourn - with hope, knowing that this life on earth is brief, and that you will see your child again To love - and cherish your child, knowing that he continues to live as long as you live and remember him To remember - all the things about him that made him so remarkable and special to you. ~Faye McCord TCF Jackson, MS In Loving Memory of her son Lane McCord What is New about the New Year? There is a lot of silliness about ringing in the New Year, and I have never been able to enter into the spirit with noisemakers, funny hats and loud hurrahs. Since the death of my son, I especially find myself wondering what this is all about. I think some of the partying and celebrating are motivated by a deep desire for a new start in our lives; a desire to leave behind some of the problems, sorrows, worries and pain of the year just ending. The short, sunless days and long, dark nights make us want something to cheer us. So we give the New Year s Eve party a try. But it really doesn t work for most of us; we see now that we are just the same and the heaviness in our hearts, as we continue with the struggle to cope with the loss of our child, remains with us. Can we find new ways to live our lives in the New Year? I d like to suggest a few things we can try. Let s make an effort to find new friends. A good place to start this is at Compassionate Friends meetings. Here you are with a group of people who care about each other in special ways. We understand the pain and anger, the confusion and the inertia suffered by bereaved parents. In the New Year, let s also find new ways to be close to the family that we have left. We feel regrets about hugs not given, letters not written, I love you s not said often enough. We can do all these things now. We can establish new memories with the family we have right now. Another way to move into this New Year with a better feeling is to think about what we can do for others, because that is truly a way to help ourselves, too. If we can reach out to other sorrowing families, give a gift of our time, a note of love, a listening ear, or a shoulder to lean on, we ll grow stronger ourselves. For those parents who are suffering the deep pain of the newly bereaved, none of the things I ve mentioned may be possible yet. For you, I hold out the hope that soon your days will be just a bit better, your sorrow a little lighter, your tears healing, your friends strengthening and your memories filled more with the good times and less with the unhappiness of your grief. ~Dory Rooker TCF Upper Valley, VT

5 Was Received From: Joe & Phyllis Losorelli In Loving Memory of their Son: Austin Losorelli 8/27-9/30 Telephone Friends/Loving Listener Whether you are newly bereaved or further along in your grief; when you are feeling down, overwhelmed, have questions or maybe just need another bereaved parent to talk to. The following volunteers are there for you to call: Diane Briones Alice Renolds Laura Erdmann Carol Costin Grief walks with you today, your constant companion. But in the morning, tomorrow, the sunrise of hope waits for you. ~Sascha Winter s Night Love Gifts A Love Gift is a wonderful way to remember your child, grandchild, or sibling s birthday or angel dates or just to say I love you. What better way than to have their photo included in our newsletter along with a special memory, thought or message, article or poem from you. If anyone would like to make a donation in memory of their child, grandchild, or sibling you may give it to Alice or Diane at our meeting or mail it to Alice at Park Meadow Dr., Canyon Country, You can also the info to TCF.SCV@gmail.com Love gifts should be received by the 15th of the month to be placed in the following month s newsletter. What a special way to share and remember your loved one! Our chapter exists solely on voluntary, tax deductible donations. We thank you in advance for any donations you may be able to give or send. Your donations help to pay the expenses of our newsletter, purchase books & brochures, coffee & refreshments, new member s packets, our rental space and other miscellaneous supplies. They also fund our annual Balloon Release and Candle Lighting programs. We sincerely appreciate your support! The January moon shines down, through the winter night Giving the earth glow with a soft sliver light. It s beams creep in the window, and lights the darkened room Chasing away the shadows from my cozy womb. It softly falls on your picture, giving off a heavenly glow And I softly drift off to sleep, dreaming of you, and times we loved so. In my dreams of slumber, I see you as in times before And tears and heartaches are never more. Your laughter is like a song, melody so sweet And we gently dance across the sky, on swift and happy feet! We celebrate our reunion, until the morning light And then with the sun, you slip sway with the passing night. The winter s sun shines down, giving off it s light As I sit and watch anxiously for the coming night. When dreams of you come, to warm me and ease my aching heart With you in my dreams, these winter nights are not so long and dark. ~Remembering Steven~ Your love is my warmth in the winter, and ever blooming rose in spring. Your Mom, Sheila Simmons

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