How To Quit Drinking When You Think You Can t.

Transcription

1 HIP SOBRIETY How To Quit Drinking When You Think You Can t. 1

2 Why a presentation on How To Quit When You Think You Can t? Most (all) people think they can t quit drinking. There is a lot of preconceived/incorrect/backwards thought around alcohol, alcohol addiction, and sobriety. Our beliefs inform our reality - we change our beliefs, we change our reality. How we approach sobriety informs what our experience will be - and that is crucial to success. 2

3 Who is this for? Anyone who is examining their relationship with alcohol. 3

4 What you ll learn. 1. The 7 most common limiting beliefs we have around quitting alcohol and sobriety. 2. How to reframe each limiting belief into an empowering belief (flip it on its head). 3. Tools specific to work through each limiting belief. (Workbook). 4

5 Why you are ahead of the game. It s a really, really big deal that you are here. 5

6 Before we begin a bit about addiction. Definition of addiction: Anything we do to repeatedly to relieve pain, despite negative consequences. A neurobiological feedback loop gone wrong. Two part problem. 1 - What drives us to it. 2 - What keeps us stuck in it. It is not unintelligent to abuse alcohol or other substances or behaviors. We ve been doing the best we knew how. 6

7 Psychobiosocial Process Model. Vulnerabilities. Genetics (resilience, neurochemical imbalances, nutritional/hormonal imbalances, high responder/low responder), trauma, defects in self-regulation & interpersonal relationships, psychiatric disorders, stress, despair, poverty, access, culture, disenfranchisement, age of exposure, peer group, role model, purpose, meaning/existentialism, connection, community, systems, etc. Amplifies vulnerabilities Unique fit. Psychobiological consequences of chronic use. Receptor changes, neurochemical depletion, social stigmatization, isolation, cognitive defects, self-care deteriorates, self-esteem plummets, shame, conditioning, physical deformation. Substance use is pleasurable. Neurochemical effects, multiple personal meanings, real and symbolic positive functions. 7

8 Psychobiosocial Process Model. Vulnerabilities. Genetics (resilience, neurochemical, nutritional/hormonal imbalances high responder/low responder), trauma, defects in self-regulation & interpersonal relationships, psychiatric disorders, stress, despair, poverty, access, culture, disenfranchisement, age of exposure, peer group, role model, purpose, meaning/existentialism, connection, community, systems, etc. 1. What drives us to it. Amplifies vulnerabilities Unique fit. Psychobiological consequences of chronic use. Receptor changes, neurochemical depletion, social stigmatization, isolation, cognitive defects, self-care deteriorates, self-esteem plummets, shame, conditioning, physical deformation. 2. What keeps us stuck. Substance use is pleasurable. Neurochemical effects, multiple personal meanings, real and symbolic positive functions. 8

9 This presentation is not on breaking addiction. Breaking addiction requires a holistic approach to treat underlying drivers + the addiction itself concurrently. This is a presentation focused on how to deal specifically with one very big aspect of breaking addiction - our beliefs around it. Reframing our limiting beliefs into empowering beliefs is only a small part of recovery - but a crucial part. It can make or break a recovery, or at the very least, how we experience it. 9

10 What keeps us stuck: 7 limiting beliefs. #1 #2 WE THINK WE CAN T QUIT DRINKING AND WE TEND TO THINK THAT WE ARE THE ONLY ONES IN THE WORLD WHO CAN T QUIT DRINKING. WE ARE DIFFERENT. WE AREN T SURE IT S THAT BAD OR THAT WE REALLY NEED TO QUIT. WE AREN T SURE IF WE ARE ONE OF THEM. WE THINK WE CAN T QUIT DRINKING AND WE TEND TO THINK THAT WE ARE THE ONLY ONES IN THE WORLD WHO CAN T QUIT DRINKING. WE ARE DIFFERENT. #3 WE HAVE A LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP, AND WE ARE AFRAID OF LOSING THE PART WE LOVE. #4 WE ARE TERRIFIED. #5 WE HAVE A VERY GRIM PICTURE OF WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE ON THIS SIDE. PALER SET OF COLORS, INCURABLE DISEASE, FOREVER STRUGGLE. #6 WE RESIST CHANGE. #7 WE ARE AFRAID OF FAILING. 10

11 #1. We think we can t quit drinking and we think that we are the only ones in the world who can t. 11

12 #1. We think we can t quit drinking and we think that we are the only ones in the world who can t. This is THE most common limiting belief. We think we are the exception. My story. Broken promises. Will vs. Willpower. Weak. 12

13 #1. We think we can t quit drinking and we think that we are the only ones in the world who can t. Reframe. There never has been and never will be a human that cannot change. It is a matter of believing you can change + attempting to doing it + knowing how to do it. Tool/Action. Mantra. Vision. Benefit. When we change our thinking around what we are capable of here, we find we are capable of almost anything. 13

14 #2. We aren t sure it s that bad or that we really need to quit. We aren t sure if we are one of them. 14

15 #2. We aren t sure it s that bad or that we really need to quit. We aren t sure if we are one of them. Am I an alcoholic? It s what we treat. Spectrum. 15

16 #2. We aren t sure it s that bad or that we really need to quit. We aren t sure if we are one of them. Reframe. CHANGE THE QUESTION. Is alcohol getting in the way of me living my best life? Am I willing to keep sacrificing my dreams? Tool/Action. Make a list. Time (consuming it AND thinking about it), money, love, energy. Stop comparing. Benefit. When we stop looking at qualifiers and start looking at the quality of life we want, this shifts from just being something we have to do, to something we want to do. Extends to other areas of our lives - we stop settling. 16

17 #3. Cognitive dissonance. We have a love hate relationship, and we can t imagine not drinking. 17

18 #3. Cognitive dissonance. We have a love hate relationship, and we can t imagine not drinking. Social conditioning. Perceived benefit. 18

19 #3. Cognitive dissonance. We have a love hate relationship, and we can t imagine not drinking. 19

20 #3. Cognitive dissonance. We have a love hate relationship, and we can t imagine not drinking. 20

21 #3. Cognitive dissonance. We have a love hate relationship, and we can t imagine not drinking. 21

22 #3. Cognitive dissonance. We have a love hate relationship, and we can t imagine not drinking. Social conditioning. Perceived benefit. 22

23 #3. Cognitive dissonance. We have a love hate relationship, and we can t imagine not drinking. Reframe. This is about freedom, not sacrifice. Tool/Action. Read This Naked Mind or The EasyWay To Control Alcohol. Focus on the freedom and get excited for it. (Seriously). Power is in the decision. Benefit. When we work directly with our cognitive dissonance, we are no longer working as a victim of our thought processes ( what if I want it? ), but rather an active participant who is in control ( I choose not to do this. ). 23

24 #4. We are terrified. Period. 24

25 #4. We are terrified. Period. It s terrifying. We spend our lives avoiding discomfort, avoiding fear. This requires looking at that fear and also the possibility of discomfort. Directly tied into our survival system. 25

26 #4. We are terrified. Period. Reframe. Our fears inform us of where we need to go. Fear is an indication of what we seek. (Thomas Merton). The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it. (Steven Pressfield) Tool/Action. Fear list. Benefit. Working with fear is a LIFE skill. If we learn how to use it here, we will literally be able to do all those other terrifying things. Bring it on. 26

27 #5. We have a very grim picture of what sobriety looks like. Paler set of colors, incurable disease, forever struggle. 27

28 #5. We have a very grim picture of what sobriety looks like. Paler set of colors, incurable disease, forever struggle. Party is over. Edge is lost. Incurability. Forever struggle. 28

29 #5. We have a very grim picture of what it looks like on this side. Paler set of colors, incurable disease, forever struggle, forever period. Reframe. This is a privilege and an entry point to return to ourselves - not a consequence. Life is in full color - not paler color. This is rebellious and subversive. It is pedestrian to drink. We can change. Neuroplasticity, epigenetics. Demonstration. Tool/Action. 103 Ways My Life Has Changed + Other blogs. List from point #2. Benefit. This is where it begins - not where it ends. Everything you want starts here - this is your great adventure, not your great consequence. 29

30 #6. We don t like change. 30

31 #6. We don t like change. The three survival strategies of humans. Individual identity/separations. Stability. (Tribe + environment). Approaching opportunities and avoiding threats. Most people live the same day over and over and stay within a defined set of circumstances to uphold these 3 things listed above. 31

32 #6. We don t like change. Reframe. Our comfort zones are our prisons. Tool/Action. Circle Exercise. Benefit. Finding the courage to make this change leads to the courage to make other changes and to reach for the things you never thought possible. You cannot swim for new horizons until you have courage to lose sight of the shore. William Faulkner. 32

33 #6. The Circle Exercise. 33

34 #7. We are afraid of failure. 34

35 #7. We are afraid of failure. What if we try and we can t? Relapse. 35

36 #7. We are afraid of failure. Reframe. Success in sobriety is not because we don t fail. It s because we do. Success is BUILT on failure. Conversely, failure in attempting to quitting alcohol is not a sign of a problem or a weakness. It s a learning opportunity, and the cost of trying something in the first place. Action/Tool. Commitment prayer. Make a List of heroes who have failed fantastically. Mine are Elon Musk, Martin Luther King Jr., Steve Jobs, Elizabeth Gilbert. Benefit. If you get comfortable in failure, you win at life. 36

37 Putting it all together. 1. You can change. There never has been and never will be a human that cannot change. It is a matter of believing you can change + attempting to doing it + knowing how to do it. 2. It doesn t matter if you qualify as an alcoholic or not - it matters if you want a better quality of life. When we stop looking at qualifiers and start looking at the quality of life we want, this shifts from just being something we have to do, to something we want to do. 3. You can get past your love/hate relationship. This is about freedom, not sacrifice. Gain, not loss. There is no benefit alcohol provides that cannot be found without it. 4. Fear is your friend! Our fears inform us of where we need to go. Learning to work with them is life altering. This is where we start. 5. The party is not ending. It s just starting. This is a privilege and an entry point to live the life we dream to live - not a consequence or a downgrade. Everything you want starts here. 6. Moving out of your comfort zone is life improving. Finding the courage to make one change like this means you find the courage to make other changes. Everything we dream of takes the risk of stepping outside of our comfort zone. 7. Success is built on failure. Success in sobriety is not because we don t fail. It s because we do. Success is BUILT on failure. Learn how to fail, win at life. 37

38 Of most importance You can do this. The secret sauce is in the showing up for yourself time and again. There is nothing different about you in this way - those who succeed are the ones who own it and work it and keep on stepping forward no matter what. 38

39 One more thing Just start. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. - Lao Tzu 39

40 Cigna Behavioral Health Awareness If you are a Cigna customer and have questions about Substance Use treatment or about your benefits and how to use them, please contact: Chantelle Hoogland x Lisa Osborne