Forever in Our Hearts Our Children Loved & Remembered

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Brazoria County Texas Chapter Nov/Dec 2007 The Compassionate Friends is a self-help, non-denominational organization offering friendship, understanding, and hope to bereaved families following the

Families are invited to bring photos and mementos of their child to share with the group.

1 Brazoria County Texas Chapter Nov/Dec 2007 The Compassionate Friends is a self-help, non-denominational organization offering friendship, understanding, and hope to bereaved families following the death of a child. Meetings the second Tuesday of each month Next Meeting: November 13, 7-8:30 p.m. *Topic: Coping with the Holidays November and December birthdays will be honored at the birthday table during our November meeting. Families are invited to bring photos and mementos of their child to share with the group. Chapelwood United Methodist Church 300 Willow Drive Lake Jackson, Texas Directions: From Oyster Creek Drive, turn north on Willow Drive. Chapelwood is on the right, past Willow Drive Baptist Church and Cardinal Street. Meetings are held in the fellowship building behind the sanctuary. Doors open at 6:30 to browse the library, fellowship, and register new members. * To our newer members: We do not always stay on the topic offered the evening of our meetings. We are here to discuss whatever you need to help you on your grief journey. Forever in Our Hearts Our Children Loved & Remembered Personal information deleted for internet edition. Chapter Contacts Rosalind Woods (979) Connie Mosier (979) conster14@aol.com 1

Love Gifts We are grateful for the faithfulness of parents, grandparents, and friends who remember beloved children with love gifts to our chapter.

2 Love Gifts We are grateful for the faithfulness of parents, grandparents, and friends who remember beloved children with love gifts to our chapter. These gifts are tax-deductible and enable our chapter to offer resources such as this newsletter, books, brochures, and special programs to bereaved families in our area. Memorial contributions may be sent to TCF Brazoria County Chapter, c/o Connie Mosier, P.O. Box 1395, Brazoria, TX Your support is truly appreciated. TCF Worldwide Candle Lighting ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For many, the second Sunday in December has become a very special day, a day they look forward to every year because they can remember a very special child, complete with the knowledge that they are united with tens, and perhaps hundreds, of thousands of persons just like them around the globe. The Worldwide Candle Lighting, this year December 9, is TCF's gift to the bereavement community. The event is held annually the second Sunday in December at 7 p.m. local time. Candles stay lighted for one hour in each time zone around the world creating a virtual 24-hour wave of light. The Brazoria County Chapter will join the Sugar Land Chapter for their Candle Lighting service this year. Those who would like to ride together will leave from the Chapelwood parking lot in Lake Jackson at 5:30 p.m. Please call Rosalind or Connie if you plan to go with the group. Or if you prefer going on your own, the service will begin at 7:00 p.m. at the Sugar Land First Presbyterian Church, 502 Eldridge Road. Last year, information was submitted on nearly 370 U.S. Candle Lighting services, as well as services in more than a dozen countries outside the United States. For the latest information on this ever-growing event, visit 2

Chapter Notes Welcome to the Brazoria County Chapter of The Compassionate Friends. We are sorry for the reason you are here, but we are glad you found us and hope you find comfort.

3 Chapter Notes Welcome to the Brazoria County Chapter of The Compassionate Friends. We are sorry for the reason you are here, but we are glad you found us and hope you find comfort. To our newest members, we realize that coming to the first meeting is the hardest, and we hope you find someone or some words that will help you in your grief journey. We need not walk alone. We are entering that time of year when our child s absence is more painful than ever. What should be a joyful season magnifies the sadness in our lives. Those who are more experienced in their grief recommend making a plan, doing only what you are comfortable doing, and finding a way to lovingly honor your child. In our November meeting, we will share ideas for coping with the holidays. The annual Compassionate Friends Candle Lighting Service is a beautiful way to remember the light that will always shine in our hearts. Join us on Sunday, December 9 when we will unite with others in this international event that creates a 24-hour wave of light as it moves around the world. If you cannot attend a service, you may wish to light a candle in your home on this evening to honor your child. May you find support and comfort during this holiday season. Connie s Poem The light of my life, the heart of my soul, I thought you would be here, as I grow old, to see me through life at its worst, but God thought different and He took you first. He must have had a reason, that I have yet to see, for taking you from your earthly home and far away from me. I know I should not question Him. I must confess, I do, for now I have to live my life with memories of you. Oh, what memories I do have of you, my precious boy, of times of fun and laughter, that fill my heart with joy. And so, for now, I ll live my life, and do the best I can, Until our Sweet Lord calls me home, and I see your face again. Written by Kathy Smedley, 2006 For Connie Mosier, Chris s Mom Newsletter Editor Robin Goddard benniegoddard@sbcglobal.net (979) Through memory, love transcends the limits of time and offers hope at any moment of our lives. - Henri Nouwen 3

4 Meditation Again at Christmas did we weave The holly round the Christmas hearth; The silent snow possess d the earth, And calmly fell our Christmas-eve. The yule-log sparkled keen with frost, No wing of wind the region swept, But over all things brooding slept The quiet sense of something lost. -Alfred Tennyson Holidays are among the hardest times for those who have lost a loved one. They are so fraught with family ritual, the layered memories of years. Sometimes we feel free to talk about it indeed, there s no way not to talk about it if the grief is fresh. But after some time has passed, when the grief is in the background but not really yet assimilated into our lives, it may be even harder the dull ache of absence, and everyone trying to be cheerful. One year the first year we tried to go back to our usual Christmas patterns the unspoken gloom hovered behind our attempts at joy and repartee. Suddenly, almost as though by unspoken direction, we gathered in a circle, our arms around one another, and acknowledged our grief. Then we could get on with Christmas. In this season I will find hope, and grief as well. - Martha Whitmore Hickman from Healing After Loss To Honor You To honor you, I get up every day and take a breath And start another day without you in it. To honor you, I laugh and love with those who knew your smile And the way your eyes twinkled with mischief and secret knowledge. To honor you, I listen to music you would have liked, And sing at the top of my lungs, with the windows rolled down. To honor you, I take chances, say what I feel, hold nothing back, Risk making a fool of myself, dance every dance. You were my light, my heart, my gift of love from the very highest source. So every day, I vow to make a difference, share a smile, live, laugh and love. Now I live for both, so all I do, I do to honor you. By Connie F. Kiefer Byrd, In loving memory of Jordan Alexander Kiefer, to TCF Saint Paul, Minnesota Chapter Newsletter 4

5 Especially for Siblings I ALWAYS SLEEP LATE ON CHRISTMAS Somehow, I always sleep late on Christmas. Strange that s not how it used to be. Each year in anticipation of surprises left for me by the tree, I jumped from my bed at the crack of dawn. Now I always sleep late on Christmas. It just doesn t seem so important anymore to be the one whose feet are first to hit the floor, as it was when I would stand over my brother s bed and say, Wake up! You can t sleep late. It s Christmas! There is no one now to keep me from missing Christmas dawn because of too much sleep. That time on that day is now lonely in a way. So, I always sleep late on Christmas Day. Melanie Smith TCF, Tuscaloosa, AL (The Best of) Ask Dr. Paulson Mary A. Paulson, PhD, is a bereaved sibling as well as a child and adolescent psychologist at Harding Hospital in Worthington, Ohio. Her question and answer column, aimed at bereaved siblings and the family that loves them, appears in the quarterly TCF national magazine, We Need Not Walk Alone. Q. My brother died 12 years ago, and I have married and have children of my own now. My parents still want me home at each holiday and want to celebrate my brother s birthday, but I have my own family now and I can t spend every holiday with them anymore. What do I do? A. Every adult has to face the question about holidays whether they have lost a sibling or not. As an adult with a family of your own, you have to decide what role you are going to ask your extended family to take, and that s a tricky maneuver for every relationship/family to go through. It is complicated by the fact that you lost a sibling. It is not uncommon for parents to have more difficulty letting their surviving children grow up and do the things adult children do: to individuate and develop separate and independent lives. So what would have been a tricky maneuver anyway now becomes a very difficult task. It may be important for you to take an objective look at your family and see how much of this is a result of your brother s death, and how much of this is just your family s style or pattern of relating, then address it with your family that way. Again, let them know that you celebrate your brother every day and don t feel a need to do it specifically on his birthday (or holidays, etc.). - Reprinted from We Need Not Walk Alone, the national magazine of TCF, copyright

6 Rosalind s kitchen Baked with Love in Memory of Sammy Rosen Pumpkin Pie Crunch Cake 1 16 ounce can solid packed pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling) 1 12 ounce can evaporated milk 3 eggs 1 ½ cup sugar 1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice ½ teaspoon salt 1 yellow cake mix 1 cup butter, melted 1 cup chopped pecans In a large bowl, combine the pumpkin, evaporated milk, eggs, sugar, spice, and salt. Pour into a greased and floured 13 x 9 inch pan. Sprinkle the dry cake mix evenly over the pumpkin mixture. Drizzle with melted butter. Bake 350 degrees, minutes, or until golden brown. Sprinkle pecans over cake the last minutes of baking. Cool completely and serve with whipped topping. Thank you, Rosalind, for sharing your delicious homemade treats with us each month. When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. - Charles Beard 6

7 THANKSGIVING You may ask, What do I have to be thankful for now that my child is dead? After the death of a child, where is the joy in a day off from work? What pleasure can we derive from sitting around a table when someone is missing, and an uttered prayer of thanksgiving echoes hollow in our hearts? Maybe we have been concentrating on the loss which has brought the overwhelming sorrow of death, and have forgotten the complete joy of life. When I remember laughing brown eyes, a mischievous grin, a scraped knee that Mommy could fix, a new word learned, even the memory of the realization that I had a baby boy, I have a great deal to be thankful for. I had 1 ½ years of a dream come true, and I m truly thankful I had my child. Sure, the agony of grief, the anguish of losing my precious child to death, the torture of wanting to see that child grow and mature and the pain of never knowing, rips me up. There is no Thanksgiving in entertaining these thoughts, so this month I am going to concentrate on the Living of my child, the Life that brought me so much joy. In this I am thankful that Evan was born, thankful that he lived, thankful that even for those short 30 months I lived them too. Even so, as he lived once, I live now and want a productive life. I am thankful I have come that far in my grief work to know I want to live and remember the good times without sorrow. And I am thankful for my husband, who stood by me during the rough times, the husband who is the father of the child of our love. In him I have found my child, in our marriage I have found love, and that love taught us how to love that child. I am also thankful for you, my real friends Compassionate Friends. Edie Kaplan TCF, Ft. Lauderdale, FL National Headquarters The Compassionate Friends P.O. Box 3696 Oak Brook, IL Phone: toll free (877) Fax: (630) nationaloffice@compassionatefriends.org National Website Chapter Website Chapter Webmaster Bennie Goddard 7

8 The Compassionate Friends Brazoria County Texas Chapter P.O. Box 1395 Brazoria, TX Support & Friendship for Bereaved Families Nov/Dec 2007 Grief Support after the Death of a Child The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive. The Compassionate Friends is an international non-profit, self-help support organization that offers friendship, understanding, and hope to bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. There is no religious affiliation and there are no membership dues or fees. The secret of TCF s success is simple: As seasoned grievers reach out to the newly bereaved, energy that has been directed inward begins to flow outward and both are helped to heal. The vision of The Compassionate Friends is that everyone who needs us will find us and everyone who finds us will be helped. 8

SENDING LOVING THOUGHTS TO THE FAMILIES OF THESE CHILDREN

Lubbock, Texas Chapter DECEMBER 2013 VOL. 1, NO. 6 SENDING LOVING THOUGHTS TO THE FAMILIES OF THESE CHILDREN Remembrance Days Chris Spears Dec. 25 Davey Rowser Dec. 26 Kassandra Villegas Dec. 27 Brian