Forever in Our Hearts Our Children, Loved & Remembered

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1 Brazoria County Texas Chapter Jan/Feb 2009 The Compassionate Friends is a self-help organization offering friendship, understanding, and hope to bereaved families that have experienced the death of a child. Meetings are held the second Tuesday of each month, 7-8:30 p.m. Doors open at 6:30 to browse the library and register new members. Upcoming Meetings * January 13 Celebrating Our Children s Lives February 10 Just for Today Chapelwood United Methodist Church 300 Willow Drive Lake Jackson, Texas Directions: From Oyster Creek Drive, turn north on Willow Drive. Chapelwood is on the right, past Willow Drive Baptist Church and Cardinal Street. Meetings are held in the fellowship building behind the sanctuary. * To our newer members: We do not always stay on the topic offered the evening of our meetings. We are here to discuss whatever you need to help you on your grief journey. Forever in Our Hearts Our Children, Loved & Remembered Personal information deleted for internet edition. 1

2 Chapter Contacts Rosalind Woods (979) Connie Mosier (979) Love Gifts IN LOVING MEMORY OF: GIVEN BY: Personal information deleted for internet edition. We are grateful for the kindness of parents, grandparents, and friends who honor their children with love gifts to our chapter. These gifts are tax-deductible and enable our chapter to offer resources such as this newsletter, books, brochures, and special programs to bereaved families. Memorial contributions may be sent to TCF Brazoria County Chapter, c/o Connie Mosier, P.O. Box 1395, Brazoria, TX Your support is truly appreciated. BIRTHDAY TABLE A table is set up at each meeting where you may display pictures and other memory items of your child in honor of his or her birthday. If you cannot attend the meeting during your child s birthday month, you may honor them at any other meeting. 2

3 Chapter Notes The Brazoria County Chapter held our first Candle Lighting Remembrance Program in December, joining hundreds of thousands of others who lit candles to honor children who have gone too soon. It was a beautiful service in memory of our beloved sons and daughters. Now that the holidays are behind and another year looms ahead, we face the challenge of a grief that disregards endings or beginnings it is always with us. Just recently I was visiting with my mother-in-law and one of her best friends, both bereaved parents. Her friend remarked that it was twenty years that day since her son passed away. You never forget, she said. She went on to share how each day she sets a goal to accomplish one thing. That day her goal was to make a pot of homemade soup. I would never survive without my friends, she added. My mother-in-law agreed, You don t get over it; you learn how to live with it. Their shared wisdom reminded me that the loss of a child is something that will always remain with us, and to emotionally and mentally (even physically) endure it, we must take one small step at a time, and only then with the support of those who care. I am grateful for relationships that have proven true through this grief and for the new, sometimes unlikely, friendships that have formed along the way. Join The Compassionate Friends for our next meeting on January 13 as we remember and celebrate our children s lives. You will find a circle of friends who understand and truly care. Newsletter Editor Robin Goddard bhgoddard@comcast.net (979) Remember we all stumble, every one of us. That s why it s a comfort to go hand in hand. - Emily Kimbrough The Rememberers We are the rememberers, The people left behind, To keep the one who s gone from us Alive in heart and mind, The people left to cherish and preserve a legacy. Yes, we are the rememberers, and we will always be. If I am to wear this mourning cloak, Let it be made of the fabric of love, Woven by the fine thread of memory. - Safe Passage, Molly Furnia TCF National Headquarters P.O. Box 3696 Oak Brook, IL Phone: toll free (877) Fax: (630) National Website nationaloffice@compassionatefriends.org Chapter Website Chapter Webmaster Bennie Goddard 3

4 In Loving Memory By Lori Geary, Zach s Mom The first day of his junior year, my 16 year-old son, Zacharey, took his own life and is now among the angels. In the days following, I continue to search for answers. In the back of his notebook I read something he wrote, and I hope it can bring peace to others: I want to believe That our chain of Memories will be connected again someday By Zach Casey Meditation A woman whose life had had many hard times said, The hardest grief I have had to bear is this temporary separation from my daughter. That she was able, in faith, to view her adolescent daughter s death as a temporary separation surely helped her immeasurably. But of course she longed for her daughter s presence now. It is foolish to expect to get over a serious grief. The pain is always there, the fantasy of what might have been. Over time, I m sure that for this woman the pain was mixed in with happy memories of the daughter s childhood and adolescence, and also with her anticipation of their ultimate reunion. So the mosaics of adjustment are laid down. On some days the grief is most noticeable; on others, the happy memories; on others, the hope of reunion burns bright. As I think about my loss, the strands of grief and memory and hope are mysteriously braided together. - Martha Whitmore Hickman, Healing After Loss 4

5 What Does It Mean? Why do we say committed suicide? I mean, why not say she committed love or he committed laughter? Words uttered from mouths removed having never tasted it wreak a curious kind of havoc in the hearts of many survivors. And the breach that causes such offense along with the need to stigmatize is it not more insult to our vanity, more reminder of our frailty than offense to humanity? To die of affliction like any ailing body tattered, torn, on the brink beyond finding any link so racked with pain no option remains but we in horror that life could so test and terrified of who might be next shrink away, heaping judgments on all who ve left crossing a border, taboo. And I ask you when does one commit the act? Just how do we read the walking dead turning away from the fullness of longing that signifies a life? And how to view the random stuffing, heady diversions, walls we build around our hearts, these various numbings we engage hoping to soften the edge of pain that is the human condition. By Kristen Spexarth (Published in TCF s We Need Not Walk Alone magazine, Autumn 2008) Kristen s journey of discovery is documented in her book, Passing Reflections, a collection of poems in journal form written during the first nine months after her son Colby s death by suicide. The book also contains Colby s writing as he struggled with severe and unremitting physical pain. 5

6 Affirmations for Healing Love never dies. Fear is an illusion. Only love is real. Count every moment as a blessing. Tears are cleansing the hurt and opening my heart to the future. I value every moment with the ones I love, and I let them know what s in my heart. I can make a choice to stay centered in the midst of confusion. Earth is the schoolroom, and we are the students. We all take different courses and graduate at different times. It is good to share a tear, a laugh, a sigh with a friend. We are both being healed in our love. Instead of judging myself or someone else, I think loving thoughts. Give without any expectation in return. Nothing is lost; something is being transformed. I accept love as the healing power in my life. - James Van Praagh, Healing Grief: Reclaiming Life after Any Loss Like a Tree in Winter Like a tree in winter which has lost its leaves, we look ahead to spring for new growth and the warmth of the sun to heal the pain in our hearts. Let us make January a time to reach out to each other and give that warmth from our hearts, and in return, we will all show new growth. - Pat Dodge, TCF, Sacramento Valley, CA Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all - Emily Dickinson 6

7 Especially for Siblings Even in laughter the heart may ache - Proverbs 14:13 PEOPLE THINK People think we re fine, you know. They say, Oh, siblings heal so fast. But they don t know the empty feelings, or our longing for the past. People think we re fine, you know. Look, how they ve resumed their lives, they say. But they don t know of our troubled hearts or the loneliness from day to day. People think we re fine, you know. See how they re getting over it? they surmise. But they don t know that we ve learned to laugh and smile, Only to complete our broken heart s disguise. - Mary Mathews, bereaved sister, TCF, Fort Lauderdale, FL IDEAS FOR TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF sing draw run listen to music ride a bike rollerblade read watch birds talk to a friend make a craft sit outside walk work a puzzle paint play visit a museum make music go fishing help someone cook watch clouds take a bubble bath beat a drum hug someone walk the dog meditate write a story, poem or letter play a game smile bounce a ball collect leaves find the Big Dipper clean your closet pet the cat burp meet someone new chew gum blow bubbles dance practice whistling smell a flower doodle take pictures of friends, animals, and sunsets learn a joke tell it to someone cry when you need to ask questions share a memory laugh dream pray tell someone you love them listen to their reply - R. Goddard 7

8 The Compassionate Friends Brazoria County Texas Chapter P.O. Box 1395 Brazoria, TX Support & Friendship for Bereaved Families Jan/Feb 2009 The Compassionate Friends Credo We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends. We reach out to each other with love, with understanding and with hope. Our children have died at all ages and from many different causes, but our love for our children unites us. Your pain becomes my pain just as your hope becomes my hope. We come together from all walks of life, from many different circumstances. We are a unique family because we represent many races and creeds. We are young, and we are old. Some of us are far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful that we feel helpless and see no hope. Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength; some of us are struggling to find answers. Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in deep depression; others radiate an inner peace. But whatever pain we bring to this gathering of The Compassionate Friends, it is pain we will share just as we share with each other our love for our children. We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we are committed to building a future together as we reach out to each other in love and share the pain as well as the joy, share the anger as well as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubt and help each other to grieve as well as to grow. WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE WE ARE THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS 8