Developing Emotional Intelligence LEIGH HORNE-MEBEL, M.S.W., B.C.D., A.C.S.W. M.G.H. PEDIATRIC EPILEPSY PROGRAM

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1 Developing Emotional Intelligence LEIGH HORNE-MEBEL, M.S.W., B.C.D., A.C.S.W. M.G.H. PEDIATRIC EPILEPSY PROGRAM

2 Founders of Emotional Intelligence John Mayer, Peter Salovey, David Caruso, and Richard Boyatz, first coined the idea of Emotional Intelligence in a 1980 dissertation. In 1995, Daniel Goleman wrote the book, Emotional Intelligence, and has since been the concept s strongest and most vocal advocate.

3 Emotional Intelligence Understood Emotional Intelligence is innovative and exciting Can be applied to everyone Can improve schoolwork and job performance Can enhance relationships and the ability and motivation to get along with and negotiate and reason with others

4 Defining Emotional Intelligence At its core, Emotional Intelligence is the ability to manage one s emotions and thus influence relations with others. It acknowledges how you and others feel, at any given time, and how emotions are impacting the current situation. It involves understanding feelings and sufficiently controlling them so one can act effectively. It emphasizes using interpersonal skills to create positive relationships. It involves the ability to express emotions in a constructive way - staying in control and effectively solving problems.

5 Core Components of Emotional Intelligence Self-Awareness Self-Regulation Motivation Empathy Social Skills

6 Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Self-Awareness Understanding ourselves Knowing what triggers us, what our strengths and weaknesses are, what pushes our buttons, and what motivates us Recognizing and understanding our moods, emotions, and drives, and their impact on our behavior and how we relate to others

7 Hallmarks of Self-Awareness Self-confidence Realistic self-assessment Self-deprecating sense of humor - the ability and comfort level with laughing at one s self

8 How can we support our children with developing self-awareness? Encourage children to become mindful and pay attention to what is occurring in any given moment Encourage children to behave in ways that match how they feel or think Support children with developing the capacity to reflect on their thoughts and behavior and learn from their experiences Support children as they learn to tolerate disappointment and setbacks

9 Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Self-Regulation Ability to manage and redirect disruptive impulses and moods Ability to suspend judgement of self and others Ability to stop and think before acting or talking

10 Hallmark of Self-Regulation Trustworthiness and having a high degree of integrity Ability to tolerate ambiguity Ability to welcome change Ability to tolerate disappointment Ability to tolerate not being in control

11 How can we support our children develop self-regulation? Develop ways to control tempers and handle challenges without them affecting mood and speech Develop ways to calm down when angry When excited, learning ways not to go overboard with effusiveness and disrupt other processes Develop ways to demonstrate optimism even when faced with difficulties

12 Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Motivation Developing a passion to work for reasons beyond grades, money, or recognition Developing an interest in pursuing goals with energy and interest Maintaining optimism even when things are not going well Using self-regulation to overcome frustration and, possibly, depression that can result after a setback or failure

13 Hallmarks of Motivation Maintaining a determination to achieve Maintaining optimism even in the face of difficulties Maintaining persistence even when things become too challenging Eager and open to explore new approaches and ideas

14 How can we support our children to become more motivated? Help children direct their behavior towards goals they ve set Help children learn how to track their behavior to see their progress when trying to make changes and improvements in their behavior Help children learn to clarify and focus their goals, maintaining optimism and a belief that they can achieve those goals with hard work and perseverance Help children learn to resist short-term temptations that go against longterm goals

15 Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Empathy Ability to understand and appreciate the feelings of others Treating people according to their emotional reactions Learning to respond sensitively to the affect of others

16 Hallmarks of Empathy Building relationships and conveying an appreciation of others uniqueness Being alert to cultural and historical differences that can drive emotions Understanding that people can have different perceptions of the same situation and those perceptions can all generally be accurate

17 How can we support our children with developing empathy? Children can learn to appreciate that everyone has feelings, not just them Children can learn to appreciate cultural differences of others and how to respond to them with those differences in mind Children can learn to appreciate how a problem can be looked at from many different angles.

18 Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Social Skills Proficient in managing and building relationships with others, individually and in groups Ability to recognize common ground with others and establish relationships Recognizing how choice of words can indicate and convey feelings and emotions Learning how to recognize and respond to nonverbal communications through facial expressions, eye contact, posture, and gestures

19 Hallmark of Social Skills We effectively manage relationships when we understand and control our emotions and empathize with others Motivation contributes to social skill people driven to achieve tend to be more eager to connect with others Learning the importance of eye contact, listening, responding appropriately and not monopolizing the conversation, and thoughtfully expressing and interpreting others feelings

20 How can we support our children develop effective social skills? Helping our children appreciate the importance of nonverbal communication and body language Helping our children understand the process of connecting with others and showing a genuine interest in the other person and their experience Helping our children learn to use language and affect to express their needs and influence their environments

21 Summary Emotional Intelligence can be learned. The process in doing so is not easy and takes much time and commitment on the part of the child, parents, and schools. Self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills are all inter-related. The success of one can ensure the success of another. Children who develop a high degree of Emotional Intelligence are aware of things that help them, know how to calm themselves when discouraged or overly excited, are curious about themselves and their world and have a desire to learn, they care about themselves and others, and are adept at communicating their needs and enthusiasm. Thank You