Emotional Intelligence: The other side of smart

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1 What is Emotional Intelligence? Knowing yourself Emotional Intelligence: The other side of smart Knowing how we relate to others Knowing how to adapt to difficult situations Managing stress Leading a happy, fulfilling life What is Emotional Intelligence? The capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships. - Daniel Goleman Emotional intelligence explains why, despite equal intellectual capacity, training, or experience, some people excel while others of the same caliber lag behind. Advantages of Using Emotional Intelligence Lead to improved relationships with colleagues Help to keep yourself under control Help to lower stress levels Help keep you motivated Enable you to communicate well and influence others without conflict Challenges of Using Emotional Intelligence Cannot always be learned, though it can be developed Is sometimes dismissed as being gjust another management fad What is IQ? Measurement of an individual s personal information bank Ability to concentrate and plan, organize material Use words and understand meaning Assimilate and interpret facts Memory, vocabulary and visual motor skills 1

2 Fight or Flight Response In the fields I have studied, emotional intelligence is much more powerful than IQ in determining who emerges as a leader. IQ is a threshold competence. You need it, but it doesn t make you a star. Emotional Intelligence can. Warren Bennis, leadership pioneer and internationally renowned author and researcher 1. Visual signal goes from retina to thalamus and is translated into language of the brain. 2. Message is sent to visual cortex for analysis and is assessed for response. 3. The emotional response is sent to the amygdala to activate emotional centers. 4. Amygdala signals heart and blood pressure increase. Large muscles prepare for quick action. Our Two Minds Interpersonal Rational Mind - The thinking mind Emotional Mind - The feeling mind Knowing and managing yourself People skills the ability to interact and get along with others - Prominent in awareness - Impulsive - Thoughtful - Able to ponder and reflect - Rational mind has veto power - Powerful - Illogical - The amygdala Stress Management Ability to tolerate stress and control impulses Ability to be flexible and realistic, to solve a range of problems as they arise, cont. Self Awareness the ability to recognize how you re feeling and why you re feeling that way and the impact your behavior has on others Assertiveness eness the ability to clearly express your thoughts and feelings, stand your ground and defend a position Independence the ability to be self-directed and selfcontrolled, to stand on your own two feet Self-Regard the ability to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and to feel good about yourself despite your weaknesses Self-Actualization the ability to realize your potential and feel comfortable with what you achieve at work and in your personal life 2

3 Interpersonal Empathy the ability to understand what others might be feeling or thinking, viewing the world through another person s eyes Social Responsibility the ability to be a cooperative and contributing of your social group Interpersonal Relationships the ability to forge and maintain relationships that are mutually beneficial and marked by give and take and a sense of emotional closeness Reality Testing the ability to see things as they actually are, rather than the way you wish or fear they might be Flexibility the ability to adjust your feelings, thoughts, and actions to changing conditions Problem Solving the ability to define problems, then move to generate and implement effective, appropriate solutions Stress Management EI Model Stress Tolerance the ability to remain calm and focused, to constructively withstand adverse events and conflicting emotions without caving in Impulse Control the ability to resist or delay a temptation to act Knowing and managing yourself Stress Mgt Ability to tolerate stress and control impulses Interpersonal People skills the ability to interact and get along with others Ability to be flexible and realistic, to solve a range of problems as they arise General Mood General Mood Optimism the ability to maintain a realistically positive attitude, particularly in the face of adversity Happiness the ability to feel satisfied with life, to enjoy yourself and others, and to experience zest and enthusiasm in a range of activities Activities 3

4 Activity 1 - Champion or Chump Activity 2 Listening Habits The purpose of this activity is to help you remember from your own storehouse of information and knowledge, when a leader helped create a sense of significance ifi and importance in you. Additionally, this exercise will help you remember times when you did not feel significant or important and the impact it had on you. The purpose of this exercise is to help you gain awareness regarding listening habits that have developed over years of practice. Keep in mind that awareness can lead to action. The Faker All the outward signs are there: nodding, making eye contact, and giving the occasional huh. However, the faker isn t concentrating on the speaker. His mind is elsewhere. The Interrupter The interrupter doesn t allow the speaker to finish and doesn t ask clarifying questions or seek more information from the speaker. She is too anxious to speak her words and shows little concern for the speaker. The Logical Listener This person is always trying to interpret what the speaker is saying and why. She is judging the speakers words and trying to fit them into her logic box. She never asks about the underlying feeling or emotion attached to a message. The One Upper This person uses the speakers words only as a way to get to his message. When the speaker says something, the one upper steals the focus and then changes the conversation to his own point of view or opinion. Favorite line: Oh, that s nothing, here s what happened to me. The Rebuttal Maker The listener only listens long enough to form a rebuttal. His point is to use the speaker s words against him. He may want to prove you wrong. The Advice Giver This person gives advice during the speaker s conversation and interferes with good listening because it does not allow the speaker to fully articulate his feelings. Premature advice can belittle the speaker by minimizing his concern. Activity 3 - Gifts The purpose of this exercise is to help you identify the gifts in each of your staff or co-workers. Most of us think in terms of what needs to be improved. You must ask What special gift, quality, personality trait, character trait, skill or other quality am I grateful for? 4

5 High/Low Testing Your Knowledge You Conscious Incompetence Conscious Competence American Student Assistance 100 Cambridge Street, t Suite 1600 Boston, MA (800) (617) F A X (800) T D D Unconscious Incompetence Unconscious Competence 5