Relationship Contexts. COMO 101 Lectures. Person to Person Relationships in Context. Chapter 9

Transcription

1 COMO 101 Lectures 9/28/06 Person to Person Relationships in Context Chapter 9 1 Relationship Contexts Acquaintanceships Friendships Romantic relationships Family relationships Work relationships Relationships are colored by the life contexts in which they occur 2 Acquaintanceships & Friendships Acquaintanceships know by name and converse Rarely go out of our way Friendships Role-limited interaction beginning stage Friendly relations explore whether we share enough Moving toward friendship small personal disclosures Nascent friendship begin to consider each other friends Stabilized friendship decide friendship is secure and will continue Waning friendship begin to drift apart 3 1

2 Romantic Relationships Romantic love is different from that which we feel for friends and family Commitment Passion Intimacy Develop in stages Some romantic relationships become dysfunctional, dark, and destructive Toxic communication Cyclical abuse 4 Family Relationships Roles within the family Wage earner Homemaker Financial manager Child care provider Expectations between family members Emotional support from each other To pull together to preserve the family unit Healthy communication successful family relations Dysfunctional communication relationships suffer and deteriorate 5 Work Relationships We share interdependent relationships with people with whom we work Rugged individual replaced by team player Relationship level is where most of the work gets done Relationship level is also where many difficulties are encountered 6 2

3 You and Your Emotions Emotions play a role in all relationships Emotion state a particular emotional process of limited duration Emotional traits the tendency to experience specific emotions when interacting with others 7 Role of Feelings Feelings by themselves are not inherently good or bad What you think and how you act when experiencing feelings are what can affect a relationship for better or for worse Feelings tell us about our needs and about the state of our relationships Healthy relationships Do not consist totally of positive feelings Other feelings are important and should not be ignored and/or expressed ineptly and incompletely 8 Suppression and Disclosure Censoring your feelings Overly hesitant to express our feelings Allow ourselves to exhibit only socially approved feelings Emotional isolationists counterproductive and can ultimately cause problems with relationships Try to protect themselves from any exchange of feelings by minding their own business Overintellectualize every experience in an attempt to render their emotions impotent 9 3

4 Display Rules Unwritten laws that guide us in deciding when or when not to show our emotions Gender society deems it appropriate for men and women to behave differently with regard to their emotions Culture different cultures use emotions in different ways Personal values we decide for ourselves under what conditions and with whom we will freely share pr inhibit our emotions 10 Suppressed Feelings May become increasingly difficult to solve interpersonal problems A climate in which misinterpretation, distortion, and nonobjective judgments and actions can thrive Can lead to serious conflicts and blowups Denying a partner s right to reveal an authentic self goes against honesty as the foundation of any relationship, while also denying yourself the ability to know that person Can in time cause you to obliterate your capacity to feel anything 11 Disclosed Feelings Make it less threatening for the other person to also reveal feelings Acknowledge that emotions are acceptable Become more aware of what it is you are actually feeling Give yourself the opportunity to resolve difficulties and conflicts in a productive way Indicate to others how you want to be treated Feelings, when respected, are friendly, not dangerous 12 4

5 Conflicts and Relationships Managing conflict How we choose to manage conflict is an indicator of a relationship s health Handled well can help each participant develop a clearer picture of each other Handled poorly can create schisms, inflict psychological scars, inflame hostilities, and cause lasting resentments In healthy relationships, conflicts will occur regularly and will be handled effectively 13 Gender and Culture The sexes and different cultures approach conflict in different ways Four major values arising from conflict: Reduce or even eliminate the probability of more serious conflict in the future Foster innovation by helping us acquire new ways of looking at things, new ways of thinking, and new behaviors Develop our sense of cohesiveness and togetherness by increasing closeness and trust Provide us with an invaluable opportunity to measure the strength or viability of our relationships 14 Self-conflict Intrapersonal-conflict Interpersonal-conflict Low-intensity Medium-intensity High-intensity conflicts Pseudoconflict Content conflict Value conflict Ego conflict Categorizing Conflicts 15 5

6 Resolving Conflict - Nonassertiveness Nonassertiveness the hesitation to display one s own feelings and thoughts for various reasons: Inertia or laziness Apathy or lack of interest Fear Lack of interpersonal skills shyness Nonassertive individuals rarely take the steps needed to improve a problem-causing relationship, and frequently end up with something they don t really want as a result 16 Resolving Conflict Aggressiveness Aggressiveness expressing of one s own thoughts and feelings at another s expense for various reasons: Feeling vulnerable Unresolved emotionally volatile experiences Feel it is the only way to get ideas and feelings across to others Have never learned how to channel/handle aggressive impulses May be related to a pattern of repeated behavior in the past Aggressiveness frequently results in damaged or destroyed relationships 17 Resolving Conflict - Assertiveness Assertiveness to communicate honestly, clearly, and directly, and to support your beliefs and ideas without either harming others or allowing yourself to be harmed Attempt to find mutually satisfactory solutions to interpersonal problems and conflicts Most assertion situations are interactions that fall into one of four categories: With a stranger where you are requesting something With a friend or intimate where you are requesting something With a stranger where you are refusing something With a friend or intimate where you are refusing something 18 6

7 Technology, Relationships, and Emotion Computer has freed us to express feelings and emotions we would be hesitant to express publicly Enable shy persons to come out of their shells Allow those bedridden or isolated to find emotional support Enable those who have limited experience interacting with persons from different backgrounds to have such opportunities Flames online insults that feed interpersonal conflict The tone we imagine other persons to be using as they type often becomes more important than the messages People are more honest when using to communicate bad news 19 Expressing Feelings Effectively Work on feelings you have difficulty expressing or handling Stand up for your emotional rights Check your perceptions Show respect for feelings Use a script to handle feelings assertively Practice basic assertive behaviors 20 7