A New Year's Grief. By Joyce Nevola, LMSW Bereavement Counselor

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1 PATHWAYS A New Year's Grief TO HEALING Jan/Feb 2019 A newsletter to aid in bereavement Created by: Hospice of Central New York & Hospice of the Finger Lakes By Joyce Nevola, LMSW Bereavement Counselor Entering a new year can be an opportunity for growth, renewal, and rebirth. Hope invites us to start over again and to let go of the past. We embrace new horizons, stretch ourselves beyond our self-imposed limits, and rejoice in new discoveries. We make new resolutions. The world around us swells in celebration. A new calendar year of birthdays, anniversaries, and heartfelt traditions has begun. But when we are grieving, we tend to look back instead of forward. Our grief journey has made us weary; our hearts are still broken; our hope has been dampened; sadness has drained our energy. We do not want to walk into a new year leaving our loved one behind. We are afraid of taking even a few steps forward alone. Everyone wishes us a Happy New Year and we wonder what we have to be happy about. Grief teaches us to live in the present, to accept ourselves where and how we are at any given moment. It ebbs and flows with sparks of light and darkness all at the same time. It calls us to be gentle with ourselves, to love ourselves more, to embrace our brokenness, and to stand tall in our vulnerability. It teaches us to cry and to laugh without feeling guilty about either. It has no timetable, no calendar page to turn. It honors our loved one at every moment and recreates the love we have shared in new ways without our even knowing it. January 1st is just another day is just another year. Let us live in the hope of today and the promise of a brighter tomorrow.

2 Give What s Left of Me Away Now that I m gone, Remember me with a smile and laughter. And if you need to cry, Cry with your brother or sister Who walks in grief beside you. And when you need me, Put your arms around anyone And give to them What you need to give to me. There are so many Who need so much. I want to leave you something. Something much better Than words or sounds. Look for me In the people I ve known and loved or helped In some special way. Let me live in your heart As well as your mind. You can love me most By letting your love Reach out to our loved ones. By embracing them And living in their love. Love does not die, People do. So, when all that s left of me is love, Give me away as best you can. Author Unknown What Is Grief 101? By Michelle Gladu, LMSW - Bereavement Counselor The death of someone close is a life-altering experience. The period that follows can be confusing, frightening and lonely like finding your way through a dense forest. Poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote of loss I don t have much knowledge yet in grief so this massive darkness makes me feel small. While many do receive the love and support of others, many also are unprepared for the way grief can impact them in so many ways - their thoughts, feelings, physical health and, often, spiritual beliefs. Some may have dealt with loss in the past but find they are caught off guard by their grief over a more recent loss. Possibly old ways of coping just aren t working anymore. If you are new to loss, or are finding it hard to deal with a more recent, significant loss, the Grief Center may be able to help. Starting in January, 2019 we will be offering a series of 4-session groups for adults called Grief 101. We will offer education and support in understanding how grief can affect us, some myths and misconceptions about grief and ways to find a path forward, among other topics. Registration is required, please see the upcoming events page for more information.

3 Winter 2019 Events: Attending a support group with others who have experienced a loss and are having similar reactions can be helpful with processing and validating your feelings. Hospice of CNY support groups are facilitated by professional staff who are knowledgeable on the subject of grief and can offer insight towards healing during this difficult time. Four Monday sessions January 7th January 28, :00 2:15 p.m. Facilitated by Susan Bachorik, MS Bereavement Counselor To register call by January 4th, 2019 Four Thursday sessions February 7th - February 28th, :00-7:15 pm Facilitated by Joyce Nevola, LMSW Bereavement Counselor To register call by February 1, 2019 Drop-In Support Group For Loss January 16th February 20th Wednesday, 5:30 6:30, in the Education No registration required to attend this drop-in group. Please call for more information. All events are held at Hospice of CNY, 990 Seventh North St., Liverpool, NY. Please use the Panasci Community entrance at the back of the building, which is fully accessible. Doors open 15 minutes before events. To check cancellations due to weather or emergency, call (315) x 307 two hours prior to the event.

4 And a Happy New Year! By Matthew P. Binkewicz, MA, FT At some time in our life, we have all sung the holiday carol, We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, but I never demanded that anyone bring me some Figgy Pudding. I have never had this English delicacy because it sounded simply unappetizing to me. So I looked up the ingredients in cookbook, and discovered that this dessert might be quite tasty. After all, the first three ingredients are butter, dried figs, and brandy. Perhaps the English are on to something. The Figgy Pudding story reminds me that some changes in life might bring unexpected joy and pleasures to our daily routine. When we experience the death of a loved one, we face many changes. Most of these changes are challenges that test our patience, self-confidence, and previously held beliefs. The routine that once served as a rock solid foundation of daily life has weakened and no longer supports us. We are off balance, unsure of where we are going or how we will get back on track. Change is inevitable. The death of a loved one demands that we adjust to the loss by finding our new normal. The task is not easy, but it is achievable. With the start of the New Year, we need to enjoy some Figgy Pudding by exploring new ideas. We might consider changing the way we view our future by shifting our emphasis on others and focusing on ourselves. If you volunteered for an organization but had to take a break to care for a loved one, you might consider returning to your volunteer assignment. Perhaps you are not ready to volunteer, so you might rediscover your talents by taking up journaling, photography, or painting. Exercise, yoga, and meditation offer ways to rebuild the foundation of our life and restore stability. I suggest these activities because they provide opportunities to express yourself in ways that restore confidence. As a full time caregiver, you may have felt helpless as your loved one s condition changed no matter what you did to ease their pain and bring them comfort. You must realize that the effort you made to bring relief for those you love gave them the strength to live their final days knowing that they mattered. Your presence, dedication and persistence showed them your unconditional love. They left this world knowing that you loved them. It is now your turn. You need to show yourself the same unconditional love and give yourself permission to return to a normal life as possible. There is no guilt or regret when you have given your all. You will honor your loved one by finding new ways to express yourself and tell others your story-a story that includes your loved one. And if you haven t tried it, treat yourself to some Figgy Pudding. Happy New Year!

5 HEALING HEARTS..Kids and Teens Corner by Susan Bachorik, MS, Bereavement Counselor Sometimes, well-meaning adults can minimize the depth or complexity of emotions that children of various ages can experience, especially when it comes to the death of a loved one. Grief is just as real for a child who is experiencing a loss as it is for the adult. Remember, loss teaches an important part of life with all life comes death. We cannot shelter our children from loss, as much as we would like. Instead, we can look upon the experience as a time to teach important lessons about life and death. Camp Healing Hearts is a day camp held in August for 4 days for grieving children who are entering 1st 6th grade in September, You can visit our website to download an application. Any questions about Camp Healing Hearts please call, x208.

6 Hospice of Central New York 990 Seventh North Street Liverpool, NY Non-Proft Org. US Postage Paid Permit No. 24 Syracuse, NY Current Resident Upcoming Events Four Monday sessions January 7th January 28, 2019 Four Thursday sessions February 7th - February 28th, 2019 Drop-In Support Group for Loss January 16th February 20th Articles Inside A New Year's Grief What Is Grief 101? Registration for Camp Healing Hearts The Hospice Grief Center Hospice of Central New York provides support for Hospice families for 13 months following the death of their loved one. There is no charge for our services. Community members are welcome to attend workshops and drop-in groups at no charge. Donations are appreciated for community members requesting individual counseling. If you do not want to receive the Pathways newsletters, please call Hospice of Central New York complies with applicable Federal civil rights laws and does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, age, disability, or sex. Hospice of Central New York cumple con las leyes federales de derechos civiles aplicables y no discrimina por motivos de raza, color, nacionalidad, edad, discapacidad o sexo. ATENCIÓN: si habla español, tiene a su disposición servicios gratuitos de asistencia lingüística. Llame al Hospice of Central New York 遵守適用的聯邦民權法律規定, 不因種族 膚色 民族血統 年齡 殘障或性別而歧視任何人 注意 : 如果您使用繁體中文, 您可以免費獲得語言援助服務 請致電