guest speaker Dave Neely Positive Coping Strategies: Be at Your Best in Times of Stress

Transcription

1 guest speaker Dave Neely Positive Coping Strategies: Be at Your Best in Times of Stress

2 Positive Coping Strategies Be at Your Best in Times of Stress Presented by Dave Neely

3 Life Can Be Stressful How stressed are you? 101

4 102

5 Positive Coping Strategies Purpose The purpose of this session is to increase your ability to deal with stressful situations. Expected outcome Better understand your natural behaviours Manage your emotions to be more effective 104

6 Process 1. Setting the Stage Common Industry Stressors 2. Understanding Yourself The DISC Behavioural Model (HOW you do things) Tendencies when stressed Driving Forces (WHY you do things) 3. Emotional Intelligence Emotional Mirroring EI Competencies 4. Summary 105

7 The Attitude Viruses Positive Looks at what s right, tries to improve things Negative Looks at what s wrong, dwells on the past Which Virus do you want to spread?

8 My Hero Doris Neely London Blitz Convict Husband Single Mom - 4 Kids

9 Process 1. Setting the stage Industry Stressors 108

10 INDUSTRY STRESSORS 1. Manpower Effort/Engagement - Attendance, Tardiness, Turnover - Personal issues brought to work 2. Customer Expectations - Want it now generation Cell phone interruptions/abuse - Experts due to internet 3. Scheduling - Product availability, manpower - Seasonal time restraints 4. Weather Affect on employees productivity/attendance - Too hot, too cold, too wet, too nice - Customer s misunderstanding weather impact on jobsite 5. Cash Flow Chasing Receivables - Dealers from Contractors - Contractors from Builders/Homeowners `

11 Your Circle of Concern Your Circle of Influence Within your Circle of Influence are things that you can truly make an impact on. Within your Circle of Concern are things that you care about but cannot make an impact on directly. 110

12 Into small groups Choose most relevant stressor 111

13 Motivators Create positive emotions De-Motivators Create negative emotions

14 2. Understanding Yourself The DISC Behavioural Model (How) Tendencies when stressed Driving Forces (Why) 113

15 Behavioural Styles Task & Thinking Oriented C Compliance - Constraints D Dominance - Driver Feelings & Relations Oriented S Submission - Steadiness I Inducement - Influence Introverted Extroverted D = How you respond to problems and challenges I = How you influence other people to your point of view S = How you respond to the pace of the environment C = How you respond to rules and procedures set by others All people exhibit all four behavioural factors in varying degrees! 114

16 Identify your Behavioural Style Choose 6 words from the list below that best describe you Decisive Expressive Amiable Analytical Determined Generous Loyal Diplomatic Forceful Enthusiastic Systematic Courteous Risk Taker Friendly Reliable Conservative Independent Demonstrative Steady Exacting Daring Talkative Relaxed Careful Competitive Trusting Team Player Systematic Choose 2 words below that might describe you under stress Pushy Manipulative Wishy-washy Stuffy Harsh Excitable Conforming Critical Overpowering Undisciplined Dependent Indecisive Uncaring Egotistical Submissive Picky D I S C

17 Precise Accurate Concern for Quality Critical Listener Non-Verbal Communicator Attention to Detail Creative Slow Start / Fast Finish Vacillating Temperamental Competitive Confrontational Direct Results-Oriented Sense of Urgency Change Agent Product-Oriented Slow to Change Self-Disciplined Pessimistic Process-Oriented Quick to Change Independent Optimistic Accommodating Dislikes Confrontation Persistent Controls Emotion Adaptable Good Listener High Trust Level Not Fearful of Change Contactability Good Supporter Rather Talk than Listen Team Player Verbal Skills Persistent Projects Self-Confidence Cooperative Sensitive to Others Feelings 116

18 Where are you on the wheel? Stand as directed 117

19 The High D Descriptors: Direct, Daring, Forceful, Innovative, Blunt, Decisive Competitive, Strong-willed, Bold, Results-oriented Domineering, Aggressive, Goal-Oriented, Quick Demanding, Impatient, Problem Solver, Risk Taker Inquisitive, Self-Starter, Adventuresome, Ambitious Emotion of the D Factor: ANGER Tend to be quick to anger Has a short fuse Recognize by observing the intensity of D s anger emotion 118

20 The High S Descriptors: Passive, Mild, Sincere, Possessive, Inactive Non-demonstrative, Amiable, Friendly, Team Player Steady, Systematic, Patient, Predictable Serene, Complacent, Relaxed, Deliberate Stable, Understanding, Good Listener Emotion of the S Factor: NONEMOTIONAL Very emotional, yet they mask their emotions Non-expressive, can build a team despite their own personal turmoil 119

21 The High I Descriptors: Enthusiastic, Persuasive, Emotional, Trusting Affable, Generous, Charming, Convincing Personable, Popular, Inspiring, Optimistic Gregarious, Impulsive, Self-promoting, Influential Sociable, Poised, Confident, Effusive Good mixer, Open-minded, Talkative Emotion of the I Factor: OPTIMISM Believe the impossible can be done Hold incredible optimism for the future May not be grounded totally in data and facts 120

22 The High C Descriptors: Perfectionist, Fact-finder, Systematic, Courteous Restrained, Analytical, Mature, Precise, Methodical Accurate, Diplomatic, Conventional, Conscientious High Standards, Sensitive, Patient, Exacting Emotion of the C Factor: FEAR Tend to be low risk, following procedures and going by the book Tend to be better drivers 121

23 Tendencies Under Stress D Tends to erupt or lets off steam over a single issue - Pressure doesn t build S Tends to keep emotions inside, stress builds over time - Emotional eruption due to many issues 122

24 Some People Are Like Pop Cans Which soft drink container are you most like in terms of dealing with your emotions? The tall, clear plastic bottle OR The short aluminum can? 123

25 Driving Forces WHY we do things Instinctive Relevant Knowledge Current needs Selfless Accommodating Giving Collaborative Cooperation, Support Sharing Knowledge Utility Power Intellectual ID Truth Full Knowledge Discovery Resourceful ROI, Practical results Efficiency Commanding Status, control Recognition 124 An assessment can measure both DISC and D.F. s

26 Where are your D.F. s? Stand as directed 125

27 3. Emotional Intelligence Emotional mirroring EI competencies 126

28 The Emotional Mirroring Effect Research suggests that that there are 2 distinct information pathways of the brain for communicating an emotional message 1. Eyes/Thalamus/Visual Cortex The Thinking Brain what is being seen, said. How we process what we see and hear 2. Eyes/Thalamus/Amygdala The Feeling Brain how we process nonverbal information of emotions, reading and responding to emotions. Much faster, even microseconds before we know what we are observing

29 The Emotional Mirroring Effect The Frontal Lobe The Amygdala Thinking Brain The Neocortex Feeling Brain The Limbic system

30 The Frontal Lobe Frontal Cortex > Executive Functioning. Decision Making. Organization. Prioritization. Goal directed behaviour. Planning. Creativity. Problem Solving. Time Management

31 The Amygdala Your Brain in High Stress/Overload. Anger. Panic. Anxiety. Fear. Impatience. irritability When the Amygdala takes over it can shut down our prefrontal control. If we can reduce the stress, we can use our executive function once again.

32 The Emotional Mirroring Effect Others can read our intentions, moods, frustrations and excitement They will mirror these emotions immediately, without thinking about it. Emotions are contagious! Their brains will change to become like you

33 Understand that others will hear your words, but will mostly tend to mirror everything you do, even without knowing how or why they are doing so. Into small groups try to transfer either a +/- feeling 132

34 What can YOU do to hone your positive approach? 1. You have to be completely aware of the effect you have on others and feed forward the emotions you want them to have! 2. Take a leadership role in creating a more positive emotional environment YOU are the only one who is responsible for your attitude! 133

35 March 2010 CAT Scan

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37 My Walnut Period Negative at first, depressed, checked life insurance

38 MY CHOICES. Stay negative, depressed OR. Wait until I know more. Re-visit my Bucket List - Santa Claus Parade - Stand up comedy. Not let it own my attitude - see the humour in it, blame it for my behaviour

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40 Emotional Intelligence Two Aspects This is the essential premise of EQ/EI: To be successful requires the effective awareness, control and management of one s own emotions and those of other people. EI embraces two aspects of intelligence: Understanding yourself, emotions, responses and behaviour. Understanding others and their feelings (Not today) 140

41 Medical Value of EI Source - Daniel Goleman s Emotional Intelligence Social Isolation - nobody to share private feelings Smoking increases mortality rate by a factor of 1.6 Social isolation increases mortality rate by a factor of 2.0 Heart Attack Recovery men with first attack 21/25 of the most pessimistic did not recover 19/25 of the most optimistic did recover Stress Study - Sweden men born in 1933 given medical exams 7 years apart 3 times the death rate for those who reported being under emotional stress compared to those whose life was calm 141

42 Emotional Intelligence Competencies Self-Awareness? what are you feeling?? what is the ripple effect? Self-Regulation? don t get high-jacked by emotions? don t keep them bottled up? access your intellectual reasoning Self-Motivation? focus on the moment? manage setbacks - what can you fix?? identify your options with upside/downside for each? A year from today, what do you want to see?? positive self-talk to engage +ve emotions Relate to Ourselves 142

43 People Are Like Onions

44 Layers of Emotional Intelligence Self Awareness What am I feeling? What effect will it have on my performance? What effect will it have on others?

45 ae

46 My Theory An Alien Conspiracy to conquer our planet. Their Strategy - Keep us from evacuating our major cities - Raise our stress levels so we are not at our best and much easier to conquer

47 Aliens are too big for our old style cones

48 They hide until they find good target to take over their body

49 How do I feel? Self - Awareness Someone with too many items in an express checkout and you are late Your negative/stressful situations - What would you be feeling in each situation? What could be the consequences of those emotions? 149

50 Self - Awareness Motivators in your work (create positive emotions) De-Motivators in your work (create negative emotions) 150

51 The Law of Attraction Whatever we focus on is what we attract! If you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you. e.g. the more you think about something that makes you unhappy, the worse it seems. If you can think about what you want in your mind and make that your dominant thought, you will bring it into your life. What you think about, you bring about! reference: The Secret by Rhonda Byrne 151

52 Layers of Emotional Intelligence Self Awareness Self Regulation What can I say to myself to make it more positive? How can I vent my feelings safely?

53 Self Regulation Someone with too many items in an express checkout and you are late Your negative/stressful situations - What questions/thoughts might help you change to become less negative? e.g. Does a few extra minutes really matter? A year from today, this won t matter! I choose to own my attitude each day 153

54 Venting Be a venter, not a brooder It is important to air your feelings in a constructive manner - Write it all out or record them, then choose one of 3 options > (file, share, destroy) - Find a venting buddy, someone who will listen to you without judgement - Be a venting buddy for someone else - Others? 154

55 Layers of Emotional Intelligence Self Awareness Self Regulation Self Regulation What am I responsible for? What can I do/fix? List options with both upside/downside

56 What can I do to fix it? Self - Motivation Someone with too many items in an express checkout and you are late Your negative/stressful situations What are you responsible for, if anything? What can you fix? 157

57 Self Motivation What can I do, what can I fix in my situation? What are my options? Upside/downside for each List on flip

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59 What do you want, 1 year from today? What actions are required to make it happen?

60 Time Permitting Competencies 4 and 5

61 Layers of Emotional Intelligence Self Awareness Self Regulation Self Regulation Empathy

62 COMPETENCY # 4 - EMPATHY If people will stop for a moment and put themselves in another person s shoes it will help them modify their own behavior. It will help them develop relationships with those people. Darryl Grigg, Ph.D. Co-Developer, American Express Emotional Competence Program 163

63 EI Competency # 4 - EMPATHY. It means recognizing and responding appropriately to the emotions of others. By expressing empathy, you also create empathy in others. Realize that emotions impact such measurable goals as productivity and safety Source EI Video CRM Learning

64 Layers of Emotional Intelligence Self Awareness Self Regulation Self Regulation Empathy Effective Relationships - work, home, family

65 EI - Application Process Self-Awareness - what are you feeling? - what is the ripple effect of those feelings? FACTS & THOUGHTS Self-Regulation - more positive self-talk, A year from today this won t matter etc. - vent your emotions safely, versus keeping them bottled up - reframe the situation more positively, e.g. it s a challenge Self-Motivation - focus on the moment, not the past - what can we/you fix? identify your options with upside/downside for each Empathy - what are their feelings and emotions? - how would you feel if it were fixed? 166

66 Process 1. Setting the Stage - Common Industry Stressors 2. Understanding Yourself - The DISC Behavioural Model (HOW you do things) - Tendencies when stressed - Driving Forces (WHY you do things) 3. Emotional Intelligence - Emotional Mirroring - EI Competencies 4. Summary 167

67 Summary Discussion Who wants a more positive life? (Stand) What did you learn in this session that will help you to deal better with stress? What will you do differently? 3

68 What you can do 1. Safely vent your feelings 2. List 5 positive things about your life 3. Identify your options for stressors 4. Visualize 1 year from today What do you want to happen? 5. Decide to own your attitude.

69 The Law of Attraction Whatever we focus on is what we attract! If you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you. e.g. the more you think about something that makes you unhappy, the worse it seems. If you can think about what you want in your mind and make that your dominant thought, you will bring it into your life. What you think about, you bring about! reference: The Secret by Rhonda Byrne 171

70 Key Alien Strategies Keep us from evacuating, raise our stress levels - Traffic Lights no advance LH turn if alone - Railroad crossings - the 25 car rule, - 2 trains at same time - Snow plow testing - 4 at a time 401 Highway - 6 at a time Queensway in Ottawa - Trucks Leap Frog 401 Highway

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72 Snow Plows Your Strategy Should Be: A Year from Today this won t matter! 174

73 The Attitude Viruses Positive Looks at what s right, tries to improve things Negative Looks at what s wrong, dwells on the past Which Virus do you want to spread?

74 Thoughts to Live By Keep your Thoughts positive, Thoughts become your Words. Keep your Words positive, Words become your Behaviors. Keep your Behaviors positive, Behaviors become your Habits. Keep your Habits positive, Habits become your Values. Keep your Values positive, Values become your Destiny. - Gandhi The Law of Attraction: What you think about, you bring about Copyright Target Training International, Ltd. 177

75 Special Price Offer 20% Discount on services - Talent Insights Assessments - Online training and coaching for supervisors/managers For more info: Dave Neely dneely10@cogeco.ca 179