Chapter 7: Interpersonal Attraction: Meeting, Liking, Becoming Acquainted

Transcription

1 Chapter 7: Interpersnal Attractin: Meeting, Liking, Becming Acquainted Interpersnal attractin a persn s attitude abut anther persn; attractin is expressed alng a dimensin that ranges frm strng liking t strng feelings f dislike Internal Determinants f Attractin: The Need t Affiliate and the Basic Rle f Affect The Imprtance f Affiliatin fr Human Existence: Human infants are apparently brn with the mtivatin and the ability t seek cntact with their interpersnal wrld, and even newbrns are predispsed t lk tward faces in preference t ther stimuli Individual Differences in the Need t Affiliate: Peple differ in the strength f their need fr affiliatin the basic mtive t seek and maintain interpersnal relatinships These differences, whether based n genetics r experience, cnstitute a relatively stable trait (r dispsitin) Peple tend t seek the amunt f scial cntact that is ptimal fr them, preferring t be alne sme f the time and in scial situatins sme f the time When affiliatin needs are nt met (when we are left ut by thers), it hurts, it leaves yu with a sense that yu have lst cntrl, and makes yu feel bth sad and angry because yu simply dn t belng Scial exclusin leads t increased sensitivity t interpersnal infrmatin and actually results in less effective cgnitive functining Situatinal Influences n the Need t Affiliate: External events can elicit temprary states reflecting an increase in the need t affiliate Underlying reasn fr respnding t stress with friendliness and affiliatin was first identified by Schachter (1959). His wrk revealed that participants in an experiment wh were expecting t receive an electric shck preferred t spend time with thers facing the same unpleasant prspect rather than being alne. Thse in the cntrl grup nt expecting the shck, preferred t be alne r didn t care whether they were with thers r nt Why? Scial cmparisn peple want t be with thers, even strangers, in rder t cmmunicate abut what they were experiencing and t cmpare their affective reactins Arusing situatins lead us t seek cgnitive clarity in rder t knw what is ging n and emtinal clarity in rder t make sense f what it is that we are feeling Cntact with ther humans is likely t include bth cnversatins and hugs bth can be cmfrting

2 Affect as a Basic Respnse System: Yur emtinal state (happy, sad, fearful, etc.) at any given mment influences what yu perceive, yur thught prcess, yur mtivatin, the decisins yu make, and interpersnal attractin Affect a persn s emtinal state psitive and negative feelings and mds The 2 mst imprtant characteristics f affect are intensity the strength f the emtin and directin whether the emtin is psitive r negative The affect system is respnsible fr guiding ur behavir tward whle classes f stimuli The presence f 2 separate kinds f affect means that we can feel bth psitively and negatively at the same time; that is, we ften respnd t situatins with ambivalence Depending n the specific circumstances and n individual predispsitins, psitive and negative affect can be equally imprtant in determining ut evaluatins Affect and Attractin: The presence f psitive affect leads t psitive evaluatins f ther peple (liking), while negative affect leads t negative evaluatins (disliking). The Direct Effect f Emtins n Attractin: Emtins have a direct effect n attractin when anther persn says r des smething that makes yu feel gd r bad Yu tend t like smene wh makes yu feel gd, and yu tend t dislike smene wh makes yu feel bad The Assciated Effect f Emtins n Attractin: A phenmenn that is perhaps mre surprising than the direct effect f emtins n attractin is the assciated effect f emtins n attractin This effect ccurs when anther persn is simply present at the same time that ne s emtinal state is arused by smething r smene else. Thugh the individual tward whm yu express like r dislike is nt in any way respnsible fr what yu are feeling, yu nevertheless tend t evaluate him r her mre psitively when yu are feeling gd and mre negatively when yu are feeling bad Additinal Implicatins f the Affect Attractin Relatinship: Laughter and Liking:

3 Because peple like ne anther better when affect is psitive, it is reasnable t suggest that laughter helps humans interact One f the ways in which peple can feel mst cmfrtable when dealing with ne anther is t laugh tgether Humr is nt nly pleasant, it als prvides a nnthreatening way fr peple t deal with ne anther Laughter helps strengthen scial bnds and serves as a scial lubricant that makes interpersnal behavir functin mre smthly If humr is a scial lubricant, it fllws that strangers wh share a humrus experience are mre likely t interact in a pleasant way laugh bx a simple ty cntaining a recrding f raucus laughter that was activated whenever the bx was picked up mst peple fund the experience funny, mst laughed, and mst liked the stranger with whm they shared the experience psitive affect leads t attractin The shared experience was hypthesized t act as a distractin frm the discmfrt f interacting with a stranger and t create the perceptin that ne has a new perspective n the situatin (a feeling f self expansin) Manipulating Affect t Influence Behavir: External Determinants f Attractin: Prximity and Observable Characteristics The Pwer f Prximity: Unplanned Cntacts: Many seemingly unimprtant details f the setting in which we live, wrk, and g t schl can have a pwerful influence n ur interpersnal lives Tw peple are likely t becme acquaintances if external factrs such as the lcatin f their classrm seats, drm rms, ffice desks, r whatever brings them int repeated cntacts; such cntacts ccur n the basis f physical prximity Peple rdinarily becme aware f ne anther and begin t interact in settings than bring them int clse prximity Why des Prximity matter? Repeated Expsure is the Key: Repeated expsure frequent cntact with any mildly negative, neutral, r psitive stimulus results in an increasingly psitive evaluatin f that stimulus (Zajnc) This finding is smetimes called the mere expsure effect because the psitive respnse t a stranger, a drawing, a wrd in an unknwn language, r whatever that is bserved multiple times ccurs simply n the basis f expsure

4 With repeated expsure, hwever, in the absence f harmful cnsequences, negative emtins decrease and psitive emtins increase familiarity with a stimulus reduces any feelings f uncertainty, suggesting that it is safe Extensins f the Repeated Expsure Effect: Repeated expsure t a stimulus results in a mre psitive evaluatin f that stimulus, even when a persn is nt aware that the expsure has taken place The effect is strnger under these cnditins The psitive affect generated by repeated expsure t subliminal stimuli generalizes t ther, similar stimuli and even t new, cmpletely different stimuli As pwerful as the repeated expsure effect has been fund t be, it fails t perate when a persn s initial reactin t the stimulus is extremely negative. Repeated expsure in this instance nt nly fails t bring abut a mre psitive evaluatin, it can even lead t greater dislike (Swap 1977) Applying Knwledge abut the Effects f Prximity: Observable Characteristics: Instant Evaluatins: Instant likes and dislikes (first impressins) can als aruse strng affect, smetimes strng enugh t vercme the prximity effect Whenever we like r dislike smene at first sight, this reactin strngly suggests that smething abut that persn has elicited psitive r negative affect. Presumably, the affect is based n past experiences, steretypes, and attributin that ften are bth inaccurate and irrelevant Physical Attractiveness: Judging Bks by their Cvers: It is repeatedly fund that peple are mst likely t respnd psitively t thse wh are mst attractive and negatively t thse wh are least attractive The pervasive factr that influences ne s initial respnse t thers is physical attractiveness the cmbinatin f characteristics that are evaluated as beautiful r handsme at the psitive extreme and as unattractive at the negative extreme Physical appearance determines many types f interpersnal evaluatins, including guilt r inncence in the curtrm, the grade that is assigned t an essay Peple even respnd mre psitively t attractive infants than unattractive nes Appearance als plays a majr rle in mate selectin

5 One reasn we fcus n appearance is that we hld steretypes based n hw peple lk Mst peple tend t believe attractive men and wmen are mre pised, interesting, sciable, independent, dminant, exciting, sexy, well adjusted, scially skilled, successful, mre masculine (men), mre feminine (wmen) than unattractive individuals Despite the pwerful effects f attractiveness, peple are nt very accurate in estimating hw they are perceived by thers Appearance anxiety apprehensin r wrry abut whether ne s physical appearance is adequate and abut the pssible negative reactins f ther peple Crss cultural research indicates that psitive steretypes abut attractiveness are universal, the specific cntent f the steretypes depends n the characteristics mst valued by each culture in a cllectivist culture (Krea), attractiveness is assumed t be assciated with integrity and cncern fr thers, but these attributes d nt appear amng the steretypes that are cmmn amng individualistic Nrth Americans Thugh steretypes abut attractive peple tend t be invalid, attractiveness actually is assciated with ppularity, gd interpersnal skills, and high selfesteem. A prbable reasn fr this assciatin between hw ne lks and scial skills, and s n, is that very attractive peple have spent their lives being liked and treated well by ther peple wh are respnding t their appearance Peple wh are beautiful are usually seen as gd but attractiveness is als assciated with a few negative assumptins ex: beautiful wmen are smetimes perceived as vain and materialistic What, Exactly, Cnstitutes Attractiveness? Judgments f nes wn attractiveness may nt match the judgments f thers very well, but there is surprisingly gd agreement when 2 peple are asked t rate a third persn The greatest agreement ccurs when men are judging the attractiveness f wmen It has prved difficult the precise cues that determine these judgments One apprach is t identify individuals wh are perceived t be attractive and then t determine what they have in cmmn Sme had childlike features cnsisting f large, widely spaced eyes and a small nse and chin (ex: Meg Ryan) and are cnsidered cute Other categry f attractive wmen had features with prminent cheekbnes, high eyebrws, large pupils, and a big smile (ex: Julia Rberts A secnd apprach t the determinatin f what is meant by attractiveness began with several facial phtgraphs and then used cmputer digitizing t cmbine multiple faces int ne face. The image in each pht is divided int micrscpic squares, and each square is assigned a number that represents a specific shade.

6 The numbers are averaged acrss 2 r mre pictures, and this average is translated back int a crrespnding shade. The verall result is assembled int a cmpsite image f the cmbined faces cmpsite faces are rates as mre attractive than mst the individual faces used t make the cmpsite; the mre faces that are averaged, the mre beautiful the resulting face In additin t the details f facial features, perceptins f attractiveness are als influenced by the situatin when research participants have been shwn pictures f very attractive peple, they then rate a stranger as less attractive than d participants wh have nt been lking at attractive pictures Why? The difference between the attractiveness f the peple in the phtgraphs and the stranger creates what is knwn as the cntrast effect girls (and bys t) are perceived as mre attractive by members f the ppsite sex as the evening prgresses Ratings f same sex strangers by hetersexuals d nt imprve as clsing time appraches, s alchl cnsumptin des nt explain the effects Rather, as peple pair ff and the number f available partners decreases, the resulting scarcity results in a mre psitive evaluatin f thse wh remain unattached Other Aspects f Appearance and Behavir that Influence Attractin: When we meet smene fr the first time, we usually react t a variety f factrs. Any bservable cue, n matter hw superficial, may evke a steretype, and the resulting emtinal reactins lead t instant likes r dislikes ex: clthing, neatness, clthing clrs, presence f bservable disabilities, behavirs that suggest mental illness, perceived age, presence f eyeglasses, and a man s facial hair Amng ther bservable characteristics, a persn s physique als is assciated with steretypes that trigger emtinal reactins and differential attractin Obesity even functins as a stigma, and the stigma can rub ff nt thers a man sitting with an verweight wman is evaluated mre negatively than a man sitting with a wman f average weight Interactive Determinants f Attractin: Similarity and Mutual Liking Similarity: Birds f a Feather Actually D Flck Tgether: Rle f similarity in fstering interpersnal attractin is nw generally accepted Similarity Dissimilarity: A Cnsistent Predictr f Attractin:

7 Similarity dissimilarity effect the cnsistent finding that peple respnd psitively t indicatins that anther persn is similar t themselves and negatively t indicatins that anther persn is dissimilar frm themselves Attitude similarity the extent t which 2 individuals share the same attitudes abut a range f tpics; in practice, the term als includes similarity f beliefs, values, and interests as well as attitudes Attractin is determined by the prtin f similarity the number f specific indicatrs that 2 peple are similar divided by the number f specific indicatins that 2 peple are similar plus the number f specific indicatrs that they are dissimilar higher the prprtin f similarity, the greater the liking Effect f attitude similarity n attractin is a strng ne, and it hlds true regardless f the number f tpics n which peple express their views regardless f hw imprtant r trivial the tpics may be Repulsin hypthesis Rsenbaum s prvcative prpsal that attractin is nt increased by similar attitudes but is simply decreased by dissimilar attitudes. This hypthesis is incrrect as stated, but it is true that dissimilar attitudes tend t have negative effects that are strnger than the psitive effects f similar attitudes There are a few partial exceptins t the similarity effect ne example is the degree t which 2 peple are similar with respect t ideal self. Similarity t ideal self has a psitive effect (as is true f ther types f similarity), but discvering that smene is clser t yur ideal than yu are is threatening Explaining the Effect f Similarity Dissimilarity n Attractin: Balance thery the frmulatins f Heider and f Newcmb that specify the relatinships amng (1) an individual s liking fr anther persn, (2) his r her attitude abut a given tpic, and (3) the ther persn s attitude abut the same tpic; balance (liking plus agreement) results in a psitive emtinal state; imbalance (liking plus disagreement) results in a negative state and a desire t restre balance; nnbalance (disliking plus either agreement r disagreement) leads t indifference Festinger s (1954) scial cmparisn thery yu cmpare yur attitudes and beliefs with thse f thers because the nly way yu can evaluate yur accuracy and nrmality is by finding that ther peple agree with yu Cnsensual validatin when yu learn that smene else share yur attitudes and beliefs, it feels gd, because such infrmatin at least suggests that yu have sund judgment, are nrmal and in cntact with reality, and s frth. Dissimilarity suggests the ppsite, and that creates negative affect We are all anxius t be right, sensible, and sane, but we each have sme degree f self dubt

8 Adaptive respnse any physical characteristic r behaviral tendency that enhances the dds f reprductive success fr an individual r fr ther individuals with similar genes Attractin: Prgressing frm Bits and Pieces t an Overall Picture: Affect centered mdel f attractin a cnceptual framewrk in which attractin is assumed t be based n psitive and negative emtins; these emtins can be arused directly by anther persn r simply assciated with that persn; the emtinal arusal can als be enhanced r mitigated by cgnitive prcesses Mutual Evaluatins: Reciprcal Liking r Disliking: Mutual liking the intermediate step between initial attractin and the establishment f an interpersnal relatinship When each interacting individual cmmunicates a psitive evaluatin f the ther by what is said r dne, this realizatin f mutual attractin is an added psitive experience fr each f them. Mst f us are pleased t receive psitive feedback and displeased t receive feedback that is negative Nt nly d we enjy being evaluated psitively, we even welcme such an evaluatin when it is inaccurate r an insincere attempt at flattery. T an utside bserver, false flattery may be perceived accurately fr what it is, but t the persn being flattered, it is likely t appear hnest and accurate At times, the first sign f attractin is nnverbal ex: if an acquaintance chses t sit next t yu in class r n a bus, yu reasnably interpret this as a psitive sign f his r her feelings abut yu; in this instance, liking leads t prximity rather than the reverse. Anther ex: when a wman maintains eye cntact while talking t a man and leans tward him, the man tends t interpret these acts (smetimes incrrectly) t mean that she likes him; her psitive signals, in turn, may lead him t like her Our lives are made mre pleasant by genuine, sincere cmmunicatin f psitive feelings abut ne anther and smetimes even by psitive messages that are nt entirely genuine r sincere. In cntrast, negative interpersnal cmmunicatins almst always elicit unpleasant reactins it never hurts t be nice, but it always hurts t be nasty