HELPING CHILDREN WITH LIFE AFTER LOSS

Transcription

1 HELPING CHILDREN WITH LIFE AFTER LOSS LAURA BEST, MSW, LCSW LEXINGTON COUNSELING AND PSYCHIATRY

2 OBJECTIVES: Describe the influence of culture and society on experience loss and grief. Describe the relationship between personal attitudes and experiences and one's effectiveness in intervening with individuals and families experiencing death, dying, loss, and grief. Recognize and support expressions of grief as a response to loss. Recognize, support, and foster healthy loss and grief oriented rituals.

3 THE INFLUENCE OF CULTURE AND SOCIETY ON EXPERIENCE LOSS AND GRIEF. Culture influences much of our experience including loss Rituals connected with loss closely connected to culture Polarized

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5 What do you see? What do you think and feel? What do you wonder?

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7 What do you see? What do you think and feel? What do you wonder?

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9 What do you see? What do you think and feel? What do you wonder?

10 WHAT DOES THAT TELL US???

11 PERSONAL ATTITUDE AND EXPERIENCE AND AFFECT WHAT WE DO Our professional experience with clients moving through grief and loss Our own personal experience Our struggle to understand grief and loss inherently influences how help

12 A STRUGGLE TO UNDERSTAND

13 What s in your suitcase? Professional? Personal?

14 GIVEN A CHOICE BETWEEN GRIEF AND NOTHING, I D CHOOSE GRIEF -WILLIAM FAULKNER This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY- NC-ND

15 UNIVERSALITY OF EXPERIENCE Love and grief are package deal Only protection from grief/loss is total detachment

16 Educate WHAT WE CAN DO TO SUPPORT Structure and predictability of safety Understand through the lens of context Tangible rituals

17 STAGES OF GRIEF Denial/Shock Anger/Protest Bargaining Depression Resolution

18 STAGES OF GRIEF

19 UNDERSTANDING Societal and cultural context Gentle and steady, slow.not quickly Want to be SEEN so not alone in the grief Australian cultural response to grief move something to acknowledge change Our souls know how to do this, we have been doing this as people forever Watering the flowers

20 HEALING Cant heal what we don t feel Feel as opposed to resist grief Acute grief transitions to grief bursts grief is asking for time with you Surviving the pain of that loss

21 GRIEF IS A NO JUDGMENT ZONE This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY

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24 CONSIDERATION OF DEVELOPMENTAL RELEVANCE Developmental stage Developmental task Behaviors Helping actions Infancy Trust Crying loudly, withdrawal, apathy, mournful crying Keep routine, familiar smells and sounds Preschool Ages 2 5 Do not have: logic, cause/affect, permanence Clingy, anxious, stubborn Loving, stable interactions, patiently attempt to connect School Ages 6-11 Forming concrete logical thoughts School and learning problems, preoccupation with loss of caregiver Sympathetic listeners, assist teachers or other adults Adolescence Grieve through stages of grief, forming identity Destructive behaviors: substance abuse, eating disorders, depression Help deal with conflicting emotions, sense of identity, allow to make choices, safe expressions of freedom and independence.

25 FROM A CHILD S PERSPECTIVE

26 GRIEF PRESENTATIONS Inward Guilt Isolation Outward Anger Avoidance

27 IDENTIFYING LOSS- AND GRIEF-ORIENTED RITUALS USEFUL IN CLINICAL PRACTICE. Rituals are important because they: Symbolically express feelings Help create a continuing and enduring connection Can provide a sense of legacy Help to make meaning

28 CONTINUED CONNECTIONS Connections: spiritual, physical, emotional Don t/didn t stop loving them How to have a relationship after death love in absence not just presence We heal as a tribe Make an appt with your grief Finding a meaningful way to adjust to a world and life without Hamburg St Nikolai Church (symbolism)

29 LOVE AND GRIEF ARE A PACKAGE DEAL

30 TANGIBLE RITUALS Memory table Donation in one s name Plant a tree Lighting a candle Poem/prayer Decorating grave Wearing clothing or jewelry Favorite flowers Songs Meals Picture mementos Lifebooks Others?

31 LITERARY RESOURCES: The Other Side of Sadness by George A. Bonanno Mindfulness for Prolonged Grief by Dr. Sameet M. Kumar Grief Land by Armen Bacon and Nancy Miller Life After Loss by Bob Deits It s OK that you re not OK by Megan Devine On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross Help Me Sy Goodbye by Janis Silverman

32 THANK YOU! Laura Best, MSW, LCSW Director of Children s and Clinical Services Lexington Counseling and Psychiatry