PATHWAYS TO HEALING. Coping with Flashbacks. Sept./Oct A newsletter to aid in bereavement

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1 PATHWAYS Coping with Flashbacks By Michelle Gladu, LMSW Bereavement Counselor Many people I meet who come to the Hospice Grief Center for bereavement counseling tell me they experience flashbacks of their loved one s death or difficult symptoms he or she might have endured. This can be especially true if someone was a longtime caregiver for their loved one. Flashbacks have been defined as emotions or physical sensations that can surface when memories of trauma are triggered, or a sudden, powerful re-experiencing of a past event that can bring forth strong emotional reactions. TO HEALING Sept./Oct A newsletter to aid in bereavement Created by: Hospice of Central New York & Hospice of the Finger Lakes Flashbacks can take the form of troubling images in our mind, or recalling sounds or smells that were upsetting. Family members say they can see their loved one s face or hear their breathing, etc. Unlike most memories, a flashback can make a person feel like they are reliving the experience in real time, with all the emotions that accompanied it at the time. Making these experiences even more distressing is their unpredictability flashbacks can seem to come out of nowhere and can be difficult to manage or control. Intrusive memories can occur when we feel least prepared to cope, such as in the grocery store or at night when we are trying to sleep. Although flashbacks can be a normal part of the grieving process, grievers often worry that this will be all that they remember of their loved one. There are ways of coping with the disruption that flashbacks can bring. Activities that are repetitive or that bring you back to the present can be helpful. Experts offer some suggestions to help lessen the impact of flashbacks: Say it out loud: tell yourself you are having a flashback, and that what you are remembering happened in the past and is not occurring right now. Saying No out loud or repeating a phrase such as I m ok can help interrupt flashbacks, as can singing. Breathing: try taking in slow, deep breaths and let the air out slowly. Pay attention to the air moving in and out of your body. Notice your surroundings: try to focus with all your senses on the here and now look at the furniture or other objects around you, listen to the sound of birds singing, cars driving by outside, smell the aroma of something cooking on the stove, touch or hold something that is close by a pillow or stuffed animal - and take note of what that object feels like in your arms. Seek Support: since flashbacks are so strongly linked to emotions, identifying and discussing the feelings associated with the flashback can help take some of the power away from the memory. Fortunately, flashbacks usually lessen in frequency and intensity over time, and grievers find one day that the memories of their loved one they always treasured come back into view.

2 Compassion for Your Grieving Body An Introduction to GRIEF YOGA By Joyce Nevola, LMSW Bereavement Counselor Anticipating the death of a loved one, or grieving the loss of a loved who has died, wounds our entire being physically, emotionally, cognitively, and spiritually. This heartache can be devastating at many levels and comes in many layers. The emotional and physical pain can close our hearts in self-defense and can get stuck in our bodies without release. It can lead to fatigue, depression, an empty feeling in the stomach, muscle aches and pains, numbness, sleep and appetite disturbances, negative mood, and stress. Recent research has shown that the mind-body practice of yoga can locate where we are holding the pain of grief in our body and through gentle stretching and a deep connection to our breath can offer release and healing. We are excited to announce the opportunity to gather and participate in the viewing of the DVD, Grief Yoga by Paul Denniston, a renowned expert. This Gentle Flow for Beginners Group will be offered for 3 consecutive Wednesdays starting on October 5, 2016 at Hospice. In order to accommodate varied schedules, sessions will take place from 2 to 3pm and will be repeated from 6 to 7pm. Grief Yoga can be experienced in a chair or on a mat on the floor. The group will be co-ordinated by Hospice Social Worker, Lucia Bush,LMSW and Hospice Bereavement Counselor, Joyce Nevola,LMSW. REGISTRATION IS REQUIRED BY OCTOBER 1st - PLEASE CALL: (315) There is no fee for this program.

3 REMINDERS The Hospice Grief Center Hospice of Central New York provides support for Hospice families for 13 months following the death of their loved one. There is no charge for our services. Community members are welcome to attend workshops and drop-in groups at no charge. Donations are appreciated for community members requesting individual counseling. Hospice of CNY Upcoming Groups Attending a support group with others who have experienced a similar loss and are having similar reactions may be helpful in processing your feelings. Hospice of CNY support groups are facilitated by professional staff who understand grief and offer insight towards healing during this difficult time. To check for any Program or Group cancellation due to weather or emergency, call , ext.307 ADULT GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP For those have experienced the death of a loved one (open to the community) Six Thursday Evenings September 15, October 20, :00-7:15 pm Facilitated by Michelle Gladu, LMSW-Bereavement Counselor To register, call by September 12th Use the Panasci Community Entrance at the REAR of the building Service of Remembrance Remembering those who died and comforting those who grieve DATE: Sunday, October 23, 2016 TIME: 1:30 to 2:30pm LOCATION: ALL SAINTS CHURCH 1340 Lancaster Ave. Syracuse, NY There will be a slide presentation during our service. You will be invited to send a photo of your loved one. Invitations will be mailed or you can call The Hospice Grief Center at (315) Spousal/Significant other Loss Group Open to the community How do I exist in a world without my soul-mate? Will the pain ever go away? How do I move forward? September 13th October 25th (Tuesdays) 4:00 5:15 pm Solace Hospice Call by September 9th to register (space is limited) Drive around to the back of the building and use the Panasci door entrance. HOSPICE OF CNY.990 7th North St, Liverpool, NY (handicap accessible)

4 Dear Friends, Our summer has been one for the record books. Although we have not had the normal amount of rain, we have certainly enjoyed the warmth and sunshine. I decided to let the lawn go dormant, but I am carefully watering our vegetable garden. With daily visits to check on the plants and careful weeding, we have had a bumper crop of veggies with plenty to share with family and friends. I find that gardening is a lot like the work we do when we grieve. Grief work requires us to be present every day, address the issues and concerns that arise, and then find ways to function in as normal a way as possible. The challenges and hurdles we face in our grief work may never allow us to return to what was once normal. For many, we will have to discover a new normal in our lives. This new normal may offer solutions to our struggles and concerns. We may discover that the changes in our life opens up opportunities to explore who we are, and what we can achieve now that we are in our new normal. With the death of a loved one, we no longer identify ourselves as caregiver, comforter, and counselor. We now possess the freedom to both grieve and live-something we must do in order to heal from our loss. For some, this is a solitary venture while others look to family, friends and support groups. Hospice understands the need for support and is hosting a fall support group beginning in September. More information is available at the end of this article. Best, Matthew P. Binkewicz, MA,FT Chaplain/Bereavement Counselor Bereavement Support Group Hospice of the Finger Lakes is sponsoring a four session Bereavement Support Group beginning on Thursday, September 8, Sessions will continue on the following Thursdays, September 15, 22, and 29. All sessions meet from 3:00-4:30 pm at the Hospice Office located at 1130 Corporate Drive, Auburn, NY, If you have experienced the death of a family member or friend and are having difficulties adjusting to the loss, Hospice invites you to this support group. Discussions will address individual concerns and offer ways to keep you on the road to recovery. The event is open to all area residents. For more information, please contact the Hospice office at th Annual Bluefield Classic Whiffle Ball Tournament September 3, :00pm, event will be held at 5731 Bluefield Road, Auburn, NY Proceeds benefit Hospice of the Finger Lakes. Spectators welcome, $10 donation at the door. 5th Annual Soup Bone Golf Tournament in memory of Florence Flo Peters September 25, 2016 Millstone Golf Course, Elbridge Visit for more information Proceeds benefit Hospice of the Finger Lakes & Paws of CNY Annual Service of Remembrance October 23, :00pm Westminster Presbyterian Church

5 Healing Hearts Kids and Teens Corner How can I be helpful to a child who is experiencing grief? Understand your own struggles related to talking about and expressing feelings of grief. Children are excellent observers and are often able to sense how you are feeling. Although you may not specifically say something, your facial expressions and body language can give children clues. Children will sense if you are uncomfortable speaking about death, which can then unintentionally send a message to them that this is an uncomfortable or forbidden subject. Encourage the grieving child to openly share their feelings. Let them know that crying and feeling a range of emotions is okay, and is a normal part of grief. Younger children may have limited vocabulary to say what they are feeling, however, they often act out their thoughts and feelings during play or in their art work. Older children and teens may benefit from writing or drawing in a journal to express their thoughts and feelings. Offer a nurturing, attentive response to the child/teen. This reinforces with them that it is helpful and safe to share their feelings. Maintain structure and predictability in their daily activities. Often, a child s life has been impacted with change following the death of a loved one, and they need to feel secure during this transition. Keeping their usual bed time schedules, activity schedules, homework routines and meal times are helpful. If there are changes in routine, communicate with the child/teen what to expect. Recognize that special dates may trigger increased difficulty for children and teens. Be aware the anniversary of the death, holidays, and birthdays, may become especially stressful times of the year for the child. Children can grieve well and live happy, healthy lives after a death. The experience of grief is unique for each child, and some may benefit from additional support. For assistance on caring for grieving children, please call the Hospice Grief Center at NEVER LOSE HOPE Author Unknown If you can find beauty in the colors of a small flower, then you still have hope If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly, then you still have hope If the smile of a child can still warm your heart, then you still have hope If you can see the good in other people, then you still have hope If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep, then you still have hope If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder, then you still have hope If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips, then you still have hope If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life, then you still have hope If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise, then you still have hope If you can look to the past and smile, then you still have hope. Hope is such a marvelous thing. It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides, but rarely does it break It sustains us when nothing else can It gives us reason to continue and courage to move ahead, when we tell ourselves we d rather give in Hope puts a smile on our face when the heart cannot manage Hope puts our feet on the path when our eyes cannot see it Hope moves us to act when our souls are confused of the direction. Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and something that will refresh us in return And it can be found in each of us, and it can bring light into the darkest of places ********************************************* Never Lose Hope Never Lose Hope..Never Lose Hope.

6 Hospice of Central New York 990 Seventh North Street Liverpool, NY Non-Proft Org. US Postage Paid Permit No. 24 Syracuse, NY Current Resident Calendar of Events Adult Grief Support Group - Sept. 15 Spousal/Significant Other Loss Support Group - Sept.13 NOTICE Hospice of Central New York does not discriminate on the basis of race, ethnicity, color, sexual orientation or religion. If you prefer not to receive Pathways, call Service of Remembrance - Oct. 23 Grief Yoga - Oct. 5 Articles Inside Coping with Flashbacks How to be Helpful to a Grieving Child Compassion for Your Grieving Body All events held at Hospice of CNY are fully accessible. To check on cancellations due to weather or emergency, call x 307 two hours prior to the event. Never Lose Hope