Families Surviving Holiday Grief by Laura B. Harting, LCSW

Transcription

1 PATHWAYS TO HEALING A newsletter to aid in bereavement November/December 2015 Families Surviving Holiday Grief by Laura B. Harting, LCSW HOSPICE OF CENTRAL NEW YORK Resist the Urge to Fast Forward to January 5th. It is tempting and normal to want to hibernate through the Christmas season. However, the holidays have serendipitous moments. These are moments when joy sneaks up on you, and in our grief, breaks through to our hearts. These moments are precious and help to restore and uplift us in the darkest and loneliest of times. Sometimes the only way through it is through it. Define Your Boundaries. Do what you need to do and take time to think about what you don t need to do. Give yourself permission to say, No. Also give yourself permission to say, Yes to those things which you may enjoy. Nap. Grief is exhausting. Take time to rest. A nap or an early-to-bed night isn t a luxury. It is a necessity. To do nothing is the most difficult thing in the world the most difficult and the most intellectual. -Oscar Wilde Network with Other Grievers. All grievers need a safe place to grieve. Trying to do grief work in isolation is similar to living in a closet. Grief needs an outlet. Those outlets can be within a family, with a friend or circle of friends, church community or grief support group. No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main. -John Dunne Say Your Loved One s Name. After a person dies friends, family, colleagues, often stop using his/her name. Be intentional about saying his/her name. People will follow your example. This is a way to remember, stay connected and honor your loved one. I will give them an everlasting name that will not be cut off. Isaiah 56:5 Make Gratitude. Sarah Josepha Hale, a widow with four children, launched a crusade to get a formal national day of thanksgiving. She wrote every president and every governor. Her letters were ignored until Secretary of State, William Seward remembering her persistence advised President Lincoln to declare a national thanksgiving. One persistent, letter-writing widow gave this nation Thanksgiving. Please take some time to remember and make a list of your gratitudes. (Ideas taken from A DECEMBER GRIEF by Harold Ivan Smith) Page 1

2 The Nest of the Loneliness Birds from The Compassionate Friends In some parts of the world, such as the high mountain plains of South America, and parts of desert Africa, nests of stones are found. How is it possible that such smooth, round stones, which are normally found in rivers at much lower elevations, could be high on a mountain or in a desert, where there are no rivers? A primitive myth explains the phenomenon. The myth says that these are the nests of the loneliness birds. These birds live at high altitudes and are usually seen in silhouette, as they scan the earth, searching for a place to lay their eggs. The stones, lying together in a sandy soil, look so much like eggs. You are tempted to pick one up, and when you do, you find they are heavy just like the heaviness we feel in our hearts when we are grieving. When a loved one dies, so the story goes, the loneliness birds lay their stone eggs in your heart. You can feel them there, gradually weighing you down, and you live with them for a long time. You become used to carrying this burden within you, and gradually, you grow strong. Then, one day, you wake up, and something has changed. The sun is shining, and the sky is clear blue. You look around and seem to see your surroundings with new eyes, as if you have been gone for a long time. Even the most mundane objects around you seem to be full of meaning Some stories say that, during the night, the loneliness birds came and took their stone eggs, and flew away. Others say that each of the stone eggs has hatched into life and that when each egg has hatched, the nest is empty, and the heart becomes light. This story is about the capacity of the human spirit to heal, and to grow through grieving. Where there was once suffering, there is now meaning, soul, and a depth to life that was not appreciated before. Holiday Memorial Workshop for Adults and Children Monday, December 7th 6 to 7:30pm Facilitator: Joyce Nevola, LMSW - Hospice Bereavement Counselor Make a wreath to honor your loved one who who has died No experience necessary Bring small momentos, pictures, reminders of your loved one to add meaning to your creation (Additional craft projects available for children) REGISTRATION IS REQUIRED by Nov. 30th Call extension 208 Page 2

3 From a Time to Grieve by Carol Staudacher Some survivors try to think their way through grief. That doesn t work. Grief is a releasing process, a discovery process, a healing process. We cannot release or discover or heal by the use of our minds alone. The brain must follow the heart at a respectful distance. It is our hearts that ache when a loved one dies. It is our emotions that are most drastically affected. Certainly, the mind suffers, the mind recalls, the mind may plot and plan and wish, but it is the heart that will blaze the trail through the thicket of grief. Camp Healing Hearts Registration Hospice of CNY will start taking camp registrations on January 2, The day camp is for elementary school aged children who are trying to cope with the loss of a loved one. Applications are available at www. hospicecny.org or call extension 208 for more information. The Hospice Grief Center Hospice of Central New York provides support for Hospice families for 13 months following the death of their loved one. There is no charge for our services. Community members are welcome to attend workshops and drop-in groups at no charge. Donations are appreciated for community members requesting individual counseling. When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. ~Author Unknown Page 3

4 HEALING HEARTS KIDS AND TEENS CORNER Healing and the Holidays by Sarah Griffin, LMSW Holidays can be a difficult time for children and their adults. This time of year can create many different feelings. After someone dies, it can seem challenging to think about celebrating a holiday without that person. Often, we may have more nerves before the special day than on the actual day. Here are a few ideas for the holiday season to remember your special person and aid in your healing. Cookie Decorating This can be a good time to talk together about your special person and the holiday season, while creating tasty treats! Suggested questions for discussion may be: What is your favorite and least favorite parts of the holidays? What are you worried about most with the holidays? Discuss a holiday tradition that you want to continue and one you want to change. Share a special holiday memory. What can be a way for you and your family to remember your special person who died? Making Holiday Ornaments Needed: Clear plastic ornaments (they come in two pieces so a picture or piece of paper can be placed in them), stickers, scrapbooking decorative paper, ribbon, and markers that can be used on plastic. You can draw a picture or write a message to your special person. Then decorate with stickers and ribbon. Luminary or memory lantern A luminary or memory lantern can be a nice way to remember your special person s memory. Needed: Glass mason jar, different colored tissue paper, scissors, Modge Podge, (a glue and sealer medium) and paint brush. Cut up the tissue paper in shapes. Paint Modge Podge on the jar and place tissue paper over it. You can place more modge podge over the paper to make sure it sticks well! Use LED candles (with battery) and or a string of battery powered lights to brighten your special lantern. Following the holidays, this can be used as a night light! Page 4

5 Thanksgiving Hanukkah Christmas Kwanza New Year s Dreading the holidays without your loved one? Join us for COUNTDOWN to COURAGE and learn ways to cope with holiday grief Monday, November 16, to 7pm No need to register, just come. Use the Hospice Panasci Community Entrance in the rear of the building Hospice of Central New York 990 7th North Street Liverpool, NY To check for cancellation due to weather or emergency, call ext. 307 two hours prior to the event. Children s Grief Group 2016 Hospice Grief Center March 15 - April 19 Tuesday Evenings (5:30-6:30pm) Ages 6 to 11 years old Please register by calling ext. 211 Page 5

6 Hospice of Central New York 990 Seventh North Street Liverpool, NY Non-Profit Org. US Postage Paid Permit No. 24 Syracuse, NY Current Resident or Winter Calendar of Events Countdown to Courage Nov.16 NOTICE Hospice of Central New York does not discriminate on the basis of race, ethnicity, color, sexual orientation or religion. If you prefer not to receive Pathways, call Holiday Memorial Workshop - Dec. 7 Helping Hands Healing Hearts-March 15 - Apr. 19 Articles Inside Families Surviving Holiday Grief The Nest of the Loneliness Birds Healing and the Holidays All events held at Hospice of CNY are fully accessible. To check on cancellations due to weather or emergency, call x 307 two hours prior to the event. Page 6