5 Keys to Healing. Childhood Sexual. Abuse Trauma

Transcription

1 5 Keys t Healing Childhd Sexual Abuse Trauma

2 Welcme t Healing Wunds Tgether! Our life experiences shape wh we are and fr sme f us, these experiences frm a huge part f ur identity. Childhd sexual abuse is ne f these traumatic experiences. Having wrked with many adults and having experiences it myself fr decades, I knw the 3 mst difficult challenges that adults with CSA face: They are hurting and they are angry. They are unable t create real intimate and sexual cnnectins. They dn't trust themselves and they dn't trust thers. At the end f it all, they just dn't feel safe and that affects every area f their life. Childhd sexual abuse impacts all ur areas f ur lives, frm ur bdies and muscles t ur mind, emtins and sexuality. Frtunately, healing desn't have t be traumatic. Frm my wn healing jurney, I have realised that part f the healing ccurs in frm a direct therapy (e.g. cunselling r hypntherapy) but there are s many ther areas that we can wrk n and these help accelerate the healing jurney. In this way, the trauma healing desn t feel verwhelming because yu are ding little things in each areas f yur life and the cmbined influence f each f these multiplies in its impact n yu. Here are the 5 key strategies that will help yu set a fundatin fr yur healing jurney and accelerate the prcess.

3 Befre Yu begin When yu are feeling anxius, sad r upset, what makes yu feel better? What d yu enjy the mst? What is an activity that takes yur mind ff almst anything? What d yu d t feel calmer? t feel safer? Why is this imprtant? All these types f activities frm part f yur Resurces List. Dr. Babette Rthschild, Psychtherapist and specialist in smatic trauma therapy, talks abut this in great detail. The healing jurney can be lng and can be difficult at times; and smetimes, we just want a break frm all this stuff. During thse times, the resurces list can really cme in A Resurces List is yur G-t guide, in case the feelings becme t intense r ut f cntrl. It can help yu FEEL SAFE. handy. Because it can help yu take a break. It can help yu feel calmer. It can help yu restre yur faith in yurself and in thers. S what des a resurces list lk like? It cnsists f the fllwing categries: Activities that yu can d by yurself Lighting a candle and watching the flame G fr a walk in the bush (r frest) Have a cry Dance

4 Meditate Listen t music Spend time with yur pets Activities that yu can d with friends Verbally share yur pain and hurt with them Get hugs Ask fr supprt in whatever way feels cmfrtable t yu D a fun activity tgether? Activities that yu can d with a rmantic lved ne G n a date Yu can ask yur lved ne t hld yu Create intimate time tgether Spend sme quality time tgether It culd be any r all f these things. The idea is t create a list and keep things handy, just in case yu need them. It's perfectly OK t want a break; t want sme assurance; t want the lve and supprt. D remember t warn tur friends and lved nes that yu are abut t d this s that they be mre sensitive t yur needs. As a last resrt, yu als have access t yur lcal medical centres. Knw where they are and keep their cntact numbers handy. If yu take these steps, yu will really prepare yurself fr anything and everything that may happen during yur healing jurney. This will als give sme assurance t yur brain; and it will allw yu t g a little bit further because yur brain knws that yu have yur bases cvered. Peace and Blessings t yu

5 Key#1 Accept that It Happened This is ne f the mst imprtant keys twards healing. If yu say things like Why didn t my parents prtect me r did this t me? Why did it happen t me? Why am I s messed up? Then it is likely that yu are resisting what has happened t yu and this takes enrmus amunts f energy. Yu can free up an insurmuntable energy by accepting and surrendering t what has happened We use up s much energy because we dn t want t feel the pain; we dn t want t feel the sadness and we certainly are afraid that if we allw urselves t feel these feelings then things will get ut f cntrl. As a result, we feel frustrated and we feel angry. We are angry at urselves and we are angry at thers fr hurting us, fr nt prtecting us and fr affecting ur lives s badly. And it s perfectly kay t feel anger fr a while but these feelings certainly tend t verstay their welcme and tend t cripple ur recvery. Accepting that it happened is the first key twards healing

6 When yu accept, yu may feel sad and that s perfectly nrmal. It is sad when adults sexually abuse little children. Allw yurself t feel sad r even cry if that s what yu need t d. Refer t resurces list if yu need t feel better but therwise, yu can just stay with the sadness This will free up a lt f blcked energy inside f yu and yu will feel s much better fr it.

7 Key#2 Practice Slw breathing Many f us wh have experienced childhd sexual abuse can feel erratic at times. Huge upheavals in ur emtinal state and then a flat line; extreme fear and anxiety and then numbness; anger and frustratin and then depressin. It is imprtant t create a practice that allws yu t regain yur grund, yur sense f cntrl and yur sense f self. Meditatin, mindfulness and slw breathing are all a frm t manage this prcess. Unless yu feel safe, yur mind will nt allw yu t delve int healing There are several ways t meditate and t be hnest, I fund a lt f them very hard t d. Fr a lng time, I culdn t calm my mind and fund it really hard t meditate. But then smething changed. What I learned was that meditatin didn t need t be this giant gal that I had t achieve. Meditatin simply became a shrt break frm day-t-day. It was a time where I didn t have t wrry; didn t have t schedule I culd simply be. S I listened t music and allwed myself t be cmpletely taken by it. I walked by the beach and allwed the waves t cnnect with me (frgetting abut my day). Even physical exercise such as Yga r Pilates became a way t meditate. It was a time t simply be; reflect and be with myself.

8 Frm this pint nward, I stpped fighting with my mind. I stpped trying t calm my mind. I simply engaged in activities that wuld allw me a sensry experience. What I realised that my mind autmatically calmed dwn withut me ding anything. Then I fund Transcendental Meditatin (TM), which was als based n the same principle and it wrked like a charm. When I meditate regularly, I am generally less stressed, things bther me less and I am able t Slw Breathing is the key t calming dwn in the face f anxiety, anger, frustratin and ther intense feelings. live life at a mre peaceful level. This t me was the biggest gift. I have fund meditatin t be ne f fundatins f my life. And n this fundatin, everything that I d wrks better and has a mre prfund effect n me. I urge yu t try.

9 Key#3 Nurish Yur Bdy Fr adults wh have experienced childhd sexual trauma (r any ther trauma), the bdy and mind becme hyper alert. Small signs f truble wuld cause the bdy t trigger all the defence mechanisms and in fact, sme f them remain ON all the times. There is a huge cst t this and yu may experience sme r all f these symptms. Tense muscles, tight and stiff shulders; chrnic r recurring back pain Lack f Energy Impaired physilgical functins lwer immune system, digestive issues etc. Luckily, there are very simple things yu can d t help yur bdy and feel mre energy. Get yur Organ functin in Order Cnstant prductin f adrenalin and crtisl (stress hrmne) create great strain n the bdy. Mst f the energy is used by these hrmnes and nt much is left fr ther nrmal bdy functins. This is the reasn why yu feel tired and feel like there is nt much left in the bdy. While GPs can help, I have fund that Naturpaths are the best peple t wrk n this. In particular, Chinese Medicine. Chinese Medicine has allwed me t nt rely n adrenalin and crtisl and repair my nrmal physilgical functin. As a result, I have huge amunts f energy and my rgans are becming mre balanced. Eat Nutritius Fd Liver is the epicentre f all txins remval functins. When yu are eating fd that is full f txins and chemicals, then yu are mst likely burdening yur system even mre. Eating right fd desn t have t be hard. All it means is d as many f the fllwing that yu can:

10 Eat whle fd and avid packaged and prcessed fds Minimise sugar and alchl use Avid sft fizzy drinks Drinks lads f filtered water (that desn t have chlrine r fluride) Get as much sunshine as yu can get (preferably in the mrning) T make it easy fr yu t implement, d these nly n weekdays and give yurself a break (a small ne) ver ne f the days during the weekends. This way, it wn t seem like a chre J Pilates/Yga/Fitness Pilates helps create a muscle balance in the bdy. Yu learn abut muscle recruitment, learn abut hw t strengthen yur bdy and get rid f chrnic pain. I used t suffer frm chrnic back pain, s much s, that I wasn t able t sit dwn fr mre than an hur Pilates will allw yu t strengthen yur muscles, get rid f any chrnic pain and create space in yur bdy. at a time and wasn t able t breathe at times because the pain was excruciating. Pilates helped me strengthen my cre muscles s that I stpped using my back muscles where they weren t needed. I have nw been pain free fr abut 5-6 years nw.

11 Key #4 Retrain yur Brain Our brain is an amazing instrument. It keeps learning and relearning and allws us t change, adapt t new situatins in life. Smetimes thugh, when we experience traumatic events as children, the brain desn t have the capacity t prcess these experiences s it splits the experience int many discnnected parts and sends these t different areas f the brain. Flashbacks, numbness in bdy, and shutting dwn as an adult are sme f the symptms f that incmplete prcessing by the brain. The healing cannt truly begin until we reprcess and reintegrate these experiences and this is the fllwing therapies can really d wnders. While I have seen many cunsellrs and mentrs, wh have helped me make sense f my behaviur and the impact f trauma n me. Fr me the transfrmatin ccurred when I tried sme f the mre subcnscius level therapies. Hypntherapy is an alternative healing methd that is used t create subcnscius change in peple in the frm f new respnses, thughts, attitudes, behaviurs r feelings. Fr me, it has been transfrmatinal and the nly way my cnscius brain culd get ut f the way fr the healing t ccur. Eye mvement desensitizatin and reprcessing (EMDR) allws reprcessing f the memries in a way that s hard t describe. Yu dn t have t talk abut the memries r the abuse because the prcess is generally internal. When yu d this frm f therapy, yu may ntice things sensatins, emtins, r images that may arise as the brain prcesses the memry.

12 Jurnaling and Autmatic Writing bth help tremendusly in rganising yur thughts, prcessing memries and experiences and regaining clarity. Autmatic Writing is a special frm f jurnaling where yu allw yur subcnscius mind t d the talking. This allws fr repressed memries t be prcessed and yu can finally start t let them g. I dn t have enugh wrds t emphasise hw imprtant it is t wrk with the brain t gain the freedm frm the impact f abuse. Fr me, wrking with the mind put everything where it belnged the past in the past and gave me back my present.

13 Key #5 Heal the Sexual Scars When yu get a cut r a blister, what d yu nrmally d? Maybe put a Band-Aid r see a dctr r find sme ther means f healing the wund. Sexual abuse leaves us with sexual scars that als need the same amunt f tender lve and care that we give t ur physical wunds. Smetimes thugh we are s burdened by ur lack f sexuality that we frget that it can be healed. Which ne f these symptms resnate with yur experience? Feeling ashamed f yur sexuality Lack f full sexual expressin Feeling unsafe with intimacy Nt able t trust yur partners Nt able t respect yur wn bundaries and nt being able t say N Numbness r detachment frm emtins. Wrking n these will allw yu t nt nly heal these sexual scars but als embrace yur whle self s yu can experience the life in yur wn fullness. Here are sme f the key things yu can d t heal these scars: Intimacy and Sexuality Wrkshps I had t g t basics and start all ver again. What did I really want? Wh was I and what kind f wman was I? By attending these wrkshps, I was nt nly able t learn abut my wn sexuality but als learned and gained supprt frm ther wmen and men alike and was able t experience myself in ways that I hadn t knwn befre.

14 Bdywrk This term is used mre generically and is any therapeutic r persnal develpment technique that invlves wrking with bdy. The way I experienced it was based n breath wrk and energy medicine. In the bdy wrk, the practitiner will make light cntact with varius pints n the bdy, resulting in ne r all f the fllwing; Feel the natural flw f energy in the bdy Release previusly held tensin in the bdy Awaken yur cnnectin with the bdy. Fr me, bdy wrk was crucial in reclaiming my sexuality and accepting my beautiful wman self. And nce I did, the wrld changed literally!!

15 In the End We are all unique and we all have ur wn way f healing and reclaiming urselves. By sharing my experiences and my healing jurney, I hpe that I inspire yu t embark upn ne. I hpe that yu believe that IT S POSSIBLE TO HEAL And nce yu d, the universe will shwer yu with all the resurces that yu need and exactly when yu need them. Gd luck! Disclaimer: I acknwledge that sme f the cntent in this ebk can be challenging, if yu have gne thrugh any frm f trauma r abuse. I strngly recmmend that yu seek prfessinal supprt, shuld yu find yurself distressed and unable t manage what has been brught up fr yu. if yu are feeling suicidal r wishing t harm yurself r thers in any way, please cntact yur nearest medical emergency services. Please als nte that I am nt a therapist. I draw upn my experiences and years f research t help yu take charge f yur wn healing. If yu are lking fr a therapist, please cntact yur lcal medical centre.