NASCO Consent Workshop Fall 2014

Transcription

1 NASCO Cnsent Wrkshp Fall 2014 Wrkshp Descriptin: Sexualized Vilence is an inescapable issue, bth n cllege campuses and ther cmmunities. Jin us as we share strategies fr cmpiling wrkshps and facilitating cnversatins arund cnsent, survivr supprt, and cmmunity accuntability that are tailred t yur c-p. We will walk thrugh activities and cnversatin starters we use in ur wn wrkshps at Oberlin Cllege, as well as trubleshting techniques fr when discussins d nt g as planned. We hpe that participants will leave feeling empwered t start cnversatins abut sexualized vilence with their wn cmmunities. Name, PGP s, check in questin Preamble (we will just read thrugh this!) Hi! We are Oberlin Cllege Cperative Assciatin s (OSCA) Sexual Offense Plicy Advcates. We are peer advcates. We als prvide educatinal wrkshps abut issues surrunding sexualized vilence such as cnsent, supprt skills, etc. Befre anything, we like t say that: Althugh we ve tried t design this wrkshp t be accessible, sme language in the wrkshp may be triggering. We feel strngly that self-care is crucial in any situatin. Please feel free t leave the rm, get a drink, use the bathrm, get sme space, dance, etc. We encurage any and all frms f participatin s feel free t ask us any questins, interrupt us, give cmments, etc. Our Framewrk: We believe sexualized vilence is inclusive f all acts f gender/r sex-based harassment, stalking, all frms f sexual assault, and dmestic vilence. Anyne can experience sexualized vilence, but it desn t happen in a vacuum. Systems f racism, classism, sexism, hetersexism, cissexism and ther frms f ppressin are cnnected t ur cnversatin arund sexualized vilence. Peple with marginalized identities are at the highest risk f experiencing vilence, and have the least access t supprt resurces. Wrkshp bjective: We are ging t talk abut hw t teach cnsent. We have experience teaching these wrkshps t members f ur wn cperative, and within the past few mnths have wrked with ur administratin t create similar prgraming t fr all incming first years n ur campus t meet SaVE Act Requirements. Yu all knw yur cmmunities needs best, s what we talk abut tday shuld be adapted and expanded upn. We want this wrkshp t be as cllabrative as pssible and knw that there is expertise in the rm s please share yur thughts and insights, push back, etc. N ne knws everything but tgether knw a lt! (-Arta)

2 Agenda: In the first few minutes, we ll be talking abut facilitatin skills. Afterwards we ll be sharing specific tls fr talking abut cnsent in yur cmmunities. PART I Activity: Facilitatin Give small verview f what facilitatin is, refer t handut fr mre inf Break up int grups t discuss. - What makes a gd facilitatr? Use this as an pprtunity fr facilitatin practice! Elect smene t facilitate this discussin in yur small grup. The elected facilitatr shuld lead the discussin: Think abut being frm the participant pint f view as well as the facilitatr/leader pint f view. Share experiences yu ve had; think abut what strategies did and didn t wrk, and what yu can d differently. Share tips n hw t handle difficult facilitatin scenaris. Cme back as a whle grup. Share highlights frm small grup discussins. Share tips fr handling difficult situatins: ex. peple wh are disruptive, peple wh take up t much space, participants are t quiet/hw t get peple t speak up, etc. Pssible answers fr trainers: -clarify arguments being made, repeat and summarize thughts ( s yu are saying? ), stp smene if they are repeating themselves r nt adding knew things t the cnversatin, knw when it s time t mve n, be aware if sme vices are talking mre than thers, weighted stack acknwledging pwer dynamics based n race, gender, etc. Wrk tgether with yur c-facilitatr! Supprt each ther and talk abut what yur expectatins are fr each ther. What are my facilitatin strengths and weaknesses? What d I feel cmfrtable leading and nt leading? Belw, yu can brainstrm ideas, plans, strategies, etc. that yu and yur c-facilitatr will d/use in yur wrkshp(s)... Things t keep in mind as Trainers: using language that is inclusive t all genders, sexual rientatins, and sexual preferences acknwledge that sme peple dn t have interest in sex and never will. sexualized vilence and IPV can happen t anyne (thugh we acknwledge that trans wmen f clr face the highest incidence f sexualized vilence) assume there are survivrs in the rm

3 be willing t think in a caring way abut the cmplexities f the tpic Be able t graciusly admit when yu are wrng, accept that yu will learn thrugh facilitating as well. Sme tips t encurage engagement: use active listening during the meeting e.g. ndding, minimal encuragers ( mhmm, sure ), using reflective language, making eye cntact friends in the c-p befrehand and ask them t participate if they are cmfrtable ding s read yur crwd, their respnse r lack there f might guide yu tward hw t apprach different subjects BUT never sacrifice the infrmatin n matter hw hard it is make them as cmfrtable as yu are able with statements like: It's alright if yu aren't sure, We welcme all dialgue, These things can be really hard t talk abut, etc. when yu are ging ver things that peple MUST ABSORB, use cues like: This is really imprtant infrmatin t have, This is really imprtant t listen t, etc. use examples that are nt related t sex r sexual ffense t help peple understand cncepts and feel mre cmfrtable in the space. Wrkshps can g any directin frm ttally stagnant lecture t very dynamic cnversatin. Dn't be discuraged and believe what yu are saying: These are really hard things t talk abut and it is yur jb t encurage peple t be mre cmfrtable. Lead by example! Hwever it ges, yu are a badass fr engaging with these tpics and talking with yur cmmunity abut them. Suggested utline fr a wrkshp: Start with yur framewrk and assumptins (ppressin exits etc.) s peple knw where yu re cming frm. Acknwledge that these things can be hard t talk abut, and encurage peple t take care f themselves (yu can call this a trigger r cntent warning if yu like, r nt - unfrtunately thse can be laded terms.) Make it clear that peple can cme and g freely, whether the subject matter is t difficult r because they need t eat, g t the bathrm, walk arund etc. Self-care! Ex. make sure the rm is arranged t everyne is able t leave easily withut feeling trapped r disruptive. If yu can, cnsider having a tap-ut persn with sme supprt skills wh can help peple prcess utside if they need t leave. Tap ut peple shuldn t fllw peple if they want t be alne. cmmunity agreements (can be useful fr tugh cnversatins) check-in questin (t help engage peple, favrites are a gd thing t ask abut).

4 visible agenda/utline f plans and bjective make it clear that feedback is welcme and maybe make a way t encurage like ntes r feedback frms t cllect at the end. (Bikerack!) Brainstrm Grund Rules/Cmmunity Agreements. Sme suggestins: Cmmunity Guidelines: Explain that it s imprtant t create a space that feels gd and safe fr the cnversatins we re ging t have, that the vibe f the space affects hw the cnversatin ges. It s nearly impssible t create a space that is 100% safe fr everyne, but we can and shuld try t wrk twards it. As a grup, brainstrm ideas and write them n the bard/big paper t be visible and fllwed fr the duratin f the wrkshp. Here are sme suggestins: 1 diva, 1 mic We re nt always articulate all the time / intent vs. impact What s said here stays here, what s learned here leaves here (cnfidentiality) Mve up, mve up I statements Ops/uch Green/Yellw/Red light + self care (adapted frm the MRC) Bike rack PART II- Cnsent Specific Cnsent Break up int grups t discuss. - What des cnsent mean t yu? What des it lk like? Again, elect a new persn t facilitate this discussin in yur small grup. Cme back as a whle grup. Share highlights frm small grup discussins. we find this t be a particularly useful tl fr teaching cnsent in a cp setting because it s almst like cnsensing n a definitin--if everyne agrees n a definitin, the cmmunity can hld itself t that standard. Sme pssible answers: Infrmed: Being aware f what is actually ging t happen. This may necessitate a discussin abut safer sex (STI and/r pregnancy preventin) r what each partner wants t get ut f the experience. Freely and actively given: Cnsent is given f smene s wn free will. Mutually understandable: Cnsent is given clearly and unambiguusly, s that all partners understand each ther, withut any dubts r uncertainty.

5 Specific t a given situatin: Cnsenting t smething in the past desn t imply that yu re cnsenting t it nw. Onging Discuss: what are sme things that cmplicate cnsent? This is where things can get tricky. It can help t think and talk abut these things befre trying t facilitate a wrkshp s that yu can trublesht effectively. Pwer dynamics: Relatinship status (it can be hard t say n t a partner) Fr a really lng time, US law didn t acknwledge that rape culd happen between a married cuple. Age difference hierarchical wrk relatinships Scial islatin If smene is new t an area and desn't have an established supprt system, it s mre likely that unhealthy dependencies will develp. ex: first years in cllege Wh hlds marginalized identities within the the relatinship (smetimes this can be cmplex!) Man in a relatinship with a wman, cis peple in relatinships with trans peple. Survivrship- smetimes it s difficult t say n if yur n has been disrespected in the past. Facilitatr shuld make it clear that the wnness t make sure that pwer dynamics aren t affecting cnsent has t be the respnsibility f the persn with mre pwer. Ex: My current partner and I started dating when she was a senir and I was a freshmen. She had als been my TA. I sure as heck wasn t thinking abut the pwer dynamics that might create, but she was. I was thinking abut the pwer dynamics inherent in being a cis wman dating a trans wman. Bth f us thught the ther was silly fr wrrying abut thse things, but it was ultimately what made the relatinship wrk. Cnsent and alchl/drugs: This is a HUGE area fr trubleshting. Peple have all kinds f effed up ideas abut drunkenness being a grey area. Here s hw we break it dwn: Intxicatin vs. Incapacitatin The use f alchl r drugs des nt, in and f itself, negate a persn s ability t give cnsent; it s when smene s judgement is s impaired by intxicatin that they becme incapacitated.

6 Incapacitatin: Lacking the capacity t understand the nature f the sexual interactin--the wh, what, when, where, why, r hw. This includes being asleep, uncnscius, extremely drunk r extremely high. The impact f alchl and drugs varies frm persn t persn, but signs f incapacitatin may include stumbling, slurring wrds, vmiting, being unable t appreciate space and time, etc. Intxicatin and incapacitatin lk different fr everyne, and sme peple may be incapacitated befre they re shwing recgnizable signs. Since yu dn t always knw smene else s limits, yur best bet is t always err n the side f cautin. If yu re nt sure, DON T DO IT! **Cnsent is imprtant even in nnsexual settings*** One way t wrk twards a space in which everyne feels cmfrtable is t check ur wn assumptins abut what is kay. Often these things can be remedied just be creating a nrm f asking fr cnsent fr a myriad f different thing. Why nt ask befre yu bring beer int the lunge/ r hug smene? Or start a snwball fight? If yur c-p thinks it s a gd idea, why nt have the default plicy be ask first instead f/in additin t speak up when yu re uncmfrtable We made a c-p themed list f things that peple have varying levels f cmfrt with: -Nudity -Physical familiarity (being tuched, cuddling, etc.) -Alchl (nisy drunken flks, crwds, etc) -lud music -PDA -als cnsent fr intense cnversatins/getting supprt (ask peple if they feel like they can supprt yu (in general) and if nw is a gd time (befre yu start!) Tips fr nt alienating men: if yu re discussing rape culture and the effed up scripts we have fr sex, be sure t talk abut hw they hurt men, t ex: it sucks t have t be the ne wh always has t initiate things, and t cnstantly have t face rejectin. Sex can be better fr everyne if all parties are actively participating. Acknwledge that men can be survivrs as well, and the stigma arund being a male survivr Check-ut