Your Grief Story. Fall In This Issue. by Kate Sproul Counselor, Grief Support Services

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1 Fall 2017 Your Grief Story by Kate Sproul Counselor, Grief Support Services Many have experienced the physical loss of someone loved, yet they hesitate to share these experiences with others. The depth of grief is difficult to understand and articulate. No matter how recent our loss is, often the grief remains a constant reminder that life will never be the same. There is a misconception in our society that grief is made up of succinct periods of time that we will encounter and conquer. However, the idea of conquering a loss diminishes the importance of that relationship, and it may suggest the bond that was present is no longer valued. Instead of conquering losses, let s consider loss as something we carry. If you have experienced a loss, you likely understand the weight of this load called grief. Writer Karen Blixen shares, All sorrows can be carried if you put them in a story or tell a story about them. Blixen provides a way to carry this heavy load of grief. When we consider grief to be part of our story or part of our narrative, there is no arguing what is right or wrong in how we grieve. In our story, there is no pressure to move on or to conquer. In our story, there is no judgment if we are not over it yet. In our story, there is no shame in the intensity or duration of our grief. In our story, the sadness, regret, yearning and confusion become part of our narrative. In our story, our grief reaction and experience become an expression of the bond we shared with the person who died. There is no denying that our stories include loss, heartache, doubt and sorrow. Our stories also include beauty, health, strength and triumph. It is the content of these stories that ought to be shared, honored and celebrated. It is these stories that shape us and lend definition to our lives. Whether these stories are shared personally by writing in a journal or publicly by talking to a friend, Continued on page 2 In This Issue page 2 Camp Erin page 3 Kids and Teens Corner page 3 Standing Together grief support for kids and teens page 4 Support Groups and Events page 4 Contact Us

2 Your Grief Story continued asking for support or joining a support group, healing occurs through the sharing of our experiences and our stories. Telling our stories helps provide strength to carry the heavy load of grief. Below are a few topics to consider as you begin to share your story. I would encourage you to write these down or ask a trusted friend, family member or counselor to help you process them within the context of your own grief experience: Begin by sharing what happened. Identify the emotions you are experiencing today. Share what has been most difficult for you. Consider what you wish others knew about grief and loss. Recognize what you have found to be most helpful during this time. To be a person is to have a story to tell. -Karen Blixen Between the Words Vicky Lettmann (in memory of Deb Shelton) You have gone into the pauses of our conversation the time beyond time and time within time you are in those moments when we sit in the audience waiting for the curtain to rise and the end when the curtain has closed and the actors have taken their bows you are within the pauses of the bird s song when we strain to hear the next note in the water between the fish in the traveler s silence within a foreign language you are in the air that fills the sky in the moments after the sunset you are between night and day spirit next to soul tears next to laughter you are in the space between the words the connecting air around periods and commas the moment before the artist picks up her brush Camp Erin Everett Camp Erin Everett is a free three-day overnight camp for youth in grades K-12 who have experienced the death of a significant person. It is a traditional, fun, high-energy camp coupled with grief support and education. Camp Erin Everett is held at Camp Killoqua in Stanwood, about 20 miles northwest of Everett. The camp is facilitated by professional staff and trained volunteers of Providence Hospice and Home Care of Snohomish County. Boating Campfires Music Rock climbing Nature walks Arts and crafts Field sports Swimming and more! Contact us to learn more and to request an application. Spaces are limited and fill quickly. Please call for an application. At Camp Erin, I learned that there are others who are going through what I m going through. - Teenage camper Camp Erin helped me express my feelings about the loss of my dad. Camp Erin made me feel safe, and I could cry if I wanted. - Camper, age 9

3 Kids and Teens Corner Honoring the relationship between a child and a loved one who has died by Beverly Goldsmith, LICSW When a child is grieving, an adult caregiver can offer support by affirming the significance of the child s relationship with the loved one who died. The adult can also offer opportunities to capture memories. As a children s grief counselor, I am consistently reminded by the children and families I serve of the importance of the imprints their loved ones have left on their lives. Sometimes they describe these as physical attributes: Every time I look in the mirror, I will think of him because I have his eyes, or I m always going to wear glasses because I inherited his eyes. Often children speak of activities they learned from their loved one or mannerisms they mimic: I am almost as good a snow skier as my mom. Skiing is my favorite thing to do, and I love to make up nicknames for everyone I know, just like my sister did. Pediatric counselors often hear families discuss imprints that are the hopes and dreams a dying family member has for a surviving child. (This especially occurs if the dying person is a parent or guardian but may also be true of a brother or sister.) These hopes and dreams may ring true and provide guidance. Alternatively, they may create a burden for the child who tries to live up to expectations that feel daunting. For example, a father who was a football star wants the same for his son, even though the son would much prefer to excel in his musical abilities! By participating in legacy activities, families can identify unique qualities their loved one possessed, which now belong to them. For example, someone in the family may have a talent for reciting lines from movies that have become a part of the family s lore. Perhaps by going to a certain restaurant to eat foods loved by the person who died, they discover those foods have become the favorite of a surviving child. Or, someone may enjoy cooking a special recipe that recreates the smells or tastes of foods once enjoyed by the loved one. Children have the strength and resilience to choose a path of health and happiness as they move forward with their lives. Recognizing the gifts (as well as the impact of the hardships) shared with a loved one can help them to keep a perspective of the things that become most important in their own lives and future relationships. Pediatric counselors often use simple activities to help children identify the imprints left by loved ones that will always be with them. These activities can easily be worked on independently. They can provide a starting point for you and your child to explore memories. Anagrams activity You will need paper and a pencil or pen. Choose a word, name or several words, such as Mom, Sarah, Family, I remember. Write the word/words vertically on a piece of paper. Next to each letter, write a descriptive word or phrase that starts with that letter. (See examples below.) Silly And Rowdy Always Happy Dependable Athletic Did fun things with me Marvelously Outstanding Maker of cookies Standing Together After the death of someone important in a child or teen s life, it can be a bewildering time. We have heard from many youth that they feel alone and that their peers don t get it. Standing Together is a free grief support group for Standing Together brings grieving youth together in a safe, supportive and fun environment. Kids and teens meet in small groups with others their own age dates They have opportunities to share, engage in creative expression and learn that they aren t alone. youth in grades K-12. It is facilitated by trained staff and volunteers of Providence Hospice and Home Care of Snohomish County. Oct. 14, Nov. 11, Dec dates Jan. 13, Feb. 10, March 10, April 14, May 12, June 9 Meetings are held from noon to 2 p.m. on the second Saturday of each month, October through June. First Presbyterian Church 2936 Rockefeller Ave. Pizza lunch is provided. Please call to register.

4 Support Groups and Events Standing Together (a group for kids and teens) Oct. 14 Noon-2 p.m. First Presbyterian Church 2936 Rockefeller Ave., Everett To register, call Growing Through Grief A six-week group for adults coping with the death of a loved one. Dates and times for upcoming sessions are yet to be determined. Call for more information: Grief and the Holidays Wednesday, Nov p.m. Everett Elks Lodge 2802 Hoyt Ave. To register, call Ongoing drop-in groups Registration NOT required for the following: Spouse/Partner Loss Group Second Wednesday of each month 2-3:30 p.m. Providence Hospice 2731 Wetmore Ave., Everett Newly Bereaved Workshop for Adults Third Thursday of each month 6-7:30 p.m. Providence Hospice 2731 Wetmore Ave., Everett Coping with Loss Group Fourth Wednesday of each month 2-3:30 p.m. Providence Hospice 2731 Wetmore Ave., Everett Individual/family grief support Individual and family grief support and education is available to those who are grieving the death of a significant person within the past 13 months. To make an appointment with one of our counselors or if you would like more information, please call All services are offered free of charge. Help us go GREEN... Receive your newsletter via . To sign up, please call Would you like a call or visit? We are available for individual and family grief support. If you would like to talk to someone about your grief, please call us at Rex Allen, MA Manager, grief support services Janette DuMonceaux, LMSW Pediatric counselor Lisa Freerks Assistant, grief support services Karita Knisely Coordinator, Camp Erin Leslie Overturf, LMHC Grief support coordinator Courtney Peters, LICSW Counselor, grief support services Kate Sproul, LMHCA Counselor, grief support services Providence Hospice and Home Care of Snohomish County is a nonprofit organization that relies on philanthropic support to continue providing critical programs and services that are vital to our community. If you would like to make a contribution, please send your tax-deductible donation to: By mail: Providence Hospice and Home Care Foundation 2731 Wetmore Ave., Suite 500 By phone: Online: Providence.org/phhc You can donate online or download a donation form and mail your gift.

5 Notice of Nondiscrimination and Accessibility Rights We comply with applicable Federal civil rights laws and do not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, age, disability, or sex. We do not exclude people or treat them differently because of race, color, national origin, age, disability, or sex. We: (1) Provide free aids and services to people with disabilities to communicate effectively with us, such as: (a) Qualified sign language interpreters; and (b) Written information in other formats (large print, audio, accessible electronic formats, other formats). (2) Provide free language services to people whose primary language is not English, such as: (a) Qualified interpreters; and (b) Information written in other languages. If you need any of the above services, please contact the appropriate Civil Rights Coordinator below. If you need Telecommunications Relay Services, please call or If you believe that we have failed to provide these services or discriminated in another way on the basis of race, color, national origin, age, disability, or sex, you can file a grievance with us by contacting the Civil Rights Coordinator for your state as listed below: State/Service Civil Rights Coordinator Alaska Civil Rights Coordinator, 3200 Providence Dr., Anchorage, AK 99508, Tel: ; Interpreter Line: ; Nondiscrimination.AK@providence.org California Civil Rights Coordinator, 501 S. Buena Vista Street, Burbank, CA 91505; Tel: ; Interpreter Line: ; Nondiscrimination.CA@providence.org Montana Civil Rights Coordinator, 1801 Lind Ave. SW, Renton, WA 98057; Tel: ; Interpreter Line: ; Nondiscrimination.MT@providence.org Washington Civil Rights Coordinator, 101 W. 8th Ave., Spokane, WA 99204; Tel: ; Interpreter Line: ; Nondiscrimination.WA@providence.org Oregon Civil Rights Coordinator, 5933 Win Sivers Dr, Suite 109, Portland, OR 97220; Tel: ; Interpreter Line: ; Nondiscrimination.OR@providence.org Senior Services Civil Rights Coordinator, 2811 S. 102nd Street, Suite 220, Tukwila, WA 98168, Tel: (all states) ; Interpreter Line: ; Nondiscrimination.pscs@providence.org You can file a grievance in person or by mail, fax, or . If you need help filing a grievance, one of the above-noted Civil Rights Coordinators is available to help you. You can also file a civil rights complaint with the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office for Civil Rights electronically through the Office for Civil Rights Complaint Portal, available at or by mail or phone at: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 200 Independence Avenue SW., Room 509F, HHH Building, Washington, DC 20201, , (TDD). Complaint forms are available at

6 Providence Hospice and Home Care of Snohomish County NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION U.S. POSTAGE PAID EVERETT, WA PERMIT NO Wetmore Ave., Suite 500 RETURN SERVICE REQUESTED ATTENTION: If you speak English, language assistance services, free of charge, are available to you. Call (TTY: 711) /17